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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:07:05
I would like to hear from others, what issues they are struggling with discussing with their T.
I find it most difficult to speak to my T about my feelings for him. It is important to me to clarify how I feel but the depth and intensity makes me uncomfortable, even though I feel it is important. But challenging myself has made me stronger and able to talk about issues that are very important for my recovery (sexual abuse/sexuality).
Posted by Camille Dumont on February 25, 2004, at 9:23:43
In reply to What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:07:05
Well, my psychologist is female so ... attraction feelings are not an issue.
However, there are many things I just can't seem to get myself to tell her ... mainly related to my AVPD traits ... I've never been able to admit how strong and pervasive the distorted thinking can get.
I've considered doing pretty stupid things ... not to kill myself or ... but to either end up in jail or the hospital. Sort of like wishing I didn't have to bother about life ... to be able to let others make all the decisions for me. I know its quite irrational and its annoying as the thoughts tend to get worse if I'm stressed.
I can't talk about it with her because it makes me feel cowardly.
Posted by cubic_me on February 25, 2004, at 9:35:17
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by Camille Dumont on February 25, 2004, at 9:23:43
I've never talked to my T about the maternal attraction thing I seem to have for some women who seem caring or are in authority, which has been a big thing in my life, but I just can't discuss it out loud.
I have real trouble talking about how I feel about situations too. Recounting the facts is fine, but I feel ashamed of what I think and feel.
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 25, 2004, at 10:26:33
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by Camille Dumont on February 25, 2004, at 9:23:43
i am an alcoholic..
i pick holes in my head and pull out my hair..
but i think these are effects of issues that i am with holding
j
Posted by Racer on February 25, 2004, at 11:05:35
In reply to What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:07:05
Maybe we should make up a syndrome to go with that title, hey? Get it in the DSM?
I haven't gotten yet to how often I sabotage myself, and in how many ways. I haven't gotten to the subject of my eating or my weight or my worries about the same. And we were just barely starting to touch on the whole self-contradicting expectations thing when the ex-therapist was promoted out of clinical practice.
(Speaking of which, I called the new one yesterday, after a total meltdown, and SHE CALLED BACK!!! Make a note of this: calling back counts for a lot.)
And I know I'm back into starvation land, and I know that my body image is distorted again, and, while I can type it anonymously on this machine, I can't say it out loud, and I can't admit it when someone brings it up to me. It feels as if I could admit it to someone who approached it "right," but I don't know what right means in this case. Asking me "are you eating?" certainly ain't the right way, nor is "are you still losing weight?" And I know I'll lie about it all, if given a chance, so it's sort of another example of automagically setting myself up for defeat. I guess that's a big one that I'm withholding. That, and the fears surrounding it and causing it.
Good question, and thanks for posting it. It's so much easier to put some of this into writing from an anonymous place, and I just can't say it face to face.
(Oh, yeah, and it's probably not surprising that the pdoc and therapist haven't figured out how badly I'm doing: yesterday, my husband got shocked by how bad it was for me right now. He'd thought I was doing much better. If I can hide that well from someone who sees me every day, think how easily I must be overlooked by people who see me once a month or once a week?)
Posted by phazedout on February 25, 2004, at 13:01:37
In reply to What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:07:05
Tell you what it would be easier to ask what I am telling her - WHAT SHE WANTS TO HEAR. It really doesn't matter what I say as by the time I see her the next week she has changed it, slightly but definitively, to something she wants it to be. So after so many sessions of this I just don't bother telling her anything :-)
Posted by shortelise on February 25, 2004, at 13:20:11
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by phazedout on February 25, 2004, at 13:01:37
The few things I am holding back, I tell myself don't matter. That I have dealt with so much else, it can't possibly matter what happened when I was five or six and seven, and what happened after that, and the deep and insurmountable shame I feel. It can't possibly matter, right? (Ha!) He knows there are things I have been unable to tell him, something that caused me to dissociate there in his office (what a weird feeling!) when he pressed me ever so slightly to talk about it.
ShortE
Posted by Poet on February 25, 2004, at 13:39:21
In reply to What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:07:05
Hi Tinydancer,
My childhood. We were working through some of the trauma and I couldn't handle it so she agreed to back off until I'm ready to talk. It's been months and I know it's time to get back to it, but I have new job related issues that I think I need to work through first. Then again, that's a just an excuse, isn't it?
Poet
Posted by Elle2021 on February 25, 2004, at 15:41:12
In reply to What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:07:05
> I would like to hear from others, what issues they are struggling with discussing with their T.
1. My childhood
2. SexThose are the major ones, I avoid them like a plague.
Elle
Posted by Elle2021 on February 25, 2004, at 15:45:51
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by cubic_me on February 25, 2004, at 9:35:17
> Recounting the facts is fine, but I feel ashamed of what I think and feel.
Me too. I can describe a uncomfortable situation, but if my T asks me how I feel about something... then I shut up and have nothing to say, no response. I think my feelings are either incorrect, unwarrented, stupid, etc. I'm also embarrassed of them.
Elle
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2004, at 18:35:06
In reply to What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:07:05
No issues at all. He knows all.
I don't share my fantasies or daydreams.
a) It's none of his business.
b) When he asked me about my daydreams I lost them. I just couldn't daydream anymore. :( And I hadn't even told him what they were. They haven't come back (this was seven or eight years ago) but I have hope that they'll return. Dang it, I miss them. So I won't share.
Posted by All Done on February 25, 2004, at 21:54:18
In reply to What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:07:05
I try so hard to at least mention everything to my therapist. I guess I hope that he'll ask more questions if I don't thoroughly cover something, but he doesn't really push anything.
Thinking about it now, though, I realize I've never told him I hate the way I look. I've also found it almost impossible to give him even the most cursory account of a sexual dream I had about him.
Posted by All Done on February 25, 2004, at 22:13:13
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T? » tinydancer, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2004, at 18:35:06
>When he asked me about my daydreams I lost them. I just couldn't daydream anymore. :( And I hadn't even told him what they were. They haven't come back (this was seven or eight years ago) but I have hope that they'll return. Dang it, I miss them. So I won't share.
This makes me sad, Dinah. I'm sorry it happened to you.
You have such a way with words, though, and part of that must come from imagination. Don't imagination and daydreams go hand in hand?
Posted by gardenergirl on February 26, 2004, at 6:56:04
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T? » Dinah, posted by All Done on February 25, 2004, at 22:13:13
There is something I did in the past that I am extremely ashamed of. I have told my husband, and he was quite disappointed. I just can't risk it with my T right now. But I know down the road, when we have dealt with other stuff first, I will someday be able to tell him. Perhaps after I have corrected the situation if I can.
gg
Posted by catachrest on February 26, 2004, at 14:46:23
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by gardenergirl on February 26, 2004, at 6:56:04
There's a certain thing in my life I've only ever revealed to one person, and I don't feel I could ever talk to my t about it - not because I'm afraid he'd disapprove, but because I'm afraid he'd tell me it was okay.
Posted by Crooked Heart on February 26, 2004, at 16:17:10
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by phazedout on February 25, 2004, at 13:01:37
> by the time I see her the next week she has changed it, slightly but definitively, to something she wants it to be.
Been there, done that! (or had it done to me!). To be fair, my therapist was open to being challenged about that, and even spotted herself doing it once or twice. How do you think your t would react if you brought this up with her?
Posted by mair on February 26, 2004, at 21:47:47
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T? » tinydancer, posted by All Done on February 25, 2004, at 21:54:18
I, too, have never told my therapist that I hate the way I look. I'm ashamed that I even think about it because it seems so shallow.
Posted by All Done on February 26, 2004, at 22:42:21
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T? » All Done, posted by mair on February 26, 2004, at 21:47:47
I just worry that my therapist will confirm my suspicions and it will be grammar school revisited :(.
I suppose I wouldn't worry that my therapist would think I'm shallow since I think of shallow as more of an attitude toward others as opposed to an attitude toward myself. And I judge myself about a *million* times harder than anyone else.
Posted by Kind Girl on February 27, 2004, at 0:51:46
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T? » mair, posted by All Done on February 26, 2004, at 22:42:21
1. That I need her more and more
2. That I wish she would adopt me
3. That I miss her when I am not with her
4. That I talk to myself all day long...literally have conversations with myself (no one knows this and you guys are the first ones I have told)
5. That I think about her all day long and worry I am gay because of it
6. I wish I could tell her how badly I really feel inside all day long and how I doubt this therapy thing will make a difference...it is too late for me...I am irrepairable so quit wasting your time with me.....GOOD QUESTION!!!
Posted by DaisyM on February 27, 2004, at 1:15:42
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by Kind Girl on February 27, 2004, at 0:51:46
I haven't told him about Babble and I don't bring my financial concerns into therapy.
Now that I've thought about this, I'll have to figure out why I haven't. My first hit is that I am pretty good at practical problem solving. So even if it is on my mind, it isn't disturbing.and Babble...well, I guess I'm not sure how he would react.
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 27, 2004, at 14:10:09
In reply to What issues are you holding back from your T?, posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:07:05
I have withheld (I think he wants that it seems )the *depth of my feelings*. I have not told him I was not only raped a couple times by men I told him that but was molested kinda by a female with a kinky twist..an animal too her idea I was 5 but :-/...and I cannot LOOK at anyone and say that...Geeze i posted it thats sickening enough I was 5. I havemt told him those things cause he fill find me vile maybe and I already feel not good enough :-/ IF I was good enough it seems he would quit flirting and he does..and move it to more. I really want this guy bad or not to do so
Posted by KindGirl on February 27, 2004, at 16:21:19
In reply to Re: What issues are you holding back from your T? » tinydancer, posted by Fallen4myT on February 27, 2004, at 14:10:09
Hi Tiny
I just read your note about the thing that happened when you were 5. I am so sorry that happened...whatever it was, you were vague and I know it must be so hard to even write about it. Good for you for taking that risk. We have to get this stuff out in the light so it can be seen and healed and that is so so so so so hard, isn't it?In case you didn't realize...you were 5. You were 5. You were 5!!! You did nothing wrong but yet we shame ourselves mercilessly for what happened to us. It wasn't your fault but I know you are ashamed about all of it, and for that I am so mad about what happened to you. I am so mad at what happened to me too. I am totally screwed up from all the abuse....mental, emotional, neglect, sexual abuse by my teacher, sexual innuendo from my dad,inappropriate sexual behavior by my mother (telling me details of her sex life as if I was her therapist when I was like 9 years old....YUCK!!!!).
They are sickos, Dancer. I am so glad you are here and I am so glad you are sharing. I would love to read more of whatever you want to write. I know that the more we practice talking about it, no matter how hard it is, no matter how shaming it is, it gets easier and easier over time and the shame dies down a little. Maybe if you can keep opening up here about the things that are so painful you might be able to share with your T. someday. I don't know who you are, you are a name on a screen (yes I know you are another human being, but I say that so you don't shame yourself so much!)....so feel free to write whatever you want because I am here listening as are a lot of other people!!!
Posted by tinydancer on February 29, 2004, at 2:09:15
In reply to Tiny D..., posted by KindGirl on February 27, 2004, at 16:21:19
Thank you for your note for me. Sometimes it is nice to feel someone notices you. I'm struggling with the one friend I have and it is so dificult to know what the right thing is to do.
It is very hard to talk about it. I have DID, and the minute I start talking about it, I just get so sick. When you feel your body responding in such a way you just lose faith in why it is important to talk about it. But I keep working at it anyway.
I know that my T was meant for me, somehow, somewhere it was all decided. Another guardian angel. His gentle nature and total understanding in treating me is enough to restore my faith that I am doing the right thing, even when my body fights back....
Please email me if you would like to.
[xxx]
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