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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 13:55:25
I can't get anything together, I can't think I can't eat I can't do what I have to do i have to make a cake tomorrow i'm having friends over for a birthday i'm not ready i cn't think i can't make this cake i have to shop i just don't want to do anything i just want to die oh god why can't this all be over? I can't find a job i'm not looking nobody i've applied with calls me back whats the matter with me oh god i'm losing it i love my kids but i'm estranged from everybody, everybody and most of all from me. oh god where are you
Posted by partlycloudy on February 17, 2005, at 14:30:07
In reply to Completely Ungrounded, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 13:55:25
How about going to the grocery store and have their bakery do the work for you?
Nothing is worse than knowing all the things that you're "supposed" to do and not being able to do them.
I have only just recently been able to go to the grocery store and cook something in the same day. It was just too overwhelming.
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 14:34:00
In reply to Completely Ungrounded, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 13:55:25
What I had and lost overwhelms me, it's too much, i don't know how anybody is supposed to handle this. it's so beautiful outside and i can't see any of it, none of it touches me
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 14:42:00
In reply to (((Susan))), posted by partlycloudy on February 17, 2005, at 14:30:07
Oh thank you thank you for your advice it's good i want to make tira mi su, i love that but i just can't seem to get out. i cleaned my carpets today and i was putting the stuff the machine in the car to go when i was suddenly overwhelmed by tears, then i realized i have to go have a toke to calm down and feel okay, but i don't want to be doing that, the drug makes my thinking even more scattered but it does make me happier so by the time i got up to my apartment I had to crouch down in the stairwell to breathe i was so panicked, i was sobbing i couldn't control myself i was hoping nobody would come and see me like that. then i got in and i was having trouble breathing and i was scared and overwhelmed so i did the only thing i knew would help, i phoned and talked to the answering machine, it gave me like a whole minute or something and i was trying to calm down it just helped to be able to talk to something that wouldn't judge me. Then I phoned my ex- and he helped calm me down some more.
I hate it when this happens to me. It's never happened before last year and I thought it was gone but ... i wish I were a happier person. more in control of things. i think about all the things i have to do that i haven't done and i just lose it, i lost it, i want to be outside playing but i dont' want to go outside. i can't make any decisions, i need that toke and i can't find my papers to roll one which makes me even more panicked. This started years ago, when i was living with Steve my ex-. I just couldn't get it together and it's back, it's back again. I'm not in control when i need to be.
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 14:42:54
In reply to (((Susan))), posted by partlycloudy on February 17, 2005, at 14:30:07
And you're going on a holiday. I wish I'd never read that thread. I think I need to go away from everything and everybody. I'm no good for anybody.
Posted by sunny10 on February 17, 2005, at 15:07:19
In reply to Re: (((Susan))) » partlycloudy, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 14:42:00
I wish I could help you make that tiramasu,hon.
I'm really glad that you called your ex for support.
Can you try a 3, if not a 10, today?
I can..
1) Susan cleaned the carpets today
2) Susan realized that she could do something that might give her momentary happiness, but would make her feel even more scattered and made a conscious decision to not make the situation worse for herself.
3) she may not "feel" the beautiful day, but she at least noticed it.
4) Susan called the voice mail today, but when she achieved no sense of satisfaction, she reached out to a living, breathing person who did listen and help as much as he could.
..... do you have some more that I missed that you want to add???I'm sending telepathic hugs and kisses, can you feel them??
(((((((((((MMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH)))))))
-sunny10
Posted by partlycloudy on February 17, 2005, at 15:19:31
In reply to Re: (((Susan))) » partlycloudy, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 14:42:54
My husband is already worried that I won't be pulled together enough to enjoy our trip in September. Last year we went to England and I was UNHINGED. Panic attacks in the London Underground, sobbing in the car while driving lost, very very bad... what am I supposed to say? Well, if I have enough drugs with me, I'll be OK? I wish I could promise but I can't even do that. We did go to the west coast in December and I handled that pretty well.
It's that feeling like you're not ever going to be well again. That's what terrorizes me.
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:13:06
In reply to Re: (((Susan))), posted by sunny10 on February 17, 2005, at 15:07:19
Okay, the last one was so beautiful, about the person who helped me as much as he could because that's my ex- and he's a good person, I chose a very good person. Sometimes when I'm feeling really blue the thought that we've been connected and at least I have that, I have that much family, these three people and I all matter to each other, makes me really feel satisfied.
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:16:33
In reply to My travels » Susan47, posted by partlycloudy on February 17, 2005, at 15:19:31
I remember you going through that, now. I remember feeling so sad and so sorry for you. And your description of the countryside, or maybe it was my imagination (Have you ever seen "Keeping Up Appearances"? it's hilarious) anyway I could see it all and it was great except for the panic.
I'm sorry, I think I was maybe being manipulative because I was feeling jealous I would love to be in your shoes for the trips, but I know you've gone through hell and you really deserve to have a good time. You will, PC, this year your trip will be fabulous. You'll have to tell us all about it when you get back, maybe you could Babble to us from over there, that would be cool, maybe take a laptop and keep us updated in a travelling diary thread. OH what a great idea, can you do that, because I'm thinking it might help with your anxiety.
Posted by partlycloudy on February 17, 2005, at 16:32:08
In reply to Re: My travels » partlycloudy, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:16:33
I bet I could because we are staying in name-brand hotels (thank heavens for those airmile transfers), and I can't imagine my husband without his laptop too.
I like that strategy...
Posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 9:44:59
In reply to Re: My travels » Susan47, posted by partlycloudy on February 17, 2005, at 16:32:08
that's a great idea !
This is the end of the thread.
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