![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
For those of you who have been listening to me whine about my struggles with my T. He's fed up, he wants to get rid of me, he has nothing but contempt for me, etc.
Well, I went in there and confronted him. I can't believe it. It's so unlike me. Everything inside me was telling me to flee and not go and then once I finally got there all of these voices were just saying shut up, shut up, shut up.
It started out with me just sort of narrowing my eyes at him.
He said, "You're looking serious today."
I got scared then of what I needed to say and tried to shrug it off.
"Any thoughts from our last session?"
"Umm. Yeah." Then I thought oh no. Why did I say that? Now I have to say something. What am I going to say? I can't do this.
I had my jean jacket on my lap and just kept buttoning and unbuttoning the top button and that distracted me enough to say "I think that you are fed up with me."
"Me? Fed up? No, not at all. Why do you say that?" Typical therapist rote response.
More panic on my part. Frantic buttoning and unbuttoning of jean jacket. "Because of some of the things you say."
"Like?"
Inner voices screaming in my ear at this point. "Shut up, shut up, shut up. Say never mind. Get out of there." But somehow through sheer effort of will, in what I am sure was this robot voice, I gave him the list of things he's said for the last few weeks that have made me miserable.
He said, "yeah you're right. I have been very hard on you lately. No doubt about that." I wished I could have seen his face when he said that but I couldn't bear to look up yet.
Then he went on about us being at a transition stage and he really wants to move us forward, etc. and that's why he's being hard. "What I can't forget though, what I have to honor, is the heroic effort it takes for you just to be here every week."
Then I did it. No whining, no pleading, no crying. Just a straight out. "So, don't be hard on me anymore. It doesn't work for sh**."
Then he laughed, but it wasn't a mean laugh. It was a "you're an okay kid," kind of laugh even though I am far from a kid. But that's how it made me feel.
Then the tension that has been dragging on for months eased. I think it was the first time we've laughed in months.
Later in the session, he even came up with some reasons why he thought I was right that being hard on me wasn't going to work.
At the end, he said that the other thing he had to watch out for, what his countertransference feelings were telling him was that I would be very happy just to let him babble away the whole session. "I could just ask and answer my own questions without a peep from you and you would go away very happy," he said. Then I laughed because that is very true.
So still not sure whether this is going to work or not, and I know that there are a lot more struggles if it does. But for today, I feel proud of myself.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 27, 2005, at 9:22:20
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
Cricket,
Oh, wow, that is fantastic! I have SO been there where you were. At those defining seconds, where you just push through the instincts and the voices, and your heart is in your throat (used to feel I would faint or be sick...) - and then - you just SAY IT!
And you did! Way to go, Cricket! That was so hard - you are awesome. I'll bet this will be a session you remember as a breakthrough. Doesn't mean it'll never get hard or weird again, but now you know you CAN do this....and nothing terrible will happen.
Feels good, doesn't it?
I'm so very happy for you. :-)
Posted by Dinah on April 27, 2005, at 9:33:55
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
That's wonderful Cricket. :)
It's amazing what we can find out if we just screw up our courage and ask. And the answers were pretty good I think. He took responsibility for what he was doing, and even acknowledged that it wasn't helping. That's the sort of thing my therapist does very well.
I think it bodes very well for the future.
And if things start getting icky again, now you know you can talk to him about it and the world won't end and he won't get mad and things might even get better.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 27, 2005, at 10:22:27
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
That took guts! Way to go!
Posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 10:45:24
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
Thanks to everyone for their support. This is a great place with a lot of wise and caring people.
Posted by sunny10 on April 27, 2005, at 11:06:52
In reply to Re: I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 10:45:24
Posted by B2chica on April 27, 2005, at 11:16:50
In reply to Re: I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 10:45:24
That's Wonderful Cricket!
maybe i could borrow some of that courage! you described your experience beautifully.
yay you!
b2c.
Posted by sunny10 on April 27, 2005, at 11:24:37
In reply to Re: I Did It! (long), posted by B2chica on April 27, 2005, at 11:16:50
Posted by fallsfall on April 27, 2005, at 12:10:30
In reply to Re: I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 10:45:24
Excellent, excellent, excellent.
That moment when you pushed through the fear and said what you needed to say... Awesome!
Posted by Tamar on April 27, 2005, at 12:36:21
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
Posted by pinkeye on April 27, 2005, at 12:47:30
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
Posted by happyflower on April 27, 2005, at 12:55:30
In reply to Good Job. I am glad. (nm) » cricket, posted by pinkeye on April 27, 2005, at 12:47:30
Give yourself a pat on the back!
Posted by Shortelise on April 27, 2005, at 12:55:36
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
That's just so wonderful Cricket! My heart warms for you.
ShortE
Posted by gardenergirl on April 27, 2005, at 13:18:06
In reply to Re: I Did It! » cricket, posted by Shortelise on April 27, 2005, at 12:55:36
That's so wonderful, good for you! I'm glad it went well and I'm glad you stuck with it.
You're inspiring. Happy dance for Cricket!
gg
Posted by thewrite1 on April 27, 2005, at 15:41:03
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
Posted by daisym on April 28, 2005, at 0:14:00
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
You have every reason to be proud of yourself. What you did was very, very hard. I made a promise to myself that I would always be as honest as I could force myself to be with my therapist. It is uncomfortable sometimes but that promise has led to some really great discussions.
Good Job Cricket!
p.s. I like your name.
Posted by cricket on April 28, 2005, at 8:29:58
In reply to I Did It! (long), posted by cricket on April 27, 2005, at 8:26:44
Thanks everyone.
As I was writing I was afraid that you all might think "What the heck! Did she think she made a solo flight across the Atlantic or something?"
But you guys really do understand.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.