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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by orchid on October 12, 2005, at 20:31:49
I used to wish quite a while back my life would be better with more issues and challenges.
But now sometimes I wish for is I could have been a simple house wife.. stayed in some city near by my parents, got kids at 21, 22, cook, clean, stitch, teach the kids, and don't worry about anything else !!
I wish life had been that simple. Sometimes I feel I have done way too much for my age.. took on way too much of complications and aspirations. Half the life is spent worrying about visa itself.
Way too many complications.
But now it is almost like I have caught a tiger's tail (an old saying in my language). I can't leave it. Have to run the rest of the way.
I just want to go and sleep in my parents house. But I don't like it that much there also. There is always too much fear and talk of things which could go wrong all the time with my parents.
Actually I like my in laws house that way. It is much simpler and livelier there. Maybe I should just go and sleep there. And forget all about working etc.
Posted by happyflower on October 12, 2005, at 21:13:47
In reply to I wish I could have been a simple house wife, posted by orchid on October 12, 2005, at 20:31:49
Once you become a mother and a housewife you will find that you work at least 80 hours a week nonstop and if one of your kids is sick, well overtime is not optional. LOL Being a housewife and mother was the hardest but yet most rewarding job I have ever had and I worked professionally for years.
Posted by muffled on October 12, 2005, at 22:21:11
In reply to No such thing as a simple housewife, posted by happyflower on October 12, 2005, at 21:13:47
Posted by fairywings on October 12, 2005, at 23:23:55
In reply to I wish I could have been a simple house wife, posted by orchid on October 12, 2005, at 20:31:49
>
> But now sometimes I wish for is I could have been a simple house wife.. stayed in some city near by my parents, got kids at 21, 22, cook, clean, stitch, teach the kids, and don't worry about anything else !!
>
Hi Orchid,I think sometimes we just think "the grass must be greener", and wish for what we don't have. Maybe once you have it, you'll feel differently.
I agree with HF, there's nothing at all simple about being a housewife and having kids. You want to complicate things and yet have what can be the most wonderful, rewarding job you'll ever do? Have kids! You're never off, your sleep cycle isn't your own for years, finding time for yourself and your needs can be difficult, you worry a LOT more and you have a lot more to worry about, you're at the beck and call of a baby (or babies) for years, you have to do a lot of dirty work, and it's all expected w/o any compensation or a pat on the back most of the time.On the other hand, you have the reward of raising beautiful children who love and adore you, who you raise to be independent and can live well on their own one day, and who are your pride and joy. There's just nothing that it compares with.
> Way too many complications.
It sounds like you've accomplished a lot for your age. I hope that somehow you can "stop and smell the roses". You should be proud of your accomplishments, and know that any knowledge you have will be helpful when you do have kids. Old age comes too fast, and once you have kids it seems to fly by much more quickly, it's like sand through your fingers.
>
> I just want to go and sleep in my parents house. But I don't like it that much there also. There is always too much fear and talk of things which could go wrong all the time with my parents.Sounds like you are having trouble just finding your place, or finding a place where you feel safe and can be happy. I hope you find that.
>
> Actually I like my in laws house that way. It is much simpler and livelier there. Maybe I should just go and sleep there. And forget all about working etc.Do you really want to quit working? What would you do with yourself all day? Seems like there would be way too much time to dwell on what's not right, and what "could have been".
fw
Posted by Tamar on October 13, 2005, at 5:15:13
In reply to I wish I could have been a simple house wife, posted by orchid on October 12, 2005, at 20:31:49
Well, I do both… I have a full time job, and when I’m not at work I cook, clean and look after the kids. And guess which is harder work? Yep: the kids. I have a huge respect for people who look after their kids full time, because I find evenings and weekends absolutely exhausting. Working in a job is so much easier than looking after kids.
Several people have suggested to me that I might have an easier life if I gave up work or worked part time. I disagree. If I didn’t go out to work I would be spending much more time looking after kids and I’d be even more tired.
And I find it funny that no one suggests my husband would find life easier if he gave up work or worked part time…
Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with the kids. But it’s just so tiring!
It sounds as if you’re finding the process of looking for a new job very stressful, especially after your HR experiences you mentioned in an earlier thread. But if you’ve always found work challenging and enjoyable, I’m sure you will be able to get that experience back.
On the other hand, if you feel you need a big change in your life, you could stop work and do some more studying, perhaps in a completely different field, just to broaden your horizons. I think you’d probably be quite bored if you gave up work to stay home and do nothing…But if it’s what you really want, maybe you could give it a try.
Posted by fairywings on October 13, 2005, at 8:20:56
In reply to Re: I wish I could have been a simple house wife » orchid, posted by Tamar on October 13, 2005, at 5:15:13
> Well, I do both… I have a full time job, and when I’m not at work I cook, clean and look after the kids. And guess which is harder work? Yep: the kids. I have a huge respect for people who look after their kids full time, because I find evenings and weekends absolutely exhausting. Working in a job is so much easier than looking after kids.
Hi Tamar,
I have great admiration for you for being able to do both, and I'm sure you do both really well.
(((hugs)))
fw
Posted by orchid on October 13, 2005, at 14:28:08
In reply to I wish I could have been a simple house wife, posted by orchid on October 12, 2005, at 20:31:49
Hi All,
I didn't mean to say the housewifes do less. Definitely not here. In my country they hire lot of servants, so most of the housewives take it easy. That is what I wanted to do !!I know here, being a housewife is so very challenging. I have a friend who does that with 2 kids and she is constantly so very stressed.
Anyway, I have decided to break my career for 2 - 3 months. And get some residential native (ayurvedic) treatment for my rheumatoid arthritis for 4 - 5 weeks. Will stay in a resort and get massages and enjoy and relax. !!
And then relax at home.
And then maybe I will find a job there.
I will be mentally peaceful also.
What do you all think?
Posted by fairywings on October 13, 2005, at 15:35:25
In reply to I am going to do it - taking a break, posted by orchid on October 13, 2005, at 14:28:08
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> What do you all think?
>
Hi Orchid,I think it sounds like I want to come and stay with you! ; ) Go for it! Good luck getting that arthritis to feel better.
fw
Posted by Tamar on October 13, 2005, at 15:47:16
In reply to Re: I wish I could have been a simple house wife » Tamar, posted by fairywings on October 13, 2005, at 8:20:56
> Hi Tamar,
> I have great admiration for you for being able to do both, and I'm sure you do both really well.
> (((hugs)))
> fwThanks, fairywings! I try to do my best… it isn’t always quite as good as I’d like but we just have to take one day at a time, eh?
Hugs to you too: (((((fairywings)))))
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on October 13, 2005, at 15:50:11
In reply to I am going to do it - taking a break, posted by orchid on October 13, 2005, at 14:28:08
> Anyway, I have decided to break my career for 2 - 3 months. And get some residential native (ayurvedic) treatment for my rheumatoid arthritis for 4 - 5 weeks. Will stay in a resort and get massages and enjoy and relax. !!
>
> And then relax at home.
>
> And then maybe I will find a job there.
>
> I will be mentally peaceful also.
>
> What do you all think?Well, that kind of break sounds really good. And also perhaps in some way a reward for all the hard psychological work you’ve done in recent months! Yeah, if you can afford to take time out of your career, why not?
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2005, at 20:24:36
In reply to I am going to do it - taking a break, posted by orchid on October 13, 2005, at 14:28:08
I think it sounds lovely. Although I think the relationship between external circumstances and internal peace isn't as strong as people expect.
But I've also long thought that it likely causes you a fair amount of pain to be caught between two cultures and two mindsets about the role of women and society. And you see the good in both, and most likely the bad in both. And that makes it hard for you to fully embrace either, which leads to pain. At least that's my impression, but I could be all wet. Or projecting a lot or something.
I don't know that there's any answer to that one. I think it comes with knowledge, because knowledge sometimes makes life complicated.
Posted by orchid on October 14, 2005, at 16:02:37
In reply to Re: I am going to do it - taking a break » orchid, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2005, at 20:24:36
Thanks all
I have told my manager, and told the other company also.I won't be taking a new job for some time - atleast for 3 - 4 months. And then decide at that point !!
Thanks for all your support!!
Posted by JenStar on October 15, 2005, at 16:18:13
In reply to I am going to do it - taking a break, posted by orchid on October 13, 2005, at 14:28:08
hi Orchid, I hope the mental and physical peace both come to you. :) You deserve it!
If you want the break, and can afford it, a focus-on-you time sounds GREAT. The only think I would recommend is to "lock in" a job to start when the timeframe is up. That way you'll have something definite to go to, especially if you're feeling bored, restless, or missing work. Especially being back in India after being abroad, you might miss the social interaction of a job after a while. If you don't "lock in" the job, you might sort of drift into a traditional housewife role without really choosing it outright...which might isolate you and make you more lonely? (I hope not, but I'm always the kind who thinks of possible negative repercussions to any action, and tries to plan for it!)
The massages and spa treatment sounds GREAT. If you do it, I hope it helps you! :)
JenStar
Posted by orchid on October 17, 2005, at 13:47:20
In reply to Re: I am going to do it - taking a break » orchid, posted by JenStar on October 15, 2005, at 16:18:13
Thanks JS for your advice !!
I did think about locking in a job for that framework, but there are simply too many unknowns at this point. Plus it is usually difficult for a company to agree to me joining 3 months down the line. It is much easier to find a job 3 months down the line.
Plus I will know more at that time about my long term plans - which city to be in, and how my body responds to this treatment etc. So, in case I really feel better after the treatment and can stop some of my regular pain medications, I might even just continue without a job, and maybe have a kid, and after that will start a job again. Or we might move to a different city.
So it didn't make too much sense to lock down a job at this point, especially considering the fact that when I tried for a job I got many companies really interested, and I cleared all the interviews that I attended really well.
So I am thinking getting a new job whenever I want shouldn't be an issue at all. Or I can even come to my company's branch there. My manager and ex manager have promised me a job whenever I come back.
So as of now, I am just going to break and focus on my health (both phsycial and mental)
This is the end of the thread.
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