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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Page2 on July 20, 2006, at 23:36:15
Hi everyone,
I have been a lurker for a while and really appreciate the way you support each other. My little dilema seems trite in comparison to some I have read but I hope you can help me a little.I have been seeing my current T for about a year. (I have been in therapy since 9th grade - I am now in my 30s) We get along fine, and can talk about lots of current events and stuff. THe problem is she talks a lot about herself and her professional accomplishments. Nothing personal except jobs.
I feel that whenever I bring up something difficult (a past abuse, etc.) she goes off on a tangent. Maybe this is her way of telling me that what I experienced was in the past. I don't know, but I leave feeling hopeless. If even my therapist does not want to hear what I went thru maybe I should just find another.
Sorry for babbling, but I trying not to cry.
Page
Posted by caraher on July 21, 2006, at 8:15:53
In reply to Is it me or is my T not interested?, posted by Page2 on July 20, 2006, at 23:36:15
Hi Page,
I can see why you'd be upset. Therapy should be about YOU and not your T's professional accomplishments and interests. A certain amount of such discussion is appropriate at the beginning, or perhaps if you're starting to do something new in therapy that needs to be explained. But after a year you presumably don't need to be persuaded of the T's credentials.
But it's not about you... your T just seems rather self-absorbed. So don't feel like you are boring, and try to redirect discussion when one of the tangents begins. If you find that too hard to do perhaps a note explaining your feelings will work. Good luck!
Posted by Page2 on July 21, 2006, at 11:41:32
In reply to Re: Is it me or is my T not interested?, posted by caraher on July 21, 2006, at 8:15:53
Thank you for responding. I am so afraid of a confrontation if I push to be heard. I have tried writing things down before. She glances over the paper and either hands it back or tosses it in the trash. I am afraid that I will just bail and never resolve anything (my pattern for just about eveything I do).
Page
Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 11:51:28
In reply to Re: Is it me or is my T not interested?, posted by Page2 on July 21, 2006, at 11:41:32
Eeek. Tosses it in the trash? I'm sure that must be in violation of some privacy policy.
Not to mention somewhat invalidating.
Have you considered having an outside consultation to see if your therapy is on track?
Whatever it is, it's not you. I'd skin my therapist alive (verbally) if he threw something of mine in the trash in front of me. Hand it back to me he might, or ask why I gave it to him, but we would then discuss it.
Posted by pegasus on July 21, 2006, at 12:33:41
In reply to Is it me or is my T not interested?, posted by Page2 on July 20, 2006, at 23:36:15
I agree with Dinah. I'd be very upset if my T threw something I wrote in the trash. At the very least, s/he should hang on to it until I leave. My old T used to ask me if he could keep the things I gave him to read. It made me feel heard and important. I asked him why once, and he said he'd want to read it again. Right answer!
I also agree that this is not about you, probably. Your T sounds like she needs to work on some skills. If you don't think you can talk to her about this, then a consult with another T might be a good choice. My gut feeling from your message (not knowing you or your T or anything else) is that your T is doing some things that are not generally considered good therapy practices. So, it's valid to ask whether she is a good therapist?
peg
Posted by Racer on July 21, 2006, at 16:38:34
In reply to Re: Is it me or is my T not interested?, posted by Page2 on July 21, 2006, at 11:41:32
> I am afraid that I will just bail and never resolve anything (my pattern for just about eveything I do).
Have you considered the alternative? You could bail on THIS therapist and find another one who would work better for you?Firing a therapist can be VERY self validating, you know...
Good luck, whatever you decide.
Posted by Page2 on July 21, 2006, at 17:14:10
In reply to Re: Is it me or is my T not interested? » Page2, posted by Racer on July 21, 2006, at 16:38:34
Thank you everyone.
I have spent so much time debating in my head whether to confront or leave that I just keep going and hope it will change. (gee where did that come from!) I live in a very small town. My T is one of a very few in my area and the next closest is about 45 miles away. (another reason for procrastination).The replies I have received today have validated my deep down feeling of this is not right. Now all I have to do is find someone else.
Thanks
Page
Posted by sleepygirl on July 21, 2006, at 19:30:08
In reply to Is it me or is my T not interested?, posted by Page2 on July 20, 2006, at 23:36:15
some people avoid painful subjects...their own and anyone else's
not a good quality for a T, but ya never know
I'm sorry page2
I don't know why she does that, but it'd hurt my feelings too. :-(
This is the end of the thread.
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