Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 399250

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The question of termination

Posted by lookdownfish on October 5, 2004, at 14:53:29

Today, I brought up the topic of termination with my T again. I did't really plan to talk about it, it just popped out. I tend to bring this topic up with her in quite a grumpy offhand way, something like "I just don't see the point of coming here anymore". I just can't bring myself to be pleasant about it.

At times when we have talked about it before she seems to have implied that she didn't think termination was a good idea and that I should be trying to get more out of therapy. It felt like she was saying, "you haven't come far enough", but she didn't actually say that, just my perception. So back then (this was only about 3 or 4 months back I think) I relaxed a bit, and thought, well she thinks I need to get more out of this, so she must be right, it's up to her when we finish.

Today I was feeling like it was all a waste of time, so I brought it up again. Her position today seems to have shifted a bit - more like "What do you want from your life?" and "It's up to you to take control". Thing is, I don't want to take control. I want to be passive and meek and not face up to the pain of having to leave her. The practical side of me knows that I am feeling a lot stronger these days, and I could finish therapy, but the little girl lost part wants to stay with her forever, infact preferably move in with her, if at all possible.

How do I know if its time to terminate? My depression is certainly a lot better, but will I disintegrate if I'm not seeing her anymore? Should I be going deeper into some of the issues that I have barely touched on?

 

Re: The question of termination lookdownfish

Posted by antigua on October 5, 2004, at 16:08:25

In reply to The question of termination, posted by lookdownfish on October 5, 2004, at 14:53:29

In many ways, this is the same question, different poster. I will feel like a hypocrite if I tell you to keep going when all I wanted to do was stop.

Instead, here are some questions: Do you think you've accomplished all you've set out to accomplish? Is your life the way you want it? Have you made peace? or, are you just trying to get away from the hard stuff? (that's me in a nutshell!)

good luck,
antigua

 

Re: The question of termination

Posted by shortelise on October 5, 2004, at 23:22:41

In reply to The question of termination, posted by lookdownfish on October 5, 2004, at 14:53:29

I have had to depend on my T to guide me as to when it was time to consider termination. I too brought it up often, and he would always say, not in so many words, No, Not Yet. Until last winter when, oops, it began to be time.

Why oh why do I want to stay in that dependant state? Er, make that THIS dependant state? It feels good to have a warm home for my heart in that room with him, a place where I am listened to, heard, and FELT. Felt both by me and by him. There is a world there that does not exist elsewhere.

ANyway, sorry, I tip off into that sadness without too much prompting.

How do you know when it's time to terminate? I think it's a decision you make with your T. Talk about it up one side and down the other. The biggest question I think is "Is there anything else I need to deal with?"

ShortE

 

Re: The question of termination

Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2004, at 0:47:36

In reply to Re: The question of termination, posted by shortelise on October 5, 2004, at 23:22:41

But if termination brings up xxxx amount of distress, doesn't it hold true that there must be something left to deal with? I'm not quite sure what constitutes xxxx.

I'm sort of suicidal right now, and part of it is because of our decision that it was time to reduce sessions. We both agreed it was the right time.

Maybe it wasn't the right time, because there's a heck of a lot of stress in my life right now. But if the thought sends me into a suicidal depression, isn't that a hint that I'm not ready?

Something I'm grappling with myself right now...

 

Re: The question of termination shortelise

Posted by morning*bell on October 6, 2004, at 12:51:02

In reply to Re: The question of termination, posted by shortelise on October 5, 2004, at 23:22:41

>It feels good to have a warm home for my heart<

what a beautiful expression. I feel that way too, but have never been able to put it so eloquently...

thanks for sharing :)

morning*bell

 

Re: The question of termination antigua

Posted by lookdownfish on October 7, 2004, at 3:45:26

In reply to Re: The question of termination lookdownfish, posted by antigua on October 5, 2004, at 16:08:25

> In many ways, this is the same question, different poster. I will feel like a hypocrite if I tell you to keep going when all I wanted to do was stop.

yes! isn't it funny how much easier it is to give advice to each other than to see clearly when it comes to our own problems.

> Instead, here are some questions: Do you think you've accomplished all you've set out to accomplish? Is your life the way you want it? Have you made peace? or, are you just trying to get away from the hard stuff? (that's me in a nutshell!)

I feel I've accomplished most of what I wanted to. Is my life the way I want it? Well no not entirely, but I'm not sure I expected therapy to make everything perfect. Sigh. I can see I will be talking about this for weeks in therapy before being able to decide.


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