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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 14:50:53
Yesterday I had my appointment with my T. Everything has been going well for her and I. That's such a good feeling.
Over the weekend I was having some issues with my 14 year old. I decided to check the history on our computer and found out some stuff she has done with her best friend and had lied about it. I was upset. I won't go into detail about the issues. I will say that I was up until 5:00 AM yesterday and woke up at 7:00 AM. That gave me 2 hours of sleep before I had to get up and get ready to go to my therapy appointment.
I wasn't going to bring up anything about my daughter. But she could tell something was weighing heavy on my mind. I told her pretty much everything. She was understanding and loving towards me.
I said, I know your kids are all perfect, right? She said, No that's how come I can relate to your Motherly heartbreak.
We talked about "us" for the last 20 min. At the end, I said I don't know when to come back. She said I think you should come back next week. I've been going in every 2 weeks for the past few months.
I told her I had Tues. and Wed off next week. She got up to look at her appointment book. With her back facing me, she said, Tues's not looking good, and Wed's not looking good. She paused and said, could you come in Tues. at 11:00? I said No, and I started to cry. I said I don't think you want to see me. Meaning; ever again. I had cried some during our hour.
She stepped back and said, that isn't how I feel at all. I was crying as I got up to leave. She was standing by the door and asked once again if I wanted to come Tues. at 11:00. I said, no, I can't. She said, ok, call me and I will do whatever I can to fit you in. I just looked at her and held on to the door handle not wanting to open it. I didn't want anyone in the hall to see me crying as I've had that happen before. As I stood there she said, "You'll be in my heart", and I left. It was so ironic she said; You'll be in my heart. I was listening to a CD on my way in and I listened over and over the song called 'You'll Be In My Heart' from the movie Tarzan, (Phil Collins).
I didn't want to leave. I stopped by the restroom down the hall before going out to my car. When I got out to my car I turned on the CD and listened to that song over and over for about 15 min. I was crying. I think I was feeling so tender and hurt because of what I found out about my daughter, not getting any sleep, not wanting to leave her office and feeling like she didn't want to see me again.
I left feeling open ended. I don't have an appointment scheduled. I'm being stupid. I don't want to call her. I know she won't call me to check on me unless I wait a few weeks and then she might call to see what's up. I know her by now. Years ago, she would have called yesterday and wanted to talk about what happened. Now I know her to wait for me to call her and start again.
I'm hurting so bad inside. I want to call and say, you hurt my feelings when you said Tues and Wed weren't looking good. I want her to call me!!!! But I KNOW she won't!!!!!!
Dang I hate this process sometimes!!!!
I know this is long. I know when I need to sort something out???? I always do it better when I can write it down. I wrote in my journal last night. I know by now, this pain will go away in time. That is one thing I've learned in therapy. Nothing lasts forever;. Not even pain. Maybe I should just give it a few days and do nothing.....but I want to talk to my T !!!!! I'm like the little glrl and I want my Mommy!!!
I thought I could move past this stage. I thought I was ready to start the terminatin process. I know I've slipped back to a place I don't like to be.
Well for now, I guess this is enough. If you've read this, thanks for your paitience...... I know you all have pain of your own
Hugs to all who read this!!!!LadyBug
Posted by muffled on July 19, 2005, at 15:36:02
In reply to Just Needin to Babble, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 14:50:53
> Yesterday I had my appointment with my T. Everything has been going well for her and I. That's such a good feeling.
> Over the weekend I was having some issues with my 14 year old. I decided to check the history on our computer and found out some stuff she has done with her best friend and had lied about it. I was upset. I won't go into detail about the issues. I will say that I was up until 5:00 AM yesterday and woke up at 7:00 AM. That gave me 2 hours of sleep before I had to get up and get ready to go to my therapy appointment.
> I wasn't going to bring up anything about my daughter. But she could tell something was weighing heavy on my mind. I told her pretty much everything. She was understanding and loving towards me.
> I said, I know your kids are all perfect, right? She said, No that's how come I can relate to your Motherly heartbreak.
> We talked about "us" for the last 20 min. At the end, I said I don't know when to come back. She said I think you should come back next week. I've been going in every 2 weeks for the past few months.
> I told her I had Tues. and Wed off next week. She got up to look at her appointment book. With her back facing me, she said, Tues's not looking good, and Wed's not looking good. She paused and said, could you come in Tues. at 11:00? I said No, and I started to cry. I said I don't think you want to see me. Meaning; ever again. I had cried some during our hour.
> She stepped back and said, that isn't how I feel at all. I was crying as I got up to leave. She was standing by the door and asked once again if I wanted to come Tues. at 11:00. I said, no, I can't. She said, ok, call me and I will do whatever I can to fit you in. I just looked at her and held on to the door handle not wanting to open it. I didn't want anyone in the hall to see me crying as I've had that happen before. As I stood there she said, "You'll be in my heart", and I left. It was so ironic she said; You'll be in my heart. I was listening to a CD on my way in and I listened over and over the song called 'You'll Be In My Heart' from the movie Tarzan, (Phil Collins).
> I didn't want to leave. I stopped by the restroom down the hall before going out to my car. When I got out to my car I turned on the CD and listened to that song over and over for about 15 min. I was crying. I think I was feeling so tender and hurt because of what I found out about my daughter, not getting any sleep, not wanting to leave her office and feeling like she didn't want to see me again.
> I left feeling open ended. I don't have an appointment scheduled. I'm being stupid. I don't want to call her. I know she won't call me to check on me unless I wait a few weeks and then she might call to see what's up. I know her by now. Years ago, she would have called yesterday and wanted to talk about what happened. Now I know her to wait for me to call her and start again.
> I'm hurting so bad inside. I want to call and say, you hurt my feelings when you said Tues and Wed weren't looking good. I want her to call me!!!! But I KNOW she won't!!!!!!
> Dang I hate this process sometimes!!!!
> I know this is long. I know when I need to sort something out???? I always do it better when I can write it down. I wrote in my journal last night. I know by now, this pain will go away in time. That is one thing I've learned in therapy. Nothing lasts forever;. Not even pain. Maybe I should just give it a few days and do nothing.....but I want to talk to my T !!!!! I'm like the little glrl and I want my Mommy!!!
> I thought I could move past this stage. I thought I was ready to start the terminatin process. I know I've slipped back to a place I don't like to be.
> Well for now, I guess this is enough. If you've read this, thanks for your paitience...... I know you all have pain of your own
> Hugs to all who read this!!!!
>
> LadyBug
>I'm a little confused here I think. Your T. said Tues and Wed don't look good but she got you in on Tues? I dunno. I must be getting this wrong but it seems awful nice that she squeezed you in even though it must've already been a busy day for her. I would be pleased that my T. was willing to fit me in even though its not the best for her. However, I was not there, there may have been more in the tone of voice and body language that I missed or, (if your ANY thing like me) misinterpreted. So I know it is hard but try not to obsess and things'll work out. they usu. do one way or another. Life CAN be pretty good if rather confusing. This is just my point of view, I may be WAY off base, if so I'm sorry. Take care.
P.S. your not being stupid, your being pretty normal I'd say. Just phone her, I do the same thing as you. Its ok.
P.S.S. Good luck with your daughter, kids can be SO challenging. If I terminate T. Before my kids are teens they are 7&10) I should expect to be back when that time comes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S.S. Man your T. sounds nice. So do you! Nice to read this kinda stuff, makes me feel way better too, Thank-you.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on July 19, 2005, at 15:52:27
In reply to Just Needin to Babble, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 14:50:53
LadyBug,
I read your post and am a little confused, though I feel your pain. I'm not clear on why you declined Tuesday at 11 to begin with, but my advice would be to call her and see if that time was still available. I think it was awfully nice of her to squeeze you in on an already hectic day; I'd hate to see you lose the appt and have to wait another week.
Cool that she said, "You'll be in my heart"... I like that. :)
lgl
Posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 17:00:18
In reply to Just Needin to Babble, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 14:50:53
I'm confused as to why I refused the appointment on Tues. at 11:00 too. I was feeling so vulnerable at the time. I know she meant nothing but good for me. It was all about my pain and fear of rejection I deal with. I was extrememly touchy emotionally.
What to do....... it's not that easy to pick up the phone and call her and tell her, yes I'll come. What is wrong with me????? I'm sad.
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2005, at 18:18:04
In reply to Re: Just Needin to Babble, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 17:00:18
Ok, maybe I'm projecting here too.
But maybe the anger at her has to do with thinking about termination. Even though it's not her who's terminating, you know that you're more independent now, and could you be stompingly angry that she's allowing you to move away?
So angry that even though *she* suggested seeing you more often, and even though she squeezed you in, you're angry that she doesn't see you as vulnerable as you once were? So maybe you want to prove to her (and to you) that you are every bit as vulnerable as ever and no where near ready to leave her.
And how *dare* she think you might possibly one day in the next few years be ready to?
Posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 18:29:42
In reply to Re: Just Needin to Babble » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2005, at 18:18:04
Dinah
You hit the nail on the head!!!!! I thought I was doing better and I am but I had a set back yesterday. I knew it when I left. I just called and left her a message to call me when she can. I am prepared to tell her I'm sorry for the way I left yesterday and that I am feeling vulnerable. I want to be loved and cared for by her. Somehow when I feel love for her and feel I *need* her it feels wrong and it hurts. Geez, I'm down..... I need to get a life LOL
Thanks for the responce Dinah, you said it well!! I'm still working on this but I want to be done with it! All of it!!~!! I don't want to feel like this ever again.......
Hugs to you
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2005, at 18:50:50
In reply to Re: Just Needin to Babble » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 18:29:42
I do want to feel that way again. :(
I just happen to be in a similar place right now.
I went in and the first thing I did was tell him about my two bad days where I wanted to call him, but instead had the likely conversation in my head, took a Risperdal, and didn't bother him. Then I watched him closely. He was pleased. After that, there was nothing that could salvage the session.
Towards the end, I told him again how afraid I was not to need him. And he kept on about wanting to see him instead of needing to. Or needing to in a different way.
So I got home and behaved very badly indeed. Because if he can't hear me when I use my words, I'll tell him in other ways that this is NOT a good thing.
I think you are a bit different because you do think in general it's a good thing? Do I have that right?
Posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 19:36:42
In reply to Just Needin to Babble, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 14:50:53
My therapist just called me and we talked for about 20 min. I told her what happened to me when I was leaving and she said she flet so bad. She said she wondered what happened to me.
She understood how I felt rejected. She is going to call me at work tomorrow. Yeah!!!
I hate this stuff.....but I love my T.
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2005, at 19:43:33
In reply to My therapist just called me ;-), posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 19:36:42
Love yours I mean.
Mine is just mad at me.
Posted by Shortelise on July 19, 2005, at 21:40:17
In reply to My therapist just called me ;-), posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 19:36:42
This is the end of the thread.
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