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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 18:21:19
or ....... analyze?? I can't spell
what is up with insults through compliments??
Anyone else have experience with this?
I just dont get why people do it
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 18:24:23
In reply to Analize this!!!, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 18:21:19
Posted by 10derHeart on October 1, 2005, at 19:00:27
In reply to Analize this!!!, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 18:21:19
For example.....?
And I surely hope a T. is not doing this to you...?
Would you care to 'splain, Rain?
(that was an awful rhyme - sorry -especialy to Poet if she's reading !%$!)
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 19:17:27
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » rainbowbrite, posted by 10derHeart on October 1, 2005, at 19:00:27
lmao!
I probably posted this in the wrong place but analyze this sounded so good here :-)
not my t lol not yet anyway.
hmmm....Im thinking of a good example. Like someone says...you did a good job at something but then attributes it to something else.
ok so say I did something really well and this person says..congrats! on a good job, lucky you had xxx to help.
basicly its giving a compliment but then emphasizing the possibility that I dont deserve it..
Posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 19:56:00
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » 10derHeart, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 19:17:27
I think there is something incredibly freudian in Anal-ize this...:) I laughed out loud at it. And it fits exactly what you were talking about.
I think some people have a hard time just being happy for someone else. They feel like it takes something from them - like there are only so many compliiments in the world and someone else just got the last one for this month. So they are stingy giving them. And other people are just insensitive and don't realize how things sound when they say them. My personal favorite:
"You are lucky that went so well." Yeah, 'cause staying up half the night preparing had nothing to do with it. But thank you for saying it went well. *sigh*I had a coworker who used to do this to me in public all the time. She was a pro at using compliments to rip me down. I would always try to figure out her motives with my therapist. He told me that upon great reflection and psychologically speaking it was his opinion that she was just a total b*tch. I had to laugh.
Posted by fallsfall on October 1, 2005, at 20:18:00
In reply to Analize this!!!, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 18:21:19
It can be a form of passive aggression. They appear to be being nice, but there is a sting to what is said. And you can't do much about it - you can't very well complain that they are being nice...
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 20:30:37
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » rainbowbrite, posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 19:56:00
Thats it! Its all about luck rather than *you* Its infurriating.
I guess it is all about just being a b*tch. But why all of a sudden....whaaa? I had never noticed it until recently.hey is b*tch not a *bad* word? The automatic thing didnt catch it, *lucky* for me I did.
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 20:35:35
In reply to Re: Analize this!!!, posted by fallsfall on October 1, 2005, at 20:18:00
> It can be a form of passive aggression. They appear to be being nice, but there is a sting to what is said. And you can't do much about it - you can't very well complain that they are being nice...
So would you say they are angry with me? Or that some people are just like that? or impossible to know?
I did complain lol about it. I said to them exactly how I see it and I gotta tell you I looked like I was crazy, because I did it in front of a third person.
Posted by fairywings on October 1, 2005, at 23:48:48
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » fallsfall, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 20:35:35
Ah, tell 'em all to kiss your *ss!
fw
Posted by fairywings on October 1, 2005, at 23:50:22
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » fallsfall, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 20:35:35
Sorry, I mean, after all, who needs ppl like that?! You're better off w/o them. I prefer nice ppl. Or dogs, they're nice ppl.
fw
Posted by fallsfall on October 2, 2005, at 10:05:09
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » fallsfall, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 20:35:35
They may be angry at you, or angry at the world.
Good for you for calling it to attention. Even if you looked nuts to the third person, the passive aggressive one certainly got the message.
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 2, 2005, at 10:57:17
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » rainbowbrite, posted by fairywings on October 1, 2005, at 23:48:48
I did lol
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 2, 2005, at 10:58:12
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » rainbowbrite, posted by fairywings on October 1, 2005, at 23:50:22
Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't want to be around people who are nasty. They suck.
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 2, 2005, at 11:01:01
In reply to Re: Analize this!!!, posted by fallsfall on October 2, 2005, at 10:05:09
Thanks, I think the third person will see soon enough what Im talking about now that I braought attention to it, and then it will hopefully get resolved.
Im trying to figure out if its me or the world. I think right now its the possibilty that its the world. I hope anyway.
Posted by Sarah T. on October 3, 2005, at 3:27:34
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » fallsfall, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 20:35:35
> > > So would you say they are angry with me? Or that some people are just like that? or impossible to know? >>
Hi rainbow,
I agree with fairywings. If you can, stay away from people like that. Don't even waste your time trying to analyze it. I know someone who is very similar to the person you're talking about. I'll refer to him as "the nasty relative." He is not angry with me. He is angry at the whole world. Many years ago, when I was a young teenager, I was very interested in photography. I saved up my money and bought myself a good camera and a few different lenses, and I took some photography classes. When I showed some of my photographs to the nasty relative, he said, "You have a good camera."
I was also very active in music earlier in my life. When I played in a recital, the nasty relative came backstage afterwards. Others who came backstage complimented me and/or gave constructive criticism. When my nasty relative spoke to me, all he said was, "You have a good, expensive musical instrument." It was so painful to hear him say that, especially because I was young, naive, trusting and enthusiastic. He really knew how to take the wind out of my sails. Now, years later, he still says things like that to everyone. He will never change.
I wasted time trying to understand this SOB. I realized that he is a failure, a failure in everything he does. Everything he has ever touched, from business ventures to relationships, has turned to s**t. Most of all, he is a failure as a human being. He hasn't a friend in the world. His relatives stay away from him because he is hell-bent on making them feel bad about themselves. Because he is such a miserable failure in everything he does, he just can't bear to acknowledge that someone else might have been successful on their own merits. Passing judgment on others through his thinly veiled criticisms gives him a false sense of superiority.
As I said, if you can, stear clear of people like this. They're miserable and feel driven to make everyone else feel miserable, too.
I spent some time in therapy discussing the nasty relative. My therapist said that the nasty relative is what Erich Fromm would have called a "necrophiliac." Of course, a necrophiliac is someone who loves dead bodies or is aroused by dead bodies. That is not what Erich Fromm meant. My therapist said that Erich Fromm used the term to describe those pathogenic people who try to snuff out the life in others around them. I look back to the young, enthusiastic person I once was. I was so full of life, I worked so hard and poured so much of myself into my photography and my music. Imagine how I felt when my relative said those things to me. If I had been the age I am now, I could have seen his comments for what they were, but to a child or young adult, those words were so damaging. They really did snuff out the life in me for a long, long time.
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 3, 2005, at 19:17:45
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » rainbowbrite, posted by Sarah T. on October 3, 2005, at 3:27:34
Hi Sarah
he sounds horrible!
Wow Im sorry you had to go through that.
i agree that I should stay away form people like that. Its weird because it just started and I was worried I did something, but I dont want to be around that sh*t. It makes you feel bad for feeling good.
Posted by Damos on October 3, 2005, at 20:36:36
In reply to Analize this!!!, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 18:21:19
IMHO these are the very people that "whatevering" was specifically developed for :-D
Posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 21:21:13
In reply to Analize this!!!, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 18:21:19
Hi Rainbowbrite,
Ah yes, the backhanded compliment. At first it sounds nice, then it clicks in: she said *your hair looks nice today.* Meaning it normally looks like crap.
I think some people are too dense to realize that something they said can be taken more than one way. I think others do it intentionally. I'm really very sarcastic and have to watch how I say things. T says that many people mistake sarcasm for anger. No wonder people think I'm angry at them- well, depending on who they are- I am. Nobody here. That is truth, not sarcasm.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 21:26:09
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » rainbowbrite, posted by 10derHeart on October 1, 2005, at 19:00:27
Hi 10derHeart,
Even poets don't make a perfect rhyme
Each and every timePoet
BTW what rhymes with !%$!? Perhaps !$%!
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 3, 2005, at 22:15:06
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » rainbowbrite, posted by Damos on October 3, 2005, at 20:36:36
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 3, 2005, at 22:18:45
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » rainbowbrite, posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 21:21:13
>I think some people are too dense to realize that something they said can be taken more than one way. I think others do it intentionally.
so do I, its hard identifying the intentional from the dense though. ugh!!
Posted by sunny10 on October 5, 2005, at 11:47:23
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » Poet, posted by rainbowbrite on October 3, 2005, at 22:18:45
and then there are those who learned how to give compliments like they received them...
I think I am one to unintentonally give backhanded compliments if "your hair looks nice today" is one...
Those are the kinds I've received and those I now give.
Guess I better just shut my mouth...I certainly never meant that the person's hair ever looked horrible...
This is the end of the thread.
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