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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 20:33:03
I used to see my T three times a week and then in a moment of weakness, I agreed with her to go down to two. Now for several months I've been pushing to go back to three, and she basically refuses, claiming her practice is too small and it makes her too vulnerable if I leave.Isn't this messed up? I'm so p*ssed. Why'd she used to let me have three and now she won't? I wish I had never given it up. I feel really frustrated, replaced, hurt, angry, and I don't know what else.
Posted by shadows721 on April 29, 2004, at 22:12:59
In reply to I'm so upset that I gave up my third session, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 20:33:03
How long is this missed appt? Is it about an hour? Why not take that hour and do something that will be worked on in the next appt with the t? You can journal, draw/paint an emotion, etc. For starters, why not journal how you feel about this giving up this appt? Is the anger about the t making a boundary for herself?
Posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 22:32:31
In reply to Why not do ...., posted by shadows721 on April 29, 2004, at 22:12:59
Good suggestions, shadows. Do something productive with the feelings. I'm angry, yeah, maybe partly at the very existence of the boundaries, but more at myself for allowing her to take my third session away, and at her for being inconsistent. I don't know really why I'm angry. But it would be a good idea to try to write about it, maybe figure it out, so I can talk to her about it when I see her maybe.
Posted by Aphrodite on April 30, 2004, at 6:56:28
In reply to Re: Why not do .... » shadows721, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 22:32:31
Hi Crushed,
I understand how you must feel. I want to be objective and look at this from her perspective. Since she knows you have contemplated leaving and that you've seen another therapist, it seems a logical conclusion to draw that if she gives you 3 sessions, and then you leave, she'll have to find 2 or 3 new patients. That would make her work life a little insecure and stressful. It sounds like a reasonable business decision. It seems like a tenuous profession if you ask me; I think there would always be a fear of not knowing if you'll be able to fill slots consistently enough to be financially stable.
I like shadows suggestion of spending another hour of the week preparing for the second session. Maybe it will progress like you've had 3 sessions after all.
Posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:14:36
In reply to Being practical here . . ., posted by Aphrodite on April 30, 2004, at 6:56:28
Aphrodite,
I don't deny that her concern is legitimate. But this struggle for a third session began *before* I began contemplating leaving her (and long before she knew I was contemplating that) and is in fact a huge part of *why* I've been thinking about leaving.
So it's a bit of a Catch-22 we're in: I want to leave because she's not meeting my needs, and she won't meet my needs because I might leave her.
The thing about shadows' suggestion, although it's a good one, is I already spend about an hour a day (at least) *every* day writing about and preparing for my sessions. Which admittedly may be a little compulsive. But I end up never having enough time to cover everything I write about, and it all piles up and I get frustrated. That's why I keep asking for more time.
> Hi Crushed,
>
> I understand how you must feel. I want to be objective and look at this from her perspective. Since she knows you have contemplated leaving and that you've seen another therapist, it seems a logical conclusion to draw that if she gives you 3 sessions, and then you leave, she'll have to find 2 or 3 new patients. That would make her work life a little insecure and stressful. It sounds like a reasonable business decision. It seems like a tenuous profession if you ask me; I think there would always be a fear of not knowing if you'll be able to fill slots consistently enough to be financially stable.
>
> I like shadows suggestion of spending another hour of the week preparing for the second session. Maybe it will progress like you've had 3 sessions after all.
>
>
Posted by Aphrodite on April 30, 2004, at 10:26:34
In reply to Re: Being practical here . . . » Aphrodite, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:14:36
It does seem to be a catch-22. Do 3 sessions feel "just right" or would you go every day if she let you? I know sometimes there are things that I want, I get them, then I only want more.
Would she do a check-in call for a few minutes on a third day of the week? Maybe that would help contain things.I'm sorry you're struggling.
Posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2004, at 12:54:26
In reply to Re: Being practical here . . . » Aphrodite, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:14:36
>The thing about shadows' suggestion, although it's a good one, is I already spend about an hour a day (at least) *every* day writing about and preparing for my sessions. Which admittedly may be a little compulsive. But I end up never having enough time to cover everything I write about, and it all piles up and I get frustrated. That's why I keep asking for more time.
Hmmmmmm. Another thing we have in common. My therapist is really big now on "Therapy isn't life". He really doesn't want me to "prepare" for sessions. This week he told me he doesn't even want me to think of topics - he wants me to just come in "and see what happens". This is very hard for a Planner like me - I would be much more comfortable "studying" each day and "presenting" my work in the session. But I DID that with my first therapist, and we didn't get to where I need to get.
I don't know how, yet, to "get a life" but I do know that I need to do this. If you have any energy or ambition can you try volunteering somewhere (I recommend libraries highly...)? Or join a club (Penny just joined a chorus, for instance)? Or attend a lecture? I do work now 10 hours a week, I used to volunteer. I know I need to get out and do things in the real world, but it is hard because I feel so incompetent.
I do go 3 times a week now, and I find that I DO spend LESS time thinking/worrying/talking/writing about therapy than when I went 2 times a week (and also less than when I went 1 time a week). This works for me because when I see him more often I am more likely to just let something sit (instead of "working" on it) because I know that I can work on it with him soon. I am also trying not to think too far ahead of what we've discussed because when I do and tell him my great revelations he is often less enthusiastic than I am and I have a hard time with that disappointment. So if I think less, I get disappointed less, and he's happier. I am making progress (slow and painful) - so this way of doing it seems a little better.
I'm not sure how much of this applies to you, but this is what I am finding.
(((Crushed)))
Posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 13:47:09
In reply to Well, that does change things., posted by Aphrodite on April 30, 2004, at 10:26:34
Three sessions feels pretty ideal *and* I would go every day if she let me (and I had unlimited time and money).
I don't know about the check-in. It's a good thought. Not quite enough, but better than nothing I suppose.
Posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 14:06:07
In reply to Re: Being practical here . . . » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2004, at 12:54:26
Well, I think I sort of have a life. I'm working my little patootie off these days [are we allowed to say that???] (babysitting -- kids are so good for the soul) and I have friends and I play cards, etc. etc. But I still don't quite *feel* like I have a life because I only really *think* about my T and how I wish I could be in her arms and so forth.Anyway, I think we are very much alike in that I obsess a lot less about therapy and feel much more comfortable and secure with three sessions as opposed to two. I think I'm able to make choices about what to talk about more easily and spontaneously because I feel much less time pressure. So, I'm pretty sure it would be better for me all around to do three times a week.
I guess I really need to talk about this with my T. Here's the crazy part. I don't want to waste one of my only two sessions on this!!!!
I think your T is right in one way that it's better not to overplan the therapy. I'm also like you in that I'm a compulsiver overplanner. And I feel disappointed when I plan something to say and then it goes over less well than I'd hoped. And usually the spontaneous stuff is just more real, and therefore more enjoyable, for the listener/participant.
Falls, your support in general these days has meant a lot to me.
crushed
This is the end of the thread.
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