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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on October 28, 2005, at 17:51:32
I think that we have come to an understanding. It can take a lot of work to get to a place where you can understand each other.
I will (try to) stop talking about MY therapy with other people (both online and IRL). This means that I won't talk about how I am feeling towards my therapist, nor about what he says or doesn't say, nor about our relationship. I will do this because he feels that the therapy will be more effective if I'm not getting feedback and advise on how to deal with HIM. He wants me to work out how to deal with him, with him.
I do trust him. I trust him to be skillful. I trust him to have my best interests at heart. I trust him to help me figure out how to deal with him. I am able to be open and honest enough with him to do this.
There will be times when he drives me crazy, and at those times I can say that he's driving me crazy, but not HOW he's driving me crazy. At those times I would love to have support and comfort, but not advice on what to do about him.
I couldn't do this if I didn't really and truly trust him. But I do trust him.
So I won't be starting new threads on this board, because threads on this board are about therapy. But I'll read this board (and respond when I have something to say). I'll try to post on Social about things in my life - because heaven only knows that I need help with stuff in my life! So I hope that those of you who would like to keep tabs on me will check over on social occasionally (like now, I will be posting a new thread tonight - I could use some feedback on school/family stuff.)
It makes me a little sad to make this change. But I'm not scared to do it. Thanks for all the help so far!
Posted by zenhussy on October 28, 2005, at 18:18:52
In reply to Me and my therapist, posted by fallsfall on October 28, 2005, at 17:51:32
Soooooooooooooooooo proud of you!!!!
What a great post to read. Such progress sweetie!!
Clearly stated your needs and your plans for what you're going to do. Beautiful. Fabulous example for others here early on in their therapeutic work.
Really happy to read this and to know you have such trust in your therapist.
You're very inspirational FF. Ice Cream Queen!! We'll have a cone in your honour after therapy next week. :)
Posted by LadyBug on October 28, 2005, at 18:47:22
In reply to Me and my therapist, posted by fallsfall on October 28, 2005, at 17:51:32
I understand, as I had an experience with another therapist I got in touch with on line. My therapist said it felt like it was like having a third party look over our shoulder when the therapy relationship should be about the patient/therapist only.
I trusted my therapist too and stoped contact with the other person. No harm done, just a lesson to learn about how we need certain ways for things in order to have our therapist be the best they can be for "us" and "us" alone.
I do hope you will post and let us know "how" your doing etc.
It never hurts to get love and support when we need it.
LadyBug
Posted by Tamar on October 28, 2005, at 19:10:18
In reply to Me and my therapist, posted by fallsfall on October 28, 2005, at 17:51:32
It sounds as if you’ve come to an agreement you can live with, even if it isn’t necessarily what you originally hoped for. I guess a good compromise is a good thing.
I’m glad you feel that you’re still able to come here and post, even if it isn’t particularly about your issues with therapy. About threads on this board… as I understand it, it’s a little wider than therapy (notwithstanding the description at the top of the page)… so if you feel you need support that’s not specifically about therapy but about general psychological issues I hope you’ll feel able to post here. But I’m sure you know more than I do about it…
I really hope this way of doing things works out for you. I’ll look out for your posts on Social.
And I can understand that you’re sad. But I’m glad you trust him.
Take care of yourself.
Tamar
Posted by Annierose on October 28, 2005, at 19:49:07
In reply to Me and my therapist, posted by fallsfall on October 28, 2005, at 17:51:32
I'm so glad that you have come to an understanding that you can (try to) live with. It sounds fair, and I do understand where he is coming from. He has helped you so much, so to trust him is an easy decision. It reminds me when I had to trust my T that lying down would help me talk about my hard stuff. I resisted for a few weeks, and really struggled with the decision. But I did trust her, so I gave it a trial period of 3 weeks. After 2 weeks I told her I will continue lying down because I already felt closer to her. Although I could not see her reaction, I could feel a giant smile spread across her face.
My point (not to steal your thread) our T's know us like nobody else. They know our secrets, they know why we feel the way we feel about things, and they put our mental health first when making decisions about our therapy.
I am very happy you will still read and offer support and advice when you are able. I really like your point of view on life & therapy.
I hope this weekend is more restful for you.
Thinking of you,
Annierose
Posted by daisym on October 28, 2005, at 23:54:52
In reply to Me and my therapist, posted by fallsfall on October 28, 2005, at 17:51:32
The sadness I feel is so hard to describe...it feels a little like a good friend moving away. But more than that, it feels like some important piece of your life can no longer be shared. Maybe I'm jealous, like when your best friend gets a new boyfriend and you aren't included in their world for a while. Or something like that...I'm not sure. Change is just hard.
But -- I respect that you know what is best for you. And as we've discussed, different people need different things. So I'll support you as much or as little as you need.
And I'll keep trying to broaden my understanding of therapy and my reactions to it by posting here. Selfishly, I'm glad your compromise allows helping others, because I need a lot of help! Sometimes I wonder how I would have made it through the past two years without Babble and you've been a big part of that Falls. I just want you to know that your sharing of your experiences, your struggles and your successes has benefited me in ways you'll never know.
I guess I'm glad this change didn't come until now (again, selfishly). Mostly, I'm glad you have such a tremendous relationship with your therapist and so much trust. You've worked hard to get to this place. (((Fallsfall)))
Posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2005, at 12:37:11
In reply to Re: Me and my therapist » fallsfall, posted by zenhussy on October 28, 2005, at 18:18:52
Thanks, Zen,
Nice to hear from you!
Trust is worth working towards.
Enjoy your ice cream.
Love,
Falls
Posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2005, at 12:41:34
In reply to Re: Me and my therapist » fallsfall, posted by LadyBug on October 28, 2005, at 18:47:22
I guess it was just counter-intuitive to me because he keeps saying that the way to understand things is to talk about them. Yet he doesn't want me to talk about therapy.
I won't be going away! Babble love and support is awesome.
Posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2005, at 12:48:15
In reply to Re: Me and my therapist » fallsfall, posted by Tamar on October 28, 2005, at 19:10:18
I tend not to be very good at compromise - I'm pretty rigid. So this was a good exercise for me.
Somewhere there is a distinction between what is "going on" in therapy and what is being "discussed" in therapy. Hopefully that will get clearer to me as I go along.
Thanks!
Posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2005, at 12:55:39
In reply to Re: Me and my therapist » fallsfall, posted by Annierose on October 28, 2005, at 19:49:07
Therapy is full of leaps across the abyss... Very strange for us control freaks.
I'm back to 10hours/week at work, and with my therapy crisis resolved, I guess I need to do some homework!!
Thanks.
Posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2005, at 13:01:01
In reply to Re: Me and my therapist » fallsfall, posted by daisym on October 28, 2005, at 23:54:52
I'm really not going anywhere. I'll still be right here. Hey, maybe this will help force me to recognize that there are other parts of my life. But that isn't what his goal is. And I NEED support - please don't read my post as saying I don't need support!! You don't get off that easy!
I'm still here.
Posted by Shortelise on October 29, 2005, at 17:43:58
In reply to Me and my therapist, posted by fallsfall on October 28, 2005, at 17:51:32
He has a good about about dealing with stuff about him with him.
I hope it works out better and that you progress in your relationship with him.
((falls))
Posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2005, at 21:11:30
In reply to Re: Me and my therapist » fallsfall, posted by Shortelise on October 29, 2005, at 17:43:58
This is the end of the thread.
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