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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 7 to 31 of 31. Go back in thread:
Posted by Poet on March 5, 2005, at 12:26:49
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town!, posted by Dinah on March 5, 2005, at 8:39:32
I'm a lousy therapy client, but I'll try hard to be a substitute therapist.
My T never seems to go anywhere, I think she needs a vacation. From me, for sure.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2005, at 13:18:33
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town!, posted by Poet on March 5, 2005, at 12:26:49
It's not vacation. He takes a few of those a year. Generally short ones. I figure he's overdue for a long one. :((
He's on one of his work things. Sigh.
Thank heavens for Babble.
Posted by Aphrodite on March 5, 2005, at 14:41:33
In reply to Hey! My therapist's going out of town!, posted by Dinah on March 4, 2005, at 21:20:27
This is terribly bad timing. I hate that so much for you.
Be good to yourself while he is gone and use the therapy money for something absolutely, 100% for YOU!
I know what you mean about just needing to know he would be reachable by phone making it unecessary to actually do so. Can he make you a new relaxation tape to listen to while he's gone? Something you've not heard before so you can hear something new from him while he's gone?
Posted by Rigby on March 5, 2005, at 19:51:55
In reply to Hey! My therapist's going out of town!, posted by Dinah on March 4, 2005, at 21:20:27
Hi Dinah,
It's got to be difficult--especially I think when we are feeling really involved in our therapy. And also seeing him as frequently as you have been for a few months not seeing him at all for several days could feel (at least for me) pretty lonely/silent/quiet.
A couple of other practical suggestions I had were: 1. get a massage--it might cost about the same (my therapy is equivalent to a 90 minute massage), 2. Or related--maybe a facial or spa type of deal (here we have mud baths and hot springs!), 3. Yoga if you're into it--it can calm the psyche down big-time, 4. Acupuncture or chiropractic for aches/pains--something alternative for your health, 5. if you cook, maybe tackle a new recipe.
Note: As I read this over my suggestions sound like a Cosmo list, "5 Things To Do When Your Man Is Away." Oh well, maybe one will strike the right chord!
Rigby
> It just really sunk in.
>
> No big deal. Shouldn't be a big deal. Only four days, Mon-Thurs.
>
> But....
>
> I've been seeing him three-five times a week for over two months.
>
> But....
>
> He's not going to be reachable by telephone. Not even if I really really need him. He wants to be. He's sorry he's leaving. He thinks it's a bad time to leave for my therapy.
>
> I'm being stupid. But I'm anxious.
>
> It's only four stupid days.
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2005, at 21:03:47
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town! » Dinah, posted by Rigby on March 5, 2005, at 19:51:55
I wish I had time. But I'm sooo far behind. I'm definitely going to go into superwork load, and likely won't notice he's missing and wonder what on earth I do when I see him. That's what often happens. The anticipatory anxiety is usually worse than the actual. Especially on what really is a short trip. It really is. It really is.
And he wonders why I question my dependence at those times he's going away. The idiot thinks I'm trying to punish him or something, when the reality is that I just feel so vulnerable. Well, I shouldn't call him an idiot, when I questioned him about it he did understand.
Posted by annierose on March 6, 2005, at 8:13:20
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town!, posted by Dinah on March 5, 2005, at 21:03:47
Dinah -
I agree that anticipating a break from therapy can usually make me more anxious than the actual vacation (or whatever the reason for the seperation). I like what someone wrote in this thread about psychological time vs. real time too. It struck true for me. My T goes on vacation for about one week every other month. And when you throw in my business trips and my family vacations, it's just about missing therapy one week a month. I think April will be the first month that we are both in town since October '04. Sigh, sniff, sob. So I'm getting use to the seperation. I tend to use that extra time to make dentist and hair appoitments, tackle not so fun projects in my house (like clean a closet out) etc. Hope you have a magical appoitment today, one of those bonding, "isn't he the best therapist in the world" appointments.
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2005, at 19:46:19
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town! » Dinah, posted by annierose on March 6, 2005, at 8:13:20
Sadly it wasn't. :( I made several tactical errors in the beginning of the session if my goal was to have a bonding session.
I made him self conscious about his technique.
I told him that I was open to more honesty from him (but maybe not today) and I forgot that... Hmmm... I think visually in therapy. Usually he's open and receptive with a solid core. He stays in his seat but makes me feel held emotionally because of the open receptiveness. When I give him permission to challenge me, he moves to a fencer's stance. He's no longer open and receptive and I no longer feel held.
I think if he could figure out how to challenge me gently, with humor, and in a laid back open and receptive posture, I'd be fine with it. But when he leans forward on the balls of his feet feeling alert I lose the feeling of being held and get frantic.
Shouldn't it be possible to challenge someone while also holding them?
Anyway... It became a productive session on my reluctance to be intrusive (IRL anyway). Sigh. And then it was over, and I didn't have a stomachful of good feelings to last me till Friday.
Posted by annierose on March 6, 2005, at 22:05:35
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town! » annierose, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2005, at 19:46:19
Bummer! I was hoping that you would have a keeper ... but we'll help you get through until Friday. Not sure if he can challenge you while emotionally holding you, I think it's possible, but it is a very thin rope to step on. Although ... hmmm ... as I'm thinking about it, my T has been challenging me more (getting me to dig deeper) and I feel closer to her when she gets it right, otherwise, I feel irritated. I hope the week can speed right by for you.
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2005, at 22:23:46
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town! » Dinah, posted by annierose on March 6, 2005, at 22:05:35
You know it's funny. Usually I save the closest thing I have to disciplinary talks with my son for when I'm either holding him, or he's right near me. I know I touch him a lot while I do it. And am there to hug him if he cries.
I think it's possible to hold someone and challenge them. I don't know if it's possible for my therapist, but I think it's possible in general.
Posted by 10derHeart on March 6, 2005, at 23:00:47
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town! » annierose, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2005, at 22:23:46
Dinah,
I like that anology to your son. Made a lot of sense to me. As far as therapists holding and challenging, that one is tougher for me to wrap my mind around. Seems the relationship can operate on several levels at once and change quickly in some sessions I've had, so that I'm left not quite knowing which was happening when.
I think your description of wishing he could use humor is getting close to the key, though. I find it's so powerful at conveying two messages simultaneously to another person, without either message being overpowering.
This has reminded me of something. About 2 years ago, former T. and I were talking about something surrounding the fact I'd been getting therapy for a little over a year. I think I was obsessing about the length of time or something. (This was a time when I saw him 1X a month for meds only and was doing therapy w/someone else.) He asked a question (gently) about whether or not I thought I wanted to get well. Being in extreme defensive-mode, and in the infancy stage of knowing him or understanding how he "worked," I snapped back, "Excuse me, but I don't consider myself to be sick, if you don't mind." I was instantly looking quite hurt and upset, I'm sure. After thinking for a moment, he looked at me very kindly (like being "held"), and said with just the right amount of light sarcasm, "Well, maybe if you've been coming in for over a year, you're sicker than you thought." This was the "challenge" aspect to me, for the stage I was in then. I remember he didn't "feel" like he'd pulled back any or adopted a fighting stance. Just like he was prodding me to see the truth while still holding empathy in the room.
That may not make sense, and is probably a simplistic example compared to what you meant. But the idea of using humor brought the memory back strongly.
Posted by annierose on March 7, 2005, at 6:50:51
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town! » annierose, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2005, at 22:23:46
Dinah -
Good point, and I find I do the same with my kids. It is a complicated relationship and operates on so many levels: mother, father, friend, therapist, etc. etc. But we love the work, it challenges our minds and our souls and gets me thinking ALL THE TIME. Now, time to get ready for work.
Annierose
Posted by Dinah on March 7, 2005, at 8:13:07
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town! » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on March 6, 2005, at 23:00:47
No, it makes a lot of sense. The use of gentle humor, coupled with maintaining the projection of that "feel" that many therapists are good at is the key.
I don't think I could go to a therapist who couldn't project that calm accepting open feeling. I told my therapist yesterday that I felt like it was rude of me to suck all that calm from him and take it greedily for myself. But he had me admit I wasn't taking it from him. He was projecting it and once it was out there it was free for the taking.
Posted by annierose on March 7, 2005, at 20:47:36
In reply to Re: Hey! My therapist's going out of town! » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on March 7, 2005, at 8:13:07
One down - three to go.
My T is calm too (must be part of the training, unless you went to the school of Dr. Phil, then it's ranting and raving). Anyway, sometimes when it's quiet and calm, I like to say nothing. And, after a moment she'll try ask what I'm thinking about etc. etc. Well, last week, I told her that sometimes I like just to be there with her. I told her it's like when a child is home sick and the mother doesn't need to say anything, just sit by the child's side, and that in and of itself is comforting. I could hear her smile (my eyes are closed). Do you ever feel like that?
Posted by Dinah on March 7, 2005, at 21:36:42
In reply to Re: How did today go? » Dinah, posted by annierose on March 7, 2005, at 20:47:36
Definitely. Sometimes when he asks me what I'd like to talk about, or what he can do, I tell him I just want to sit and Be, there in his office, where it's calm.
I think if it weren't for that, I could quit therapy. I really think I could. But he's grown to represent safety and calm peaceful harbors. I get something from him that I can't get anywhere else. I wish I could explain to him that that's the real reason I don't like it when he challenges me. Because he takes away the main thing I find vital about therapy. I'm going to talk to him and see if he thinks he can manage both. Maybe I can find videos of people being confrontative and holding emotionally at the same time.
As for me, I've been tearful since yesterday. Silly really when I just saw him last night. But he didn't fill me with what I need from him. :(
Then of course, it's been rainy today, bringing on a migraine.
But on the plus side, my brilliant husband suggested I google the lyrics to a song I heard years and years ago and never could find. And lo and behold, I found it, along with it's actual title, artist, and album. The wonders of modern technology. So I'm doing the happy dance about that.
One down, three to go.
Posted by Dinah on March 7, 2005, at 21:37:23
In reply to Re: How did today go? » Dinah, posted by annierose on March 7, 2005, at 20:47:36
It was very thoughtful of you.
Posted by annierose on March 7, 2005, at 22:33:52
In reply to Re: How did today go? » annierose, posted by Dinah on March 7, 2005, at 21:36:42
Once you find the music, you can download it and your son can probably burn a CD for you! I have my 11 year old burn CD's for me, I guess I need to learn.
Tomorrow is another day to get through and you will. Glad to know I'm not the only one that sometimes likes just being there in her company.
Annierose
Posted by alexandra_k on March 8, 2005, at 3:16:26
In reply to Re: How did today go? » Dinah, posted by annierose on March 7, 2005, at 22:33:52
Sorry I am so late to this thread...
How are you doing Dinah?
My thoughts are with you :-)
(((Dinah)))
Posted by annierose on March 9, 2005, at 16:07:01
In reply to Re: How did today go?, posted by alexandra_k on March 8, 2005, at 3:16:26
Thinking of you and hoping your job is keeping you distracted from the seperation from your T. I live in the Midwest, and it is so darn cold right now that I can't keep a single thought straight, besides, "get me out of here!!" Cabin fever has struck.
Posted by Dinah on March 9, 2005, at 17:19:58
In reply to Re: Almost Friday ... Dinah, posted by annierose on March 9, 2005, at 16:07:01
Work has been hard, I haven't been accomplishing as much as I hoped. And someone dumped a project on me that I just can't do. I even said so, but there it is anyway. So how do you take an undoable stack of work, getting done far more slowly than usual, and add more?
I'm not at my best.
Posted by annierose on March 9, 2005, at 17:23:20
In reply to Re: Thank heavens, posted by Dinah on March 9, 2005, at 17:19:58
Overwhelming, I know. I hate when life is so overwhelming that to focus on just one task seems impossible. Best you can do, is to chip away at the pile bit by bit. For me, it helps to set small goals during those times, and make a list. I love it when I can scratch off one item.
Posted by Annierose on March 11, 2005, at 14:28:40
In reply to Re: Thank heavens » Dinah, posted by annierose on March 9, 2005, at 17:23:20
Hope it was a good session for you!
Thinking of you - Annierose
Posted by 10derHeart on March 11, 2005, at 15:52:48
In reply to Re: You made it Dinah!!, posted by Annierose on March 11, 2005, at 14:28:40
Yeah, I was thinking of you today, too. Must feel good to have the world (okay - part of it anyway) "right" again. Just seeing your name these past days reminded me of your struggle with your T's absence. But come today, I'll admit it was my own stuff reminding me. Guess I'm somehow jealous. :-(
My current T. is great and has even brought up calling or emailing whenever I'm so stressed I feel I just can't wait until next session. He says a crisis is not necessary for that. Says he wants to hear from me. Sounds lovely...but, I likely won't do it. You know the "whys" of that - the discussion has taken place at great length here, hasn't it?
But the thing is, as I continue my (micro)baby- steps detaching fully from old T. (via email), stuff happens. Like today, I'm wanting to hear from him and haven't. Last week he revealed he was "having stress", but not to worry. Hah! Why do these T's say such ridiculous things?
So, I gave him space, even though he explicitly told me it wasn't necessary. For 8 days - which is a record for me. He has reliable habits, so normally he'd have answered me by now. So the mind races with thoughts of what horrible thing "stress" really meant. Old T. is so private and firm w/boundaries, that telling me he's stressed is comparable to someone spilling their guts about a serious personal/professional problem. And the man slipped last summer and mentioned a specific medical issue he has to consider, which could become serious. That's always in the back of my mind. Of course, he could have just taken the day off. I'm hoping that's the deal.
So, I sit, happy for you it's Friday, and frustrated for me that my Friday has not yet produced the result (i.e. email from old T) I NEED. I'm sounding awfully pathetic. Sorry, Dinah, for whining all over your thread here.
I do sincerely hope you and your T. reconnected nicely.
Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2005, at 8:25:32
In reply to Re: You made it Dinah!!, posted by Annierose on March 11, 2005, at 14:28:40
But it was a lousy session. See below.
Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2005, at 8:26:37
In reply to Re: You made it Dinah!!, posted by 10derHeart on March 11, 2005, at 15:52:48
I think that is so terrific of your therapist. I don't think mine would do that.
I hope you've heard from him by now!
Posted by gardenergirl on March 12, 2005, at 18:51:20
In reply to Re: You made it Dinah!! » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on March 12, 2005, at 8:26:37
This is the end of the thread.
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