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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Bent on November 15, 2004, at 7:50:25
I am not very easily offended. Maybe its because I have spent so much of my life trying to please others and be perfect. This weekend, I was offended. I was at a friend’s house and a friend of that friend was there also. I don’t know this person very well, just an acquaintance really. A few of us were talking about severely dysfunctional families, several of us (including me) having come from one, and how it has impacted our lives as adults. That is when this friend of a friend jumped in and loudly stated that all we were talking about was “crap.” That “anxiety and depression and bipolar is all bullsh*t.” She said that my mom wasn’t abusive, “she was just b*tchy.” It went on a little longer but I had spaced out by that time. I just wanted to get out of that house and cry. I left shortly after that. I couldn’t bring my self to defend anything. I was just kinda shocked. I know anxiety, etc is not BS. Granted it affects everyone differently but I was just floored by her blatant disrespect and perhaps ignorance. I guess I should just take it as that. Maybe she just doesn’t know. Either way I was hurt and offended. I just needed to get this off my chest, to people I know will understand.
Posted by Toph on November 15, 2004, at 8:20:19
In reply to mental disrespect?, posted by Bent on November 15, 2004, at 7:50:25
You had to tolerate that boor for a couple hours, Bent, that person has to live with themself for eternity.
-Toph
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 15, 2004, at 10:21:32
In reply to mental disrespect?, posted by Bent on November 15, 2004, at 7:50:25
Bent,
Obviously that person is misinformed and sounds more or less pretty bitter. Can you transfer your feeling of being offended to feeling sorry for that person?
Posted by Joslynn on November 15, 2004, at 11:16:05
In reply to Re: mental disrespect?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 15, 2004, at 10:21:32
My father sometimes has an attitude like that. I have seen it in others too. My theory is that people who have such a vocal bias against the mere existence of dysfunctional families, anxiety, etc., have their own issues that they cannot face. Seeing you face those issues could make them feel very uncomfortable, because it may remind them of work they are not doing...?
Posted by mandinka on November 15, 2004, at 19:02:37
In reply to Re: mental disrespect?, posted by Joslynn on November 15, 2004, at 11:16:05
She probably felt threatened on the unconscious level by what you were talking about, so she dismissed it in an aggressive way. People get aggressive when they feel threatened. I guess what you guys talked about hit too close to home. Her nasty attitude is a good measure of her problems and where do problems like that start? In a dysfunctional family!
Posted by Susan47 on November 15, 2004, at 19:38:45
In reply to mental disrespect?, posted by Bent on November 15, 2004, at 7:50:25
Dear Bent, I have a sneaking suspicion (known to be WRONG) that the girl who spoke out so crudely is in a huge amount of denial .. about something ..
Posted by tryingtobewise on November 15, 2004, at 21:17:03
In reply to mental disrespect?, posted by Bent on November 15, 2004, at 7:50:25
Posted by 64bowtie on November 16, 2004, at 2:13:07
In reply to mental disrespect?, posted by Bent on November 15, 2004, at 7:50:25
Bent,
So sad for you that you had to be witness to this inappropriate RANT! Pat yourself on the back that nothing got outta hand; conflict without violence is always better than its alternatives.
Please don't beat yourself up for not somehow winning an arguement or perhaps standing your ground. The arguement was mostly inappropriate to begin with.
Please bear with me...
Basic undeniable premise: folks can't show appropriate respect for others of they are short on self-respect. Good parenting includes good examples of self-respect mixed with intellectually induced self-respect and other-respect.Then, and only then, may folks be grounded in repect, for themselves as well as others. Children are not born with a dose of respect. That's one of several useful things left out so we can have more room to learn nessecities for survival; to improvise, adapt, and overcome obstacles placed in our paths by time-and-tides of the planet. These missing attributes are also easily acquired given enough time. 20 years should do nicely.
Rod
PS: Dysfunction can be easily seen as a collection of bad, wasteful, destructive, maybe even criminal, habits we refuse to dump, update, or replace, with good workable habits. Denial (isn't just a river in Egypt) denial and indecision gang up on us to sabotage our any efforts to overcome our life of dysfunction. Also, with low self-respect, we see little purpose in changing from one failing life into another. We are petrified with the fear of loss of whatever we might have already. From birth, we avoid the new especially when its not recognized as a feel-good.
This is the end of the thread.
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