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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NVDeb on July 22, 2004, at 23:37:51
Hi. It was interesting to see a therapist in training here. I was wondering if I could you a couple of questions. How would you react if a female client (I supposed you are female) told you "I love you. I have to specify that it's not in a romantic way and not in a sexual way by any means, but with pure unconditional love from one human being to another." ? And how do you feel about client-initiated hugs?
I really appreciate it, thanks :)
Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 7:52:50
In reply to GardenerGirl, posted by NVDeb on July 22, 2004, at 23:37:51
Hi NVDeb,
Thanks for your questions; they are good ones. I hope it's okay if others jump in on this thread, too.I think that some of my elderly clients have said I love you to me. And that has been very sweet and heartfelt. In some cases, I have said I love you back to them. And hugs in the nursing facility where I had a placement one year were often an important part of the therapeutic relationship.
On the other hand, I recognize that the clients I saw last year at the college Psych. services center were very different. I have responded to client-initiated hugs, and have never felt they were inappropriate. In most cases it was at the end of the relationship or after a particularly grueling session. I don't think any of my clients last year said I love you, but I can think of a few in which case it wouldn't bother me at all.
Now if someone said it very early in the therapy relationship, it may feel more like a red flag to me. I guess I mostly trust my gut on issues like this.
Does this help? And I'm curious, has this been an issue for you in therapy? I would love to hear your experience if you feel comfortable sharing it.
Take care,
gg
Posted by NVDeb on July 23, 2004, at 10:15:33
In reply to Re: GardenerGirl » NVDeb, posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 7:52:50
Hi, thanks for responding.
I've been to therapists since 1998 (including one that yawned and cleaned her nails during therapy). I started with this one in April of this year, and have gone to exactly 14 sessions. It's hard for me to talk about feelings. I have this whole 7 page letter written that I plan to read out loud to her. At the beginning she would read things I wrote instead of relying on talking (something no other therapist ever allowed) and finally got me to READ something aloud to her 2 session ago (last sessions we took a detour and just talked about some difficulties at my job so we didn't expand on the next-to-the-last session). I was planning to keep on reading aloud as a natural progression until I actually just talk (which I want to do now but always freeze so I'm between just writing and talking).
She's given me hugs but I've never given her a proper one (I'm very uncomfortable with hugs because of the whole who-would-want-to-hug-me but I'll leave all that for the actual session ;)).
So that's a little background info. I've certainly never told anyone (ANYONE) that I've loved them in the past. I've repeated it back but I've never initiated it to anyone.
When I first got to her in early April I was even uncomfortable saying "I'm happy" (nevermind "I'm sad" or "I'm angry").
Posted by gardenergirl on July 27, 2004, at 11:15:25
In reply to Re: GardenerGirl, posted by NVDeb on July 23, 2004, at 10:15:33
Sorry I missed this, NVDeb. It sounds like you are making good progress from writing to talking in sessions. I'm glad to hear that. And talking about feelings can be really hard if that is not something you are used to doing. I know my hubby's family did not talk much about feelings until very recently. So it's not something he is used to.
Saying I love you can be hard, too. It's a risk to initiate it, if you are wishing for an "I love you, too."
good luck with your therapy and thanks for sharing more about yourself.
gg
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