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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 9:05:41
Okay, here's the companion thread to the one above.
What happens when a patient doesn't have any special feelings towards a therapist?
I recognize that my therapist is very smart and very skillful. I also know that he has the best of intentions towards me. He would like me to have an easier, happier life.
However, I never want to call him between sessions no matter how awful I feel. I never look to him for comfort. I like him but I never really look forward to sessions although for some strange reason I feel like I need them. And I most certainly (not even in my fantasies) would never want any sort of relationship with him outside of therapy.
I don't know but the more I read on this board and the more I think about my own therapy the more I think that I'm just not built for therapy. I'm just defective in that way.
Posted by Dinah on June 16, 2005, at 10:23:42
In reply to I'm NOT in love with my therapist, posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 9:05:41
You aren't defective. You just don't have that sort of relationship with your therapist. It isn't necessarily the norm. It's just a highly represented point of view here.
Many people see their therapists as service providers and as long as they're happy with the service they don't need any more. And maybe that's a good point of view, because it allows you to judge the quality of therapy you're getting more accurately. And to move on if it's time.
Posted by Daisym on June 16, 2005, at 10:26:38
In reply to I'm NOT in love with my therapist, posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 9:05:41
Cricket -- you aren't defective. I think we've all wondered if we were "right" for therapy at one time or another. It is an individual journey for everyone and I think attachment ebbs and flows based on what you are working on and what style your therapist has. I don't think everyone develops huge, overwhelming need for their therapist, they get their needs met from other people. I think it looks that way here because we are a group that sort of finds Babble when we begin to examine our strong feelings about therapy and go looking for support and validation that we aren't going a little nuts, forgive the expression.
I think what you said about knowing you need therapy is interesting. There is a part of you that sees the value in the work you are doing, even if you don't feel really emotionally attached. It is totally fine to work with him, to like him but to not long for him between sessions. It is probably easier on you.
Try to remember, no right or wrongs here. If you are happy with what you are doing, stick to it. I know from your posts you have been making progress in the trust area, and were considering bringing more of you into sessions. How is that working out? Are you able to let the little ones talk yet?
I really do know how hard that can be.
Posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 12:09:43
In reply to Re: I'm NOT in love with my therapist » cricket, posted by Dinah on June 16, 2005, at 10:23:42
Thanks Dinah. I am so glad I posted about this stuff because I had a couple of dark days thinking about this and now I really feel better.
It's great knowing that even though I'm not in the majority here I can still get very good support from everyone at Babble.
Posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 12:22:09
In reply to Re: I'm NOT in love with my therapist, posted by Daisym on June 16, 2005, at 10:26:38
Thanks Daisy,
As I said above, you all have made me feel much better. There are many paths and mine might be a little different but that's okay for now.
It might be a little harder for me to keep any attachment to him when others are working on their dependency issues but that's okay too.
Yes, actually I did let one of the kids talk which was okay and I think he handled it beautifully. He treated her just like I would want him to treat any "real" child of mine. My main problem was that I felt a bit out of control during it. I wanted her to stop talking quite a bit sooner than she was ready to stop but it turns out that she was almost as good at ignoring my voice as I am at ignoring hers. Do you ever experience anything like that?
Posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 13:34:43
In reply to I'm NOT in love with my therapist, posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 9:05:41
I feel that way about my current T. I never look up to her to provide me comfort, I have never called her even once in between sessions. I always go atleast 5 mins late to the sessions and try to leave 5 mins early.
I like her and she is smart, but I don't think she cares about me personally. I am just a patient and she is just a therapist. And both of us are very happy with the arrangement. Tomorrow if not her, I will be able to go to someone else, and be the same way.
It is perfectly normal to be extremely indifferent.
Posted by daisym on June 16, 2005, at 14:09:39
In reply to Re: I'm NOT in love with my therapist » Daisym, posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 12:22:09
When "little daisy" gets out, sometimes she is REALLY out. It sounds so weird to someone who hasn't experienced this so I hesitate to write this but I will...
I'm having a bad week, and this morning has been very tough. I called in to my therapist to say, "I can't get dressed, I can't go to work, I can't...I can't...I can't..."
He said, "who can't?" And we talked about grief and the inner voices that are soo upset still by the weekend. His opinion is that I'm holding it all in, very tightly, which is why I now can't function and can only expend energy to hold it in. He wants me to let little daisy talk. He wants me to let her write and to bring her writings to today's session. And, he made it clear that he wants to hear from HER, unedited, tears and all. The other prescription from him was "fall apart -- give yourself today and tomorrow off work and just fall apart. I'll be here if it gets to be too much but I think you need to give in to this. Little Daisy needs you to give in to this."
I could feel her talking back to him already and I don't want to fall apart. But I'm not controlling her very well at the moment and SHE is really ready to rage at all of it. She *wants* to talk in session today, she is ready and I suspect that unless something comes up big in the next two hours, she is going to be out of my control in there, at least initially.
I guess that this is a long way of saying, yes, this happens to me. I'm glad you feel the support I'm trying to send your way.
Hugs from "us" :)
Daisy
Posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 15:36:36
In reply to You are perfectly fine. I am the same too ! » cricket, posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 13:34:43
Thanks Pinkeye for letting me know I'm not alone.
I do notice that you don't post very much about anything that happens in session with your current T. It would certainly be interesting to me to hear more about what your current sessions are like, if you ever feel like sharing.
Posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 15:42:48
In reply to Re: I'm NOT in love with my therapist » cricket, posted by daisym on June 16, 2005, at 14:09:39
Hi Daisy,
I certainly know what you mean about not controlling the little one. Sometimes with me, the more I try and control the worse it gets.
I think our Ts would agree on the point that it is best to give them their time to talk.
My therapist says "How can we get her out more often? The poor kid has a very difficult life being stuck watching you work all those long hours."
Let me know how it goes.
Posted by caraher on June 16, 2005, at 17:36:11
In reply to I'm NOT in love with my therapist, posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 9:05:41
I know others have said this but I want to add another voice... no cricket, you are not defective, and being in love with your T is by no means necessary - or to my mind, even desirable, though I know others might have different assessments based on the kind of therapeutic approach they are using. From the "in love with my T" posts I've read I'm quite happy not to have that element in my therapy!
Posted by Jazzed on June 16, 2005, at 22:33:43
In reply to I'm NOT in love with my therapist, posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 9:05:41
I absolutely felt the same way with the female therapists I've had. I had no special feelings toward them, I knew I needed to hash some things out and that they had the insight, but I dreaded the time away from other things I needed to do.
I also didn't particularly care how they felt about me one way or another. I just felt that it was a neccessary evil in my life at the time.Until this board, and reading In Session, and realizing that I probably need therapy again, I didn't think too much about it. I often wonder why I prefer a male therapist when I know it's going to wreak havoc on my emotions one way or another. Not neccessarily love but more stronger emotions come up.
Jazzy
Posted by B2chica on June 17, 2005, at 10:24:44
In reply to I'm NOT in love with my therapist, posted by cricket on June 16, 2005, at 9:05:41
hi,
i'm not 'in love' with my T, but i would LOVE to get hugs from him. i wish i could be snuggled in his arm when i'm talking about stuff that i can't face him with.
he (in a little time) has given me some great feedback on my emotions and fears. i feel 'accepted' and not judged by my T.
he is giving me something great. something no one else has ever given me, i thank him for that.but i do tend to see him as someone giving a service. i did hand pick him from about 20 that i 'saw' or spoke with. So i knew he could give me what was needed. even from that i feel a professional bond.
b2c.
Posted by cricket on June 17, 2005, at 11:21:14
In reply to Re: I'm NOT in love with my therapist, posted by B2chica on June 17, 2005, at 10:24:44
Hey chica,
It sounds like you're in just the right place in relation to your therapist.
Posted by B2chica on June 17, 2005, at 12:30:43
In reply to Re: I'm NOT in love with my therapist, posted by cricket on June 17, 2005, at 11:21:14
i hope so. thoughts of 'love' haven't entered my brain, but thoughts of affection have.
i thank babble for making sure my heart doesn't break. i think if i didn't read about how common this is that i wouldn't be so 'aware' of our relationship. and i would probably have 'fallen for my T. but since i have that knowledge that it can happen. i look closely at the feelings i'm feeling and try to figure out where/what they come from. this really helps me.
thanks babble
b2c.
> Hey chica,
>
> It sounds like you're in just the right place in relation to your therapist.
This is the end of the thread.
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