![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 18 to 42 of 44. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on February 5, 2003, at 16:38:17
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you?, posted by Dinah on February 5, 2003, at 16:37:41
Posted by judy1 on February 6, 2003, at 10:54:26
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you?, posted by Dinah on February 5, 2003, at 16:37:41
If you are comfortable with how your therapist addresses your symptoms, then that is key to a productive relationship and eventual resolvement of issues. I did want to stress that although my therapist does deal with clients with DID (and actual alters) she has never suggested that is true in my case, rather she takes the actual symptom(s) I have and addresses them on 3x5 cards I get to take home :-). So there may be cases where therapists do exaggerate symptoms to fulfill criteria of DID (like they did with abuse cases in children), I'm just saying it's not true in my case. It sounds like you're content in your situation and I wish you well- judy
Posted by Dinah on February 6, 2003, at 11:54:07
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you? » Dinah, posted by judy1 on February 6, 2003, at 10:54:26
I'm sorry, Judy. I didn't mean your therapist of course. I don't know if I've read any of her books (or even who she is). And I'm sure she didn't exaggerate any of your experiences. And I have no doubt that DID exists.
It's just that I have trouble finding information that matches my experience, and since the information in the literature doesn't match my experience, it scares me a bit.
That's all I was trying to say, but said very badly.
Dinah
Posted by fuzzymind on February 6, 2003, at 15:43:53
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you? » fuzzymind, posted by Dinah on February 4, 2003, at 12:38:04
> Well, it seems like you have a good grasp of the problem. That puts you ahead of many. Have you tried CBT?
>
> It must be frustrating to not be able to believe the more positive thoughts.Yep....I got worse in therapy. My shrink was incompetent and even would yell at me for brining up I wanted a cat. "You are in no condition to take care of a cat:!! Well BS...cats are easy to take care of, and my kitty has been a friend for the past 3 years. Not suprising. THey let pedophiles become employess at preschools, I guess all walks of life have their share of incompetent morons.
ANother therapis said I was a drama queen and my depression was mild. Funny...all the different online depression tests state I am either extremely or severely depressed. What constitutes worse than mild? DO I need to go to the session with a gun pointed to my head?
I wan to get heart disease or cancer. I do have chest pains from time to time because of my obesity and sedentary lifestyle. When I get those pains, I do wish my heart would go into arrest. No one in my family gets cancer..so that one is a long shot.
Posted by noa on February 7, 2003, at 11:49:12
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you? » likelife, posted by Dinah on February 4, 2003, at 12:26:26
I haven't had time yet to read all the posts on this thread, but I will get to them.
It makes perfect sense, Dinah. Somewhere on this board, I wrote a post about my TV metaphor. I'll see if I can find it, because I don't know if I can rewrite it now.
I used to really fight to be the NOT depressed Noa, except that when I was deep in a depression, it was nearly impossible to imagine being not depressed. This also made me extremely anxious when I wasn't depressed, always on guard for depression pouncing on me when I wasn't looking.
When I started getting better in my mid-late 20's I liked to think of the depression as being a thing of the past. I didn't own it as part of me. So when it would come back, I was devastated. I remember when I saw a therapist briefly after I first moved here, in my early thirties, and she confronted me with the idea that I have had a life long depressive disorder that comes and goes in waves, but the waves never get very high, I felt so defensive--I wanted to prove to her that I was past my depression and this was just a stress reaction. But I came to see her idea as right. She was the one who prompted me to look into antidepressants. I had taken prozac before for two periods of about 10 months each. At that time, the medical thinking was that short term use worked. But since I think this therapist was right, short term use was not the right approach for a recurrent, chronic dysthymia plus major depression.
I only saw her briefly because she was working out of her house and one time I arrived maybe 5 minutes early and rang the bell and she came to the door in a towel and that kind of freaked me out, so when our contractd 10 sessions ended that was it. When I decided I wanted to go back into therapy, I found a different therapist. Anyway, the work with him focused a lot on bringing together this split in how I experience myself--depressed and not depressed, to accept both as part of who I am. Accepting the depressed part has helped to make me less hypervigilant for any little downturn. I had developed a lot of anxiety around every little down mood, and the panic would lead to more depression.
I'm still working on this. I feel like right now, although in some ways I'm functioning better than I have in recent years, in other ways, I am sort of steeped in awareness of these deeply embedded core feelings of horribleness that I used to work so hard to escape from . I still do a lot of escaping from them--mostly mind numbing idlesness--but I am also more aware of them being there, part of me. Problem is, I feel they are unchangeable. My therapist used to say they can change but now he is saying that because I feel that they are so etched onto my very being, that it isn't about changing the core feelings, but learning to somehow accept them but not let them be in control so much. He keeps reminding me that it is ok to exprience myself in different ways at different times (I am better when I am in structured settings, or able to borrow purpose and meaning from others because it is hard for me right now to be motivated just for myself --eg, I am doing well at work right now, but home life is rather stagnant).Anyway, I am glad you brought this up, because I think that mood disorders really do make it hard to have a consistent experience of one's self.
Posted by noa on February 7, 2003, at 12:02:03
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you?, posted by noa on February 7, 2003, at 11:49:12
Here is my post with the TV channel metaphor:
Posted by judy1 on February 7, 2003, at 13:22:20
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you?, posted by noa on February 7, 2003, at 12:02:03
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2003, at 18:28:06
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you?, posted by noa on February 7, 2003, at 12:02:03
I have the additional problem of having too many channels. I'm a whole digital cable system. :)
My main problem has never been depression. I think I've had a couple of episodes of major depression, the rest of the time I'm not quite sure what is wrong. I vote for messed up electrical circuitry in my brain.
So each of my gazillion mood states seems to have its own opinions, motivation level, energy level, even memories. When I'm happy I remember happy things. The rest of the time I don't so much. I guess there are values that I hold to no matter what, and actions that I do, no matter what. I need to hold on to those things to define myself.
Posted by noa on February 10, 2003, at 17:36:08
In reply to Re: Yes, that is a great metaphor. Thanks! » noa, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2003, at 18:28:06
I think another aspect of the varied mood state question that you posed is control--the question was worded as "how much do your moods define you?" which puts the "you" in the passive part of the sentence, and the "moods" in the control seat. What I'm dealing with now a lot in therapy is how much this feeling of not having control over the moods has made me feel less and less in control of everything in my life. And I think this applies whether it is depression or whatever different mood states.
I think you are saying that not only do you have distinct mood states with distinct perceptions, etc., but that there are so many and sometimes they get all scrambled up. Do they overlap sometimes?
BTW, my therapist and I have been using the word "dissociative" or "dissociative-like" (I introduced the idea) to describe my experience of different mood states, even though we know it is not true dissociation. But the mood states really transport me, in a way that is kind of like dissociation(I think). I don't lose orientation to person, place or time, I know who I am, etc. etc. but it seems to me to be a mild form of dissociation, or at least some kind of related phenomenon.
Also, I do seem to space out about time a lot, when lacking any structure like work, etc., not necessarily when in a very strong mood state, but more likely when anxious and avoidant, but I don't think this is true dissociation either--maybe it would be better to call my loss of time due to self-numbing avoidant behavior(often with help from computer games) "pseudo-dissociation".
A young relative of mine seems to have what I call an associative/dissociative regulation problem. Sometimes she spaces out a lot and gets into her own dream world, seeming to lose touch with those of us around her, but she also has too much association going on sometimes--her mind is always leaping from one idea to other interesting-but-very tangential ideas. It is fascinating to see how she thinks, but also annoying because often she can't stay on topic and have a focused conversation. So it is not just that she DISsociates but also that she OVER-associates, as well, which makes me think there is some kind of regulation ability that most people have and she doesn't have enough of, to kind of balance the system out.
Posted by Bittersweet on February 12, 2003, at 21:40:57
In reply to How much do your moods define you?, posted by Dinah on February 3, 2003, at 21:39:52
Holy shnitzel, I thought it was just my personality the whole time :o)
I am a 34 year old female. I have dealt with depression and SAD as long as I can remember. I believe I am Bipolar, and have now just began looking for answers and treatment.Now this above mentioned difficulty exists whether I am "up" or "down" (mostly down); I can be happy-go-lucky one day with a person, and the next day get "stuck", or as said in an above post, barely put 2 words together or even look at that same person in the eye. I wonder, if not worry, what they think of me. Are they as aware of this as I?
My biggest challenge is not just feeling/acting differently from day to day, but feeling/being a different person depending apon who I'm (dealing) with as well. On an average day I could be a "shrinking violet" with one person, usually an authority type, while on the other hand be quite outgoing and even aggressive with someone else. What the f^ck is that all about?
If I could rely on identifying with my values that would be great, but my moral fibre seems to be made of wax...gotta watch out for those hot summer days!
Or could it just be my dual Gemini nature? LOL...
Posted by Bittersweet on February 12, 2003, at 23:02:56
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you? » Dinah, posted by Bittersweet on February 12, 2003, at 21:40:57
sorry, one more thing I forgot to mention: Someone here, I think it was noa, said something about "losing time". This happens to me quite frequently, usually when I shop. I mean, like I can go into the Safeway to buy a loaf of bread and a pack of smokes or some such thing, and will come out an hour later with just those items, maybe 1 or 2 extras. This happens even when I'm in a hurry! You mention this "dissociation", which I know nothing of. Also, my memory is is not too good, and I have days where I am very confused, like one minute I believe it is say, Monday, then the next moment am thinking otherwise and set out to do a Tuesday chore. Is this all part of depression of one kind or another, or something else?
It is hard for me to talk to a doctor, as I lose my thoughts, or he seems to not listen and be in a hurry. I figure if I really do my homework it will make it easier to get my concerns across. I am relatively bright on a good day, but those days tend to be getting fewer and further between.
Thank you to all who take the time to read my gibberish and offer help.
Posted by Dinah on February 12, 2003, at 23:57:45
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you? » Bittersweet, posted by Bittersweet on February 12, 2003, at 23:02:56
Do you have a therapist? A therapist can help you sort out all of these things. I don't know about your psychiatrist, but mine is strictly meds.
Dissociation is pretty hard to pin down. It can mean a whole lot of different things. For a general overview there is the book by Marlene Steinberg: "THE STRANGER IN THE MIRROR: Dissociation: The Hidden Epidemic". It gives a pretty good description of derealization, depersonalization, as well as time loss and amnesia. Anxiety is often accompanied by dissociative symptoms. Nature's protection I guess.I don't have time loss or amnesia, but I use dissociation as a coping tool a lot and it can interfere with life. It can also have an effect on seeing yourself as a continuous whole person.
You might want to check it out.
Posted by fuzzymind on February 13, 2003, at 9:56:24
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you? » Bittersweet, posted by Bittersweet on February 12, 2003, at 23:02:56
> sorry, one more thing I forgot to mention: Someone here, I think it was noa, said something about "losing time".
Unfortunately, too many believe lost time means they were abducted by aliens. Go look at the recent episode of Penn and Teller's BS on SHowtime
Posted by fuzzymind on February 13, 2003, at 10:21:17
In reply to Re: Yes, that is a great metaphor. Thanks!, posted by noa on February 10, 2003, at 17:36:08
don't think this is true dissociation either--maybe it would be better to call my loss of time due to self-numbing avoidant behavior(often with help from computer games) "pseudo-dissociation".
>My favorite form of self_medication.....computer games.
> A young relative of mine seems to have what I call an associative/dissociative regulation problem. Sometimes she spaces out a lot and gets into her own dream world, seeming to lose touch with those of us around her, but she also has too much association going on sometimes--her mind is always leaping from one idea to other interesting-but-very tangential ideas. It is fascinating to see how she thinks, but also annoying because often she can't stay on topic and have a focused conversation. So it is not just that she DISsociates but also that she OVER-associates, as well, which makes me think there is some kind of regulation ability that most people have and she doesn't have enough of, to kind of balance the system out.I was able to put up some type of dissociative shield, or duct tape, during high school and most of college. Unfortunately, the shield has worn down and now I am completely exposed. Being 'protected' all those years wasn't helpful, because I was never able to get help for myself. Yet, I was able to cope, barely. Senior year of college, reality crashed through that protective ewall, and my life completely unravelled. I either wish I had put up that protective defence longer , so I could start life. Or that the wall never existed, and I could have acknoledged the problem early on. SYnthesis didn't exist for me until too late. Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, harsh self-doubt, avoidance...all swirling around. SYnthesizing all these thoughts and emotions earlier in my life could have saved my life.
Posted by rayww on February 13, 2003, at 17:16:21
In reply to How much do your moods define you?, posted by Dinah on February 3, 2003, at 21:39:52
Right on. But, don't you want someone who can know and love all the yous? That's where I get into trouble. Husbands don't always do that. Or, they feel it's their duty to try to "fix" everything. I don't want to be fixed. I want to be the me who I am right this moment, even if I don't like her that much. I want acceptance, and then I will fix myself, when I'm ready, and I don't want to be rushed thank-you.
Posted by Bittersweet on February 13, 2003, at 17:35:49
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you? » Bittersweet, posted by Dinah on February 12, 2003, at 23:57:45
> Do you have a therapist? A therapist can help you sort out all of these things. I don't know about your psychiatrist, but mine is strictly meds.
>
> Dissociation is pretty hard to pin down. It can mean a whole lot of different things. For a general overview there is the book by Marlene Steinberg: "THE STRANGER IN THE MIRROR: Dissociation: The Hidden Epidemic". It gives a pretty good description of derealization, depersonalization, as well as time loss and amnesia. Anxiety is often accompanied by dissociative symptoms. Nature's protection I guess.
>
> I don't have time loss or amnesia, but I use dissociation as a coping tool a lot and it can interfere with life. It can also have an effect on seeing yourself as a continuous whole person.
>
> You might want to check it out.
>
* * * * * *I do talk to a councellor at the meth clinic, but not on a regular basis. I didn't even know how to bring up this subject, but after reading these posts it will be easier, thanks.
I will check out the book, thanks again.
Posted by Bittersweet on February 13, 2003, at 17:40:48
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you?, posted by fuzzymind on February 13, 2003, at 9:56:24
> > sorry, one more thing I forgot to mention: Someone here, I think it was noa, said something about "losing time".
>
>
> Unfortunately, too many believe lost time means they were abducted by aliens. Go look at the recent episode of Penn and Teller's BS on SHowtime* * * * *
My standing excuse is that the aliens got me again, but alas, 'tis only a joke... !I don't subscribe to cable anymore, as I would never get out :o)
Posted by bozeman on February 14, 2003, at 23:22:06
In reply to Re: Yes, that is a great metaphor. Thanks!, posted by noa on February 10, 2003, at 17:36:08
noa --
Wow, that is so true. I also use the "pseudo" disclaimer to describe it (and other factions of my problem) because they are so like, yet not like, what I see in others who are so clearly suffering worse than I. (maybe I don't feel justified since I'm not suffering enough . . . hmmm . . . will have to ponder that one for a while.)
What I have come to wonder is, how is it possible to so feel so strongly and completely one way that it's non-negotiable, then later examine my feelings and actions at the time and wonder what the heck I was smoking (metaphor) that I would have thought that??? I am infamous among my closest friends for buying something, trying it on, discarding it in disgust as not right, bad color, poorly made, makes me look fat, you name it. Two weeks, two months, or two years later, I pick it up, try it on, and say, Hey, look at this! How cool is this?! They just roll their eyes at me and call me a goofy blonde. There is no way for me to explain to them that, at the time, I truly *hated* the thing and never wanted to see it again. But it was obviously a "mood", and an artificial one, no less, because I never go back to hating the object later. So I wonder, how does that "mood" define me? And if it does, as what? Goofy blonde? Neurotic and indecisive? Neither really fits -- once I make up my mind that I like something, I like it forever. I was just "victimized" (for lack of a better word -- maybe "attacked" is more accurate?) by a hideously negative mood. And a selective one, at that, directed at only one thing (and it's almost always a thing, very rarely a person. Very occasionally it happens with a person, but at least I've learned that those pass if I just keep my mouth SHUT and don't say anything I can't take back.) Very puzzling and confusing about what causes those "stealth attack moods", or where they come from.
Several of my friends (and a lot of my coworkers) thought I was a complete airhead for the first several months they knew me because for most of my life I was completely incapable of having a single conversation at once. I could have three or four conversations simultaneously, but could not stay on one topic for anything -- too SLOW! (which gives many people a headache, and understandably so.) It took them a while to figure out that I was just running so fast on several tracks that I couldn't slow down enough to keep up with their natural thought speed for more than a few seconds. I know, it might sound like mania but it's really not, it's more a weird personalized variant of attention deficit disorder, which is why it took so long for me to be diagnosed with ADD. I was always this way, I was just good at hiding it, made good grades because my mind worked so fast that the track of my mind that paid attention in school had plenty of time to catch up with the teacher while the other three or four tracks were diverging. People say, you couldn't possibly have ADD, you don't take medication for it, your life is too normal, you pay your bills and show up for work every day. They have no CLUE how abnormal my life is, why I will NEVER let anyone from my "normal" i.e. work life, come over to my house, because then the illusion of normal would be shattered forever. I am a complete slave to routine and habit, and out of sight is literally out of mind. If the bills aren't laying in plain sight, I DON'T remember to pay them. If my briefcase is not sitting right next to the bed, I don't REMEMBER that I have to chop-chop, get to work! I can't tell you how many times I have bought the same identical item because I can't remember I own it unless I'm looking right at it (shoes, music CD's, books, etc.) So everything has to be in plain sight or it doesn't exist. Every single thing in my closet must be visible or I will forget I own it, will never wear it, that's how I can end up with fourteen french blue blouses if I'm not careful. I just know I like that color and need a blouse that color. I can't remember I already bought one (or two, or three, or four, and so on. I guess I should at least be thankful that my *taste* is constant, I like the same books and clothes from day to day, even if I can't remember that I already bought them. =-) Thank GOD my roommate tolerates my adaptive eccentricities. :-)
So my home life is terribly dysfunctional, but relying on habits keeps me looking normal to the rest of the world, most days at least. And the other days, they just think I'm weird, or a prima donna, or something, they never guess the truth, that I'm an anxiety-prone obsessive somewhat compulsive helplessly depressive chick in a lot of residual physical pain (also distracting) with ADD, who just happens to be (blessing or curse? some days it's both, I suppose) a nurturing, empathic soul who worries about the pain of everyone around close to her. Example, my day today: worked ten hours, during which I stuck my neck out to defend a little-liked and much-maligned co-worker, who brings on his own problems for the most part, but in this case was in fact being abused and unfairly maligned; spur-of-the-moment pitched an idea for a new-but-much-needed project to our VP, which I'm sure will end up delegated to me since it was my idea - oh joy! ; sat and worried and prayed several hours at the kitty hospital while my extremely sick buddy-boy had expensive and dangerous surgery (yes, I know my pets are surrogate children :-); went to the store over lunch because I knew I'd have too much to do this evening to be able to go; stayed late at the office nearly two hours to handle a last-minute customer service problem so the rest of the crew could go home to their spouses and valentine plans; then went and visited a girlfriend who just had surgery, took her magazines, books, movies, ice cream, and soup, held her hand, dished out her meds, sat with her until she was tired, then helped her to bed; stopped by to see and give a valentine to my cranky but wonderful boyfriend who *hates* Valentine's day; came home and made soup for my heaven-sent roommate, who has been in bed with the flu off and on all week, gave her a valentine and some expensive dermatologist hand cream - that I actually remembered to pick up at lunch today (!) - for her refractory eczema; read posting boards on PB, PsychB, et al and my heart just ached at how much pain and suffering I see this week, don't know why this week is so bad but it seems worse than others lately. I think that just about covers today.
Yes, I know I do too much!!! But I don't know how not to. That is absolutely the most painful part of depression for me -- it keeps me locked inside my own head so I can't transmute/sublimate any of this over-abundant mental-emotional-psychic energy into anything productive, so I "fry" inside my own head. And under those circumstances, the inside of my head becomes a very dark, dark place. But, once again, I don't feel like that darkness is "mine" -- it's a result of compression, not being able to achieve release of any of that overly-ambitious ADD energy. So it eats me from within when I can't leave the house, or can't speak to anyone if I do. I *need* to talk to people so I have something to focus on besides myself and my thoughts/desires etc. I need to not be centered in my own world. Depression traps me there. That's why I kick myself for not taking the SSRI's sooner. I might have never gotten so bad. Might never have found out how deep/dark those stealth attack moods go. Would have been more comfortable not knowing. Probably not better, but I would have felt safer. Now it's something I feel I have to be vigilant against for the rest of my life (there's another mood defining me, instead of me defining the mood. Crap!!)
My week's been stressful and in some ways very disappointing, but not nearly to the level of the hearbreak and pain I see in others' posts this week. I feel very, very lucky. Some weeks it is me hurting to that level, but not this time. I feel so much for those who are hurting. But sometimes, what can you say? It feels so inadequate at times to say, "I know what you're going through, hang on, it gets better," to someone who is in so much pain. Even if it's true, there ought to be a better way to show support for them.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
bozeman
Posted by noa on February 15, 2003, at 15:45:21
In reply to Re: Yes, that is a great metaphor. Thanks! » noa, posted by bozeman on February 14, 2003, at 23:22:06
Wow. That was quite a day!!
But I was struck by how much support you offered to other people (and animals) all in one day!! And although you sound a bit frazzled by the intensity and length of the day (and week), it sounds like you enjoyed helping others.
I admire that, although should ask you if you are other-oriented at the expense of taking care of yourself?
Still, I had just been thinking the past few days about how self-oriented I have become over the months (and years, perhaps, but it has been worse lately). Not egotistical or anything, but my inertia has got me living in my own little bubble and not connecting with other people (other than on this board, but here, there isn't the regular rhythm and synchrony of in person interactions).
I've forgotten to call several friends who have left me phone messages. I have not done any community service in the longest time. I have limited my few social outings to those with one friend, and once in a blue moon, at someone else's initiative, I'll go out with a bunch of people. But mostly, I veg here by myself.
It isn't good for me. I can feel it. I feel bored and empty, really. I need to do more to reach out and be more social.
It is this lazy habit I've developed. And it has also led to my dysfunctional home life. My place is a terrible mess, and most of the time, I try to numb myself to it, and not notice. But once in a while, I let myself notice and it is rather overwhelming. I ask myself, "how am I living this way?" And the thing is, it is a new place that I bought last year, and put money into renovating--you'd think that would make me better at keeping it nice!
BTW, Bozeman, are you a mostly visual learner? Several times you mention "out of sight, out of mind", and the like.
But back to your original question about how moods can be so absolutely influential on our thinking. It's true. I really think the brain functions differently, and moods affect the pathways of cognition.
Posted by bozeman on February 17, 2003, at 19:31:04
In reply to Re: Yes, that is a great metaphor. Thanks! » bozeman, posted by noa on February 15, 2003, at 15:45:21
Still pondering . . . . your insightful comments.
More to come when I sort it out.
Posted by PuraVida on February 23, 2003, at 22:51:42
In reply to Re: Yes, that is a great metaphor. Thanks! » bozeman, posted by noa on February 15, 2003, at 15:45:21
Noa - just read your post about how you have been isolating - could have written it myself. I have two questions on my mind: 1) How do you usually handle it when you lag on returning calls, etc. I am so sick of apologizing "sorry it took so long" that I procrastinate even more! Then at the same time I get resentful - I feel almost imposed upon by my very best friends. The past month or so I have really, really been isolating - not normal for me at all. I am well known for having a ton of friends and being a social butterfly. Yet, my depression isn't that bad, it seems. BUT when I do go do something with people, it seems to take it all out of me - I can only handle so much. Tonight I was supposed to go out to see a movie w/ girlfriends, but the thought of answering all of the "what have you been up to?" questions I just can't handle. So, #2) Do you think that maybe we just need to go through a refresher stage - where we regroup with ourselves, or is this "bad" and "abnormal?" I mean, bears hibernate, right?
I don't know, I don't mind taking this time out of my social life to be with myself - I just wish everyone would leave me alone. Hmmm. If you have any thoughts - I'd love to hear -
PVG
Posted by noa on February 24, 2003, at 20:27:26
In reply to Re: Yes, that is a great metaphor. Thanks!, posted by PuraVida on February 23, 2003, at 22:51:42
Justs wanted you to know I read your post and am thinking about it. Don't have ready response. Will write more later in week.
Posted by KrissyP on March 9, 2003, at 0:10:36
In reply to How much do your moods define you?, posted by Dinah on February 3, 2003, at 21:39:52
Hi:-)
I think it makes sense! I feel that exact same way at times. Sometimes I want to chat, sometimes I am too chatty. May I ask what your diagnosis is? I have felt even today, that I'm like "Kristen are you even here"? or " Kristen, are you really understanding your moods and how you are coming across to those who know you well"? They change from week to week or day to day.
You make a lot of sense to me, I hope this helped?
Keep me posted please, anything I can do for you-let me know:-) Kristen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> I think I have trouble seeing myself consistently as the same person with different moods. I don't think "I am Dinah, and I'm not feeling terribly sociable today." or "I am Dinah, and I feel like chatting today." Instead I think "I am Dinah, a person who doesn't like to socialize." or "I am Dinah, who enjoys interaction." I don't know if this makes a whole lot of sense.
>
> But the overall effect is to leave me without an enduring sense of who I am. A day to day sense of who Dinah is as a person. Because how I feel about something today may be completely different than how I feel about it tomorrow, I end up feeling disconnected from yesterday and tomorrow. Again, I'm not sure I'm making sense.
>
> I think that to others, I appear to be the same person every day. I appear to have the same opinions and the same responses. I may even be really predictable. But I can't internalize that predictability.
>
> Now I'm pretty sure I'm not making sense.
Posted by KrissyP on March 9, 2003, at 0:12:15
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you?, posted by fuzzymind on February 4, 2003, at 3:21:49
Posted by KrissyP on March 9, 2003, at 0:16:01
In reply to Re: How much do your moods define you? » Dinah, posted by mikhail99 on February 4, 2003, at 12:21:29
Mike-I am new to this board (I post on Psyho-Babble) I hear you at times "depression robs us of our ability to know who we really are. *sigh* I feel inconsistent too, and with the help of starting back on Lamictal over a week ago-I'm hoping it gets better.
Hang in there:-)
Kristen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> Dinah, you're making perfect sense. I think that's one of the worst things about depression is that it robs us of our ability to know who we really are. At least, that's how it is with me, it's all dependent on how I'm feeling that day so I feel so inconsistent. I hope you're right in that people don't see us the same way we see ourselves, as up and down and inconsistent. I also think that the depression makes us harder on ourselves which just makes things all the more difficult.
sigh.
Mik
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