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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angel Girl on April 29, 2004, at 21:39:15
and felt your problems seem so insignificant to somebody else that you feel foolish to bring them up to your therapist? I don't have any 'real' friends, only those I have online. I am bi-polar II and I have relationship problems with the people I've met online. They tell me that I'm
manipulate, play games, looking for attention and childish. Of course, I don't see myself as being any of those things. In fact, some times my friends will tell me something and then later tell me they didn't say that at all. This leads me to think that they are trying to make me feel like I'm crazy and losing it. Oh yea, they also say I'm paranoid. I also analyze everything to death (that one I do believe). Most of these things are the results of posting on message boards.Am I alone in this? I feel so embarrassed to talk to my therapist about problems I have with friends online. I'm afraid I'll come off as looking stupid or childish or an idiot.
What do y'all think? Anybody else have the same problem or am I as crazy as my friends think I am?
Angel Girl
Posted by Fallen4MyT on April 29, 2004, at 22:18:05
In reply to Has anybody been embarrassed . . ., posted by Angel Girl on April 29, 2004, at 21:39:15
Hi I don't think youre crazy...I think you are selective of whom you trust and well I talk to my T on my online freinds he rather thinks its good to have them..a support system...I cannot talk for your friends but when you can tell your T that stuff and about your online friends...I sometimes think online friends can be closer cause there less facade
HUGS
Posted by tabitha on April 30, 2004, at 0:30:44
In reply to Has anybody been embarrassed . . ., posted by Angel Girl on April 29, 2004, at 21:39:15
sure, I talk about my online friends in therapy. I even talk about it in my group, but they're not so open-minded about it as my therapist. She'll pretty much see the relationship dynamics in anything-- online friends, my cat, whatever.
Maybe you could take some of your posts or emails and the responses into therapy, and get some feedback about it.
Posted by fayeroe on April 30, 2004, at 7:18:39
In reply to Re: Has anybody been embarrassed . . ., posted by tabitha on April 30, 2004, at 0:30:44
I talk about my online friends as if they lived close by. We exchange Christmas and birthday gifts, photos, jokes, sorrow, etc. My daughters have received baby gifts from people that I met here! So, my online friends are very important to me and I tell my T. You're okay. Don't be embarrassed|~~~~~
Posted by rainyday on April 30, 2004, at 7:27:43
In reply to Has anybody been embarrassed . . ., posted by Angel Girl on April 29, 2004, at 21:39:15
When I told my T about my online friends I am making, she thought that it was an important validation of my feelings. I am just so grateful for this place.
You can say anything and you should never be embarassed to do it.
Posted by Aphrodite on April 30, 2004, at 10:31:23
In reply to Has anybody been embarrassed . . ., posted by Angel Girl on April 29, 2004, at 21:39:15
I think online groups are so common now that no one finds it unusual. My husband is on a board with other musicians, and they meet once a year. It's hard to find friends who live down the street who have the same interests/situations/problems that you do, so meeting in cyberspace seems very logical. I mean, who walks up to the neighbor and says, "Hey! I'm in therapy! Wanna hear all the details?" No, we want to congregate with others who understand and are going through the same things.
Posted by Angel Girl on April 30, 2004, at 16:03:46
In reply to Re: Has anybody been embarrassed . . . » Angel Girl, posted by Aphrodite on April 30, 2004, at 10:31:23
Thanks everybody for your opinions. My family thinks I should be making some 'real' friends here but I'm VERY shy and not good at starting up a conversation and I don't really have any outside interests so I wouldn't know where to meet anybody anyway, unless it is in my group therapy but that is mostly women. lol!!!
I guess my point was that my online friends see me as a totally different person that how I see myself. If they all see my the same way, then that leads me to think that I'm delusional to how I really am. :(
Angel Girl
Posted by lonelygirl on May 1, 2004, at 14:27:45
In reply to Re: Has anybody been embarrassed . . ., posted by Angel Girl on April 30, 2004, at 16:03:46
I don't think you should be embarrassed about talking to your therapist about your problems with your online friends. Although online relationships are different in many ways from "real-life" relationships, there are probably some patterns that relate to other aspects of your life (e.g., your difficulties in making friends in "real life"), and it would probably be beneficial to explore that. What you said about how these online relationships lead you to think you're delusional about yourself is a real issue to consider -- not insignificant or stupid at all.
Posted by mair on May 2, 2004, at 10:17:23
In reply to Re: Has anybody been embarrassed . . ., posted by Angel Girl on April 30, 2004, at 16:03:46
In the first place, I'm the queen of feeling too embarrassed to talk about stuff with my T particularly where (as is frequently the case) I feel that my problems are insignificant in relation to what everyone else has to deal with, particularly the people on this Board. Because of this acute sense of embarrassment I've never thought I could take posts in for my therapist to read, and I wouldn't stick around here if I thought she was reading what I post on this Board. It just seems more personal than I can deal with.
On the other hand, I have spoken to her at different times about on-line relationships, because sometimes they seem more real to me than the relationships I have with my friends. She was pretty ignorant about the internet and used to have a knee-jerk negative reaction about my participation here. When I got so upset about the death of sar (a former babbler), she started realizing that these relationships are real.
My therapist keeps trying to tell me that what happens (regardless of how minor) is not as important as my reactions to it - really just because those reactions provide grist for the therapeutic mill and offer a way to start examinating deeper relationship issues.
Mair
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