![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 17:35:16
I started thinking about starting this thread after reading gardengirl's post about not crying in her T's office for the first time - or at least the first time in a long time. I've been through 8+ years of therapy with a few different Ts without so much as welling up, even in the middle of some very painful sessions. The other day my T asked me what I thought it would feel like if I totally broke down in front of her. It seemed rather academic to me since I've never done it, and don't think I have control over this anyway. I am curious however about what it does feel like, and how your T responds.
Mair
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 22, 2004, at 17:46:44
In reply to Crying in your T's office, posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 17:35:16
Hi Mair,
I have busted up crying maybe 4-6 times in the 2-3 years I have seen my T...I hate to lose control with *anyone* and can usually choke it back or even kind of dissocaite....but have lost it a few times with T ..anyhow he was very sweet and handed me some Kleenex not the whole box and he looked so hurt for me, twice his eyes misted too ..he was sympathtic and really quite wonderful all in all. I didn't feel like an idiot as I expected and I looked ok my make up didnt run. But still I try not too.
Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2004, at 18:45:50
In reply to Crying in your T's office, posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 17:35:16
Can't say for sure. Sometimes it feels great, sometimes it feels awful but later I feel good, and sometimes it feels awful and later I have a splitting headache and wish I could lay down and sleep for a year. Does that give you a definitive answer? lol.
When it feels great the tears roll down my cheeks, the tension is released and my nose doesn't even run.
When it feels awful and it stays awful it feels like my head is about to explode and I can actually feel the blood pounding through my head and count the pulses and wonder idly if I'm going to have an apoplectic fit.
Posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 21:16:55
In reply to Re: Crying in your T's office » mair, posted by Dinah on March 22, 2004, at 18:45:50
Posted by bell_75 on March 23, 2004, at 3:34:16
In reply to Re: Crying in your T's office » mair, posted by Dinah on March 22, 2004, at 18:45:50
My T is very welcoming and patient when it comes to me crying I just wish I could feel the same. I often wonder if he had therapy when he was young (he once disclosed he was a suicidal teen) and so i wonder if he knows what its like to cry in front of your therapist. I feel so completely exposed and just...naked. All my security has gone and i just knooow i look terrible, cause I feel it. What really touches me is if i can notice his eyes a little watery...its hard to tell tho because he wears glasses and i dont want to make it obvious that im looking closely.
He offers me tissues and sits there *watching* me which is what puts me off. I know hes not purposely watching me cry hes just allowing me to let it out and waiting till i feel ready to talk again. I admire the patience therapists have with their clients...i usually recovery quickly but i wonder if he'd let me cry and cry for along time.
I often put myself down about it too..i say stuff like "aah im sorry I'm such a cry baby" and that i hate crying. He tells me its good though and that hes glad i do because it shows i can express my emotions and its part of the healing and 'grieving' for things i've lost.
No matter what he says i still feel like hell when i do it and i cant just embrace the fact that its just a way of expressing my sadness, i feel so vulnerable. I'm just glad hes trained to be so understanding and supportive. If he said
"oh stop that!" then I'd be worried...and probably cry more but in a bad way lol
Dont worry if you dont tho...its something thats gotta come when its ready. You'll know when you need to and when you do it'll be a relief.
~Bell
Posted by DaisyM on March 23, 2004, at 10:43:47
In reply to Crying in your T's office, posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 17:35:16
I pretty much only cry in my real life when I am really mad or frustrated. I've cried a tiny bit in therapy only twice but I well up a lot. I just hold back the storm.
When I do that my Therapist usually asks, in his most gentle voice, "is it still not OK to cry here?" His voice alone makes you want to break down. I tell him it isn't the place, it is crying over all the old stuff. I struggle to not let it get to me like that.
I have, however, had a totally sobbing melt down when on the phone with him. But he couldn't see me...maybe that is the secret?
Posted by pegasus on March 23, 2004, at 11:23:57
In reply to Crying in your T's office, posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 17:35:16
I've been crying in every session lately. I didn't used to cry all the time, but lately everything I talk about is just overwhelmingly sad. It generally feels terrible, but my T is very nice about it. She generally tries to carry on the conversation. Last session, I couldn't get some words out because I was trying not to cry, and finally I just said, "OK, I think I better give up trying not to cry." She said, "I think it would be great if you gave up trying not to cry." That felt good. Although crying through the following conversation felt bad. To me it always feels like I'm being self indulgent when I cry, and that I should be able to be more stoic.
- p
Posted by Raindancer on March 23, 2004, at 13:19:06
In reply to Crying in your T's office, posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 17:35:16
Just lately I cry a lot, partly because my T has talked about ending. I sometimes have to wait several weeks to see him and when I do the dam often bursts and I become a helpless wreck. I find it very painful and don't feel a lot better afterwards. He sits and looks worried but is totally there with me.
Posted by Elle2021 on March 24, 2004, at 1:12:41
In reply to Crying in your T's office, posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 17:35:16
> I am curious however about what it does feel like, and how your T responds.
I have only cried once, but I have come close to crying on several occasions. The one time I did cry, she just handed me a tissue and kept talking. She didn't acknowledge it otherwise.
Elle
Posted by gardenergirl on March 24, 2004, at 5:39:51
In reply to Re: Crying in your T's office, posted by Elle2021 on March 24, 2004, at 1:12:41
My T tends not to respond, unless I make some comment about hating crying or being embarrassed about it. I don't usually say that anymore. I just start crying and let it come. I guess I have become desensitized to feeling embarrassed about it. And I do think it helps me get out a lot of inner pain in a safe place.
But I really hate that red, puffy, snotty, drippy, gritty feeling afterwards, especially if I have a client scheduled after my own session. I try not to, but sometimes I have about a half hour to pull myself together before I see someone else who, early on, tended to cry a lot too. I think she thinks I have terrible allergies. :)
gg
Posted by cubic_me on March 24, 2004, at 6:29:21
In reply to Re: Crying in your T's office, posted by gardenergirl on March 24, 2004, at 5:39:51
I've never cried in a session, I'd hate to let myself be that vulnerable. It's much safer to just push everything down and not feel anything. I only cry rarely tho, so I suppose its not surprising. I find it wierd thinking that therapists see so many people crying, and yet I find it the hardest place to cry.
Posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 7:26:24
In reply to Re: Crying in your T's office, posted by cubic_me on March 24, 2004, at 6:29:21
My last session was very unusual - I didn't cry!
Most of the time I have scattered tears running down my cheeks. I don't take a Kleenex unless my nose is running, as well. I count the number of Kleenex I need (he doesn't have a wastebasket next to my chair - I think he should) and that tells me how hard the session was.
Occasionally the tears will get heavy, and I have to pause before I can go on. Once I got hysterical, and was crying really hard. I had trouble talking, and I would put my head back and close my eyes to try to limit the stimulation into my brain. He was hammering me about something and everytime I closed my eyes he would tell me that I needed to open them so that I would be listening. That was an awful session. It is interesting that we are talking about that session and we saw the "argument" completely differently (I heard that he wouldn't let me talk about what I wanted to talk about, we had to talk about his topic. He says he has never told me I couldn't talk about something.)
He completely ignores the scattered tears, and so do I - just one of those things that happen.
Posted by All Done on March 24, 2004, at 8:54:34
In reply to Crying in your T's office, posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 17:35:16
I probably cry about once a month in my T's office. He just sits quietly until I'm ready to say something (which is usually pretty quick because I hate too much silence and I resist a total meltdown).
A few months ago, I told him I was feeling guilty, though, because I started crying in front of my husband and I thought to myself, "I wish he was my T instead because my T always just lets me cry." My husband doesn't want to see me upset and looks for ways to help me stop crying. On the good side, though, at least my husband hugs me when I cry. I can really let loose if I have a literal shoulder to cry on. Can't have that with my T :(.
Unfortunately, I think I cry altogether too much.
Posted by Poet on March 24, 2004, at 19:01:08
In reply to Crying in your T's office, posted by mair on March 22, 2004, at 17:35:16
I've only cried in therapy once. I wouldn't look at her, and I kept apologizing and saying how much I hate crying. When I finally needed a kleenex and had to turn towards her, she just had a look of sympathy on her face and said it's safe to cry here.
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on March 25, 2004, at 23:30:45
In reply to Re: Crying in your T's office, posted by Poet on March 24, 2004, at 19:01:08
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2004, at 0:32:07
In reply to Ack, now crying in my own office, not T's (nm), posted by gardenergirl on March 25, 2004, at 23:30:45
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.