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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 47 to 71 of 75. Go back in thread:
Posted by Tamar on May 11, 2005, at 6:27:15
In reply to Re: does every T bring up sex at some point?, posted by Dinah on May 10, 2005, at 16:34:57
> > also, masturbation and fantasies are sex, too. at least they fall under the topic. and are often harder to talk about (more embarrassing) than talking about having it with another person.
>
> Why? I am seriously genuinely interested. I only know what's in my own mind, and am interested in the minds of others. To me, it's such a natural part of nearly everyone's existence that it's no big deal at all.I never talked about fantasies with my T! Eek! I know rationally that it’s a natural part of everyone’s existence, but nevertheless I feel that my fantasies are extremely personal: much more personal than if I were to discuss sex acts. And I think most of my fantasies are very very tame, so I’m a bit embarrassed about that, oddly enough.
It’s funny though: a few months ago, while I was still seeing my T, I was driving home from work one day and an image sprung into my mind: a sexual image that I found quite disturbing because it was unlike any other fantasies I’ve ever had. But instead of pushing it out of my mind I allowed it to develop a bit. (OK, I went home and wrote it all down like a porn story. I would post it on Writing to give you a laugh, but it would be too full of asterisks to be understood.) But I realised that it had appeared because of things I’d been talking about in therapy.
Perhaps I could have told my T about this new fantasy, because it was quite significant. But the idea of saying the words out loud, to him, and imagining that he could picture me touching myself… No way! Too much potential for him to think of me as repulsive and disgusting. (Obviously I never think of other people as repulsive and disgusting. Only I am repulsive, and all right-thinking people surely agree.)
Plus, I don’t think I could have talked to my T about my fantasies without wondering what he fantasises about, and I had quite enough trouble trying not to think about that sort of thing!
(Maybe instead of saying the words out loud I could have taken him a printout of the story I wrote. Tee hee!)
Posted by rubenstein on May 11, 2005, at 11:54:54
In reply to does every T bring up sex at some point?, posted by JenStar on May 7, 2005, at 17:47:16
My T brought it up, and granted it was probably something that needed to talk about. However, I just felt so uncomfortable talking to him about, most likely becuase he is a man and my dad's age. It just felt wrong on a lot of different levels. But perhaps that is why we need to talk about it. That, however, is the only time in which I wished I had a woman therapist.
Posted by crushedout on May 11, 2005, at 14:14:09
In reply to Re: does every T bring up sex at some point? » Dinah, posted by Tamar on May 11, 2005, at 6:27:15
I haven't talked much about fantasies, either, but I really think if you can talk about it, it is very useful therapeutic fodder. If you can get past the embarrassment, that is, which has always held me back. I would really like to get to a place where I can bring this stuff into my therapy, though, and I intend to.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on May 12, 2005, at 13:38:58
In reply to (((((LGL))))) so nice to see you, posted by TofuEmmy on May 10, 2005, at 19:19:10
Thanks Emmy. :)
So good to see you too. (((((Emmy)))))~LGL
Posted by crushedout on May 12, 2005, at 20:01:08
In reply to Re: does every T bring up sex at some point? » Tamar, posted by crushedout on May 11, 2005, at 14:14:09
I didn't get into anything really embarrassing, but I used the word "sexual" and "sexually" several times, and the word "penis" came up (she said it) so it got slightly explicit. I didn't turn bright red. I feel like this is a good start. The door is open.
Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2005, at 20:44:15
In reply to I talked about sex today, posted by crushedout on May 12, 2005, at 20:01:08
It gets easier with time. I came close to actually saying what I wrote on the yellow post it note. In fact I typed it and allowed him to read it.
You'll be saying all the words before you know it.
Posted by crushedout on May 12, 2005, at 20:58:37
In reply to Good for you! » crushedout, posted by Dinah on May 12, 2005, at 20:44:15
what do you mean you typed it? in his office? i'm confused.thanks, d. i'm excited about being able to talk about this stuff.
i kind of want to ask her how comfortable she is talking about it. i think maybe if she tells me she's totally comfortable, that will help me feel comfortable.
Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2005, at 21:08:33
In reply to Re: Good for you! » Dinah, posted by crushedout on May 12, 2005, at 20:58:37
No, I typed it at home, and brought it in. But that was a big step for me on this particular topic.
I asked my therapist (not sure if I've already shared this) and he said he felt a bit uncomfortable just because you don't talk so explicitly everyday but he could handle it. I told him if it got too much for him to let me know. Then he ended up shocking me!
Posted by happyflower on May 12, 2005, at 22:08:12
In reply to Re: Good for you! » crushedout, posted by Dinah on May 12, 2005, at 21:08:33
> .
>
> I told him if it got too much for him to let me know. Then he ended up shocking me!What was the shock? I guess I am just nosey, sorry.
Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2005, at 22:24:24
In reply to inquiring minds want to know! lol, posted by happyflower on May 12, 2005, at 22:08:12
Hmmm... I think I'd better not say. I don't think Dr. Bob's filter is up to it.
I did however verify it with my husband.
It must be something men learn about somewhere or something, because my husband is no more a sophisticate than I am. And my therapist strikes me as being way more conventional than I am.
Posted by crushedout on May 13, 2005, at 8:20:35
In reply to Re: inquiring minds want to know! lol » happyflower, posted by Dinah on May 12, 2005, at 22:24:24
I'm not pressuring you to tell (although I am curious) but I just want to make sure I understand the civility rules (I guess I should move this conversation to admin):there's no ban on explicitly sexual stuff, is there? as long as we don't use vulgar or offensive terms. i mean, we can be as explicit as we want as long as we're clinical right? just want to make sure we all know this, assuming i'm right.
Posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 11:28:10
In reply to Re: inquiring minds want to know! lol » Dinah, posted by crushedout on May 13, 2005, at 8:20:35
That's my understanding. We're allowed to be explicit, but not vulgar.
What shocked me would fall into vulgar.
Posted by crushedout on May 13, 2005, at 11:34:30
In reply to Re: inquiring minds want to know! lol » crushedout, posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 11:28:10
alright, if this is something that there's no way to say using clinical terms then you've got me REALLY intrigued. i can't even *think* of anything like that.
Posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 11:52:48
In reply to Re: inquiring minds want to know! lol » Dinah, posted by crushedout on May 13, 2005, at 11:34:30
are you on messenger right now?
I could tell you.
Posted by crushedout on May 13, 2005, at 11:59:28
In reply to Re: inquiring minds want to know! lol, posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 11:52:48
i'll download it. i'm at work
Posted by happyflower on May 13, 2005, at 12:16:07
In reply to Re: inquiring minds want to know! lol » Dinah, posted by crushedout on May 13, 2005, at 11:59:28
Posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 12:29:23
In reply to I want to know too, I have IM (nm), posted by happyflower on May 13, 2005, at 12:16:07
It was just the (im)proper term for the hole in the cubicle wall of an adult bookstore I went to over twenty years ago for a bachelorette party. I had thought it was a peephole for management to keep an eye on the customers.
Posted by 10derHeart on May 13, 2005, at 16:43:46
In reply to I've probably been too mysterious, posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 12:29:23
So it shocked you that he knew a vulgar, slang term for it, or that he said it out loud to you...or both?
(I hope it doesn't mean anything too warped that this thread is waaay too interesting to me....can I blame crushed somehow....?)
Love ya', crushed....::: --- ))))
Posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 17:54:26
In reply to Re: I've probably been too mysterious » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on May 13, 2005, at 16:43:46
I think I was shocked that there was such a thing. Well, maybe not in abstract, but definitely someplace I had been. No matter how disgusting I had found the place my thoughts hadn't sunk that far. I was shocked that something like that had come so close to innocent young me.
And a bit shocked that he told me. Perhaps a teensy bit shocked that he knew, though since my husband does too, I imagine it's not all that shocking.
But mostly just absolutely humiliated that I had been to such a place, and more than a bit embarassed that I had described what I saw as a management attempt to regulate what went on in there. (blush)
Posted by Tamar on May 13, 2005, at 18:46:11
In reply to Re: I've probably been too mysterious » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 17:54:26
> I think I was shocked that there was such a thing. Well, maybe not in abstract, but definitely someplace I had been. No matter how disgusting I had found the place my thoughts hadn't sunk that far. I was shocked that something like that had come so close to innocent young me.
>
> And a bit shocked that he told me. Perhaps a teensy bit shocked that he knew, though since my husband does too, I imagine it's not all that shocking.
>
> But mostly just absolutely humiliated that I had been to such a place, and more than a bit embarassed that I had described what I saw as a management attempt to regulate what went on in there. (blush)I asked my husband about it and he knew immediately what I was talking about. I guess it's a Y-chromosome thing. I would have thought the same as you.
My only comparable experience was going to a gay sex store with a friend and backing into (by accident) a big display of b*tt pl*gs. They all fell down, I ran from the store...
Posted by 10derHeart on May 13, 2005, at 20:52:46
In reply to Re: I've probably been too mysterious » Dinah, posted by Tamar on May 13, 2005, at 18:46:11
>>My only comparable experience was going to a gay sex store with a friend and backing into (by accident) a big display of b*tt pl*gs. They all fell down, I ran from the store...
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I had a good story about a sex store with a friend years ago, but compared to yours it's completely boring......oh, my sides hurt from laughing as I pictured those falling to the floor....sorry, Tamar, but you know I'm laughing *with* you (hope you're laughing...now anyway?) and at the excellent way you wrote that, not *at* you, of course.
...okay, I think I can breathe now...
PS - So glad you clarified by telling us you backed into them "by accident" because certain smart *ss posters such as myself would have (pardon the possible pun) jumped all over that one!
Posted by 10derHeart on May 13, 2005, at 21:02:48
In reply to Re: does every T bring up sex at some point? » Dinah, posted by Tamar on May 11, 2005, at 6:27:15
Wow, Tamar, I understood every single thing you wrote in this post so well, it's absolutely uncanny.
Especially about going home and writing the story down. And the asterisks. Wow.
Let's just say if anyone could get past the (very weak and simplistic, I'm sure) basic security safeguards on my laptop computer and read a certain long story....they could blackmail me to high heaven if they threatened to let former T. see it....I shudder just to think...
...oh dear, I'm scaring myself, I guess I need to delete that.
But I still re-read it sometimes. {massively blushing}
Posted by crushedout on May 13, 2005, at 22:13:35
In reply to Re: I've probably been too mysterious » Dinah, posted by Tamar on May 13, 2005, at 18:46:11
Tamar, you just made me laugh my *ss off, thank you. that's a hilarious image. i'm so cracking up right now. i could kiss you. :)
Posted by crushedout on May 13, 2005, at 22:17:41
In reply to Re: I've probably been too mysterious » Tamar, posted by 10derHeart on May 13, 2005, at 20:52:46
My favorite part is her running from the store. it's worthy of a woody allen movie or something. it's frickin' hysterical. such a good laugh.
Posted by 10derHeart on May 13, 2005, at 23:08:40
In reply to Re: I've probably been too mysterious » 10derHeart, posted by crushedout on May 13, 2005, at 22:17:41
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