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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on October 14, 2003, at 23:56:35
My group session tonight was not comfortable. One woman brought up a reaction to me, and I ended up feeling accused of bragging about my intelligence (which isn't really what she said at all), one woman was sorry that another didn't get time to share, and I felt it was my fault because I used the last 10 minutes of the session. I don't have any real reason to think anyone blamed me. So I came out fighting off these impressions, both of which made me feel bad, and I can rationally see weren't even necessarily true.
I also went in and found myself thinking things like "hey, it's like we're all just trained to speak in some weird therapy language here. It seems so fake. I'm tired of hearing about ever little feeling and reaction, and everyone's theories about how it relates to their childhood. Blah. Can't we talk about something else?" I suppose that's my resistance, but knowing that doesn't make me able to change it. I'm afraid my critical thoughts will come out and I'll alienate the group, and it will get even more unpleasant, and snowball.
Any experiences with this kind of stuff?
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 15, 2003, at 8:37:10
In reply to Group therapy veterans? Help!, posted by Tabitha on October 14, 2003, at 23:56:35
tab,,
alot of times in group i was frustrated because of the conversations and subject matter. i wanted to stick my pen in my ankle and grid away "evil dead"..
however i was there for the social interaction and isolation,but did find myself enjoying the "cut and paste" hee hee.
i took from it what i needed..
and was respectful to the others that needed different things..
learn to doodle!!
peace tab
j
Posted by fallsfall on October 15, 2003, at 15:47:25
In reply to Group therapy veterans? Help!, posted by Tabitha on October 14, 2003, at 23:56:35
Hmmm, sounds like transference to me (but then again, everything sounds like transference to me these days). When you can see that rationally the way you feel doesn't make much sense, then you are bringing something into the environment. As painful as it is, if you can learn from it, it will be worth it. Can you spend some of your individual time trying to process this? Make sure you talk with your therapist about how you feel in group. I thought that I was when I was in group, but years later she claimed that she didn't know I was miserable. So try to be really specific. It should help that you have the same therapist for that.
Remember that you are still very new to the group thing. It will take a little getting used to. Be patient.
And the woman complaining she didn't get to talk, that might be because she isn't assertive enough, rather than that you are a hog.
One nice thing about Group is that if you do end up doing something that annoys people is that the job of the group is to talk about that. So even if you do something "wrong" you are doing something right. And they should be willing to see you learn and change and forgive whatever you do that is "bad".
So give it a little time.
Posted by Tabitha on October 15, 2003, at 16:06:21
In reply to Re: Group therapy veterans? Help! » Tabitha, posted by fallsfall on October 15, 2003, at 15:47:25
thanks for the encouragement. It's hard. I've never been so 'lucky' to get to hear about every little annoyance and gripe. I found myself wishing for a nice social group where folks smile politely and don't mention their irritations with each other, ever.
Or how about a place where I'm the only one allowed to gripe? Oh yeah, I already have that-- individual therapy.
I realize I'll probably have another good session and be singing the praises of group again soon. For now it's difficult.
Posted by WakingDreamer on October 16, 2003, at 13:17:58
In reply to Re: Group therapy veterans? Help!, posted by Tabitha on October 15, 2003, at 16:06:21
> I found myself wishing for a nice social group where folks smile politely and don't mention their irritations with each other, ever.
>oh honey, maybe thats just what you need. if the group thing is too difficult, maybe you shouldnt force it. be good to yourself.
ive had similar experiences with others reactions to me in group sessions. once a woman felt i was getting an unfair share of the male participants attentions, and this took up a good deal of her sharing time in several sessions and then a few men had their own reactions to both of us and reflections on their mothers and so on. i wasnt out to get her at all, and i tried to dress down, wear glasses etc for the rest of the group sessions, but it really hurt to be excluded this way by both genders. so long story short, if it's not working for you, maybe don't try to fix it, just move on to a place that values you for you in your brilliance and all you offer.
Posted by Tabitha on October 16, 2003, at 23:32:55
In reply to Re: Group therapy veterans? Help!, posted by WakingDreamer on October 16, 2003, at 13:17:58
Well I had my individual session today, and told her how I was feeling. She was surprisingly helpful. She said I need to develop 'teflon' so that I don't take on others' projections. We visualized a teflon suit for me. Sounds silly, but it really made me feel better to do it, and to know I can use this image in the group sessions.
Here I thought my problem was I'm not open enough to people, and not loving enough. It felt good to be told that instead of opening more, I might need to shore up my boundaries a little. She said I need to withdraw completely because I take on too much stuff from people.
Posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2003, at 6:12:19
In reply to Re: Group therapy veterans? Help!, posted by Tabitha on October 16, 2003, at 23:32:55
I'm so glad you were able to talk about your group experience and come up with some ideas to help you. That sounds like a really productive session. See, there is an advantage to having the same therapist for individual and group. I look forward to hearing about your next group session.
I'm envisioning sort of a silver space suit (The black teflon on my frying pan just doesn't quite seem flashy enough - almost like black would mean that you were withdrawing from the group. You don't want to withdraw, you just want to own only that stuff that is really yours). Find a doll, wrap it in tin foil, and then throw rice at it to practice before hand?
Best luck
Posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2003, at 10:05:32
In reply to Re: Group therapy veterans? Help! » Tabitha, posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2003, at 6:12:19
Hey Tabitha,
How is group going?
This is the end of the thread.
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