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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on January 15, 2004, at 23:16:06
Whenever my T and I have discussed sex, we've used very clinical language, language I don't use with most friends and lovers.Is it ok to use any words at all in therapy? I assume it is. I guess I'm just too embarrassed to do it. I should probably just ask her.
Posted by Penny on January 16, 2004, at 8:28:53
In reply to more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by crushedout on January 15, 2004, at 23:16:06
>
> Whenever my T and I have discussed sex, we've used very clinical language, language I don't use with most friends and lovers.
>
> Is it ok to use any words at all in therapy? I assume it is. I guess I'm just too embarrassed to do it. I should probably just ask her.
I would think it's whatever you're comfortable with. Your T is probably comfortable with anything, so it's just your comfort level to consider.P
Posted by Poet on January 16, 2004, at 10:21:26
In reply to more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by crushedout on January 15, 2004, at 23:16:06
I use language that I'm comfortable with, even though she sticks to clinical. It's so embarrassing for me to talk about it, period; to try to be proper would be impossible.
Poet
Posted by crushedout on January 16, 2004, at 10:43:16
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » crushedout, posted by Poet on January 16, 2004, at 10:21:26
i guess my question is: does anyone ever use really raunchy language? i have friends that do, one that even tells his shrink exactly what he'd like to do to HER sexually, in raunchy terms, which i find totally shocking but kind of refreshing, too.i have a feeling people in this group aren't as raunchy as my friends, no offense to anyone.
Posted by Rigby on January 16, 2004, at 11:16:38
In reply to more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by crushedout on January 15, 2004, at 23:16:06
I sorta go with what Penny was saying--your therapist can probably handle just about any language you choose. But I think any language you choose, the content is just plain difficult. For me the difficult thing is confessing stuff like you can't "receive" or "relax"--definitely feels like I'm exposing the soft underbelly. UGH.
> Whenever my T and I have discussed sex, we've used very clinical language, language I don't use with most friends and lovers.
>
> Is it ok to use any words at all in therapy? I assume it is. I guess I'm just too embarrassed to do it. I should probably just ask her.
>
>
Posted by Penny on January 16, 2004, at 11:20:40
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by crushedout on January 16, 2004, at 10:43:16
If you're worried about offending your T, then, as you said in your first post, I would just ask her.
I guess I do curb my language *somewhat* in therapy. Not in talking about sex (since I don't really use raunchy language about that anyway), but just in general. But I don't curb my language as much with my current T as I did with my former!
But, regardless, I doubt there is much you could say to her that she would really find offensive, and, even if she did, she probably wouldn't let you know! I say, go with what YOU are comfortable with. Though it's an uncomfortable topic anyway...
P
Posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 15:29:31
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » crushedout, posted by Penny on January 16, 2004, at 11:20:40
I never curb my language with my therapist. We discussed that once when I first started seeing him. He said that he encourages even his young (as in children) clients to swear if they chose to. He wants his clients to say what they feel. I actually delight in the fact that he uses the F word as frequently as I do. It makes me feel comfortable knowing that we can talk on the same level. I'm fairly certain he doesn't swear at home or with other clients, as I'm the only one in this age bracket. But, I'm not talking to him as a professional. If I did, I'd be tempted to hold back.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 15:34:01
In reply to more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by crushedout on January 15, 2004, at 23:16:06
Personally, I've used rather vulgar language with my therapist when talking about sex. But, I tend to speak with him more as a peer. (Is that bad?) I'd say use the language you are comfortable with. I wouldn't be comfortable using technical terms. I don't even know most technical terms for sex actually. :) She isn't going to be appauled by your choice in wording. It's important that you feel comfortable when talking,s o use the language and vocabulary that you feel comfortable using.
Posted by cubic_me on January 16, 2004, at 16:33:06
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 15:34:01
Whenever I'm worried about bringing up something or phrasing something in a certain way I say to myself that my therapist has probably heard a lot worse than what I have got to say.
Thats also what I think about my ummm.....private parts when I go for a smear test! (that the doctor must have seen more ugly bits than mine!)
My therapist uses the word 'crap' quite abit (to describe how I might be feeling), tho I still feel uncomfortable using it myself.
Posted by crushedout on January 16, 2004, at 16:37:15
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by cubic_me on January 16, 2004, at 16:33:06
All good points. But: crap!!! Omigoodness. I was thinking of much more vulgar words than that.
> Whenever I'm worried about bringing up something or phrasing something in a certain way I say to myself that my therapist has probably heard a lot worse than what I have got to say.
>
> Thats also what I think about my ummm.....private parts when I go for a smear test! (that the doctor must have seen more ugly bits than mine!)
>
> My therapist uses the word 'crap' quite abit (to describe how I might be feeling), tho I still feel uncomfortable using it myself.
Posted by cubic_me on January 16, 2004, at 17:10:57
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » cubic_me, posted by crushedout on January 16, 2004, at 16:37:15
I don't think crap is vulgar either, I just don't swear when I'm talking to professionals. I can think of much more vulgar words, but I don't think I'd be comfortable using them with my therapist - that doesn't mean you shouldn't use them though.
Posted by crushedout on January 16, 2004, at 17:21:47
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by cubic_me on January 16, 2004, at 17:10:57
I'm not comfortable using the words I'm thinking of, either. I just wish I was. Since I use them with other people with whom I feel intimate. It's artificial for me to use clinical terms.Anyway, even if I don't end up using raunchy words, it could be an interesting conversation to have with my T.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 18:03:26
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by cubic_me on January 16, 2004, at 16:33:06
Crap? Huh? When I see my Pdoc or another professional I don't swear. But when I'm talking to my therapist, I swear all the time. I speak to him as if I'm speaking to a peer. And sometimes if I use sexual slang words that he isn't familiar with, I educate him. Though, that doesn't happen frequently. Maybe it is because we are close in age. Is it normal for you and your therapist to both swear? He swears just as frequently as I do. Though, he made a reference to anal sex which kinda made me shake a bit...It was just strange.
Posted by cubic_me on January 16, 2004, at 18:21:26
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » cubic_me, posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 18:03:26
Me and my therapist don't swear that often, but we use swear words occasionally - I don't think thats abnormal. I'm not someone to get angry or emotionally charged, so maybe I don't use them as much as some people would.
I'm 20 and my therapist is well over 50, so maybe I find it hard using that sort of language with someone much older than me. I prefer to keep our relationship really professional, it helps me not to think that I am wasting her time, and helps me to distance myself from her (which maybe isn't a good idea but I like it....!)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 19:55:39
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » Karen_kay, posted by cubic_me on January 16, 2004, at 18:21:26
I don't get emotionally charged at all. I just have a foul mouth :) Actually (and this is rather bad) in my German class, when the prof would ask me a question, I'd tend to speak Spanish, as I have no clue about German or what she was saying and many times I would catch myself saying obscentities in English because I was speaking the wrong language. In my defense, it was still a foreign language! She was a great professor and the class would just laugh. Oh, the shame and humiliation!
Posted by cubic_me on January 16, 2004, at 21:35:21
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » cubic_me, posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 19:55:39
Thats quite shameful Karen ;)
I like to think that therapists are perfect and don't have to use swearwords! I think I'm dumb (or nieve)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 21:49:13
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by cubic_me on January 16, 2004, at 21:35:21
I just think maybe it gives him a chance to get the swearing out before he gets home, so he doesn't say it in front of his wife and kids??? I know that therapists aren't perfect. Well, most therapists anyway. Mine is though. He's completely perfect. Except he listens to country music. ICK! And drives a minivan! Other than that, he's perfect!
So, are you going to start being more vulgar in front of your therapist?
Posted by cubic_me on January 17, 2004, at 2:56:03
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » cubic_me, posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 21:49:13
You are so funny about your therapist! I often read your posts.
I don't think I've got any reason to become more vulgar. Though I could just try it for the sake of it and see how she reacts...... I don't have a problem with sex, but I don't really enjoy masturbating - is that a problem big enough to talk about(in minute detail)?!.....I think not!
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 10:00:46
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » Karen_kay, posted by cubic_me on January 17, 2004, at 2:56:03
How do you mean I'm funny about my therapist? Do you mean to say that I'm funny regarding him, as in I'm highly defensive? Or do you mean that I'm humorous when referring to our situation? Or do you mean I have a witty personality (that's my personal favorite :) ? Thanks for saying you read my posts, I'm rather fond of them as well, but not nearly as fond of my own as I am of the many other posts by everyone else.
You shouldn't feel the need to use any language, other than that which you seem fit. If you feel comfortable using clinical terms, use clinical terms. If you'd feel more comfortable using more "vulgar" language, I say by all means do so. The only reason I swear in session is because I feel comfortable doing so. I think if I had a different therapist, I wouldn't be so apt to swear at him or her or to point out his/her short comings so frequently. My therapsit encourages me to point out his mistakes, as he is new and learning (not about sex, but about being a therapist :) But if using such technical terms does make you feel a bit uncomfortable, feel free to dumb it down a bit. I know personally I wouldn't know where to begin with clinical terms, even though I've taken Psychology of Sexual Behavior (and learned quite a bit, thank you.) Now, if I could only put it to use :(
Posted by cubic_me on January 19, 2004, at 5:54:51
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions » cubic_me, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 10:00:46
> How do you mean I'm funny about my therapist? Do you mean to say that I'm funny regarding him, as in I'm highly defensive? Or do you mean that I'm humorous when referring to our situation? Or do you mean I have a witty personality
I think you're humerous when referring to your situation AND you've got a witty personality :) No wonder you're one of your therapist's favourite clients :D
_me x
Posted by tinydancer on January 20, 2004, at 9:40:52
In reply to Re: more talking about sex in therapy questions, posted by crushedout on January 16, 2004, at 10:43:16
I use whatever language I want. I don't censor when I am with my T. Why should I? What's the point? If I am going to withhold myself then I feel I don't have much to gain. Luckily I feel really comfortable with my T but I would never stick with a T if I did not feel they were someone I could trust and be completely open with.
This is the end of the thread.
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