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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 12:24:13
Hi everyone,
This is my second thread here and you all sound like such a cool group of souls!!!! I love dropping in and reading your stuff...it all sounds so wise and so right on....very refreshing!!!!Anyway, don't know if anyone can offer opinion on this...but....my t. has said over and over again that my "work" in therapy is being in relationship with her. After hashing it out with her for clarity, I am understanding that she is saying that she is going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life. She said that, over time, she will come inside of me and be a part of me, like how a mom becomes part of her child...and even after a parent dies the child (of relatively 'normal' parents) has a sense of that parent(s) inside....the good memories, the lessons learned, the experience of being loved and valued.
I am wondering how long I will be in therapy. She said you can't put a time on it and that therapy is not a "one size fits all,".... but if I could have my way I would be in therapy the rest of my life. I have never had anyone care for me the way she does, and I just can't see myself having enough of it that I don't need it anymore.
Does anyone else feel this way? My hubby asks me "So how long are you planning on doing this?"...and I know he doesn't understand how I never had a mom and how I have needed a mom my entire life and think I may have found someone to fill that void for me....but still I wonder the same thing.
Thanks, kind, wise souls for whatever insight/exp you want to share!!
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2004, at 12:29:34
In reply to How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 12:24:13
I've told my therapist that he'll have to wrap my body from around his legs like one of those cartoon images, then have the security guards pry my fingers from his door frame.
I think he finally believes me, too. Because he will admit to retiring or dying now, but not to potential termination.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 12:54:55
In reply to How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 12:24:13
Hi there Kind Girl!
I know that with my first therapist, the only part that sticks with me is what he told me our last session. I asked for an honest evaluation, and boy did he give it. He said I was like a girl, stuck out in a river and people were throwing me a life saver but Iw as too busy asking questions like, "What if the line breaks?" What if they aren't strong enough to pull me in?", ect... And that comment will stick with me forever...
My current therapist I don't ever want to leave. He's taught me so much, about men, about life, just about everything in general. But, I will be moving from this horrid town in about a year. So, I know that our time will be over then.
I told him once, if I moved an hour away and still needed therapy, I would drive to see him. He said that was fine.
I thik therapy is over once you and your therapist decide that you have become the person you really want ot be. After you have set goals (have you set goals??) and reached those goals, assuming nothing else has come up, it's time to move on. Of ocurse, your therapist's voice will always be in your head. And that's what's so wonderful about it. It's like you have a piece of that person still guiding you..
Posted by DaisyM on February 9, 2004, at 13:39:34
In reply to How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 12:24:13
My Therapist is always honest that "this will end." But he makes it clear that it won't before I'm ready. And that always makes me kind of sad. And scared. He also recently asked if I carry him with me when I'm not in his office. I said sometimes but I didn't think I was "supposed" do...feels like obsessing or not standing on my own two feet...I don't know.
I think it is great that you have found someone to connect with.
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 9, 2004, at 13:49:22
In reply to How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 12:24:13
Hi I am kind but not sure on the wise :) I was in therapy once before and it lasted a couple years we quit for a while YEARS..I had another crisis she saw me again for a short time THEN I was FINE for many many years untill about 3 years ago. I have been seeing my T NEW ONE MALE...for about 2 years and I see no end in sight :) hahaha thank God :) So I think it comes down to when YOU feel you can break away and have dealt with your issues. I know my husband would love a new car and what I spend a month on T would do it :) but no way I NEED my T and as long as I FEEL a NEED I am staying.
Posted by EmmyS on February 9, 2004, at 14:08:47
In reply to How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 12:24:13
Once upon a time, I rushed from my T's to a psych class. I stayed after class to ask my prof for a book title. As we were talking, I was rummaging around in my bag for a pen, and found that I had walked off with my T's pen. I said outloud, but sorta mumbling to myself, "Wow, what does it mean from a Freudian perspective when you accidently walk off your therapist's big fat fountain pen?". My prof said, "It means you're not yet ready to stop therapy!"
I loved it.
Emmy
Posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 14:57:26
In reply to Re: How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by EmmyS on February 9, 2004, at 14:08:47
thanks everyone...
yeah there is the adult part of me that thinks I could certainly use the money I am spending on t. in more useful places for my family, and then there is the little kid part of me who was abused so long and wants a mom or a dad....My t. says the same thing..."when you are ready, you are ready"...and she says to me right now "you don't have to ever leave...even if you 'get better'...you can stay as long as you want."I do not understand this relationship at all....she is the most important person in my life and yet I don't know her home phone number or her address or anything about her really. and I hate that!!!!
Posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 15:08:02
In reply to How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 12:24:13
> Does anyone else feel this way? My hubby asks me "So how long are you planning on doing this?"...and I know he doesn't understand how I never had a mom and how I have needed a mom my entire life and think I may have found someone to fill that void for me....but still I wonder the same thing.
Yeah, I totally went through that with my husband. I think to some degree maybe he was jealous, but mostly I think he doubted how much I needed to be in therapy. He really can't fathom the relationship I had with my mom. He also didn't like spending the money on it as I had to pay out of pocket, but he finally came around and stopped asking. Like you, I kind of wondered myself how long I'd be going. I'm not now, but I think I'll go back at some point to finish what I started.
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2004, at 18:12:34
In reply to Re: How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 14:57:26
> and she says to me right now "you don't have to ever leave...even if you 'get better'...you can stay as long as you want."
>Mine says the same thing if I ask. But I'm almost positive it's because he wants me to try my hardest to get better without the fear that it will lead to my abandonment. I expect that if I ever got enough better I wouldn't mind leaving, or at least just coming in infrequently. (But shhhh, don't tell me that. I might get scared.)
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2004, at 18:13:22
In reply to Re: How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by EmmyS on February 9, 2004, at 14:08:47
Posted by Poet on February 9, 2004, at 21:53:30
In reply to How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by KindGirl on February 9, 2004, at 12:24:13
Hi KindGirl,
I've been in therapy for about 1 1/2 years and still have many things to work through. I don't think of my therapist as a mother, just someone who I know that when I need her will be there for me.
My husband is there for me, too, but my therapist sees the positive changes in me right away. We've got so much more to explore, including going back to my childhood, which I've avoided for months.
How long to stay in therapy? I guess for me, it's when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, without my therapist holding the light.
Poet
Posted by CarrotCake on February 10, 2004, at 5:26:27
In reply to Re: How long do we stay in therapy? » KindGirl, posted by Poet on February 9, 2004, at 21:53:30
Is it right that so many of us find ourselves seeing no end to this? Surely we haven't entered into the biggest pyramid scheme going.
Isn't our goal to live life without T? With the inbuilt ability to handle and deal with what life throws at us, without T.
Posted by KindGirl on February 10, 2004, at 9:53:17
In reply to Re: How long do we stay in therapy?, posted by CarrotCake on February 10, 2004, at 5:26:27
You seem to have closed the posting window without submitting a post. In case you did that by mistake, here's what was in your message box:
You bring up interesting points! I have thought these same things!
I guess all I can say is this...because I had crappy parents, abusive caregivers, lots and lots of abuse from people I trusted when I was a child, I have "attachment" issues. I am independent with a capital I. I don't need anyone or anything thank you very much. I can do it all by myself...afterall I raised myself!
My T. says this kind of independence is not healthy, not whole, not what life is about. Life is about relationships, she says. What does this mean? I have no idea. ha ha
But the picture she is painting for me, believe it or not (I am having a hard time believing it) is that she and I will be in relationship for the rest of our lives. Now, perhaps that is because my particular abuse, my particular issues are that I never had anyone give a shit about me, nobody I could count on, and this is what I need in therapy.
Another joe blow could come along and have detachment issues, I suppose, and my t. might treat him/her differently...???....
It sure is hard to listen to her, to believe her when she says she will be here as long as I need and I can call whenever I want....esp since I havce never had anyone care about me before.
If you just decided not to submit anything, that's fine, of course, and you can just ignore this.
This is the end of the thread.
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