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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by CareBear04 on November 22, 2005, at 10:38:39
hey everyone--
i just started therapy with a new T. the first session was easy-- he just asked me a bunch of questions, and i answered them. the second session was torture. we sat down, and there was this long silence. finally, i asked, "do you usually wait for the other person to start first?" and he said yes. the whole time there were these long, stilted silences, and i felt so uncomfortable and self-conscious. i want to know how other people do in their therapy sessions so i know how to do it "right." i'm all about "right" and living up to expectations, but this guy is not giving me any clue as to what he wants from me. he just leans back in his chair and, for all i know, he could be about to doze off from boredom, and i wouldn't be surprised because i've had nothing intelligent or interesting to say!
i've been in therapy before with two psychiatrists who were both psychoanalysts. once i told them and they saw for themselves that i need to be asked questions and that i don't do well with free-associating and what-not, they went easy on me. therapy was fun after that because i could hear my T's input and it was like a conversation and not a long silence with a few remarks here and there. i miss my old Ts, but they're in other parts of the country.
after only one real session, i'm so frustrated, and i think my session this afternoon is going to be my last. does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? is that what "real" therapy has to be like? i realize what i had with my Ts before wasn't conventional, but can't it be like that more often?
thanks,
CB
Posted by B2chica on November 22, 2005, at 11:04:05
In reply to How do you know what you're supposed to say?, posted by CareBear04 on November 22, 2005, at 10:38:39
have you tried telling him what you just told us? that it would be nice if he maybe jump started the conversation, even if it's a hi and how was your week sort of thing. that's what my t does, he sometimes leaves long gaps of silence but that's because sometimes i'm getting the b@lls up to say what i need to say.
someone on this site once told me, first you talk about what you want to talk about, then you talk about what you need to talk about, then you talk about what you didn't even know about.
i would suggest giving this T a fair shake and at least go see him a few more times (unless you REALLY don't like him/her).
best wishes
b2c.
Posted by CareBear04 on November 22, 2005, at 11:07:20
In reply to Re: How do you know what you're supposed to say?, posted by B2chica on November 22, 2005, at 11:04:05
thanks, b2c. That helps a lot. I'll see how it goes with the T this afternoon, and then I'll report on how it goes. Thanks again!
Posted by ghost on November 22, 2005, at 11:18:24
In reply to How do you know what you're supposed to say?, posted by CareBear04 on November 22, 2005, at 10:38:39
i totally wrote a long response to your post and then it got deleted. foo!!
i'll try to remember what i wrote.
i hate the uncomfortable silences. the reason i went to my current T was because my pdoc said she was a "talker" and would ask me questions. she really doesnt, unless i bring up something first. so i often end up just talking about boring stuff, like my day or whatever. sometimes she picks up on subtle comments i don't realise i'm making, and we'll talk about that. sometimes the sessions are "wasted" (and i hate that, i hear the clock ticking in my head, and know that i'm spending time and money on these visits), but sometimes something comes of them.
i dunno. maybe if you have trouble talking you can talk about seemingly less important/easier stuff and see what happens.
good luck though. i know it sucks.
ghost
Posted by CareBear04 on November 22, 2005, at 14:35:41
In reply to Re: How do you know what you're supposed to say? » CareBear04, posted by ghost on November 22, 2005, at 11:18:24
ghost and b2c-- thanks so much for responding! i had my appointment with my T this afternoon. i told him i was interested in terminating, and it was actually a much more productive session than the two before it. at the end, he said he thought i should keep coming, but that he would leave it up to me. i asked him whether he thought therapy would help me, and for once i got a straight answer-- "yes." so i'll keep going and at least give him a chance. thanks for your advice. you helped me be brave enough to say what was on my mind!
Posted by Shortelise on November 22, 2005, at 22:05:11
In reply to How do you know what you're supposed to say?, posted by CareBear04 on November 22, 2005, at 10:38:39
I go to therapy to talk about the things in mylife that are causing me problems, that are causing me pain. I talk how I feel about the things that happen in my life, about the past, about the present and the future. Sometimes I'll read a paragraph or two of somehting that has struck me, or I'll talk abot a film or TV thing.Sometimes I'll talk about my cat.
When I have trouble getting started, I sometimes ask him if he can help me get started, though he knows me well enough now to give me a hand when he thinks I need it.
You could talk about how difficult it is to talk. That's a good place to start! :-)
WHen we go to therapy because of things that are so painful we can't talk about them at first, even though it's why we're there, well, that's just so ... I hate to say "normal", but I really think it is normal. You could give yourself time to get to know the guy, to see how you feel about being there. You could try to be very patient with both yourself and him - it's a new relationship, and those take time.
I hope it works out for you. Therapy can be uncomfortable sometimes, but for me at least, it has proved worth the discomfort.
And of course there is no "right" or "wrong" thing to say, by the way.
ShortE
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