![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by milly on April 24, 2006, at 11:52:05
I thought I was doing so much better but today I think I freaked the whole of my sculpture class
First day back after Easter, all going well then...
One of the group had brought in a school magazine to share some of the art work in it.
It was only the school magazine from my old school from which i had to leave due to extreme bullying and on the front was the photo of the Head master (who stood by whilst deputy head destroyed me, and who covered up the child abuse that I exposed to the police) and the Deputy head who drove me to attempt suicide in order to cover up what I knew about him,which was that he knowingly endangered young boys by allowing access to them by someone who had already raped three boys). This man had demanded my presence at his house for an injury only to be stark naked when I arrived with an injury to his penis and demanded my silence about that as well I HATE him so much i really think he's in danger my pdoc thinks I'm exagerrating but I'm really scared.I thought I was over it but when I saw the photo I just started to shake and cry and scream for them to remove the magazine from the building. Sh*t they must think ..... oh sh*t what must they think.
The rest of the class don't know my history and I don't want to tell them but how do i face them.I really thought i was doing better than this and now I have no T to take this too.
milly
Posted by B2chica on April 24, 2006, at 12:13:59
In reply to Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it, posted by milly on April 24, 2006, at 11:52:05
hope you don't mind i added this. it might be quite triggering to some.
b2c.
Posted by madeline on April 24, 2006, at 12:28:51
In reply to Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it, posted by milly on April 24, 2006, at 11:52:05
Milly,
what you did is okay. Don't worry about what the rest of the class thought. You did what you needed to do to keep that image from hurting you, I think, and you did the right thing.You simply protected yourself and I'm glad you did it.
Personally, I would have felt worse if you had let that offensive offensive man's image stay in your prescence in order to not have the others think you were weird or something.
You had every right to INSIST that it be removed from your sight and you stood up to protect yourself.
And you had every right to be upset.
In fact, I'm proud of you.But I would try to ground yourself in your life right now. Look around you and let your senses tell you what is actually happening around you right now.
There is no one there threatening you, and hopefully your chickens will help to anchor back in the present. Cluck cluck!
Keep posting and thanks for sharing. I'll be thinking about you.
Love
Maddie
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 24, 2006, at 12:33:01
In reply to Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it, posted by milly on April 24, 2006, at 11:52:05
I am so sorry this happened to you. It must feel awful. I think you handled it the best you could and the heck with anyone else.
I do wish you still had access to some kind of therapy.
(((((((((((((MILLY)))))))))))))))
Posted by gardenergirl on April 24, 2006, at 13:43:51
In reply to Re: Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it » milly, posted by TherapyGirl on April 24, 2006, at 12:33:01
Milly,
I'm so sorry that happened, and it sounds like your reaction was definitely triggered. I'm sure it will be tough to go back to face your peers after experiencing something so personal in front of them. One thing to keep in mind is that you do not have to explain anything if you dont' want to. You can simply acknowledge that you had an intense emotional reaction, that it was personal and not something you want to talk about. You can ask them for their understanding and respect of your boundaries.Take extra gentle care of yourself. I'm glad you came here for support.
gg
Posted by milly on April 25, 2006, at 13:48:07
In reply to ***above Trigger***, posted by B2chica on April 24, 2006, at 12:13:59
> hope you don't mind i added this. it might be quite triggering to some.
> b2c.Nope b2c I don't mind I should have been more considerate to others, apologies
milly
Posted by happyflower on April 25, 2006, at 13:53:51
In reply to Re: ***above Trigger*** » B2chica, posted by milly on April 25, 2006, at 13:48:07
I am thinking of you.
Posted by milly on April 25, 2006, at 13:56:29
In reply to Re: Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it » milly, posted by madeline on April 24, 2006, at 12:28:51
> Milly,
> what you did is okay. Don't worry about what the rest of the class thought. You did what you needed to do to keep that image from hurting you, I think, and you did the right thing.*** Thanks, but it was such an unconscious reaction it scared me
>
> You simply protected yourself and I'm glad you did it.
>
> Personally, I would have felt worse if you had let that offensive offensive man's image stay in your prescence in order to not have the others think you were weird or something.***It wasn't possible not to, it was like I had no control over myself which was scary too
>
> You had every right to INSIST that it be removed from your sight and you stood up to protect yourself.
>
> And you had every right to be upset.
> In fact, I'm proud of you.*** I had hoped so much that I was more 'over it' than I obviously am
> But I would try to ground yourself in your life right now. Look around you and let your senses tell you what is actually happening around you right now.
*** I had to drive onto the school site today and I was a wreck, I swear if he'd been infront of me I would have accelarated
>
> There is no one there threatening you, and hopefully your chickens will help to anchor back in the present. Cluck cluck!***but it feels like he's there gearing up for another go at me,
Yes chicken are real him round every corner isn't I guess I could chant it!!!>
> Keep posting and thanks for sharing. I'll be thinking about you.Thanks
Milly
>
>
Posted by milly on April 25, 2006, at 13:57:29
In reply to Re: Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it » milly, posted by TherapyGirl on April 24, 2006, at 12:33:01
Posted by milly on April 25, 2006, at 14:01:19
In reply to Re: Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it » milly, posted by TherapyGirl on April 24, 2006, at 12:33:01
> I am so sorry this happened to you. It must feel awful. I think you handled it the best you could and the heck with anyone else.
>
> I do wish you still had access to some kind of therapy.**Me too, I miss my T sooooooo much. he was the first person I thought of after it happened, I tried to send myself in my head to his 'safe' office but it was really hard.
>
> (((((((((((((MILLY)))))))))))))))** thanks for the hugs I really needed those, still feel wierd about how out of control I was
Posted by milly on April 25, 2006, at 14:06:53
In reply to Re: Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it, posted by gardenergirl on April 24, 2006, at 13:43:51
> Milly,
> I'm so sorry that happened, and it sounds like your reaction was definitely triggered. I'm sure it will be tough to go back to face your peers after experiencing something so personal in front of them.**Yes I'm sure I will be the talk over coffee for a while! They already think I'm slightly odd now I've confirmed it for them.
One thing to keep in mind is that you do not have to explain anything if you dont' want to. You can simply acknowledge that you had an intense emotional reaction, that it was personal and not something you want to talk about. You can ask them for their understanding and respect of your boundaries.
**I really don't want to because I really don't know what would happen to me ?lose control again etc
>
> Take extra gentle care of yourself. I'm glad you came here for support.**Thanks, I'm just so glad I had here to come to.
Thank you for your support
milly
>
>
Posted by milly on April 25, 2006, at 14:11:08
In reply to (((((milly)))))), posted by happyflower on April 25, 2006, at 13:53:51
> I am thinking of you.
Thanks Happy, I tried to email you but it bounced back.
I miss him so much and because I haven't seen him for 3 weeks now it was really hard to 'send' myself to his office where I feel safe. I really need him (sob)
milly
Posted by happyflower on April 25, 2006, at 17:11:11
In reply to Re: (((((milly)))))) » happyflower, posted by milly on April 25, 2006, at 14:11:08
Hey maybe try Babble mail again, it seems to work better. Maybe I gave you the wrong address by mistake. I would like to help if I can. ((((milly))))
Posted by Tamar on April 25, 2006, at 20:59:20
In reply to Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it, posted by milly on April 24, 2006, at 11:52:05
What a horrible experience to see his face suddenly and unexpectedly like that. No wonder you had an intense reaction.
It’s scary to feel out of control like that … BUT on the other hand you did what you had to do in order to get safe. You insisted the magazine should be taken away because you needed it to be taken away, and that’s OK. I tend to think it’s healthier to have a strong reaction in public than to freeze emotionally until you’re alone. It can feel embarrassing, but on the other hand, you have perfectly good reasons for reacting the way you did and you don’t have to explain them unless you want to. Your feelings are entirely appropriate; this man terrifies you and naturally you don’t want to see his picture, and especially not casually and without warning.
Being over it takes time. And part of getting over it is recognising that sometimes you will need to react in a way that makes other people stare. But if you need to react that way, you’re allowed to. I guess I believe your health and sense of self-determination are more important than your reputation (but I don’t really know you, so feel free to ignore me if I’m talking crap).
Is there any way you can avoid going onto school premises? It seems unreasonable for your employers to expect you to go there in the circumstances. It may appear to be part of your job, but you’ve been victimised and your safety is paramount. Are you a member of a union? Can they help?
It’s very hard indeed to find yourself needing your therapist so much after termination. You must miss him terribly. And yet… I think he’d be proud of you for standing up for yourself and saying what you needed. I’m pretty sure he’d feel you’ve made immense progress despite the short time you were seeing him.
Hugs,
Tamar
Posted by milly on April 26, 2006, at 10:04:16
In reply to Re: Really bad reaction and no T to help me with it » milly, posted by Tamar on April 25, 2006, at 20:59:20
thanks Tamar, wise words as usual!
> Being over it takes time. And part of getting over it is recognising that sometimes you will need to react in a way that makes other people stare. But if you need to react that way, you’re allowed to. I guess I believe your health and sense of self-determination are more important than your reputation (but I don’t really know you, so feel free to ignore me if I’m talking crap).**not crap
>
> Is there any way you can avoid going onto school premises?**I have just one daughter left there, I moved the others at Easter, but she has to stay and finish this year as she's taking her GCSE's, but then sh'e moving too. I try not to be the one to take or collect her but sometimes it is unavoidable
>> It seems unreasonable for your employers to expect you to go there in the circumstances.
**ex employers!!! No longer employed there, swamping the place with police and social services wasn't taken very well! (Even though it was the right thing to do) Plus some fairly outrageous behaviour didn't help! (but i wasn't well at the time)
>It may appear to be part of your job, but you’ve been victimised and your safety is paramount. Are you a member of a union? Can they help?
*** yes they were involved last year and could have gone to court with numerous things, sexual harrasment, bullying, workplace injury (mental) but i was so ill and nobody would wait for me to get better to fight on so in the end the union negotiated a settlement. they wouldn't help me get to the bottom of it which was the child abuse, eventually it was me and my T which took that to the correct people.
>
> It’s very hard indeed to find yourself needing your therapist so much after termination. You must miss him terribly.** I do I really do
> And yet… I think he’d be proud of you for standing up for yourself and saying what you needed. I’m pretty sure he’d feel you’ve made immense progress despite the short time you were seeing him.**Thanks so much for that, I really needed to know that T would think I did Ok and your right he would be pleased with me. It gave me such a warm hugged feeling reading that paragraph as if he hasn't vanished from my life I just have to try and remember how he would have been if I'd taken this into therapy and you're right he would have been proud of me just like when i told a few people a few 'home truths' he was proud of me then and he couldn't help but laugh at the thought of 'Milly mouse' turning into a scary rat
milly
>
>
Posted by B2chica on April 26, 2006, at 11:10:55
In reply to Re: ***above Trigger*** » B2chica, posted by milly on April 25, 2006, at 13:48:07
absolutely no apologies needed...i'm just really glad you shared this...
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.