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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rigby on June 3, 2005, at 11:07:52
For those following the painting saga, the painting was gone this week. For those not following, my therapist came back from some sort of break and there was a huge (nearly wall sized) painting propped against a wall--it was a gloomy snow scene.
When I remarked that it was down she said nothing. I think I said, "Too big?" and she just sort of shrugged.
Next weird thing: we were talking about this guy that I've fallen in love with (long story--I've been gay for forever, and fell for a boy--similar to her story as it turns out--she ended up marrying a guy but was gay for a long period of time--oddly similar.) Anyway, I was trying to say that I was concerned he take care of himself since he has tendencies to take care of other people's needs before his own. I said sexually that he could be this way--that his pleasure was so tied into mine--all the time. And she just rolled her eyes and said, "THIS is a problem??!!" She really couldn't get or believe I was saying this about him. And I wasn't trying to not be greatful--this guy is wonderful--I just was explaining that I want to make sure he doesn't get lost in me.
I felt like she might as well have said, "My husband is a selfish a-hole and you're complaining about some guy caring about you too much??"
Sometimes I wonder about this therapist. I wonder that her story is so close to mine and I wonder how objective she is being with me.
UGH.
Posted by cricket on June 3, 2005, at 12:10:17
In reply to Painting Update-Other Question, posted by Rigby on June 3, 2005, at 11:07:52
Hi Rigby,
Strange stuff about the painting. Maybe someone else complained.
My therapist has a carpet with an interesting pattern on it. I know it well because I stare at it most of the time. For a couple of weeks though he had it all rolled up, which couldn't have been easy because it takes up half of the room and he would have to move furniture and stuff to roll it, and I just couldn't figure out why. I thought perhaps it was to make me look up a bit more and not just trace the patterns on the carpet. If that was his intention, and I really doubt it although I couldn't figure anything else out, it certainly didn't work. Then a couple of weeks later it was back in place.
It's interesting that having dealt with similar issues in the past might make your therapist less objective. I would never have thought of it like that initially because it seems that similarities would just make her more sympathetic. But then I thought you might be worried that she could confuse her own issues with yours. Is that it?
It's funny because my therapist is completely different from me in every possible way. Sex, race, class, background, etc. and he will readily admit that he is clueless in many ways about my world, which can get frustrating, but I guess has its advantages.
Posted by Shortelise on June 3, 2005, at 12:32:05
In reply to Painting Update-Other Question, posted by Rigby on June 3, 2005, at 11:07:52
Rigby,
we seem to tell each other this over and over again here: talk to your T about it!
I say it to others here, others say it to me - it's really funny, but I seem to need to hear it over and over again.
It's hard to challenge them, hard to say right out loud, right up front, I AM HAVING DOUBTS ABOUT YOU. And I think it's hard because there is always the chance, and I can tell you I have been certain this would happen and it never did, that the T will say HOW DARE YOU! GET OUT OF HERE!
They have to put there little therapeutic butts on the line when they do therapy. They have to be able to handle our feelings, have to be able to face our doubts. It's all a part of the process.
So many times I've challenged my T, and he always can take it.
ShortE
Posted by Rigby on June 3, 2005, at 13:33:04
In reply to Re: Painting Update-Other Question, posted by Shortelise on June 3, 2005, at 12:32:05
Hi Shortelise,
Yeah, true. I should say this stuff to her and that's where the most benefit will come.
Having said that, I have talked to her, actually, about my concerns about her and remarks she makes. And I've quit her several times too, being pretty clear about why each time.
Sometimes it's fine to confront her. Other times I find her defensive or argumentative. Maybe she's just trying to show me another side.
Mostly she's okay. Lately though I'm wondering if I could benefit from a different therapist. I feel that I'm in a pickle of sorts in my life. I don't want to blame a therapist for not helping me to get out of it *but* it's been a year and I'm sitting the same place so I sort of wonder if another approach might be of more benefit.
Thanks for listening--really, really appreciate it!
Rigby
> we seem to tell each other this over and over again here: talk to your T about it!
>
> I say it to others here, others say it to me - it's really funny, but I seem to need to hear it over and over again.
>
> It's hard to challenge them, hard to say right out loud, right up front, I AM HAVING DOUBTS ABOUT YOU. And I think it's hard because there is always the chance, and I can tell you I have been certain this would happen and it never did, that the T will say HOW DARE YOU! GET OUT OF HERE!
>
> They have to put there little therapeutic butts on the line when they do therapy. They have to be able to handle our feelings, have to be able to face our doubts. It's all a part of the process.
>
> So many times I've challenged my T, and he always can take it.
>
> ShortE
>
Posted by Rigby on June 3, 2005, at 13:36:27
In reply to Re: Painting Update-Other Question » Rigby, posted by cricket on June 3, 2005, at 12:10:17
Hi Cricket,
Good point--maybe she did get other feedback. It was, I felt, way too much about her.
> Strange stuff about the painting. Maybe someone else complained.Wow. The mystery of the rolled up rug! Did you ever find out why it was rolled up??
> My therapist has a carpet with an interesting pattern on it. I know it well because I stare at it most of the time. For a couple of weeks though he had it all rolled up, which couldn'tI find it interesting your therapist is so different. Is that why you chose this person do you think? I think I am concerned right now with my therapist's objectivity and also with her ability to help move me out of a rut. It's been good to think this through on the boards--thank you for responding!!
> It's interesting that having dealt with similar issues in the past might make your therapist less objective. I would never have thought of it like that initially because it seems that similarities would just make her more sympathetic. But then I thought you might be worried that she could confuse her own issues with yours. Is that it?
> It's funny because my therapist is completely different from me in every possible way. Sex, race, class, background, etc. and he will readily admit that he is clueless in many ways about my world, which can get frustrating, but I guess has its advantages.
>
>
>
>
>
>
Posted by shrinking violet on June 3, 2005, at 14:51:59
In reply to Re: Painting Update-Other Question » Shortelise, posted by Rigby on June 3, 2005, at 13:33:04
Ok I'm sorry, but I can't let go of this painting incident, especially given the "flower on the floor" thing a while back.....lol
Maybe she's doing some sort of side research? Placing odd objects around suddenly and noting her client's reactions? Of course, it's every T's right to decorate thier space in whatever way they wish, but given that the flowers were on the floor, and the painting was so large and there one week and gone the next...AND especially given that she never seemed to explain either one, it seems odd. If she were just trying different decorative styles, why wouldn't she just say that? Or if someone gave them to her, and she was trying to assess whether she wanted to keep it there, etc...Why not just say that? Unless she's VERY uptight and won't give any personal info at all, no matter how vague?
I know, let it go sv. ;-) It's become a puzzle I need to figure out now! Sheesh. Don't they know we notice and analyze stuff too?!
Ok sorry..lol....I'm just perplexed.
Carry on...
Posted by Rigby on June 3, 2005, at 16:08:59
In reply to Re: Painting Update, posted by shrinking violet on June 3, 2005, at 14:51:59
The flower on the floor deal she explained two weeks later--a colleague gave them to her as a going away gift. Hello? Why didn't she tell me that before?? Who KNOWS. She said something like she didn't think it should matter. I did talk to her about it though.
> Ok I'm sorry, but I can't let go of this painting incident, especially given the "flower on the floor" thing a while back.....lolI agree that it's odd to not say anything--what's the big deal? She seems to make a big deal of things by being so secretive. But then lets out these opinions like I mentioned. It just makes me wonder what sorta whack job she might be in real life.
> Maybe she's doing some sort of side research? Placing odd objects around suddenly and noting her client's reactions? Of course, it's every T's right to decorate thier space in whatever way they wish, but given that the flowers were on the floor, and the painting was so large and there one week and gone the next...AND especially given that she never seemed to explain either one, it seems odd. If she were just trying different decorative styles, why wouldn't she just say that? Or if someone gave them to her, and she was trying to assess whether she wanted to keep it there, etc...Why not just say that? Unless she's VERY uptight and won't give any personal info at all, no matter how vague?
>
> I know, let it go sv. ;-) It's become a puzzle I need to figure out now! Sheesh. Don't they know we notice and analyze stuff too?!
>
> Ok sorry..lol....I'm just perplexed.
>
> Carry on...
>
>
Posted by shrinking violet on June 3, 2005, at 17:56:24
In reply to Re: Painting Update, posted by Rigby on June 3, 2005, at 16:08:59
>>" The flower on the floor deal she explained two weeks later--a colleague gave them to her as a going away gift. Hello? Why didn't she tell me that before?? Who KNOWS. She said something like she didn't think it should matter. I did talk to her about it though.
I agree that it's odd to not say anything--what's the big deal? She seems to make a big deal of things by being so secretive. But then lets out these opinions like I mentioned."--hm, okay, but why were they ON THE FLOOR? As opposed to on a desk or...? Maybe it's me... ;-)
>>"It just makes me wonder what sorta whack-job she might be in real life."
--Hm, that's a scary thought/description to think about your T, of all people! I guess she keeps you on your toes though, huh? Let us know if any other objects suddenly materialize; we'll crack this case someday...
(above said with all due respect and good-natured humor)
sv
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