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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mair on January 15, 2005, at 20:41:14
Or your pdoc for that matter. I'm just really curious.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 15, 2005, at 20:56:34
In reply to How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by mair on January 15, 2005, at 20:41:14
My T I had picked for me by a intake worker and my insurance...though I called the clinic as it is well known....and my short term PDOC I had picked for me when I was in a psychward overnight :)
> Or your pdoc for that matter. I'm just really curious.
Posted by messadivoce on January 15, 2005, at 22:01:11
In reply to How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by mair on January 15, 2005, at 20:41:14
I didn't. I called my university clinic and they said, "You'll be seeing so-and-so." So I went, met him, hated him, tolerated him, and then promptly fell in love. *sigh*
Posted by 10derheart on January 15, 2005, at 23:46:56
In reply to Re: How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by messadivoce on January 15, 2005, at 22:01:11
Oh no, Voce, it's happening again...
If I just inserted [military] for university in your post, (AND if I was brave/honest enough to face the *fell in love* part), our paths to finding these Ts were just the same. I thought my pdoc was arrogant, weird, infuriating and slightly crazy for over 1 1/2 years. The next thing I knew, he was the most wonderful friend/mother/surrogate-everything and I couldn't stop thinking of him, day and night. My, my, my.
Sorry Mair, that was old-T stuff. I chose new T b/c old T. recommended him and because he was warm on the phone (calling Ts brings on anxiety attacks-I HATE doing it) When we met, we didn't exactly click, but close enough. And I'm not attracted to him physically AT ALL - that was very important to me.
He treated me with great respect for my intelligence, prior therapy experience and still-tender feelings (losing old T). Respect is a powerful quality.
Posted by Shortelise on January 16, 2005, at 0:12:12
In reply to How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by mair on January 15, 2005, at 20:41:14
He was the only doc in the office I called who was taking new patients. A friend had been seeing a doc in the same clinic.
ShortE
Posted by fallsfall on January 16, 2005, at 10:43:01
In reply to How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by mair on January 15, 2005, at 20:41:14
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031213/msgs/290414.html
I wrote up summaries of each after I interviewed them. If you want, I would email you the summaries.
Posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 13:53:29
In reply to Re: How Did You Choose Your Therapist? » mair, posted by fallsfall on January 16, 2005, at 10:43:01
He was recommended by a friend, who is a retired therapist. Prior to meeting him, I interviewed two women, one who is my best friend's therapist (nope, besides she hugs) and one recommended by my son's therapist. I stuck with my therapist because I had rejected the other two pretty quickly and I was desperate for help, I was so suicidal. Seems like forever ago.
Posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 13:55:23
In reply to Re: How Did You Choose Your Therapist? » mair, posted by fallsfall on January 16, 2005, at 10:43:01
I may take you up on that some time, but now I'm not really in the market.
I'm just really impressed that some people pick their Ts so systematically and with certain goals in mind. I picked my first pdoc/t because he was the only one I knew. I wasn't comfortable asking around for names, and I wouldn't have known the right questions to ask anyway. I just sort of threw myself into his hands, although in retrospect, I'm not at all sure I wouldn't have fared better with someone else.
That same pdoc/t referred me to my current therapist after I told him I wanted to do a different kind of therapy than he offered. So he referred me to her for CBT and now I've been seeing her 2x a week for more intensive therapy for what seems like forever. I certainly didn't interview her or consider other choices, although I might have ended up with her anyway, even if he hadn't referred her. Years ago, my son was in therapy for a brief time when he was in fourth grade. His t was associated with a major teaching hospital and she left at the end of the school year to go to another university. My son was pretty much finished with therapy by then anyway, but his t gave me the name of my current t when she left, as someone to take my son to if I felt he needed it again. I tucked that name away on a piece of paper, and came across it when cleaning some box out years later, at around the same time that I was thinking I needed to find someone new.
I think if I had to find a new therapist now, I might be able to go through the process you followed. I just know so much more now about therapies and what works for me, and I'm more comfortable now talking about my illness and my mental health history. I still think it would be hard.
Mair
Posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 14:02:23
In reply to Re: How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 13:53:29
daisy, I was pretty desperate that first time also. When I finally screwed up the courage to call him (after consternating for many days) I found out he was in Europe for a few weeks. I left a message for him to call me when he got back and when he did call, he offered me an appointment which was several days off. I remember him asking me if I was ok, and I said sure, although, like you, I was dying inside, and felt like I couldn't wait another minute.
Did you know what you were looking for when you interviewed the 2 Ts you rejected?
Mair
Posted by littleone on January 16, 2005, at 14:49:10
In reply to How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by mair on January 15, 2005, at 20:41:14
I have a built in radar system that knows if someone is a good person or a bad person. It's rarely failed.
I hooked up with my first T through a referral from some mob and he came up as bad bad bad on my radar. I quit him after a while and later found out that he wasn't a very ethical T.
I scored my second T through a referral from my GP. He also came up sort of badly on my radar, but it was confusing for me. I wanted to claw his eyes out (which isn't a normal thing for me). I think there was a lot of negative transference there. I stuck with him for 9 months, but even after all that time, he didn't have a clue about me and I was getting nowhere. I tried to increase the frequency of my sessions, but he wouldn't let me. Also, he had only been a T for a year or two. I think I'm too tough a nut for him at this stage of his career.
So I went back to my GP for another referral to my current T. He instantly came up as a good person on my radar. Which is funny because he scared me to death at our first session. He is a real behaviouralist and was a like a drill sergent. Which would normally be enough to send someone running. I guess I was happy to find a good person on my radar.
I used to work at a company that gave financial advice to people. And part of my job was to save the advisers from bankruptcy so they could keep advising. It really tore me apart to have to be so hypocritcal. So a big thing for me when choosing a T was to find someone who had their own life together and successful relationships and whatnot.
Posted by Camille Dumont on January 16, 2005, at 16:06:39
In reply to How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by mair on January 15, 2005, at 20:41:14
I went on the website of the licensed psychologists association of my province, looked at the ones in my region, tried a few and stayed with the one that I liked best.
Posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 17:18:23
In reply to Re: How Did You Choose Your Therapist? » daisym, posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 14:02:23
I had no idea what I needed or wanted when I started out. I really wanted my son's therapist because I already knew him, he already knew I was falling apart and he already knew so much of our family stuff. But he was clear that he couldn't take me on as a client because of my son and in retrospect, he wouldn't have been a good fit for me. He was too young, he is very CBT oriented and our paths have crossed now professionally several times because he does work with kids. He actually referred me to his boss, a woman who started the practice that he had interned in and was now working for. When I first met her I thought, "here is a person who will understand the stress of running a business and not tell me to just take a bath." I liked her well enough the first meeting, she said she understood that I couldn't fall apart during sessions because I needed to go back to work after. She promised she'd keep me together. And she felt like she had a handle on living with someone with pain. In our second meeting, she told me that my husband needed therapy (no kidding) and that my problems were all related to me being unhappy in my marriage. Not exactly wrong, but not nearly the full picture either. She made some reference to my son's therapist manipulating "dad" into coming to sessions with "son". And she sat across the room, in a straight back chair, up against the wall taking notes the whole time. And she called out my body language continuously. I made a third appointment, cancelled it, rescheduled it and finally a month later kept it. I told her I was doing so much better (a lie) and she said great, but that there was a lot of work to do. I declined and she ended with, "I think I could help you stop being such a good little actress all the time." I smiled and said, "no thank you" and bolted. She probably had my number but she was so pushy and so abrasive I felt the need to protect myself from her constantly.
The other therapist had a sign in her office about Goddess stuff and she told me I was going to kill myself if I didn't stop working so hard. And she did this whole hand holding exercise thingy about intimacy. She did bring out some of my tears and she hugged me when she saw them. Wrong move! I never went back. But my best friend loves her so go figure...
So I guess by the time I met my therapist I knew that I didn't want 1) someone who wanted to touch me, 2) someone who felt free to criticize me 3) someone who would manipulate. I tried a guy because the women were such a failure. But now that I look at it, given the issues I have with my mom, I don't think I could have done this work with a woman. My therapist thinks I could have, but it would have taken a very long time. (Like it isn't now?) The other thing that happened is that he didn't have any forms, or papers or anything right away. He said, "tell me why you are here." And he let me talk. And at the end of the hour he said, "I think we can work together. Do you want to come back?" He was very nonthreatening, and I didn't know I needed that. So I didn't feel the need to immediately prove how together I was.
Wow, this is a really long answer to a short question. Sorry about that. I guess given the fact that I had my first pdoc appointment this week, I've been thinking about these initial meetings.
Posted by ghost on January 16, 2005, at 18:50:49
In reply to How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by mair on January 15, 2005, at 20:41:14
pdoc: recommended for me by the employee assistance program since i was new to the area. however, he'll be working out of town from now on so he gave me teh name of someone new.
T: current pdoc gave me a few names and i went to the person who returned my call first. kind of a pity since someone who sounded REALLY NICE called me back afterwards, apologizing because she didn't get back sooner. maybe i should've set up an appt with her, too, to compare. *sigh*
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2005, at 19:18:46
In reply to How Did You Choose Your Therapist?, posted by mair on January 15, 2005, at 20:41:14
I was in the market for a new pdoc after breaking off for good with the pdoc affiliated with my therapist's center. This one was recommended by, of all people, my mother. She got the name from a friend, and was under the misapprehension that he was anti-med. I will say he doesn't *push* any drugs. His blank slate approach was such a relief after the in the face style of the old pdoc that I decided to stay just because it was a nice rest. But he put me on mood stabilizers, which was a really good thing.
I had called off and on about therapists for anxiety for months. Cold calls to therapists listed in the phone book. Apparently they don't like unreferred clients because all of them were very uninviting. I went to a seminar given by my therapist, and even though I was incredibly disruptive to his presentation, when I went to talk to him during the break and told him I was looking for a therapist he was his normal calm receptive self and gave me a card. So I guess I went to him because he was the only one who gave me the idea he wanted to see me. Even though I thought his presentation was kind of psychobabble silly. I knew I couldn't see someone who gave out less than welcoming vibes.
Posted by fallsfall on January 16, 2005, at 20:40:53
In reply to Re: How Did You Choose Your Therapist? » fallsfall, posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 13:55:23
My first therapist was recommended by my GP. (And she recommended my Pdoc.)
When I went to see her for the first time, I had no idea what I wanted/needed. But she was actually a student in the ice skating class I was volunteering with - so I figured she had to be OK if she was learning to skate as an adult (She stopped taking lessons a couple of weeks later - not because of me)
Posted by Poet on January 16, 2005, at 23:43:30
In reply to Re: How Did You Choose Your Therapist? » mair, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 15, 2005, at 20:56:34
My therapist advertises in a natural foods store monthly magazine. She seemed a bit out there and since I am more than a bit out there, I thought she and I would be a good match. Since I barely talk to her, I'm not sure of that, but we do have common beliefs. I love being able to talk about pastlives without being made to feel like I should be in a straight jacket.
Pdoc was covered by my old and new insurance and since T was going to call 911 on me due to suicidal ideation, I went for him without looking further. If I ever get a fulltime job with insurance benefits (on my husgband's now) I would probably switch Pdocs. Or hopefully go back to having a family medicine MD do my meds. But both are a long, long, long way off. If they ever happen.
Poet
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