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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 23:15:45
I am incorrigible. This is letter #63 to the old T. This one is REALLY good. I think I really ought to send this one.It's so good, in fact, that I even think I wouldn't be embarassed to read it to T2 before I send it. Which seems like the prudent course of action in any event. We'll see what tune I'm singing tomorrow.
(God I am capricious. It's exhausting. Thank you all for putting up with me. Well, for those of you that do.)
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 6:53:48
In reply to I wrote her another freakin' letter, posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 23:15:45
I think it would be a good thing to read it with T2. And I wouldn't worry too much about writing so many. I often work things out in my head that way. Well, I mainly write imaginary letters.
Posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 7:06:27
In reply to Re: I wrote her another freakin' letter » crushedout, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 6:53:48
I woke up this morning thinking this letter is ridiculous and it occurs to me that I could be bipolar II or something. I was pretty manic yesterday. I tried to convince my new pdoc of this but he didn't buy it.I don't think I'll send the letter.
Posted by fallsfall on January 21, 2005, at 7:26:37
In reply to Am I bipolar?, posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 7:06:27
Perhaps you can look at the letters you have written and figure out what you are trying to "get". You are looking for something from your old therapist. What exactly are you looking for? Knowing that could help you figure out how to move past this. If you think this idea has merit, you might consider reading ALL of your letters to your current therapist so that she can HELP you figure out what you are looking for.
Going back and forth with things like this isn't necessarily bipolar. But if you think you get truly manic, then you should talk about that...
Posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 9:25:49
In reply to Am I bipolar?, posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 7:06:27
I'm not bipolar, but I also do things like write and rewrite letters to people who have hurt me. Writing and rewriting, getting the words just right. I don't send the letters though. At the time, it feels therapeutic. But I store the letters in a box or fold them into my journal. When I reread them much letter, I'm suprised by the intensity of my emotions and am usually glad I didn't send them.
I was in a somewhat similar sitch to yours. Not exactly, but I have alluded to it before, about ending the therapy part of pdoc visits because of transference issues and his casual boundary style accidentally contributing to it. I don't want to write much more because writing about it can trigger me into ruminating about it and blah bla ruminating.
One thing that helped me a lot was reading a chapter in that book, "When to Say Goodbye to Your Therapist". I made a special trip to a library that had it and xeroxed the chapter. I am not sure the book is still in print...But I did the double double quotes so let's see if it comes up when I post this...
Posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 9:29:14
In reply to Re: Am I bipolar?, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 9:25:49
I know you already said goodbye to your T, but the book could still just make you feel more settled about your decision. From what I recall, you had good reasons. There is a chapter in there about loving your therapist and how that can keep you from real life relationships if the T just lets it go on and acts in an emotionally seductive way (which can have nothing to do with traditional flirting). I don't have it here with me. I can check when I'm at home.
Posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 10:14:49
In reply to Re: Am I bipolar?, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2005, at 9:25:49
Thanks, Joslynn. That looks like a worthwhile book to read (and it's available for 50 cents!).It's not the fact that I write and rewrite her letters that makes me think I'm bipolar. What worried me was how thrilled I was with the letter last night before I went to bed, and how dumb I thought it was this morning when I woke up. Makes me worry that yesterday I was semi-manic and it was making me much too excited and impulsive. Luckily, I didn't do anything I have to regret (like send her an email or something) but I can easily see how in that state of mind I could do something like that.
My guess is the letter is actually pretty good, and my feelings today are unrealistically negative. I.e., I'm on the depressed side of bipolar. I realize that if I *am* bipolar, it's a very mild version.
Posted by judy1 on January 21, 2005, at 13:56:49
In reply to Am I bipolar?, posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 7:06:27
well, I am bipolar- and believe me what you are going through is not a manic or even hypomanic episode. mood swings are part of the human condition- everyone has them. personally, I think fallsfall gave you great advice. as someone who has gone through a bunch of therps- and was terminated by two of them-what you are feeling now is absolutely normal. what can seem like a great idea the night before is often revealed to be folly the next day. I guess that's why the saying is to 'sleep on it'. (and BTW, if you are sleeping less than 3 hours a night and feeling great, that IS one of the symptoms of a hypomanic/manic episode- I've gone several days without sleep, felt wonderful- and turned out hospitalized and psychotic- but I'm drifting away from my point). and that is, I think it's really healthy to write your thoughts out and if you're comfortable to share them with your present therp.
take care, judy
Posted by crushedout on January 22, 2005, at 21:46:48
In reply to Re: Am I bipolar? » crushedout, posted by judy1 on January 21, 2005, at 13:56:49
thanks, judy. i was really hoping to hear from you on this.
i guess i know i'm not *really* bipolar but isn't there some newfangled bipolar II diagnosis that's much more mild? i keep thinking i might have that. but i could be totally wrong. i might just be depressed and sometimes i have energy and feel happy and act like a normal person. that doesn't make me bipolar.
btw, what's the difference b/w manic and hypomanic?
thanks again,
crushed
p.s. i've never gone on three hours sleep for days and felt great, but the day i felt sort of manic, i'd only had about 6 hours, and i'm very big on sleeping a lot so that's incredibly little for me. and i had TONS more energy than i usually do. so it was weird.
> well, I am bipolar- and believe me what you are going through is not a manic or even hypomanic episode. mood swings are part of the human condition- everyone has them. personally, I think fallsfall gave you great advice. as someone who has gone through a bunch of therps- and was terminated by two of them-what you are feeling now is absolutely normal. what can seem like a great idea the night before is often revealed to be folly the next day. I guess that's why the saying is to 'sleep on it'. (and BTW, if you are sleeping less than 3 hours a night and feeling great, that IS one of the symptoms of a hypomanic/manic episode- I've gone several days without sleep, felt wonderful- and turned out hospitalized and psychotic- but I'm drifting away from my point). and that is, I think it's really healthy to write your thoughts out and if you're comfortable to share them with your present therp.
> take care, judy
Posted by judy1 on January 26, 2005, at 12:31:13
In reply to Re: Am I bipolar? » judy1, posted by crushedout on January 22, 2005, at 21:46:48
well there's a cyclothymic disorder which involves periods of hypomania alternating with depression- neither of which is severe enough to warrant a bipolar 1 or 2 diagnosis. there are also ultra-rapid cyclers that can have symptoms for a day, even hours. sometimes a mood stabilizer helps (the big 3- lithium, depakote, tegretol and the new ones), but they have side effects and if the mood swings aren't interfering with your life then it probably isn't worth it.
hypomania is a persistent, elevated or irritable mood lasting at least 4 days (with symptoms like increased grandiosity, psychomotor agitation and decreased need for sleep, pressure of talking, etc.) and mania is a more sevre form that lasts at least one week or until hospitalized. Usually psychosis is involved, thinking you are God, no sleep, sexual indiscretions, spending, etc), and believe me it is really obvious to other people.
I really don't like labels, but some people feel better having one. enjoy your happy times, and as long as you are not doing damage to your relationships or bank account- try not to worry.
take care, judy
This is the end of the thread.
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