![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by starfox on June 2, 2007, at 4:08:53
This is a long story(sorry). About 2 months ago my girlfriend and I split up over an argument, I said some horrible things and told her I wanted to end the relationship. We had not been getting on for a couple of months but always seemed to work things out. We had been together for nearly 5 years and had been living together for about 4 and a half years. I have been struggling with depression for about 4 years mainly involving sleep problems. She always understood and cared for me so much, she would even come to the doctor with me and ring me every day from work just to make sure I was ok. I tried my hardest to tell her that I never meant what i said and that i love her more than life but she has made up her mind. We are still good friends and agreed to see each other as often as possible because she says she still cares for me and is worried about me. But i keep ringing her up crying and begging her to come back to me but it makes her cry and its driving her further away from me. She says that I need to get better and have to sort out my angry temper that I have because it scares her. I would like to point out that I have not or never would attack her but I do smash up doors around the flat in anger. I want her to come back to me and I do want to change, but right now I feel like a broken man. It feels like my life has lost its meaning and my heart is shattered in to tiny pieces. The depression has got twice as bad and is tearing me apart. All I do is think about her every second of everyday wondering where it all went so wrong. I want to end my life but Im scared of dying and I cant imagine what it would do to my family but I just cant stop the pain and hurt that seems to be crippling me. Also i cannot eat a thing and constantly feel sick, I think I am having a mental breakdown and I need help. Can any kind soul advise me what I need to do because I dont think Im strong enough to pull myself out of this cold, dark hole that I feel im stuck in right now.
Laurence, 29, male, UK
Posted by rjlockhart on June 2, 2007, at 4:40:01
In reply to PLEASE HELP ME, posted by starfox on June 2, 2007, at 4:08:53
I have a similar situation with my mom.
I have called her everyname in book, she has to me too, its like where 2 of a kind, we like to fight, get stimulation out of it. What im worried about is when im married, will this continue.
The best thing you can show is love, say i love you, and admit maybe some of the things that maybe "i messed up on are my fault" please realize that, tell that to her.
Try to get help, and tell her that you are, but if she is that type that doesnt like people who are sentininal, dont.
Life is broken after a long relationship. Percistance is really a key to this, tell her you love her and whats the one thing that would make her happy? from you.
Im sorry, i just had a big moment a while ago, but i managed to read this post.
I dont know if this post is going to be moved to social, mine too, i dont know.
Laurence, try to talk to a psycholosist, or your doctor about any antianxiety meds or antidepressants right now.
The best goes to you.
Matt
Posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 2, 2007, at 6:02:02
In reply to PLEASE HELP ME, posted by starfox on June 2, 2007, at 4:08:53
I do understand the pain you are in, break-ups are tough and so often we don't appreciate what we have until it is gone.
However, I think her fear of your temper is a vaild one. It is quite a lot to ask someone to weather violence and be completely confident that one day that violence won't be turned on them.
So for now, I think your best bet is to get help for yourself. I am aware that mental health services in the UK are perhaps not ideal (But really, where are they?). I would definately reach out and try to find a therapist and psychiatrist to deal with the immediate issues of depression and suicidal thoughts.
I would also give yourself some time apart from her while you do this. I think this time needs to be about you and mending your wounded soul. Perhaps constantly seeing her is only making it worse.
Two months really isn't that long and I know that the pain right now is still very acute, so give yourself sometime to adjust.
It may not feel like it now, but the times of the most confusion, pain and darkness are the times with the most potential for change and hope.
Posted by Phillipa on June 2, 2007, at 10:03:50
In reply to PLEASE HELP ME, posted by starfox on June 2, 2007, at 4:08:53
Since you admit to depression and suicidal thoughts I feel you should seek psychiatric help as soon as you can. Depression can cause anger too. Good luck and seek help and stay safe. Love Phillipa
Posted by Sandra62 on June 2, 2007, at 12:25:29
In reply to PLEASE HELP ME, posted by starfox on June 2, 2007, at 4:08:53
Laurence, I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that I too have been through similar experiences. I have left my husband a handful of times over the past 11 years (and there was lots of acting out on my part, thrashing about, trashing the apartment, railing on him, etc.) only to regret it the moment I find myself alone. He would always take me back.
Then the last time I left (moved from Costa Rica back to Canada) he dug in his heels and said he couldn't keep doing this and thought that it would be best that we part for good. I thought we'd never get back together, that we were doomed and that I'd surely die of grief. I was starving myself, could not eat or sleep. It was excruciating. This was before I was diagnosed with Bipolar.
I managed to stumble over to see a doctor in desperation to get a renewal of my prescription of an SSRI and he was a new doctor, a wise GP, and wanted to hear my history before he wrote me a script. Listening to my story he said he suspected that I was Bipolar and that the SSRI alone was making me worse. I had no clue what Bipolar was and went home immediately afterwards and Googled it and was floored to read of the symptoms. It was me! I called my dear husband and gave him the website and he read it and was equally affected and it helped explain things for him and he agreed to have me come home to Costa Rica and that I'd get proper psychiatric treatment and we'd try again. I'm happy to say that although I still am struggling with finding the right med combo I'm doing so much better and best of all I'm with the man I love who loves me deeply and was willing to take another chance with our marriage. We've been back together for 3 years now and I pray that this is forever.
There is hope for you. Please pull out all the stops to get the help you need. Focus on getting well and your relationship will heal if it's meant to be. I promise.
Posted by nolegirl23 on June 3, 2007, at 10:53:29
In reply to Re: PLEASE HELP ME » starfox, posted by Nathan_Arizona on June 2, 2007, at 6:02:02
I agree, although you may be in a lot of pain, the pain that you caused her when you called her those names is as real for her as they pain you are in now.
My ex-boyfriend did that to me, called me horrible things and then would appologize the next day swearing that he didn't mean what he said..
I finally couldn't take the abuse and walked away from the relationship.
Yes, he is hurt, but so was I. There comes a time when you have to think of yourself and your own sanity and health. Living with somebody who is abusive in ANY way, verbal, physical, emotional, ect. is not okay.
Posted by starfox on June 3, 2007, at 14:31:14
In reply to PLEASE HELP ME, posted by starfox on June 2, 2007, at 4:08:53
Thankyou all for your kind support. It means alot
Laurence.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.