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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mysticdancer21 on August 2, 2003, at 0:00:11
Hi,
first I would like to say hi to everyone. Next, I would like to follow up on your thread about therapists' and their feelings. I lost my therapist/psychopharmacologist almost 9 months ago because I left McLean Hospital AMA after having been there for 4 months and facing a court hearing for commitment to a State Hospital. My therapist and I had what I thought was a great relationship. She knew me, truly knew me, or at least I thought she did. When I left the hospital, she refused to see ever again. I never got the chance to even terminate with her. I don't believe they have genuine feelings for their clients, if they did, things like this wouldn't happen. How invested or concerned could she have really been? She would never return a call I made to her, an email I sent, and she has forgotten I ever existed. I am still not over the loss. Therapy is a one sided relationship. Sorry for the cynicism.
Posted by Tabitha on August 2, 2003, at 0:40:44
In reply to new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by mysticdancer21 on August 2, 2003, at 0:00:11
I'm sorry you had such a rotten experience. But please don't let it sour your impression of therapy in general. There are some flaky therapists out there, but there are a lot of ethical and caring ones as well.
I've gone to 5 and I'd say one was harmful, one was mixed (both harmful and helpful), 2 were blah (just didn't click) but the 5th one is mostly terrific, and very caring.
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 9:34:16
In reply to new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by mysticdancer21 on August 2, 2003, at 0:00:11
Was there perhaps a legal issue involved? Since you checked out AMA? Perhaps she was advised not to maintain contact with you.
Mind you, I'm not arguing that there is a real relationship between client and therapist. At best it is a warm professional relationship. We're not their family or friends. Their responsibility to us is a professional one, and their feelings for us are within the professional relationship.
I seriously doubt that she has forgotten that you exist, and I'm certain that she has regrets over the way things turned out. But it does hurt more for us than it does for them, there's no doubt about that. And they have all the professional justifications and rationalizations to support their feelings, while we are left.... hurt.
Posted by mysticdancer21 on August 3, 2003, at 12:00:49
In reply to Re: new here...following up on therapist feelings » mysticdancer21, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 9:34:16
I don't think that there was a legal issue, perhaps a threat of liability if she continued with me. She claimed to be in "private" practice, which make her outpatient practice separate from her clinical duties to the hospital. However, the bonds of medical kinship are strong I do believe.
I don't even think they hold us in warm professional regard...just notes and bills.
Posted by Morgen on August 3, 2003, at 12:39:44
In reply to Re: new here...following up on therapist feelings » Dinah, posted by mysticdancer21 on August 3, 2003, at 12:00:49
Mystic,
Of course, its possible that you just happened to be unlucky with your therapist. I can assure you that they do often care about their clients (because I know I feel cared for), but you obviously haven't had the same good experience I have. Have you tried therapy again? If not, and if you feel it would be helpful, give it another shot with someone else. Perhaps s/he can help you work through what happened with your old therapist. In any case, I think there are a lot of good therapists out there, and hopefully you would not be dissapointed twice.
Morgen
Posted by judy1 on August 3, 2003, at 17:27:15
In reply to new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by mysticdancer21 on August 2, 2003, at 0:00:11
I'm sorry you had such a negative experience. I've had my share also but I have met some very compassionate therapists too. I think you owe it to yourself to seek someone to help sort out your feelings for your old therapist. It's something I also had to do and it helped a great deal. best of luck to you- judy
Posted by loser on August 4, 2003, at 0:53:24
In reply to new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by mysticdancer21 on August 2, 2003, at 0:00:11
I too am new here though I am an old chronic crazy. Just wanted to say that it is truly unfortunate that there are no "lemon" laws with regards to therapists and shrinks - but since there aren't and we need the docs we just have to keep taking them out for test spins until we find the right one. It can be very painful and tedious but when you find a good one (and you will if you can tough out the process long enough) I think you'll find it worth the effort. At least that was my experience. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.
loser
Posted by kyp on August 4, 2003, at 12:44:31
In reply to Re: new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by loser on August 4, 2003, at 0:53:24
I just want to add a story to the topic of drs leaving us. My psychiatrist works at a county mental health clinic and at our last monthly meeting told me I was doing so well he would not be seeing me anymore. I was devestated and surprised since he prescribes my meds. I sat in silence and he was nice but did not offer any referrals. He said my internist could write me prescriptions without consulting with him about psych. med. precriptions first. I said this is about money isn't it. He admitted it was. I have insurance and the county mental health only wants to take medi-caid or medi-cal or whatever govt. program that is because the insurance does not pay much at all. I was calm as I left his office for the last time and became hysterical on the way to my therapist's office and saw her for my regular appt. I was sobbing uncontrollably and felt abandoned. I thought about it and we discussed it and I think I felt more scared about her potentially leaving me than about the psychiatirist already leaving me. She assured me she was not him and our work would continue and I could find another dr. to replace him. It has been several months ago and it turns out that I don't miss him at all now. I found another psychiatrist and have since then gotten off all my meds and am doing wonderfully only on therapy 3-4 days a week.
I was also asked to leave the county mental health support group because they wanted the older folks to move on with their lives and find support some other way. This was irritating and desruptive but I did and am fine with it now.
Posted by pinkeye on August 4, 2003, at 15:07:46
In reply to Re: new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by kyp on August 4, 2003, at 12:44:31
I don't think therapist have any feelings for us. They might generally be concerned about our mental health, but I think that would be the end of it. How can you feel affectionate towards someone whom you keep emotionally supporting all the time? Usually you will feel affectionate towards someone only if you are on the receiving side of a relationship. Since they are the ones constantly giving support for us, we will feel very attached and affectionate towards them, but I am sure they won't be able to feel the same for us. And on top of it we are not the only ones they support. We are just one of the few patients they see everyday.
Posted by Dinah on August 4, 2003, at 16:33:46
In reply to Re: new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by kyp on August 4, 2003, at 12:44:31
Wow. What an awful experience. I don't think I like your county policies, no offense intended. To ask someone to move on from a support group???!!!!
How dreadfully unsupportive.
And with a pdoc like that, you're probably better off without him. Sounds like your therapist is a much better source of support.
Three to four times a week. I'm envious. :) I'm trying to talk myself down from two. Are you in analysis?
Posted by Dinah on August 4, 2003, at 16:40:14
In reply to Re: new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by pinkeye on August 4, 2003, at 15:07:46
Unless a therapist is burned out, I wouldn't think that was true. A therapist who loves and is energized by his work probably has feelings (admittedly not all positive) for his clients. They get rewards from it, just not the same rewards we get (or at least they shouldn't be the same rewards in good therapy).
My mother was a teacher. Admittedly she felt differently towards her kids than they did towards her. But she liked most of them, loved a few, and if she was honest with herself (and she probably wouldn't be) probably disliked a very few too. Short term therapy might not stir up too many feelings, but how can you see someone week after week on an even one sided intimacy for months or years without developing some personal feelings? I'm sure everyone who works with people and enjoys it does. Beauticians, physical therapists, teachers, therapists.
Heck, don't we even have feelings for the TV characters we follow that closely?
Posted by Kyp on August 5, 2003, at 9:46:05
In reply to Re: new here...following up on therapist feelings » kyp, posted by Dinah on August 4, 2003, at 16:33:46
Dinah,
I don't like the county policies at all nor how they run things. So, I am on the county mental health board and attend the monthly meetings (Today, by the way). I will make a difference when I figure out how. It has been done in the past. Right now, I am trying to get going on getting a job program going for the mentally ill in our county to work 5 hours a week at a job with a job coach volunteering to assist and train and be a mediator between them and the boss. I am trying to recruit 5 businesses that will participate and 5 volunteer job coaches. I think of it as "lending a hand" type philosophy.I need to research what other communities have done to accomplish such work.
I am in analysis I guess you could say. I am being treated for dissociative identity disorder.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 11:13:37
In reply to Re: new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by Kyp on August 5, 2003, at 9:46:05
You're an inspiration!
Posted by judy1 on August 5, 2003, at 20:02:33
In reply to Re: new here...following up on therapist feelings, posted by Kyp on August 5, 2003, at 9:46:05
I really admire you. I can't think of a worthier project then to help someone whose self esteem has plummeted to get back into the work force. I have a similar diagnosis to yours, but I am miles behind you in progress- I have difficulty in forcing myself to get the help I need. I wish you all the best, judy
Posted by mysticdancer21 on August 5, 2003, at 20:53:46
In reply to Re: Good for you!!!!! » Kyp, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 11:13:37
I think the only road to recovery is activism for not only self but others...I applaud your efforts and wish you all the luck :)
Posted by Kyp on August 6, 2003, at 18:28:53
In reply to Re: Good for you!!!!!, posted by mysticdancer21 on August 5, 2003, at 20:53:46
NAMI is a great organization for support. It is the National Alliance For the Mentally Ill.
Judy, would you like to chat about DID sometime? Do you do AOL instant msging?
Posted by judy1 on August 7, 2003, at 21:43:21
In reply to Thanks guys, posted by Kyp on August 6, 2003, at 18:28:53
Unfortunately I don't have AOL instant messaging, but I did set up a yahoo account- judy_from_babble@yahoo.com I would love to hear how your treatment is progressing, and what type of therapy you're engaged in. take care, judy
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