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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on September 6, 2005, at 20:37:50
I had a bad weekend. I handled it. I didn't call my therapist. I even canceled our call on Monday because I was feeling too vulnerable to hear his voice and get swamped with missing him.Today there wasn't enough time to deal with stuff. At the end of the session I closed down around this huge hurt that suddenly came up. I couldn't put words to it, but I think it was finally feeling all the hurt from the weekend.
But when I was driving home I realized that part of the upset was because my therapist didn't say, "you should have called me." I wanted to (metaphorically) cry on his shoulder and have him pat my head and tell me he understood and he would make it all better. He didn't. He didn't do anything wrong either...
Isn't there a rule that they are supposed to know what we want from them, even when we don't know what we want from them?! (I'm stamping my foot in indignation, in case you missed that.)
I need some tea and sympathy.
Posted by happyflower on September 6, 2005, at 21:07:41
In reply to This is a tantrum, posted by daisym on September 6, 2005, at 20:37:50
I agree! Shouldn't they be able to read our minds? Don't they major in people's minds in college? Why can't they at least read them to help us figure us out! LOL Hugs to you Daisy!
But on the other hand, do I really want my T to know what I am thinking? NOT! LOL
Posted by madeline on September 6, 2005, at 21:38:18
In reply to This is a tantrum, posted by daisym on September 6, 2005, at 20:37:50
I totally agree, all that education and they still can't figure out the simplest of things!!!
But do you think, that maybe in some small way, you were testing him to see if he would say "you should have called me"?
I'm only asking because I do things like that all the time and then I get to act all indignant when people invariably can't measure up.
Just something to consider...
Posted by LadyBug on September 6, 2005, at 22:56:11
In reply to Re: This is a tantrum, posted by madeline on September 6, 2005, at 21:38:18
I think he should have said why didn't you call me!
I had a terrible weekend too. I wanted to call my T. I wanted to talk to her, but I wouldn't impose on her time so I didn't. I was crying for 2 days and I wanted my T. so bad. Today, she said, "you could have called me on Sat. or on Sun. and you had a good reason too."
Oh how I wish they knew everything we needed from them without us having to spell it out!!! Dang it all, they are human and we want them to be super human!!!!!
I'm sorry Daisy, have your tantrum! I hope it gets you through!!! And you can talk to him about it next time. It's so hard sometimes to decide when to call and when not to bother them.
LadyBug
Posted by rs on September 7, 2005, at 6:33:22
In reply to This is a tantrum, posted by daisym on September 6, 2005, at 20:37:50
Hi Daisy.
Oh I get angry at my T so many times because I feel he did not response the way that wanted or needed. Which I know he can read my mind.
I am sending you warm hugs and caring.
Posted by happyflower on September 7, 2005, at 7:12:09
In reply to Re: This is a tantrum » daisym, posted by rs on September 7, 2005, at 6:33:22
Posted by Annierose on September 7, 2005, at 7:20:19
In reply to This is a tantrum, posted by daisym on September 6, 2005, at 20:37:50
I know that feeling. My T has even told me, "I can't read your mind, I really can't. Tell me what you need from me." She has said that twice within the past few months. I never can respond with what I really want to say, although I did tell her I needed more reassurance.
I think I posted last week, that feeling of wanting to quit, for me, is so close to the feeling of wanting to go everyday. My tantrum inside of me, "I hate that I love you so much."
Tea and sympathy is on its way ... making a pitt stop in the Gulf Coast.
Those darn "longing feelings" are very hard to make peace with.
Posted by Shortelise on September 7, 2005, at 12:22:04
In reply to This is a tantrum, posted by daisym on September 6, 2005, at 20:37:50
Ah yes, the "perfect parent" thing again. Ugh. I hate when that happens, and it happens over and over again.
Daisy, we just have to face it: we have to ask for what we need sometimes. It's not fair to ourselves and to those who care about us to expect them to read our minds. We can't read their's so why would we expect them to read ours? I know, I do too, and when my T is not on the wave-length where I need him to be, I feel resentful, abandoned, hurt. It's so foolish, but such a true feeling.
This might not sound sympathetic, but it is. I do feel for you.
ShortE
Posted by Poet on September 7, 2005, at 19:44:57
In reply to This is a tantrum, posted by daisym on September 6, 2005, at 20:37:50
Hi Daisy,
I've felt like Alice in Wonderland at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party many times. I think everybody in therapy needs a therapist who can figure out what they really want to say and what they really mean. I know I do.
`Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
`I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know.'
`Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. `You might just as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'
`You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, `that "I like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'
`You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, `that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!'
`It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.'
"Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
Keeping the tea pot filled for you.
Poet
Posted by daisym on September 7, 2005, at 23:54:22
In reply to Madhatter's T(ea) Party » daisym, posted by Poet on September 7, 2005, at 19:44:57
"you left upset yesterday. Really upset. I think I missed something. I think I didn't get how much pain you were in...I wasn't helpful, was I?"
This was 2 minutes into the session. I told him even I didn't know how much pain I was in until that moment. And I didn't figure out until later that I wanted comfort, not therapy yesterday. And I should have said straight out that I wanted him to be on my side about an issue, not be rational and neutral.
He said sometimes comfort *is* therapy. And that he was MY therapist and he hadn't forgotten that.
We talked a lot about my feeings of being disconnected and how I feel he has been less available to me. I said I knew it was me and not him but it still hurt and was scary. Especially since he was going on vacation in 10 days. He asked me if I was upset with him for going and I said yes. I didn't want to be but I was. He said it was OK, he'd come back anyway. :)We also talked about the difference between missing him and separation anxiety. There are interesting differences between the fear that he has disappeared and I can't find him or feel him and knowing he is out there but not with me.
All in all, a much better session. Thanks for lettng me tantrum last night. And for all the tea and sympathy. I'd love to have a babble "Mad-hatter" tea party. Wouldn't that be fun?!
Posted by terrics on September 8, 2005, at 10:01:25
In reply to This is a tantrum, posted by daisym on September 6, 2005, at 20:37:50
What do we need from them and what do they need from us? You desrve tea (T.) and sympathy. Here is some sympathy. Have a cup of tea on me. terrics
Posted by gardenergirl on September 8, 2005, at 23:36:00
In reply to Re: This is a tantrum » daisym, posted by terrics on September 8, 2005, at 10:01:25
sorry, am I too late for the tantrum? I love a good tantrum. I started quite young perfecting them, or so I'm told. ;)
We definitely need a tea party. We can all wear our Mad Hats! And great shoes. Great idea Poet.
Hope it's better now. Sigh, wouldn't it be so much easier if T's could read minds?
gg
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