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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 29, 2004, at 22:30:10
Poet, I apologise for my tangent viewpoint. I'd like another chance to say it better.
Of course their is a 25 yearold link to that inner child. Eric Berne of transactional analysis, "Games People Play" and Regression pioneer, Jackie Schiff, "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden" to name two sources of the inner child as an ego-state. Both were ground breaking therapists turned authur. Along with Werner Erhardt and EST, getting in touch with the purity and sensibility of our youth seemed the way out from turmoil.
What we have learned from the nuero folks and the Cognitive community is that there really is a reason that you can't make a binding contract with a child. They don't have all their juices yet. This begs the question: why is, "Finding your inner child such a good Idea?"
Also, the fallout from Regression Therapy is still ruining lives. Eric Berne died of a heart attack in 1970. Werner Erhardt's EST was bought by Scientology and turned into Landmark Education, working with executives to better their social fitness in the business world. Not much hipe left for seeking your inner child.
And, if you have read any of my posts you'll know that I am trying desparately to stay here without PBC's and still urge all to seek maturity, with the payoff that we get to use grown-up tools to help us with our lives, and stop missing our childhoods that were so chock full of pain and limitations of our youthful minds.
Rejoice in the options available in adulthood!
Rod
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 8:12:25
In reply to Poet: My 'hack' may have left you high and dry, posted by 64Bowtie on March 29, 2004, at 22:30:10
Rod, are you insulting "inner children"? Are you saying that they aren't worthwhile? That they aren't worth listening to? That therapists should just ignore them? That people should just ignore their own "inner child"?
Or do you just lack belief? It doesn't sound as if you lack belief since you appear to say it's harmful to get in touch with your inner child, and it's better to stay with the grown up part of you.
Getting in touch with your inner child often doesn't have much, if anything, to do with getting in touch with the purity and sensibility of our youth. And not much to do with missing our childhoods. For many of us, getting in touch with the younger self within means soothing a part of us that is hurting and angry. And a part that the "grown up" part of us has tried to ignore and silence if not do away with for most of our lives. Because it's darn inconvenient to have a part of you that hurts and that is angry. Ignoring it and hoping it goes away seems a much better and more sensible alternative.
But guess what? "Inner children" won't be ignored forever. They'll scream to be heard and make your life difficult until they're heard.
Not because they're bad. Not because they want attention. Not because they're horrible. Because they hurt and because they're hurting has been minimized, ignored, and scoffed at by the "grown up" part of their being. It's not so horrid to want to be heard. It's not even terribly childish.
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 30, 2004, at 12:33:22
In reply to Re: Poet: My 'hack' may have left you high and dry » 64Bowtie, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 8:12:25
(((Dinah))), I seemed to have struck a nerve. Hang in there. I'm always on your side.
I am defiantly advocating that we embrace our whole being; our warts and all!!! Yes, we have an inner child. Embrace it. Cure it. Love it. Stay alive so it can live. Just don't waste our time living vicariously THROUGH our inner child. First, we are adults. We know how to behave like both a child and an adult. Which one works and which one is a failure?
Most inner child linked behavior is what gets us in trouble. If we got a dose of bad parenting growing up, how can we see the difference? (and 80% of us did statistically). Adults no longer have to act like children. As an adult, be the good parent of our own inner child. And don't make our inner child a malatropic scapegoat forcing us to magically misbehave and ruin our lives. A questions I ask clients is, "Do you believe in magic or do you believe in options?" Another is, "Do you believe in expectations or do you believe in plans and goals?"
All of us please, don't quiet our hurting by killing our inner child who is crying out in pain for relief. Ya' see, since our inner child is part of us, if we kill the inner child, we kill ourselves. Catch22...
Rod
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 12:45:45
In reply to Re: Poet: My 'hack' - Hmmm...struck a nerve... » Dinah, posted by 64Bowtie on March 30, 2004, at 12:33:22
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 12:48:50
In reply to Re: Poet: My 'hack' - Hmmm...struck a nerve... » Dinah, posted by 64Bowtie on March 30, 2004, at 12:33:22
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 12:55:09
In reply to Re: Poet: My 'hack' - Hmmm...struck a nerve... » Dinah, posted by 64Bowtie on March 30, 2004, at 12:33:22
In fact, I object to the entire concept that the "rational" oh so grown up part of people is the part that should be in control all the time and be the only part to interact with others.
The "inner child" has a lot to contribute and no one part is better or more important than the other. And it's when people learn *that* that they will be a lot more at peace with themselves.
Self acceptance means acceptance of *all* of yourself and valuing *all* of yourself.
Touch a nerve? I guess you *could* put it that way.
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 30, 2004, at 13:09:15
In reply to Re: My inner child is not a WART (nm) » 64Bowtie, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 12:45:45
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 30, 2004, at 13:45:59
In reply to Re: Poet: My 'hack' - Hmmm...struck a nerve... » 64Bowtie, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 12:55:09
(((Dinah))), I will personalize this to stay away from PBCs...
Personally my life is too busy and complicated to leave it to the likes of my inner child.
I wrote an article in 1991 how control is the bad word, and management is the good word, when talking about manipulation. If I am being manipulated by my inner child, be assured that my inner child is controlling me. And I am compelled to act without knowing why.....
Actually, operating as an adult, when someone manages me with caring and options, I am satisfied with the nature of the manipulation. (That wasn't in the 1991 article; I just saw it right now).
Management is manipulation for the sake of all, and everyone benefits. Control is manipulation for the sake of self, and only I benefit and everyone else can suck an egg! (like that...)
I am 'enough' and fully capable of living my life. I have an inner child I am aware of. Get me on a roll and my inner child will do 15 minutes of spontaneous 'stand-up', and without the audience throwing things at me, even. I take life on, on its own terms. I do a better job as an adult. My impishness has cost me friends, money, and even jobs in the past.
I can choose, make choices, as an adult. I am compelled as a child. So, I choose to live my life as the adult that I am. Ever since I made this choice, I stopped hearing voices telling me how to act and how to be. Today I speak with one voice and it is mine.
FYI, I am a slow-study late-bloomer. I was 41 when I made that choice. Today at 52, I have had many moons to ponder the wisdom of that decision.
Rod
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 16:41:05
In reply to My life is too complicated.... » Dinah, posted by 64Bowtie on March 30, 2004, at 13:45:59
For my tone, which may have been a bit snappy. I've had a very stressful couple of days at work, and it's definitely has taken a toll on me.
I still stand by my words in that my inner child is just as valuable a part of me as any other, and deserves as much respect.
It's your business how you treat your own inner child.
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 30, 2004, at 21:30:17
In reply to Re: I apologize » 64Bowtie, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 16:41:05
i think the "inner child" should be treated
with as much love and understanding as i would treat my own children..or" babies "?
we cant forget that we were once kids anymore than we can forget who we are now..
never apologize for how we feel..or how we were once feeling..
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 31, 2004, at 12:39:08
In reply to Re: I apologize, posted by justyourlaugh on March 30, 2004, at 21:30:17
"Home Coming" by John Bradshaw, about championing the inner child....
Rod
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 31, 2004, at 12:43:01
In reply to Re: Re: Try this » justyourlaugh, posted by 64Bowtie on March 31, 2004, at 12:39:08
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 31, 2004, at 20:01:15
In reply to Across the Pond, y'alls may not know Bradshaw (nm) » 64Bowtie, posted by 64Bowtie on March 31, 2004, at 12:43:01
Posted by Poet on March 31, 2004, at 23:15:40
In reply to Re: Re: Try this » justyourlaugh, posted by 64Bowtie on March 31, 2004, at 12:39:08
I think all inner children deserve the love and compassion they did not get. She needs love and I know it needs to come from me, and that's what makes reconnecting with her so damn hard.
I'm hoping her safe place will make me feel safe. If I feel safe, maybe I can stop blaming myself and telling myself I deserved all the bad things that happened to me.
Tomorrow I go back to talking about my childhood, oh joy. I think it's a two Ambien night for me.
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on April 1, 2004, at 9:14:16
In reply to Inner Children w/ w/out warts, posted by Poet on March 31, 2004, at 23:15:40
This is the end of the thread.
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