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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 6, 2004, at 19:40:21
In reply to transference questions, posted by fluffycat on December 6, 2004, at 13:27:26
Originally posted by fluffycat 12/6/04
> Hi,
>
> I'm a newbie here but this seemed like more of an appropriate forum for my questions.
>
> I've been seeing a psychiatrist for about 5-6 months now, and a therapist at the same place for about 1-2 months. I recently realized I have a big crush on my psychiatrist. The thing is, from the little I understand about transference I don't talk to him like I would my therapist...he's not my counselor except as far as meds go. But he seems really caring and nice (and intelligent...and funny). So...is this transference? What exactly is transference anyway and how is it supposed to help me in this situation? And finally, is this something I should mention to my therapist? It gets a little painful at times because there are several things I really like about him, but maybe it will just go away in time and I shouldn't 'rock the boat', so to speak. Thanks in advance for any advice.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 6, 2004, at 23:17:45
In reply to Re: transference questions » fluffycat, posted by Dinah on December 6, 2004, at 19:40:21
Hi Fluffycat and welcome to the site. I think it would depend on if you really want to explore this issue with your T..You can ask he not tell your PDOC as in off the record. It may help you and you know a lot of people may not agree with me but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and you may just be attracted to the guys looks or his personality and would have been had you met him any other way. IF you talk to your T about it you may want to think ahead about what you find draws you to your PDOC like you said there are several things...these things IF this is transferance all say something about unresolved or unmet needs you have had and or have from others in your life often parents but not aways...I hope this helps some...and best of luck please let us know how it went ok?
> Originally posted by fluffycat 12/6/04
>
> > Hi,
> >
> > I'm a newbie here but this seemed like more of an appropriate forum for my questions.
> >
> > I've been seeing a psychiatrist for about 5-6 months now, and a therapist at the same place for about 1-2 months. I recently realized I have a big crush on my psychiatrist. The thing is, from the little I understand about transference I don't talk to him like I would my therapist...he's not my counselor except as far as meds go. But he seems really caring and nice (and intelligent...and funny). So...is this transference? What exactly is transference anyway and how is it supposed to help me in this situation? And finally, is this something I should mention to my therapist? It gets a little painful at times because there are several things I really like about him, but maybe it will just go away in time and I shouldn't 'rock the boat', so to speak. Thanks in advance for any advice.
>
>
Posted by fluffycat on December 6, 2004, at 23:47:32
In reply to Re: transference questions » Dinah, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 6, 2004, at 23:17:45
Thanks for the response. I think the unmet needs thing is so on target it rather affected me a lot to realize it. I don't have many people in my life right now and I'm so lonely for company, especially someone with those qualities I appreciate but don't seem to come across often enough (or at all). I'm also in an uncomfortable living situation half the time which doesn't help.
As far as therapy goes, part of me feels like I just don't get it. I don't yet see how going thru a book (on cognitive therapy) will help me change habits I've had my entire life. I know I need to give it a chance but just haven't felt like doing so yet. Other things keep cropping up, it seems.
Oh well, I hope this is ok to bring up these things on this board.
> Hi Fluffycat and welcome to the site. I think it would depend on if you really want to explore this issue with your T..You can ask he not tell your PDOC as in off the record. It may help you and you know a lot of people may not agree with me but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and you may just be attracted to the guys looks or his personality and would have been had you met him any other way. IF you talk to your T about it you may want to think ahead about what you find draws you to your PDOC like you said there are several things...these things IF this is transferance all say something about unresolved or unmet needs you have had and or have from others in your life often parents but not aways...I hope this helps some...and best of luck please let us know how it went ok?
>
>
> > Originally posted by fluffycat 12/6/04
> >
> > > Hi,
> > >
> > > I'm a newbie here but this seemed like more of an appropriate forum for my questions.
> > >
> > > I've been seeing a psychiatrist for about 5-6 months now, and a therapist at the same place for about 1-2 months. I recently realized I have a big crush on my psychiatrist. The thing is, from the little I understand about transference I don't talk to him like I would my therapist...he's not my counselor except as far as meds go. But he seems really caring and nice (and intelligent...and funny). So...is this transference? What exactly is transference anyway and how is it supposed to help me in this situation? And finally, is this something I should mention to my therapist? It gets a little painful at times because there are several things I really like about him, but maybe it will just go away in time and I shouldn't 'rock the boat', so to speak. Thanks in advance for any advice.
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 7, 2004, at 0:19:37
In reply to Re: transference questions, posted by fluffycat on December 6, 2004, at 23:47:32
Hey ya Fluffy glad to see you found this and you are more than welcome :) As to the unmet needs thing if it rings true you may want to mention to your T that you THINK you may have some tranferance issues with your pdoc and then tell him what you told us...the insight into you will help you both help you if that makes sense...You sound VERY introspective that is great really.
I do not know on the going through the book deal does your T go over it with you??? Does it have homework and all? How long you been in therapy?..It takes time.. The right T is a blessing to have. A good T is a person who cares and to talk with freely on everything and not be afraid or ashamed..its cool ya know :)> Thanks for the response. I think the unmet needs thing is so on target it rather affected me a lot to realize it. I don't have many people in my life right now and I'm so lonely for company, especially someone with those qualities I appreciate but don't seem to come across often enough (or at all). I'm also in an uncomfortable living situation half the time which doesn't help.
>
> As far as therapy goes, part of me feels like I just don't get it. I don't yet see how going thru a book (on cognitive therapy) will help me change habits I've had my entire life. I know I need to give it a chance but just haven't felt like doing so yet. Other things keep cropping up, it seems.
>
> Oh well, I hope this is ok to bring up these things on this board.
>
> > Hi Fluffycat and welcome to the site. I think it would depend on if you really want to explore this issue with your T..You can ask he not tell your PDOC as in off the record. It may help you and you know a lot of people may not agree with me but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and you may just be attracted to the guys looks or his personality and would have been had you met him any other way. IF you talk to your T about it you may want to think ahead about what you find draws you to your PDOC like you said there are several things...these things IF this is transferance all say something about unresolved or unmet needs you have had and or have from others in your life often parents but not aways...I hope this helps some...and best of luck please let us know how it went ok?
> >
> >
> > > Originally posted by fluffycat 12/6/04
> > >
> > > > Hi,
> > > >
> > > > I'm a newbie here but this seemed like more of an appropriate forum for my questions.
> > > >
> > > > I've been seeing a psychiatrist for about 5-6 months now, and a therapist at the same place for about 1-2 months. I recently realized I have a big crush on my psychiatrist. The thing is, from the little I understand about transference I don't talk to him like I would my therapist...he's not my counselor except as far as meds go. But he seems really caring and nice (and intelligent...and funny). So...is this transference? What exactly is transference anyway and how is it supposed to help me in this situation? And finally, is this something I should mention to my therapist? It gets a little painful at times because there are several things I really like about him, but maybe it will just go away in time and I shouldn't 'rock the boat', so to speak. Thanks in advance for any advice.
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by fluffycat on December 7, 2004, at 21:51:43
In reply to Re: transference questions » fluffycat, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 7, 2004, at 0:19:37
> Hey ya Fluffy glad to see you found this and you are more than welcome :) As to the unmet needs thing if it rings true you may want to mention to your T that you THINK you may have some tranferance issues with your pdoc and then tell him what you told us...the insight into you will help you both help you if that makes sense...You sound VERY introspective that is great really.
I might mention it, I'll have to think about it a bit. And thanks, my former case mgr said I have good insight (which I don't see sometimes, but maybe it's more intuitive than I realize?).
> I do not know on the going through the book deal does your T go over it with you??? Does it have homework and all? How long you been in therapy?..It takes time.. The right T is a blessing to have. A good T is a person who cares and to talk with freely on everything and not be afraid or ashamed..its cool ya know :)
She's assigned some of the work a few weeks ago but I haven't finished it. It's a lot to remember and it's been a while since I was in school :) so I need to get more focused on it.
It's funny, I've seen many Ts in my life but rarely for any length of time (I always quit), so I'm still kinda unsure as to how the relationship should go. I think this current one is meant to be short-term though, so I guess I shouldn't get too comfy!
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 7, 2004, at 23:07:53
In reply to Re: transference questions, posted by fluffycat on December 7, 2004, at 21:51:43
Hi Fluffy, yes at least to me you are really very introspective ..I was glad to see your T goes over with the work with you in the book when you do it :) cause I do NOT think I would like it if my T had me read a book and didn't go over some of it with me..unless is was a good mystery or bestseller hehe....I have had my T mention books even lend them to me and we did kind of go over them here and there. I am not sure if one should NOT get too comfy. I think I need to be very very comfy...If you tell your T let us know...and keep posting its cool to talk with you.
> I might mention it, I'll have to think about it a bit. And thanks, my former case mgr said I have good insight (which I don't see sometimes, but maybe it's more intuitive than I realize?).
>
>
> She's assigned some of the work a few weeks ago but I haven't finished it. It's a lot to remember and it's been a while since I was in school :) so I need to get more focused on it.
>
> It's funny, I've seen many Ts in my life but rarely for any length of time (I always quit), so I'm still kinda unsure as to how the relationship should go. I think this current one is meant to be short-term though, so I guess I shouldn't get too comfy!
Posted by fluffycat on December 9, 2004, at 23:54:24
In reply to Re: transference questions » fluffycat, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 7, 2004, at 23:07:53
>If you tell your T let us know...and keep posting its cool to talk with you.
I'm still trying to decide what to do. I came across this great journal article online about transference that I'm halfway through (I'd post a link but am not sure if that's allowed here) and started wondering...if I do tell my T, is it possible they'll assign me to a different pdoc? I really don't want that to happen.
Also...(I read the thread on bad pdocs so have that in mind)...when I first started seeing him he seemed almost cold, there were definite boundaries there to the point that I was afraid to speak up about things that bothered me. Now that it's months later he seems to have 'warmed up' to me a bit, making a joke now and then and seeming much more relaxed. Maybe that's what brought my crush to light? I'd always notice (not entirely consciously) if he seemed anxious or calm in our appointments and wondered what that meant.
Posted by fluffycat on December 10, 2004, at 0:19:20
In reply to Re: transference questions, posted by fluffycat on December 9, 2004, at 23:54:24
> >If you tell your T let us know...and keep posting its cool to talk with you.
>
> I'm still trying to decide what to do. I came across this great journal article online about transference that I'm halfway through (I'd post a link but am not sure if that's allowed here) and started wondering...if I do tell my T, is it possible they'll assign me to a different pdoc? I really don't want that to happen.
>
> Also...(I read the thread on bad pdocs so have that in mind)...when I first started seeing him he seemed almost cold, there were definite boundaries there to the point that I was afraid to speak up about things that bothered me. Now that it's months later he seems to have 'warmed up' to me a bit, making a joke now and then and seeming much more relaxed. Maybe that's what brought my crush to light? I'd always notice (not entirely consciously) if he seemed anxious or calm in our appointments and wondered what that meant.
Sorry I keep posting but I thought about what I wrote above in relation to the article and realized I should talk to my T. Thanks for listening anyway. :)
Posted by Joslynn on December 10, 2004, at 8:53:57
In reply to Re: transference questions, posted by fluffycat on December 10, 2004, at 0:19:20
Hello Fluffy Feline!
What you are feeling is very common. I went thru something very similar with a male pdoc who also did therapy. It wasn't so much a physical crush as an emotional crush plus paternal longing. Anyway, for me, I did let it grow in secret and not tell my female T, who I was also seeing. Finally I did tell her, after the whole fantasy exploded, but I wish I had done it earlier. It is a long story and my pdoc accidentally contributed by self-disclosing personal things that made me think we had this big soulmate connection, then I realized he is just a good doctor who cares about me, but as a patient.
Anyway, technically your T cannot tell him anything you say about him, unless you signed some forms saying she can. At least that is what my T told me.
I eventually did tell him, in a roundabout cringing way, and he wasn't like, "well, we can't work together then." He apologized to ME when I explained it all and he apologized for how some of his conversations contributed to it. He was very cool about it. I have decided to see him less often though, just to get my own bearings and not be so emotionally dependent.
So it can work out fine in the end, but I wish I had not held onto the secret for so long.
Good luck.
Posted by fluffycat on December 10, 2004, at 18:29:24
In reply to Re: transference questions, posted by Joslynn on December 10, 2004, at 8:53:57
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad to know it's common though I know it can be difficult to go through.
Fluffy feline--that's cute. :)
Posted by LG04 on December 11, 2004, at 1:39:03
In reply to Re: transference questions » Joslynn, posted by fluffycat on December 10, 2004, at 18:29:24
fluffy, can you post the link to that article on transference? i have seen many others do that so it seems that it's okay.
thanks!
LG04
Posted by fluffycat on December 11, 2004, at 14:29:40
In reply to Re: transference questions » fluffycat, posted by LG04 on December 11, 2004, at 1:39:03
http://apt.rcpsych.org/cgi/content/full/6/1/57
I found it very informative and useful, hope it helps.
Posted by LG04 on December 12, 2004, at 0:01:47
In reply to Article link » LG04, posted by fluffycat on December 11, 2004, at 14:29:40
This is the end of the thread.
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