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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LG04 on June 28, 2004, at 10:18:24
Hi, I'm just looking for a bit of comfort from people who I know understand.
I am very attached to my therapist yet I am leaving for two months to go to America, my home. That in and of itself is very upsetting and makes me feel sad and scared -- what will I do without her for two months, and I will miss her SO much. But the other thing is that I am not even 100% sure if I am coming back. I am very torn between moving back home or staying here where I'm at. So when I have my session with her on Thursday, I don't even know if it's my final session or if it's a "last-session-of-two-month-break" session.
She said I can call her from America as much as I need to. (though we agreed it wouldn't be good for me to call her every day, which I probably wouldn't do anyway) If I decide to stay there, we'll figure out together what to do regarding closure and so on.
It's a very strange position to be in, though obviously it's of my own making because I just can't decide what to do and I want to go to America and see what it feels like before I make any decision.
But the sadness of missing my therapist (today I clung to her crying) -- with an aside that even though I know she will miss me, I am sure she won't miss me as much as I will miss her and that makes me upset -- and the fear that I will decide to stay...
As I said, I just wanted to tell you all because I know that you understand and I guess that's important to me right now. I tell others, "it's so hard to leave my therapist" and they nod but they don't get it.
I am also afraid she will forget about me and not care about me so much anymore, which she absolutely says won't happen. But I fear it anyway.
Thanks for listening.
LG
Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2004, at 11:03:04
In reply to sad and scared, posted by LG04 on June 28, 2004, at 10:18:24
Of course you're sad and scared. That's perfectly appropriate. Unsettled situations are always scary, except for those lucky individuals who enjoy adrenaline.
And of course you're sad. You're losing an important relationship, at the very least for two months.
I hope you're able to accept your feelings and honor them. And then maybe you can also use the two months as a learning experience. Among the people who think they could never survive the loss of their therapists there seems to be many reactions to separation. Some find the pain lessens, and some find it stays the same or grows. Perhaps these two months will give you a chance to test your wings a bit.
I know, I know. I'm in a particularly sensible mood today. Perhaps you could file that away for when you're ready for it. And in the meantime accept my very real condolences on your loss, even if it's "just" a two month loss.
Posted by mair on June 28, 2004, at 11:14:54
In reply to sad and scared, posted by LG04 on June 28, 2004, at 10:18:24
This is really tough, and I do know what you're talking about. Although I've worked pretty hard not to get attached to my therapist, some of those defenses are breaking down and it certainly does make me feel vulnerable.
I think you should look at your last visit as being one for 2 months only and not the last visit "forever." I think viewing it as permanent will just put too much pressure on you . I also think you may do better without her than you imagine. I flounder when my therapist is on vacation, but tend to do ok when I'm the one who is away. I guess it's a matter of being away from all of the things that remind me of her, and being drawn away from the rut of a familiar daily routine. I don't mean to diminish your worries at all; I just think you can't be certain how things will play out.
It's great that you're able to acknowledge to her the depth of your feelings and it's great she's willing to work with you on this, even if only by phone.
I don't know what to say about your sorrow that she means more to you than you do to her. I think this knowledge is what makes people like me resist attachments to begin with. But she does care and you know that she cares and you've acknowledged on this Board that your relationship with your therapist is very close on the part of both of you, so please hold onto that.
mair
Posted by Bent on June 28, 2004, at 11:17:39
In reply to sad and scared, posted by LG04 on June 28, 2004, at 10:18:24
I am sorry to hear you are in such a sad place right now. I know it must be hard. I too cant stand the thought of being with out my T for any length of time. I am only 2 days into my T's 4 week vacation and I am hurting. The attachment is incredible. It sounds like your T is being supportive. I am glad she will allow you to call while you are away. Maybe try to see the break from therapy as a time to think about and evaluate what you have and have not gotten from therapy, knowing that the break isnt permanent. I know this will be hard but ultimately I think it will give you strength. Know you are not alone with what you are feeling.
Posted by LG04 on June 29, 2004, at 8:29:20
In reply to Re: sad and scared, posted by Bent on June 28, 2004, at 11:17:39
Thank you for your messages. It is helpful. I am really starting to freak out. It's very overwhelming for me to leave. I can't stand goodbyes, even if it ends up being for a short time (though 2 months is not a short time). I hate this so much.
LG
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 8:44:24
In reply to Re: sad and scared, posted by LG04 on June 29, 2004, at 8:29:20
Posted by gardenergirl on June 29, 2004, at 10:17:01
In reply to Re: sad and scared, posted by LG04 on June 29, 2004, at 8:29:20
LG04,
You're right, goodbyes are so hard. I haven't had the experience of terminating with my T, but when I think about it, I get scared and cry. And when it's for external reasons, rather than because you both feel the time is right, it's that much harder.Please allow yourself to grieve this void, however long it is. I hope you get enough time to process this with your T before you leave.
And it sounds like you have a good plan in place to cope while you are gone. Just travelling like you are planning, and considering whether to move or not is stresful enough. Take good care of yourself. You may need extra "you" time.
(((((LG04)))))
gg
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