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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 22 to 46 of 58. Go back in thread:
Posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 12:12:49
In reply to Re: No hospital » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 27, 2007, at 23:31:33
> Maxime,
>
> Thank God you are alive! What happened? Why didn't you go to the hospital?
>
> MidnightBlueI didn't want to go to the hospital. I wants the meds to mess up my heart so I would die. But I don't have enough to kill me.
I haven't taken anything I shouldn't since Wednesday night. I feel bad that I ended up sleeping through my mom's birthday. *hangs head in shame*
I will just keep plodding along as best I can.
Thanks MB, you are a kind person.
xxx
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 12:15:20
In reply to Re: No hospital » Maxime, posted by Phoenix1 on December 28, 2007, at 8:34:55
> Maxime,
>
> I'm very relieved to see you post again. Please don't do that again. If the hospital is so bad, ask your pdoc if he can get you into a lower level type facility. In my province, they are called CRESST houses. (Community Residential Short Stay Treatment)
>
> It's not like being in a hospital, but your meds are more carefully monitored, and you are under close supervision of a pdoc. Even a one week stay did very good things for me. Did I enjoy it? Of course not. But in retrospect, I _needed_ it, but was not in the right frame of mind to realize it until I was somewhat coerced into going. It was the right thing for me, maybe it would be the right thing for you too. Think about it, please.
>
> Phoenix1.Hi
The only place I could go would be a crisis center. And I really don't want to go. I need my meds changed or something. Sigh. Those CRESST houses sound like a great idea.
Argh, I don't know what to do!
Maxime
Posted by Phoenix1 on December 28, 2007, at 12:39:36
In reply to Re: No hospital » Phoenix1, posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 12:15:20
> > Maxime,
> >
> > I'm very relieved to see you post again. Please don't do that again. If the hospital is so bad, ask your pdoc if he can get you into a lower level type facility. In my province, they are called CRESST houses. (Community Residential Short Stay Treatment)
> >
> > It's not like being in a hospital, but your meds are more carefully monitored, and you are under close supervision of a pdoc. Even a one week stay did very good things for me. Did I enjoy it? Of course not. But in retrospect, I _needed_ it, but was not in the right frame of mind to realize it until I was somewhat coerced into going. It was the right thing for me, maybe it would be the right thing for you too. Think about it, please.
> >
> > Phoenix1.
>
> Hi
>
> The only place I could go would be a crisis center. And I really don't want to go. I need my meds changed or something. Sigh. Those CRESST houses sound like a great idea.
>
> Argh, I don't know what to do!
>
> MaximeMaxime,
Please talk to your pdoc about what's going on. If you don't trust him, then talk to your GP, or the emergency room or a crisis centre. Find out if there is a non-hospital psychiatric facility available in your area if you are dead set about not doing the hospital thing. You would need a psych admit to get in though so you would still have to see your pdoc, or go to the hospital initially.
I worry that you aren't managing well by yourself, and you seem to be refusing/not seeking help that is available. What is your biggest concern about returning to the hospital or talking to your pdoc about what's been going on?
Phoenix1
Posted by stargazer2 on December 28, 2007, at 13:51:45
In reply to Re: No hospital/Other options? » stargazer2, posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 12:09:54
Maxime, I am glad you don't want to die and just want to disappear for awhile. That is very different and I think many of us have been in that same spot, since depression makes us invisible with our thoughts and it is a common thought to just want to dissappear.
Please don't take any more meds in excess to create another predicament to face. That would really add insult to injury.
Is there anything we can do for you to help you survive this state? Just ask and I'm sure those of us that can help you will try and offer you something. There's alot of smart people here who I'm sure can come up with many suggestions.
Just yesterday I read an article that sounded a bit odd but when you are facing really tough decisions anything should be tried no matter how silly or frivolous it sounds. I can't find the article right now but it suggested that rapid reading of stories and doing crossword puzzles and mind puzzles can help with mood. I will try and locate this today.
All I'm suggesting is that there are alot more solutions than just medications. For myself, I started by getting a second opinion from a local pdoc, then I found a top researcher to discuss my lack of improvement over many years (not much help), I then saw an endocrinologist and went on Synthroid and found this group of docs are highly skilled in resistent depression. Not enough pdocs make the referral though. Most recently, I called my OB/GYN and asked to start the estrogen patch. The estrogen has helped alot so I started thinking that perhaps my estrogen was never in a normal range and perhaps contributed to life long depression. Your estrogen level could be way off from your eating disorder, which I think you mentioned you have.
Most pdocs are not making some needed referrals so we have to suggest it or go on our own. Did they do any of this testing in the hospital?
Have you had a good medical workup including endocrine and gynecological blood work? Who knows but this could contribute to a resistent depression.
Do any of these things sound like contributors to your overall mental status. I'm just trying to get you to look at other things besides psych meds since I am proof that other factors could be playing in role in your situation.
Believe me it helps to think of alternative solutions especially when meds have failed over and over. The brain is part of the problem but many other causes can be playing a role in a mood disorder.
Stargazer
Posted by Lou Pilder on December 28, 2007, at 15:31:31
In reply to Re: No hospital » Phoenix1, posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 12:15:20
> > Maxime,
> >
> > I'm very relieved to see you post again. Please don't do that again. If the hospital is so bad, ask your pdoc if he can get you into a lower level type facility. In my province, they are called CRESST houses. (Community Residential Short Stay Treatment)
> >
> > It's not like being in a hospital, but your meds are more carefully monitored, and you are under close supervision of a pdoc. Even a one week stay did very good things for me. Did I enjoy it? Of course not. But in retrospect, I _needed_ it, but was not in the right frame of mind to realize it until I was somewhat coerced into going. It was the right thing for me, maybe it would be the right thing for you too. Think about it, please.
> >
> > Phoenix1.
>
> Hi
>
> The only place I could go would be a crisis center. And I really don't want to go. I need my meds changed or something. Sigh. Those CRESST houses sound like a great idea.
>
> Argh, I don't know what to do!
>
> MaximeMaxime,
You wrote,[...I don't know what to do...]
If you could post here what part of the world you are in, I could possibly have a friend that you could contact there...You could email me if you like.
Lou
Posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 17:48:23
In reply to Lou's response to Maxime-nodo » Maxime, posted by Lou Pilder on December 28, 2007, at 15:31:31
> > > Maxime,
>>
> Maxime,
> You wrote,[...I don't know what to do...]
> If you could post here what part of the world you are in, I could possibly have a friend that you could contact there...You could email me if you like.
> Lou
>
Lou, thank for the kind offer, but I think I will be okay. I really appreciate your kindness.Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 19:29:50
In reply to Re: No hospital, posted by Phoenix1 on December 28, 2007, at 12:39:36
I know this sounds like some stupid excuses as to why I don't want to go in hospital. The main reason is that I am returning to work on January 8th. That's my deadline. Any longer and I will lose my job. Secondly, I don't want to see the same psychiatrist as before because she really dislikes me.
So that's why. After already spending 5 weeks in a hospital, I don't want to go back.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 19:33:51
In reply to Re: No hospital/other options?/maxime, posted by stargazer2 on December 28, 2007, at 13:51:45
You are truly too kind. There is nothing anyone can do.
I know that meds are not the only answer. I see an endocrinologist who treats me for hypothyroidism and she has tested all of my hormones.
I haven't taken any more tricyclics since Wednesday night. I hope it will be out of my system soon.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 20:06:07
In reply to Re: No hospital/other options?/maxime » stargazer2, posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 19:33:51
I am feeling really low as usual, but perhaps even MORE low than usual.
I spent 5 weeks in the hospital and I feel worse than I did before. Sure, I was able to get off certain meds in the hospital, but other than that what was the point?
Humph! I feel like crap. :(
Maxime
Posted by johnj on December 28, 2007, at 22:17:10
In reply to What did 5 weeks in the hospital accomplish, posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 20:06:07
I don't know how long you have been off some of your meds but it has taken me TONS of time to recover from some of the changes that was done by the meds. I don't know if it is damage per se but changes in my brain/body that were not good. I have good/bad days also. I can go from ok to wondering/thinking about dying. Lately, I have been better but old habits/feelings die hard. I am just fighting and have decided any new meds will have to wait until I have been off all meds for a year. My pdoc agrees too.
I hope your body is just adjusting from weaning off some meds and it will level out. The benzo's were the most difficult. It was like I would feel better than WAM, I would take a step back. I will pray you find some peace. Distract yourself with anything. That is what I do on bad days. When anxiety creeps in for me I just let it take it's course, it is hard but I just submit. You deserve to feel well, we all do. Take care of yourself ok?
Peace
johnj
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 28, 2007, at 22:20:53
In reply to What did 5 weeks in the hospital accomplish, posted by Maxime on December 28, 2007, at 20:06:07
Maxime,
For 5 weeks you were safe from hurting yourself.
You got off some meds that weren't helping you.
You started a new med that does seem to help some even though it isn't enough.
For at least a while you had a psychologist to talk to.
You can try again. You really can.
MidnightBlue
Posted by Maxime on December 29, 2007, at 6:46:08
In reply to Re: What did 5 weeks in the hospital accomplish » Maxime, posted by johnj on December 28, 2007, at 22:17:10
Hi
I was taken off a stimulant, a benzo and a mood stabiliser. I was put on a new mood stabiliser and a change of dosage in my antidepressant. So it was a lot of changes at once.
I know I could never go a year without meds. I would end up in the hospital for sure!
Thanks for bringing up the change of meds. I never thought about that.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 29, 2007, at 6:47:44
In reply to Re: What did 5 weeks in the hospital accomplish » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 28, 2007, at 22:20:53
Thanks MB. :) I was safe from hurting myself, but I had a razor blade and was cutting the entire time I was there. No one knew.
Maxime
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 29, 2007, at 11:26:56
In reply to Re: What did 5 weeks in the hospital accomplish » MidnightBlue, posted by Maxime on December 29, 2007, at 6:47:44
Isn't today your birthday? Is that what you said? If so happy birthday!
MB
Posted by stargazer2 on December 29, 2007, at 15:53:26
In reply to Re: What did 5 weeks in the hospital accomplish » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 29, 2007, at 11:26:56
maxime, I think you said your birthday is tomorrow, so I am wishing you well today in anticipation of tomorrow...
Congratulations on your fortitude to hang in there and fight. It shows you have some inner strength left. It takes a lot of energy to choose life, but day by day it should become easier. Just as you have done, take baby steps, one day at a time, no more no less and you will get to where you are going.
Only do what you can, even if it seems like nothing...you obviously have the will to putone foot in front of the other. Don't expect more than this until you are feeling stronger.
Stargazer
Posted by Maxime on December 29, 2007, at 16:51:05
In reply to Re: What did 5 weeks in the hospital accomplish » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 29, 2007, at 11:26:56
> Isn't today your birthday? Is that what you said? If so happy birthday!
>
> MBNope, the 30th is my birthday!
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 29, 2007, at 16:52:15
In reply to Happy Birthday maxime...Tomorrow!, posted by stargazer2 on December 29, 2007, at 15:53:26
Thank you! I will remember what you wrote.
Maxime
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 29, 2007, at 20:17:12
In reply to Re: What did 5 weeks in the hospital accomplish » MidnightBlue, posted by Maxime on December 29, 2007, at 16:51:05
Well happy birthday a little early! You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there! Looks like you tried real hard to be a New Year's baby, but didn't quite make it. <smile>
MB
Posted by Maxime on December 29, 2007, at 21:39:00
In reply to Re: What did 5 weeks in the hospital accomplish » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 29, 2007, at 20:17:12
Since I have been on the Zoloft, I haven't been able to cry. It's really frustrating because I want to cry.
I saw a movie today and I FINALLY cried. It was such a nice release.
That's all.
Jill
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 30, 2007, at 9:11:21
In reply to A much need cry, posted by Maxime on December 29, 2007, at 21:39:00
Maxime,
I'm so relieved to see that you are still posting. I was so worried about you after our chat. I hope that you can get some relief ASAP.happy birthday. I hope the crying helps; I know it helps me
(((((maxime)))))
-Ll
Posted by Maxime on December 30, 2007, at 14:11:25
In reply to Re: A much need cry +raquo; Maxime, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 30, 2007, at 9:11:21
> Maxime,
> I'm so relieved to see that you are still posting. I was so worried about you after our chat. I hope that you can get some relief ASAP.
>
> happy birthday. I hope the crying helps; I know it helps me
>
> (((((maxime)))))
>
> -LlThanks! I didn't go for help that night. I couldn't force myself.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 1:16:47
In reply to Re: How much nortriptyline is too much?, posted by Maxime on December 26, 2007, at 19:45:52
Back to thinking about this. Although I found out the LD50 of the med and I would have to take lots for it to kill me.
I hate having these thoughts. But as long as they are thoughts and not actions, then I guess it's not so bad.
Maxime
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 31, 2007, at 9:32:58
In reply to Re: How much nortriptyline is too much?, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 1:16:47
Maxime,
Try to think about something else okay? Take a walk? knit or crochet something? read a book? watch an old movie?
MidnightBlue
Posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 16:38:48
In reply to Re: How much nortriptyline is too much? » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 31, 2007, at 9:32:58
> Maxime,
>
> Try to think about something else okay? Take a walk? knit or crochet something? read a book? watch an old movie?
>
> MidnightBlueIt's hard MB. It seems like all I am doing is thinking about how I might kill myself. I try to distract myself, but then I end up cutting. I wish I could turn my brain off.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 17:36:07
In reply to Re: How much nortriptyline is too much? » MidnightBlue, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 16:38:48
It's 5.5 hours before we ring in the new year (where I live anyway). I don't want to be here. I'm tired of everything. I feel like I have aged so much over the past year.
No, I really don't want to see 2008.
Maxime
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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