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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on June 6, 2004, at 20:41:00
Since I have bipolar 2 disorder...is it normal to feel like you are isolating yourself from others? I have been down for over a week (depressed) and all weekend I have been not wanting to talk or be around anyone. My parents got extremely upset with me this evening because I wouldnt come over for dinner... (I honestly forgot about it ..and had already eaten) but, I also didnt want to be around them. I told my dad that I had forgoten about dinner and that I was just going to stay at home for the night. He replies by asking me if I realize that what I say to people hurts a lot at times...I told him Im sorry if he is hurt but I honestly forgot and I didnt want to leave my house..he was very upset. Honestly though I dont want to be around anyone right now. I want to be by myself. Its funny to me that my dad says he understands my illness and yet when I get this depressed...he gets angry at me. It really irritates me.
I have thought about myself a lot this weekend and about what im really feeling inside and I realized that I have been thinking a lot lately of things to do to "hurt" me. Im not suicidal at all, but when I get really frustrated and overwhelmed...I have found myself trying to think of ways to make it better...ie trying to throw up, wanting to slip down the stairs, making myself stay up all night just so I can not feel good the next day...I want so badly to be left alone and to not have to go to work...My mood is very unstable right now and my mom is making me mad again, she started yelling at me yesterday and My dad is about to start yelling at me and Im at a point where even though my yelling has been under control, im so upset and frustrated at everything right now that there is no doubt in my mind that i would yell back. I want to get to a point where my therapist realizes that I need serious help because my family just doesnt understand me right now and it is so hard not to have support. I dont want to be hospitalzied...but I need a break from the world, I need time to focus on getting better.. I spent practically all day yesterday in bed and I do this because I dont want my family and friends to be around me when im in a mood or depressed...I dont think it is fair for them to have to put up with me..yet, they think im being rude by staying in bed. I know I should get out and do things but i just dont feel like it. It is going to take a lot to get out and go to work tomorrow morning.
My dad still has no idea that I have been trying to make myself sick and I think im going to talk to my friend at work tomorrow and let her in on what is going on...its not serious..im not actually throwing up ..it has to do with my emotions and feelings and wanting things to be better...my dad said the wrong thing to me yesterday asking me if I was eating healthy foods and I said why does it look like im wasting away..and he said ..no the opposite...:(
This right here makes me want to stop eating...yet at the same time, it also makes me want to eat a lot...so I dont know what to do. I told him I have lost 8 pounds..and he replied with an "oh". It really irritated me...
ANYWAY...I just dont know what to do with myself, I like isolating myself bc it saves my friends and family from seeing something that they dont want to see but, I know it at the same time upsets them but i just dont feel like being around anyone. I cant win. I just need some help. I dont know what my therapist is going to say when I talk to her but im really interested to find out...I need to talk with someone that understands me....
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers...I would appreciate it....thanks.
Pandabear
Posted by babbgal on June 6, 2004, at 22:29:38
In reply to Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by Pandabear on June 6, 2004, at 20:41:00
Pandabear, I can totally understand what you are going through...and I'm glad you say that you "need time to focus on getting better" and that "I just need some help. I dont know what my therapist is going to say when I talk to her but im really interested to find out." That's good. Talk to your therapist.
Geez...the parent thing. I was diagnosed as bipolar II, rapid cycling over a year ago, and I haven't told my parents or my sister what is going on. I see a psychiatrist every two weeks and a Ph.D. for therapy at least twice a week (sometimes more!) -- so this is taking up huge chunks of my life, and they have no idea. I live in California, and they live in Massachusetts. It's become a huge issue in my therapy that I was the one who didn't have "permission" to leave, that my husband "took me away." (His job was the reason we relocated.) It was absolutely the best thing for me to do, but as I get stronger, my parents say things on the phone like, "We used to have such nice talks and now it sounds like you don't want to talk to us." Well, it's because I'm working through very important things that I don't want to divulge to you...and of course that is isolating... (And they don't talk to my husband...)
I have my husband, and it sounds like you have a close friend at work you feel comfortable talking to? That's good. And keep your therapist close, too.
Anyway, I'll be thinking about you...and I'm sure everyone else here on the babble board will be, too. Many, many hugs, pandabear...
babbgal.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 7, 2004, at 6:53:40
In reply to Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by Pandabear on June 6, 2004, at 20:41:00
((((Pandabear)))) I did the same thing this weekend, except it was my in-laws I retreated from, and they were staying in my house. I basically stayed in the room but was curled up on the sofa and wouldn't speak. They are (naturally) loud and a bit belligerent - a New York leftover thing? And I just couldn't listen to it.
When they left yesterday morning I went back to bed and slept for 4 hours. I don't think I've ever done that before.
It's a very isolating illness and it's just so difficult to explain to family members. Even my sister, who has had depression for years, just doesn't "get" my bipolar 2. I can't take anyone else being so judgemental about how I am.
Talking to your T is a great thing to do. I have confided in one or two of my co-workers but I think they are just as puzzled as before.
Pandabear, I feel for you and hope you and your T can work of this soon.
pc
Posted by B2chica on June 7, 2004, at 10:31:05
In reply to Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by Pandabear on June 6, 2004, at 20:41:00
> Since I have bipolar 2 disorder...is it normal to feel like you are isolating yourself from others?
(((((Pandabear)))))
there must be something in the air.
i was down all weekend as well. I stayed in bed till 4:30 on sat. the reason i got up was cuz i got a guilt trip if i didn't go to my parents for dinner, so i sucked it up, played "happy B2c" and then came home at 8:00 -"cuz i had to take my meds". that's the best excuse to leave. then came home and went back to bed.
now one thing is that you should be proud of yourself for not giving in like i did. You didn't want to be around anyone and you weren't. I wish i would quit caving-it just makes me feel worse.
Sunday i spent in bed most of day as well, but i did get up to watch a couple movies.it's kind of confusing because i know it's is the Bp2 that makes you want to be isolated, but it's me that chooses that... I don't Want to be around others, so is it me or is it Bp2?
i guess either way i'm isolated and it doesn't matter why.
But when i feel that way, i like to just lay in bed with my journal and poems (which i think i'm getting better at) and just listed to my music ALL D@$m day if i want. Everybody says it's not "normal" but for me it's Exactly what i want AND NEED!
So just keep doing what is best for You Pandabear.
Here's to your feeling better, and even if you are isolated IRL, Remember you are surrounded by cyber love here at babble!!
B2c.
Posted by pegasus on June 7, 2004, at 11:29:07
In reply to Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by Pandabear on June 6, 2004, at 20:41:00
Panda, I'm so sorry things are bad right now. I don't have Bp2, but I do get really depressed. What you described sounds very familiar. It's too bad that your parents are not able to be more supportive, or even clued in, to what you are going through. It's a sad fact of depression that it can keep you from interacting much with other people. Even though sometimes those interactions can actually end up alleviating some of the depression (but only if they're supportive). It's just so *hard*. I've definitely spent weekends in bed in the past, and not cared who wanted me to do what.
But you are writing some thing that sound relatively hopeful. Definitely stay in touch with your therapist at difficult times like this. At least she should have a better understanding of what you are dealing with than your parents do.
(((pandabear)))
pegasus
Posted by fires on June 7, 2004, at 20:25:33
In reply to Re: Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by pegasus on June 7, 2004, at 11:29:07
Don't have BP 2, but isolation is "normal" when feeling depressed. My brother is Dep. because he has terminal cancer and he often isolates, himself. My dad did the same when he was sick with cardio. problems.
I've even read that sick tropical fish go to the warmest spot in the fish tank and isolate themselves.
Good Luck
Posted by shadows721 on June 8, 2004, at 0:48:08
In reply to Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by Pandabear on June 6, 2004, at 20:41:00
Panda,
I feel that depression isolates big time. I have had depression all my life and I have isolated too. I have to force myself out of the house routinely now for my mental health. If I isolate too much, it can make the depression worsen. Also, when the depression worsens, I tend to isolate more. I am not BPII, but I can relate to feeling misunderstood and alone.
Posted by Aphrodite on June 8, 2004, at 11:19:41
In reply to Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by Pandabear on June 6, 2004, at 20:41:00
I wish I could say something that would be helpful. Just know I'm keeping you in mind and sending good thoughts your way. Hope there are sunnier days ahead for you.
Posted by Cece on June 11, 2004, at 22:56:14
In reply to Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by Pandabear on June 6, 2004, at 20:41:00
I haven't been on these boards for awhile, and am here today because I too am feeling very isolated and like isolating. I'm BP II also, and relatively stable with meds, but the last few months have been quite stressful and I am worn out and I'm down. I am very lonely, but don't really want to be with people- I don't have the energy to put on a happy face.
I'm single and don't have people in my life that I can really be open with about how I'm feeling (except my monthly shrink and monthly counselor- limited by my health insurance). But I resent that more than you seem to.
My sister, who lives on the other side of the country is basically non-responsive, out of her own fears and unacknowledged depression I think. I try to understand her limitations, but resent that she clearly just doesn't want to hear about it when I'm having a hard time.
My friends are somewhat sympathetic but don't understand what it's like to have to deal with this illness all the time- and they don't seem to want to know either, even though they mostly are not shallow people. Recently I told my "best" friend that I was struggling with my stability. I didn't say it in a demanding way, just like this is what's happening with me right now. She said nothing. And when we spoke a few days later, she didn't ask me how I was doing.
I would not, and don't, look the other way when a friend, or my sister, could use my support, and I just don't get it. It's not as if I'm always down and always burdening other people, and I'm not asking anyone to be my therapist- I just want to be acknowledged in a friend-like way. If I had diabetes and told a friend that I was having serious problems with my insulin levels, I think that they would be interested and concerned, and probably call to check in and see how I was doing.
Supposedly these are enlightened times re mental disorders, and I live in a very liberal place (San Francisco). I don't get it (well, yeah I do in ways, but I'm tired of seeing it from other people's perspective and tired of feeling like I have to either hide my feelings or hide away from the world).
Posted by Cece on June 11, 2004, at 23:01:33
In reply to Re: volunteer vacation, posted by Cece on June 11, 2004, at 22:56:14
Just to say- I forgot to change the subject line before I added to this thread in what I just posted!
Posted by ghost on June 14, 2004, at 0:35:10
In reply to Re: Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by fires on June 7, 2004, at 20:25:33
i had a pregnant cat who hid herself from us when she was miscarrying. she first nuzzled us, almost like she was saying goodbye, and then she went to the basement and ran from us whenever we tried to get near her. (eventually we caught her, brought her to the vet, where they did a c-section. the babies were gone, but she survived.)
maybe it is an animal instinct. i isolate myself when i'm depressed, too. some of it i do on purpose, and some of it i realise after the fact. i pushed my boyfriend away (permanently) during my last bout with depression. i just didn't want to be touched. i wanted to wither up and die quietly and alone.
sometimes what we need most is isolation. sometimes it's time to turn things inward and focus on ourselves rather than on everyone else and their problems, because ours have become more of a priority. they need to be tended to asap, so that means some things (small things, in the grand scheme of them) get neglected.
just my opinion.
-ghost
Posted by malthus on June 28, 2004, at 22:56:26
In reply to Re: Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by pegasus on June 7, 2004, at 11:29:07
I can relate well to the isolation thing. I have been recently diagnosed with BP2 and reading your post put the puzzle piece in place for me about isolating. I recently went to the shore with a few friends and felt hemmed in by always being around them (I live alone with two cats). When I got home I headed straight for the bed and didn't emerge for two days. I just couldn't take laying there anymore and vowed to begin an exercise routine at least three times a week to get out of my apartment (I'm a teacher on summer vacation but find it very difficult to have unstructured free time). After rollerblading today I hit the sack at 3:00pm and didn't wake up until 7:00. I can feel the downward cycle beginning as I've been a bit manic the past week or so. My doctor wants to put me on Lamictil. I'm seeing her tomorrow. I hope it helps. I also have treatment resistant depression. I hope you are feeling better. Do you take any medication? Take care.
Posted by Pandabear on June 29, 2004, at 19:32:17
In reply to Re: Bipolar 2 and Isolation, posted by malthus on June 28, 2004, at 22:56:26
Just wanted to say that I am back. Im sorry I have not been online posting but I went into the ER and hospital with severe migranes and Im still having them but im back at home...this past week was my first week back and it has been SO HARD. My therapist called me in the hospital and talked to me for like 3 mins..but I was really out of it. Im finally going back to her tomorrow...I hope I dont have a headache going into therapy...they gave me some really strong medicine to help my migranes that im going to have to breakdown and take tonight because I cannot stand this anymore...hope everyone else is well...keep me in your thoughts..my threapist says that this probably happened because of stress and anxiety in my life and I believe it...if any of you read my posts from earlier you might agree...i dont know..its all weird to me..have a good night.
Pandabear <><
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 19:45:07
In reply to Bipolar 2 and isolation..., posted by Pandabear on June 29, 2004, at 19:32:17
I'll keep you in my thoughts. Do you have a headache specialist in your area? I was just released by my headache neurologist because she put me on a medication combo that has kept them at an acceptable level. My primary care physician can follow up. But it was the best physician money I've ever spent. I'm no longer incapacitated for days at a time by migraines.
Good luck with the migraines. (And yes, stress can really increase them, especially if your sleep is disturbed).
Posted by Pandabear on June 29, 2004, at 19:49:34
In reply to Re: Bipolar 2 and isolation... » Pandabear, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2004, at 19:45:07
Hello, Yes, I gained a new doctor through all of this a neurologist...and he specializes in headaches...thank the lord...I also had to see a neurosurgeon because I have other medical problems and this was the main reason for being put in the hospital because they wanted to make sure everything was functioning correctly and it was..the only thing that I got that is a negative is that I now have double vision from the spinal tap that they did on me and i cannot see straight..but my neurologist said that it SHOULD go away...I go back to see him this thurs. so I doubt it will go away by then..but im hopeing he is correct....its been crazy.
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