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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 20, 2005, at 14:27:50
Just had a rare, bad session. Felt rushed through and then rushed out because he had to go get lunch in the cafeteria.
Last week was my first session back after a month off due to Christmas break and New Year's, etc. It was great. I was so happy to see him again and I think he was happy to see me. We laughed a lot and I flirted with him a little. Ah, good times! HE prescribed a book for me to read "The Denial of Death" in order to begin attacking what I want to attack this year - my fear of doctors and death. He even told me to call him if I needed (the first time he's EVER done that!)
So I read the book, marked it up, even brought in something I wrote a few years ago about my fear of being forgotten. Well, we spent not much time on the book and he gave me a weak smile when I showed him what I wrote.
As some of you who have been to the health site know, I am a "recovering" hypochondriac who has a fear of doctors. I haven't had an OBGYN checkup in over 10 years. This is what he and I are now working on. GEtting me to the doctor.
So we worked on rational thoughts about this and he gave me exercises to do and he told me he was very alarmed FOR me. We had been on an every other week schedule and now we are back to every week as he says this is a serious issue and he is very "concerned" for me.
So I was anxious the whole session. I realize these are the times when I am probably doing my best "work," but it just sucked. He even rode the elevator down with me so he could go to the cafeteria and I couldn't WAIT to get out! IN the past I have fantasized about being stuck in that very same elevator with him. Ha! No more!
Anyway, there's no point to this, just want to vent. I guess it can't all be teddy bears and candy hearts. I wish I weren't so invested in our relationship. I hate how lopsided it is.
Posted by mair on January 20, 2005, at 15:23:14
In reply to Bad session, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 20, 2005, at 14:27:50
...to retreat to after these awful sessions, although I don't drink coffee so there's not much for me to like at Starbucks. Sometimes I have this really strong reaction when I leave a session like "she must think I'm an idiot," or "I can't believe I said that." I sort of want to crawl under a rock and never go back there or even ever see my T again.
My best work doesn't happen in those sessions, but frequently happens in the ones after a bad session. It's the post-mortem processing that is probably most valuable, if draining. My bad session was a couple of days ago. Today's wasn't bad, just very hard and draining. It morphed into a session and a half, and now I'm just counting the hours until I can go to bed.
I hope the next one is better. What do you think will happen next time? Will you talk about why this one was so uncomfortable, or will you just forge forward?
Mair
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 17:32:29
In reply to Bad session, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 20, 2005, at 14:27:50
I am so sorry this upset you..I know what it's like to be afraid of doctors I have that fear even though I have worked for them for years..I think I wrote a lot of that and my old hypochondria on the health boards...but I won't go over all that again I just wanted to say maybe because it was hard work youre feeling unsettled....I just wanted to support you I know the doc fear far too well...I lost my whole family and spent way too many days and nights in hospitals and seeing doc...HUGS
> Just had a rare, bad session. Felt rushed through and then rushed out because he had to go get lunch in the cafeteria.
>
> Last week was my first session back after a month off due to Christmas break and New Year's, etc. It was great. I was so happy to see him again and I think he was happy to see me. We laughed a lot and I flirted with him a little. Ah, good times! HE prescribed a book for me to read "The Denial of Death" in order to begin attacking what I want to attack this year - my fear of doctors and death. He even told me to call him if I needed (the first time he's EVER done that!)
>
> So I read the book, marked it up, even brought in something I wrote a few years ago about my fear of being forgotten. Well, we spent not much time on the book and he gave me a weak smile when I showed him what I wrote.
>
> As some of you who have been to the health site know, I am a "recovering" hypochondriac who has a fear of doctors. I haven't had an OBGYN checkup in over 10 years. This is what he and I are now working on. GEtting me to the doctor.
>
> So we worked on rational thoughts about this and he gave me exercises to do and he told me he was very alarmed FOR me. We had been on an every other week schedule and now we are back to every week as he says this is a serious issue and he is very "concerned" for me.
>
> So I was anxious the whole session. I realize these are the times when I am probably doing my best "work," but it just sucked. He even rode the elevator down with me so he could go to the cafeteria and I couldn't WAIT to get out! IN the past I have fantasized about being stuck in that very same elevator with him. Ha! No more!
>
> Anyway, there's no point to this, just want to vent. I guess it can't all be teddy bears and candy hearts. I wish I weren't so invested in our relationship. I hate how lopsided it is.
Posted by daisym on January 20, 2005, at 19:20:35
In reply to Re: Bad session » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 17:32:29
Hate those too! Do you think it was the subject matter or did he seem rushed and preoccupied with hunger? It is hard to move away from those trust building (or rebuilding) sessions into the hard work at hand. But it sounds like you stayed with it...good for you!
He said some caring things during the session, hang on to those. You only have to wait one week to go back. Do you have a plan for the anxiety?
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 21, 2005, at 8:32:40
In reply to Bad session, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 20, 2005, at 14:27:50
I was so afraid to get to work this morning and find no comments on this thread. Sympathy is a wonderful thing!
I won't bring up my view of the session next week. They are so rare, and he is only human. I really think it was due to hunger, but please. Don't wait until 3 pm to decide to eat! Bring a granola bar or something to eat between clients if you have to!
And he did say some very caring things. I just freak out however when people say they are worried about me or concerned, I have no idea why. Because then I begin to worry even more since I know others are worrying about me, it MUST be serious, right? I'm also taking into account any countertransference he may have. Perhaps he had a family member die or the like because she didn't see a doctor on time or didn't take care of herself. He is taking this VERY seriously, much more seriously it seems than all of last year when my father pretty much divorced me. So I'm thinking he has his own issues with this fear of mine.
So we're "desensitizing" me now to the doctor's. I'm supposed to now only refer to them as "physicians" (which, oddly enough, helps somewhat), and this week I am supposed to walk by the physician's office several times. Then when I'm doing my relaxation exercises, AFTER I'm relaxed, I am supposed to think about a "script" inside the physician's office.
Anyway, thanks all for responsinding, I really needed a little support :)
Posted by thewrite1 on January 21, 2005, at 13:43:35
In reply to Bad session, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 20, 2005, at 14:27:50
Oh, I feel your pain. I skipped going to the OBGYN for about six years. I was terrified that something would be wrong with me and I just went at it as the "no news is good news" approach. I finally got really sick and HAD to go. I told the doc right off the bat that I had a fear of doctors. "That's okay," he said, "I have a fear of dentists." I think he approached me completely different knowing that. He saw how long it had been since my last exam and gently explained that most of things that could be wrong OBGYN-wise are almost always treatable if found early. I've since had a baby and been back numorous times. For me, it was getting through that initial exam to see that I was fine. I think that doc was helpful, too. He was very gentle and caring.
I don't know if any of that will help. Mostly I just wanted you to know I know how you feel. I spent many nights searching the internet to figure out what was wrong with me. I refuse to do that now.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 21, 2005, at 14:44:16
In reply to Re: Bad session » Miss Honeychurch, posted by thewrite1 on January 21, 2005, at 13:43:35
Ah, the tyranny of the internet!!! Searching websites about my nonexistant MS basically lead me to a nervous breakdown a couple years ago. I now have BANNED myself from health sites. I would get so wrapped up in looking up symptoms, etc., I would be on the internet for 6 hours a day.
I think I will be honest and just let the doc know up front about my anxiety. I think what I fear most is the disapproving look or comment about how irresponsible it was of me not to get checked out like I should.
Posted by thewrite1 on January 21, 2005, at 20:23:23
In reply to Re: Bad session » thewrite1, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 21, 2005, at 14:44:16
I think that's a great way to approach it. If your doc isn't receptive, find another one. I'm always at least lurking, too, if you need support. It was hard going back that first time, but I'm much more comfortable with it now. Good luck!
Posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 1:32:59
In reply to Bad session, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 20, 2005, at 14:27:50
>I wish I weren't so invested in our relationship. I hate how lopsided it is.
If I felt that way I'd be thinking about investing somewhere else.
jpj
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 22, 2005, at 15:46:46
In reply to Re: Bad session - ICK » Miss Honeychurch, posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 1:32:59
jpj,
I suppose by "invested" I feel that I allow myself to feel lousy for the rest of the day if our 50 minutes was not truly satisfying. However, I doubt he goes home feeling lousy if he feels we had a less than satisfying session. I am very much invested in this relationship for the sake of my mental health. He is invested in the relationship because it is his job, and, I assume, he likes to help others. But I don't think we are both invested in the same way.
And by "lopsided" I am sometimes frustrated by the nature of the therapeutic relationship. He has a couple dozen people he sees every week. He has MANY clients. He is my ONLY therapist. So I believe I spend a lot more time thinking about him and what we do in therapy than he does thinking about me. This seems childish to me, the way I sometimes react.
I believe our relationship is strong and healthy. However, just by the nature of what he does, I think it is inevitable that it is lopsided.
But your statement really made me think and I thank you!
This is the end of the thread.
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