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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by LadyBug on September 14, 2005, at 21:15:13
In reply to Well, for what it's worth, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 19:27:58
I'm glad you felt emotionally charged from seeing him. I'm bummed for you that he bought a house there. Was his destroyed? Becasue if you ask me, that was a fast move on his part. He's probably wondering why you would want to drive so far to see him. Can you schedule double sessions to make it more worth while.
Did seeing him give you the relief you needed? Was it worth it to go that far? Obviously it was.
What's next for both of you?? When can you see him next?
This shows just how strong the connection is for you and him. With some hard work you can continue to see him. Try not to think about the way off future just yet. Try to focus on the next few weeks. I think that would make it easier to digest for you. Thanks for the update!
Hugs~if you can handle more..
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
In reply to Re: Well, for what it's worth » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on September 14, 2005, at 21:15:13
I was a bit upset with myself for the honesty. But he didn't seem upset or anything. I guess he's used to it from me.
I understand any ambivilance people may feel on reading the account of the session. I'm feeling no small amount of ambivilance myself.
It always amazes me that he has such a calming effect on me, no matter what.
Posted by JenStar on September 15, 2005, at 0:39:38
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
hi Dinah,
The whole situation sucks, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you were uprooted, that he was uprooted, and that you are all starting over in new spots.I'm glad you were able to see him, and that it calmed you down somewhat. I hope you're able to hold onto that calm and infuse your center and your gut with it, so that you don't feel the disturbing thoughts. You're a great, wonderful person -- and you WILL be able to survive without your T. (I know you might not WANT to, but you CAN!)
I'm guessing that it feels like safety is over and immortality had been dealt a huge blow, and the barely-holding-on-by-the-fingernails system for coping you had cobbled together is splintered apart. But I know you'll get your system back together again, whether it's with him or with someone else. And I reckon that you're a whole heck of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, and maybe stronger than you really WANT to be. But I think you ARE strong!
I don't know if I said anything that makes sense. Sorry if it's all rubbish. :) But truly, I do think you will survive this and be stronger for it, even if it hurts like h*ll right now and even if it seems that it will never get better.
Take care of yourself. I'm hoping for the best for you, whatever that is. Please be nice to yourself. :)
JenStar
Posted by fallsfall on September 15, 2005, at 6:28:24
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
Your job in therapy is to be honest. And you were. So you did your job. Good for you.
You are doing what you need to do. What a great thing to be doing.
Posted by Tamar on September 15, 2005, at 17:08:01
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
> I was a bit upset with myself for the honesty. But he didn't seem upset or anything. I guess he's used to it from me.
Isn't honesty a good thing? I’d be willing to bet that your honesty gave him the opportunity to re-experience himself as a competent professional in the midst of great personal uncertainty. I know you say there was more disclosure on his part than might be usual but, as the saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures.
> I understand any ambivilance people may feel on reading the account of the session. I'm feeling no small amount of ambivilance myself.
I'm not sure I understand what you mean about ambivalence. I read your account of the session as a beautiful moment of connection between two people whose lives have been turned upside down and who can nevertheless find some comfort in maintaining a relationship that has endured for many years. What's not to like?
> It always amazes me that he has such a calming effect on me, no matter what.
I think it's wonderful.
Tamar
Posted by cricket on September 15, 2005, at 19:49:01
In reply to Well, for what it's worth, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 19:27:58
((((((((Dinah)))))))
I want to say something, but I don't know what.
I'm thinking of you often, but never seem to have words to post.
I'm sorry for that.
Posted by orchid on September 15, 2005, at 20:07:41
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
(((Dinah)))
You are going through an extremely tough time. Katrina, losing your home, losing your T, and I think you also mentioned about possibly losing your job.
Please don't try to be too harsh on yourself. Be free to experience whatever you are experiencing. This is almost like your world has been turned upside down, and I am amazed at the way you have been coping with all of it so far. You have done a good job putting up with all the changes to the extent you have done.
Commuting 6 hours to see your therapist is going to be difficult in long run, but maybe you can get a new therapist meanwhile in your town, and also maintain your contact wiht your current T. Maybe you can visit him whenever time permits, and I am sure he will agree to it given the nature of the tragedy. Plus you can have regular therapy wiht some one nearby. So you can have best of both.
Plus anyways, I always thought it might do you good to try a new therapist after 10 years of therapy, so maybe for all you know, this might turn out to be a Blessing in Disguise.
Take Care
Orchid.
Posted by Shortelise on September 15, 2005, at 20:17:04
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
Oh, h*ell, Dinah. I don't kow what to say to you, except I really care, and I hope you can work this all through. In fact, I believe you can.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:19:20
In reply to ((dinah)) » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on September 15, 2005, at 20:17:04
Well, mainly ambivilant because the fact came out that he had purchased a house in the new location. And that he's happy to continue seeing me if I'm happy to drive all that way.
I'm actually one of the lucky ones. I've got a home to return to, my husband and I both have jobs to return to. We are just temporarily displaced, and I'm temporarily underemployed.
I am NOT going to leave my therapist. I'll just waste one day a week, a lot of gas, and a day's pay to go see him.
But I will admit to being very angry with him. I think he and his family made some hasty decisions and now have to justify them by becoming entrenched. And it bugs me that I am so damned attached to someone, and rely on someone, who obviously does worse in an emergency than I do. :(
Posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:21:55
In reply to Ambivilance, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:19:20
I had talked my employers out of making a similarly hasty bad decision, and it's now clear that my thinking was correct. The city is opening up the CBD soon, and people are being allowed to start to return next week.
If only the idiot talked to me first!!!!!!!
Posted by Annierose on September 15, 2005, at 22:13:33
In reply to And to make matters worse, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:21:55
I think your disappointment is justified. It certainly does seem they made a hasty decision and purchase a new home in a nano (word?) second. In the midst of a storm (no pun intended), time matters. Time to think through to the next step, time to consider all the options, time to make a well thought out decision. They skipped a few steps. Unless, of course, they were thinking about moving to this city prior to Katrina.
I'm glad you are able to work something out to see him. I know how important this relationship is to you, that it's worth fighting for (to quote yourself).
"If only the idiot talked to me first!!!!!!!" ...
it's good to see Dinah's back in good form :-)
Annie
Posted by JenStar on September 15, 2005, at 23:31:56
In reply to Ambivilance, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:19:20
hi Dinah,
I'm sorry it's so tough. Is it possible your T wanted to live in a different city, for professional or family reasons, and this disaster was the excuse to start over somewhere new for him?I'm sure it's very hard to leave clients, especially one so dedicated and close as you are to him. I know it hurts that he CAN leave so suddenly, without warning. I'm sorry life is not more stable than that. It's scary to think that solid supports can suddenly disappear. But I continue to believe that you are a strong wonderful person, and that you WILL do well without him being in the same city!
Like Orchid mentioned, maybe this will be a blessing in disguise? I know you want forever therapy, but it DID sort of sound (maybe?) like you were outgrowing the expertise of your T? Sometimes like piano students get too good for a certain teacher? Maybe it will be good to start over with a new T, a new point of view?
I'm sorry if that all sounded horrible, and if you don't want to do that. But I DO have confidence that you will prevail. :)
JenStar
Posted by Dinah on September 16, 2005, at 3:10:44
In reply to Re: Ambivilance » Dinah, posted by JenStar on September 15, 2005, at 23:31:56
From all he explained to me, and all that I know, moving to another city never was even an idea until Katrina.
I do think that, like me, he doesn't want to live through a direct hit, when this resulted from a near miss. I think half the city feels that way. But I'm not sure it's a decision you make within the first weeks of the aftermath. And I didn't get the feeling that he was that confident in the decision.
I'm not going to get a new therapist.
Posted by Dinah on September 16, 2005, at 3:13:06
In reply to Re: And to make matters worse » Dinah, posted by Annierose on September 15, 2005, at 22:13:33
You *get* the range of feelings I'm experiencing, I think. Thank you for that.
Posted by jane_d on September 16, 2005, at 13:52:42
In reply to Ambivilance, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:19:20
> .... And it bugs me that I am so damned attached to someone, and rely on someone, who obviously does worse in an emergency than I do. :(
But Dinah! To be fair I think MOST people would do worse in an emergency than you have done. :)
Jane, who wants you in charge if she ever needs to evacuate.
Posted by fallsfall on September 16, 2005, at 18:25:00
In reply to Re: Ambivilance » Dinah, posted by jane_d on September 16, 2005, at 13:52:42
Posted by JenStar on September 16, 2005, at 19:57:14
In reply to Re: Ambivilance » JenStar, posted by Dinah on September 16, 2005, at 3:10:44
Well, I'm sorry he made a hasty decision. Do you think he could/might undo it... like, sell the new house and move back, now that the city is opening? Or is this a totally permanent thing?
I hope the drive to see him isn't too difficult. Do you think he would set up an internet video feed for you guys to do "virtual reality" sessions...or is that just silly because you need to be physically present to get the hard work done?
In any case, I'm sorry. I wish I could help!
take care of yourself, and I hope you and your family can have a fun weekend. :)
JenStar
Posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 23:00:55
In reply to Thinking of looking for very short term therapy, posted by Dinah on September 12, 2005, at 21:29:02
Hi Dinah,
I know you are going through such a bad time right now, I just don't think anything I can write would make you feel any better, so I have avoided saying anything.
You are going through so much pain and devistation, I don't know what I would do if I had to go through it all. But I do know from being on these boards the last couple of months, is that you are tough lady and smart.
I know you will be okay, because you are strong even when you don't think that you are.
Your post have helped me a lot and I wish I could say something to help you the way you have helped me, but can't imagine what you are going through. All I can offer is hugs and to let you know that we all need you around here, Babble wouldn't be the same without you. Best wishes to your family and you. ((((((Dinah)))))))(((((Dianh's family)))))) and (((((Dinah's T))))))
Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 7:08:16
In reply to Thinking of you a lot, posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 23:00:55
I'm sorry i haven't been posting. I've also turned on my instant messaging, even when i do have the computer which isn't often.
i'm just so self involved right now. anything that doesn't have to do with katrina seems a million miles away, yet i can't bear to talk about that either. so i'm just pulling away.
i'll probably be going home soon, although my husband's been assigned somewhere else. from all i hear my office is going to be closed for a good while, but there's plenty i need to do for a while. too much to do. and we found a school for my son there.
or i am thinking about trying the emergency room, but i'm guessing they've been flooded with people who feel the same way i do and probably aren't admitting anyone.
anyway, i probably won't have internet access for a while either way because i know my phone and therefore internet doesn't work at home. so no one should worry if they don't see me for a while.
Posted by All Done on September 19, 2005, at 8:10:33
In reply to Thank you » happyflower, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 7:08:16
I'm sorry you don't feel like there's anything you can talk about here. Everything must be so emotionally exhausting for you right now. But no matter what you have to say, we'll listen. So, as always, when you're ready...
And if you need to go to the emergency room, please don't hesitate based on what you think they will or won't do. I want you to be safe and I'm sure your husband and son do as well.
((((Dinah))))
Posted by gardenergirl on September 19, 2005, at 11:48:10
In reply to Thank you » happyflower, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 7:08:16
Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36
In reply to Re: Thank you » Dinah, posted by All Done on September 19, 2005, at 8:10:33
There may be another alternative. I took two or three times the klonopin i'm supposed to take, and that's bringing my pain down to manageable levels.
i can't continue that of course, i'll run out. but i was thinking maybe rum. i don't like liquor as a whole, but i seem to tolerate rum.
My therapist sat beside me yesterday and put an arm around me to hold me as I heaved sobs and hyperventilated. He's taken a four week assignment but can continue to see me once a week at a time when i'm not sure i can see him because i'm now a single mom. But he'll forget me as soon as he's not afraid i'll throw up on his carpet. just like he forgot me after our last appt. my husband says we'll work something out.
i know long term everything may work out, but intermediate term it sure isn't, and i don't know if i can make it through intermediate term.
Does anyone know how to make sure you can't buy a gun? How do you manage to get on the list of disqualifiers?
there's all sorts of bad news coming in from all fronts. i just can't bear it.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 19, 2005, at 13:31:19
In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36
Dinah,
I'm sorry it's so hard right now. I don't think your T will ever forget you. But I realize that things are not at all the same.I wish I could wave a wand and make Katrina never happen. You posted before that you didn't think hospitals would admit folks right now, but it's worth a try. It's worth going in for a medication adjustment versus trying to handle this on your own.
How to be disqualified from buying a gun? I don't know the rules. Don't carry enough money to. Take your son with you. I'm sure he would make you think twice. I know this is really really hard, but he NEEDS you. And whatever you need to do now in the short term to make sure you have a long term is okay. It sounds even necessary.
Believe your husband. You'll work something out.
Email or post if needed and you can.
((((dinah))))
gg
Posted by All Done on September 19, 2005, at 13:46:00
In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36
Dinah,
Please don't do anything more drastic. Is there any possibility you can go to the ER? Is your husband already gone or is he with you?
Can you get someone to help in the interim? Did you talk to your T about that? I know you feel like that would be rejection from him, but you need to have some help closer in proximity to you, I think.
I know you aren't feeling much hope right now and I'm not exactly sure how to help you see that things will get better. I can only hold the hope for you, I guess. I'm praying that's enough right now.
You are so special and loved. I think more than you know or maybe even more than you can imagine.
Laurie
Posted by muffled on September 19, 2005, at 14:51:30
In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36
You got alot of people pulling for you. Hang in there. Just take it alittle at a time. You can do this. Its amazing how much we can tolerate and survive. I was reading that post about how you gave those posts for my T. Gosh that was nice of you to do. A whole lot of people responded too. You have obviously touched alot of people in a positive way. You need to stay with us. There's enough bad people out there that we need to keep every nice one that we have in this world.
I don't think I'm the only one here who has hit that wall of 'I just can't take it anymore, I just can't" But y'know I hit that wall, hard. I was gonna use a gun too. It was the messy factor, the fact that other people would see such a mess that made me pause. I think that no matter what way you choose its just awful for those left behind. And YES THINGS DO GET BETTER. They do, they will. You just maybe can't see that right now. I am SO glad I am here. I'm glad for my kids. My kids love me, wacky though I am. They truly love me. Its a wonderous thing.
Hang in there Dinah.
Muffled.
Sorry if I'm lecturing, its just I KNOW, you got to beleive me. Just don't do anything drastic, there's no second chances with death. No peace really, you just leave your pain behind for others. At least alive you CAN make things better. This is a BAD patch. But just a patch, thats all.
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