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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by caillou on September 6, 2005, at 18:29:07
Hi
Has anyone tried writing a letter to an ex-therapist that terminated with you messily and abruptly?
He wouldnt answer any of my questions about his feelings but he blamed my transference for the termination.Do you think it would be worth it to write him and try to resolve it? Even if he didnt reply? Would it feel better just having sent it? It has been a few months and I feel like I have to try something
because I am sick of him popping in and out of my thoughts.
Just when I think I am almost over it, it comes back.Has anyone tried anything else that worked?
Thanks
Posted by Tamar on September 6, 2005, at 19:25:23
In reply to writing letter to your ex-therapist, posted by caillou on September 6, 2005, at 18:29:07
Hi Caillou,
I haven’t been in the situation you describe, but it sounds very painful.
It always saddens me to hear of people being terminated because of their transference. Perhaps your therapist didn’t feel he had the skills to help you work through the transference (which is unfortunate, to say the least).
I think you could write to him; though as you say, there’s a possibility he might not reply. It might be worth thinking about how you will feel if he doesn’t. Or how you might feel if he replies and says he isn’t in a position to help you. But I think writing the letter is probably a good idea, whether or not you decide to send it, because it might help you to get things clear in your own mind.
I know the feeling of having a former therapist popping in and out of my thoughts (in my case it’s because we never talked about the transference) so I can understand that you want to do something about it.
Do you think it might be possible to go into therapy with a new therapist in order to talk about him, the transference, and the termination? I can imagine you might feel wary of getting into therapy again. But I imagine if you tell a prospective therapist that your reason for seeking therapy is your unsatisfactory termination with a former therapist because of your transference, then it should be possible to find someone who is prepared to handle these things.
I hope you find a helpful way to resolve it; it’s a very hurtful experience.
Tamar
Posted by Caillou on November 22, 2005, at 15:19:53
In reply to Re: writing letter to your ex-therapist » caillou, posted by Tamar on September 6, 2005, at 19:25:23
> I left a message for my ex therapist last week and his boss left me a message a couple days later. So for anyone thinking of calling or leaving a message for an ex-T, you may just get his manager or boss.
Strangely enough, the message seemed to cure my lingering transference. Not because of what it said but because my idealized version of my ex-T would have called me back himself. So he definitely isnt the man for me!
Caillou,
>
> I haven’t been in the situation you describe, but it sounds very painful.
>
> It always saddens me to hear of people being terminated because of their transference. Perhaps your therapist didn’t feel he had the skills to help you work through the transference (which is unfortunate, to say the least).
>
> I think you could write to him; though as you say, there’s a possibility he might not reply. It might be worth thinking about how you will feel if he doesn’t. Or how you might feel if he replies and says he isn’t in a position to help you. But I think writing the letter is probably a good idea, whether or not you decide to send it, because it might help you to get things clear in your own mind.
>
> I know the feeling of having a former therapist popping in and out of my thoughts (in my case it’s because we never talked about the transference) so I can understand that you want to do something about it.
>
> Do you think it might be possible to go into therapy with a new therapist in order to talk about him, the transference, and the termination? I can imagine you might feel wary of getting into therapy again. But I imagine if you tell a prospective therapist that your reason for seeking therapy is your unsatisfactory termination with a former therapist because of your transference, then it should be possible to find someone who is prepared to handle these things.
>
> I hope you find a helpful way to resolve it; it’s a very hurtful experience.
>
> Tamar
>
>
>
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