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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by delna on October 10, 2003, at 11:07:20
Hi all
I have bipolar disorder, and am the most stable that I have ever been. However I still have some minor moodswings.
I was wondering how others deal with people and friends. Mainly with potential partners or potential friends.If you dont reveal your illness to someone,
I have found that if you cancel or dont meet someone because you are not feeling well they assume you are an awful person or avoiding them.so you really end up losing people from your life and end up isolated.If you do reveal that you suffer from depression or bipolar most people associate this with a personal weakness and with ordinary sadness and lecture you about learning to deal with life. which is really annoying and minimises the extent of your suffering.
If you do reveal the real nature off the disease saying that it is a chemical imbalance and that only anticonvulsants stabalize you (asin my case)- u are considered as someone eratic and people would rather avoid you as they dont really want to take on the complication of dealing with a seriously mentally ill person.
so which one is better- being mean/nasty: weak: or 'crazy'
neither as far as i am concerened. so how do you build a life- especially a social life or deal with romantic relations.any one else with these problems??
thnx for reading
delna
Posted by tinydancer on October 10, 2003, at 13:04:21
In reply to how do you explain your illness, posted by delna on October 10, 2003, at 11:07:20
Delna, this is a tough topic indeed. One thing I feel is important to remember is that you do not OWE people an explanation. Just like someone does not OWE it to you to tell them they have a son who died at 2 years old, or that they lived through cancer, or anything else. You are in control and can choose with a clear conscience whom you wish to tell. I think that it is important to be choosy and indentify the plusses and negatives to telling different people. I come from a large family myself, and love them all very, very much and am very close to my them all, but only my mother and father know my DID diagnosis because I do not feel it is necessary to share this with the rest of them. When I was dating my husband, I introduced my problems in a very general way just so that he knew I had had a difficult time in my life. After about a year I told him about my diagnosis and it was fine. It is tough to know who to tell. It is also tough when you want to tell someone who perhaps you know in your heart you probably shouldn't tell. I think that the most important thing is to not feel that you owe people an explanation. As if they have to inspect you from head to toe before they will enter willingly into a relationship with you, either as a friend or lover. That is not how it works. I am really tired out tonight (I am in Europe) but I wanted to try to give you a few thoughts, more to come OK hang in there!!
Posted by karen_kay on October 10, 2003, at 15:46:25
In reply to Re: how do you explain your illness, posted by tinydancer on October 10, 2003, at 13:04:21
For me it depends. I have Bipolar disorder. If I am manic, I tell everyone. Ooopsie Daisy! But seriously. My closest friends know. But, they have always known that I have mood swings. My acquaintances, I feel, really don't need to know. If I am depressed then I just tell them that I have had a bad day and don't really feel like doing anything. If they begin to question, I let them know that I am in fact a moody person. If they don't like it they can go. I figure that I am a pretty fun person to be around and if they cannot handle my mood swings then they aren't really true "karen" material. It all depends on what you really look for in a friend. I was depressed for over 2 years and didn't call my closest friends at all. Today I see them weekly and they live over an hour away. You see, if they are your friends then it doesn't matter. It is a judgement call. Whomever you feel needs to know, you should tell. The others, you can just let them know that you happen to be a moody person.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on October 11, 2003, at 21:46:43
In reply to Re: how do you explain your illness, posted by karen_kay on October 10, 2003, at 15:46:25
Hi Delna.
I have some severe problems, Bipolar 1, DID, Borderline. The DID has sort of shown itself to some people I am close to. It can be hard to hide multiple personalities. The Bipolar, I was sort of successfuly able to hide until I crashed hard and was hospitalized.
As far as whom you should, or rather must tell, I would say that the only person you should feel needs to know, is the person that you might be planning on having children with. Bipolar is a condition which is possibly genetic, and children of bipolar parents are more likely to have this condition. That doesn't mean that they will, or that they are likely to... just more likely than in the general population. Even then, it is your choice to tell or not.
I wish you good luck in managing your condition. I like the highs, I hate the lows, and I really hate when they come together. If I can offer one more bit.... don't start missing the highs too much. :-)
I hope this helps out a bit.
Dee.
Posted by HannahW on October 12, 2003, at 3:07:19
In reply to Re: how do you explain your illness, posted by deirdrehbrt on October 11, 2003, at 21:46:43
When I make plans with someone, I try not to make them too far in the future. If I feel well enough to issue an invitation to someone, then hopefully I'll still feel well a few days later.
I tell people on a need-to-know basis. I'm not ashamed of it, but some people do have a skewed perception of depression. If I'm not able to follow through on some plans because I'm too depressed, I just make something up--Usually that I'm not feeling well (which is true.) Eventually, when I get closer to someone and have established trust with them, I tell them about it and frame it in terms of the chemical imbalance, how the medication helps re-balance it, etc. I've never had a poor reception from anyone.
Posted by pedr on October 12, 2003, at 3:39:25
In reply to how do you explain your illness, posted by delna on October 10, 2003, at 11:07:20
>>> If you do reveal the real nature off the disease saying that it is a chemical imbalance and that only anticonvulsants stabalize you (asin my case)- u are considered as someone eratic and people would rather avoid you as they dont really want to take on the complication of dealing with a seriously mentally ill person.
- IMHO then you're better off without that person as a friend anyway. Ignorance w.r.t. mental illness is rife but I find that increasingly someone knows someone with head-problems (family, football team-mate, someone famous etc.). If they decide that you're somehow wholly deficient as person due to one aspect the **** them as far as I'm concerned - they need to grow up.>>> so which one is better- being mean/nasty: weak: or 'crazy' neither as far as i am concerened. so how do you build a life- especially a social life or deal with romantic relations.
- the romantic bit is really tough. I recently started coming out of 8 years of deep depression and being single and didn't have a clue. I couldn't drink (so that rules out bars&pubs here in the UK!) and was struggling. Then I tried internet dating where you actually get to know someone (via anonymous messaging) before meeting them - it saves a lot of time meeting people who are ignorant w.r.t. mental illness.>>> any one else with these problems??
- yes =0) Soooo many times I just wished I had something "normal" like a broken leg/torn ligaments/going bald =0) : people don't have a problem understanding those and not judging you wholly as a person by them.Good luck on your journey,
pk
Posted by pixygoth on October 16, 2003, at 5:51:05
In reply to how do you explain your illness, posted by delna on October 10, 2003, at 11:07:20
Oh dear God, I had a big argument last night and punched myself repeatedly - I *should* go to Uni later - but how do I deal with the looks at my purple face and swollen eyeballs???? Brazenly facing it down is one but I don't know if I can...
Posted by karen_kay on October 16, 2003, at 8:52:11
In reply to Re: how do you explain your BRUISED FACE, posted by pixygoth on October 16, 2003, at 5:51:05
If anyone asks, Iwould just say I am clumbsy (which is completly true) and that I fell. Sorry to hera that hun. Are you talking to someone hun? Good luck, Karen
Posted by pixygoth on October 16, 2003, at 8:57:18
In reply to Re: how do you explain your BRUISED FACE, posted by karen_kay on October 16, 2003, at 8:52:11
Yeah, I'm speaking to my Mum just now. Clumsy can be good but I'd need to be a total freak who can fall on both sides at once (I look like I've got on purple eyeshadow, top lid left, bottom lid right!)
Thanks for the support,
S x
Posted by deirdrehbrt on October 17, 2003, at 21:06:03
In reply to Re: how do you explain your BRUISED FACE, posted by pixygoth on October 16, 2003, at 8:57:18
Pixy,
I'm so sorry that you have such a problem. I have to deal with SI on the back of my hands, and sometimes worry about what people think. It would be really difficult to think about my face being bruised.
I think that I would be running out for a cover stick and some good covering make-up. Other than that, I would be looking for a good excuse for the injuries. Maybe I would say something like "I have an illness, that when it gets a bit out of control makes my arm jerk and the other night it did it while I was sleeping and I hit my face alot". Sounds weird, but no more so than "I thought I did something bad, so I beat the heck out of my face".
I'm sure that you can come up with something creative, workable, and that you can live with.
Please be good to yourself.
Dee.
This is the end of the thread.
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