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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Snakeadelic on April 17, 2005, at 0:26:27
Let me start by saying I would LOVE to go out and buy every decent helpful book I'm sure could be recommended for either myself or my partner. HOWEVER, since he's about to lose his job and I'm waiting (probably another 3 months) to find out about disability, if the local (tiny) library doesn't have it, we're outta luck on books.
My darlin', the light of my life, is looking at possibly a desperately ugly tripleheader diagnosis--panic disorder, agoraphobia, and dissociative disorder. So far, chemicals have not proven his friends. He has failed to respond to Lexapro, Seroquel, Abilify, Paxil, Neurontin, Strattera, and Wellbutrin. He responded VERY poorly to Effexor (and the three problems mentioned above all began while he was on Effexor and worsened when he was removed). The only medication helping at all right now is Xanax.
He recently had a massive episode of stress-induced dissociation that landed him first in an emergency room and then in a locked ward where, though he was signed in as a voluntary commit, he was refused release when he asked to go home. As a result he is EXTREMELY reluctant to invest any kind of trust in the local mental health care system.
I am not only his partner but his non-professional caregiver. He has not been assigned the need for a paid caregiver, but still--I've got 18 years of experience, including being licensed to do live-in fulltime care in 2 different states. I need to know if anyone can offer any suggestions other than "Buy this book", and not only for my partner to learn how to manage his panic attacks, decompensation, exponentially rising anxiety levels, and fear of being in public. I need the help too. I am deeply concerned with the idea of not only being an effective partner but a trustworthy and reliable caregiver.
As things stand I am offering every support I can, including having him sign releases of information (one of his major anxiety symptoms is severe stuttering, so I talk to health care personnel whenever possible). He and I work very very well together, but I cannot ride in with him to work in the morning to make sure we don't have a repeat of last week when he got off the vanpool van and did not make it the 30 feet to the front door of his office.
What suggestions can anyone offer about non-chemical ways to help control his anxiety, and any ways at all that I can support and assist him?
Posted by Dinah on April 17, 2005, at 10:39:20
In reply to Too broke for books :( BIG problems :(, posted by Snakeadelic on April 17, 2005, at 0:26:27
That's a big task you've taken on for yourself. It's hard to act as therapist to the people who are in our own lives. There are just too many layers to the relationship.
But if you want to help him help himself, see if your small library can do an interlibrary loan. I think there are people here who know how it works.
For him, I suggest "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" as a pretty good tool for self help.
That's just my experience of course. And perhaps it doesn't generalize to other couples or family members.
Posted by Snakeadelic on April 17, 2005, at 10:45:02
In reply to Interlibrary loan experts? » Snakeadelic, posted by Dinah on April 17, 2005, at 10:39:20
Well, with 18 years of volunteer and professional caregiving in my background, what seems like a big task turns out to be easier than expected on the day-to-day front :)
The small library doesn't do interlibrary loans; I checked on that and I'd have to find a way to get 30 miles either north or south to the nearest libraries that have that capability. I will, however, check for the book you mentioned at the library here in town. I wrote asking for help and I will explore ideas given in return!
Posted by Shortelise on April 17, 2005, at 11:03:40
In reply to Too broke for books :( BIG problems :(, posted by Snakeadelic on April 17, 2005, at 0:26:27
Posted by Dinah on April 17, 2005, at 11:10:22
In reply to Too broke for books :( BIG problems :(, posted by Snakeadelic on April 17, 2005, at 0:26:27
Aren't you afraid of the dynamics involved?
I'm not criticizing or anything, of course. If it works for you and your partner, then it works.
But at an open house at my son's school, my husband made a passing remark about his two children. Well, we only have one child. He meant me. It's not the best dynamic, at least in our house. :(
Posted by Snakeadelic on April 17, 2005, at 11:18:40
In reply to Re: Too broke for books :( BIG problems :( » Snakeadelic, posted by Dinah on April 17, 2005, at 11:10:22
> Aren't you afraid of the dynamics involved?
I had an epiphany a couple of years ago about my choices in partners. Then I picked a man I wouldn't have taken a second look at prior to that epiphany. I've been abused emotionally and physically in the past, shouted at, had my phobias used against me, the whole nine yards. In the last two years with the man who turned out to be everything I never knew I wanted, there has not so much been a harsh word. Our dynamic is regarded by friends and mental health professionals alike with a great deal of confusion and skepticism, but we do manage to have a mellow interaction that is entirely free of fear of each other. 'Tis a very strange thing, this peace and contentment ;)
>
> But at an open house at my son's school, my husband made a passing remark about his two children. Well, we only have one child. He meant me. It's not the best dynamic, at least in our house. :(My last husband once took me to a party and told me, in front of everyone, "I live with you. I see you all the time. I don't understand why I should pay attention to you in public." After that, while I hadn't exactly been the life of the party, NO ONE would talk to me. I nearly slapped my husband that day, and I surely would have slapped yours for the comment he made!
Posted by fallsfall on April 17, 2005, at 12:03:46
In reply to Re: Interlibrary loan experts?, posted by Snakeadelic on April 17, 2005, at 10:45:02
> The small library doesn't do interlibrary loans; I checked on that and I'd have to find a way to get 30 miles either north or south to the nearest libraries that have that capability. I will, however, check for the book you mentioned at the library here in town. I wrote asking for help and I will explore ideas given in return!
I work as a librarian in a small library (12,000 population, 30,000 books) and we do interlibrary loan. In my state there is a van that drives around the state each week picking up and dropping off books from one library to the next. Your state must have a lower population density than mine..? I like to think that librarians are a helpful crew in general, and that with a little creativity you could set up an arrangement that would work for you.
I have gone so far as to pick up a book from a university library 1200 miles away (where I happened to be going to visit my son), and sent it back in the mail (this book was for me, not one of my patrons...). I have also called around to 4 different libraries in my state on a Saturday morning looking for a particular book (on cancer, the patron was frantic!) and arranged for the patron to drive to that library and pick it up that day - she could return it to us and we sent it back on the van. That way she didn't have to wait the week to get the book.
Here are some possibilities:
1. If your local library does want to help, but there isn't a van, they might be able to do ILL through the mail. If we need a book that noone in the state has, then we get it from out of state through the mails. We don't like doing that as much because we don't have easy connections with the sending library, and it has to go through the mails (i.e. it costs us money - the van is paid for by the state, and we have to go to the post office to mail it). Your library might be willing to do ILL via the mails for you if you suggest it. If they are still hesitant, offer to pay the postage to send the item back (library book rate is really cheap...). Or even to walk to the post office to make the delivery? In other words if you are willing to help out a little, they might be able to help you out.
2. Call your state library and explain your dilemma. They might be willing to do ILL through the mail with you.
3. Babblemail me and let me know what state you are in and I'll try to find out if there is another way (click on my blue name above this post and you can send me a babblemail)
If you do set up a special arrangement, there are a couple of things you can do to make the librarians happy with you.
1. Check out the book a bit (i.e. on Amazon?) so that you aren't requesting books that you won't be using.
2. Understand that it might take a couple of weeks for a book to arrive.
3. Take good care of the books.
4. Return them early if you can, or at least never late (it is uncomfortable for one library to have an overdue book from another library...). Find out if the 'due date' they tell you is when it needs to be back to your local library, or back to the lending library. Factor in mail time.
5. Let the librarians know how much you appreciate their efforts for you.
Let me know what you find! I think ILL is a wonderful thing.
This is the end of the thread.
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