![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on September 4, 2004, at 21:35:06
My cousin has cancer, and has 2 - 4 weeks to live. I have lots of cousins - it is hard to count them all, my father was one of seven. But this particular cousin is my favorite, the one who I feel closest to. I usually see her every 3 years, when our family had their big reunion. So it isn't like I talk to her all the time. She is a little older than I am, but she had a son who was the same age as my stepson, and they were both "difficult". There was one reunion when her son and my stepson got together - boy, was that trouble! There weren't many in my family who could understand what it was like to be raising a child like that - but we both understood. Then, when the boys were around 12, she and I both had daughters. My third child - she had her son and another son by adoption. So this daughter was her first daughter and her first pregnancy. My sister had worked for Izod, designing baby clothes during the time when my kids were born. My babies were the best dressed babies anywhere! I handed down the baby clothes to her, so that her daughter could be dressed so well, too.
I haven't been able to go to the reunions regularly in the last 10 years, due to my depression. I went 6 (?) years ago, but only for a day and a half (that was as long as I could handle staying). I was so glad to see her there.
She had surgery for her cancer 1 1/2 hours away from me 6 months ago. I wanted to go to see her in the hospital, but I couldn't drive that far. I didn't make it to the reunion this year (but she did!), so I didn't see her then either.
I haven't talked to her or sent her email in a long time (mostly because I haven't been feeling very sociable). But I want to send her an email. I'm not sure what to say. I want her to know that I love her.
Any suggestions?
Posted by Shar on September 5, 2004, at 1:39:58
In reply to A letter to my cousin, posted by fallsfall on September 4, 2004, at 21:35:06
I think saying what is in your heart is the most important thing. What you wrote says that you have affection, fondness, a mutual understanding, and appreciation of your favorite cousin. Obviously you know what to say because you just said it:
> this particular cousin is my favorite, the one who I feel closest to. I usually see her every 3 years, when our family had their big reunion. So it isn't like I talk to her all the time. She is a little older than I am, but she had a son who was the same age as my stepson, and they were both "difficult". There was one reunion when her son and my stepson got together - boy, was that trouble! There weren't many in my family who could understand what it was like to be raising a child like that - but we both understood. Then, when the boys were around 12, she and I both had daughters.
>
> I haven't been able to go to the reunions regularly in the last 10 years, due to my depression. I went 6 (?) years ago, but only for a day and a half (that was as long as I could handle staying). I was so glad to see her there.
>
> She had surgery for her cancer 1 1/2 hours away from me 6 months ago. I wanted to go to see her in the hospital, but I couldn't drive that far. I didn't make it to the reunion this year (but she did!), so I didn't see her then either.
>
> I haven't talked to her or sent her email in a long time (mostly because I haven't been feeling very sociable). But I want to send her an email. I'm not sure what to say. I want her to know that I love her.
>I've found, that you don't have to do anything spectacular or incredibly eloquent to say a "good" goodbye to someone who you will obviously miss (and I work with dying people). It's more a matter of letting them know what they meant to you.
Even just forwarding her an email in which you said what you wrote here would be very special to her, I believe, and mean a lot. I think she would appreciate hearing how she helped you/understood when your 'difficult' boys got together, or other memories you have, and that she is your favorite cousin and you will miss her.
I truly encourage you to tell her what you wrote here, whether via email, a phone call or letter.
Take good care,
Shar
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 5, 2004, at 22:28:29
In reply to Re: A letter to my cousin » fallsfall, posted by Shar on September 5, 2004, at 1:39:58
Oh Fallsfall, How painful. Losing someone who is so important to you. My heart goes out to you.
I lost a cousin too. I really liked her but she was so despondent she killed herself.
No matter what takes someone away it hurts.
Tell her what you feel now....
while she is still alive. You are lucky to have this time to communicate.
Use it.
Fallsfall you are such a special person with so much sensitivity and caring.
You can do this. You can be yourself and give her the love that she engenders from you. She is special to you and she deserves to hear this from you.
I am sorry that you have to give up this wonderful person to cancer.
God this is tough.
My heart goes out to you.
Posted by fallsfall on September 6, 2004, at 15:01:45
In reply to Re: A letter to my cousin, posted by Jai Narayan on September 5, 2004, at 22:28:29
Thank you both. I wrote her a short email today.
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 7, 2004, at 18:37:49
In reply to Re: A letter to my cousin, posted by fallsfall on September 6, 2004, at 15:01:45
Posted by Shar on September 7, 2004, at 22:59:19
In reply to Re: A letter to my cousin, posted by fallsfall on September 6, 2004, at 15:01:45
Falls,
I'm glad to hear it. It takes courage on your part to do that, and I'm glad you did, and you should be proud of yourself.Shar
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Grief | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.