![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by becksA on April 5, 2006, at 10:46:27
hey, i read your last post and we really seem exactly the same. Strictly dealing with relationships, for example, (one of many exmpales), yes I believe I would be a great mate eventuall and im also extremely humble so i wont get into that but the problem is my girlfriends have all been girls that I've known for a long time and seen on a regular basis. (i.e. college), which stresses me out....because I commute to college now until I graduate, and I work full time, at which there is nobody my age. This was all brought about by that girl in my art class that initially showed intrest, then I called her AFTER she gave me her number, and she never called back, so apprently according to life's little social rulebook I did something wrong.
From this, I feel terrible, tryingg to think of an adjective, its basically just feeling dejected, rejected, unwanted, and knowing I deserve soooo much more. I workout all the time, I'm 6'7", dress nice, i'm a very generous nice person, just very shy when it comes to meeting people for the first time. So if i get a chance to know you over a long period of time, I'm good, otherwise, I';m clearly doing soething way wrong. Sound familiar?thanks
Posted by Racer on April 6, 2006, at 2:00:20
In reply to for CEK, posted by becksA on April 5, 2006, at 10:46:27
Uh, have you called that chick back? Could be she didn't feel comfortable calling a man, you know? Some of us were taught NEVER to call a man, ever.
And, uh, you know how sometimes voicemail eats numbers? My husband goes into "telephone rhythm" when he leaves his number on voicemail, and you know what? I can't understand a word of it, and wouldn't be able to call him back.
I know that's not your real point, but please give her a better chance, eh? At least ask her in person, too.
Posted by CEK on April 7, 2006, at 21:29:41
In reply to for CEK, posted by becksA on April 5, 2006, at 10:46:27
becksA, Have you ever thought that maybe some girls have thought that you were out of their "league?" You may seem too good to be true and they may be scared to have you break their heart. I speak from experience. When I was in the dating scene there were some guys that I wouldn't even attempt talking to. They were too good looking or too smart or both and I figured they would just hurt me. Some women may take your shyness as being aloft or maybe think of it as though you might think your better then them. Not saying that this is the case, but some people feel that way. I have never been real shy. It depends on the people I'm around. Most people, like with you now, I could talk to forever like I've known them all my life. (I've been told that I don't know a stranger.) Some people I just pick up a bad vibe on and am real uncomfortable around and I have trouble talking to them. There's nothing wrong with being shy. Some girls even like it. Heck it's much better to meet a shy guy then one that is so over the top hung up on their self that are too bold. You like me are concentrating on the negative in this situation with this girl. You're forgetting the fact that she DID give you her phone number. That really is a plus. If she didn't want you to have it she wouldn't have given it to you or she would've given you the wrong number. In situations where a guy had asked for my number and I wasn't sure about him, I'd ask for his instead and wouldn't give him mine. That way I was in control of the situation. Racer is right too about saying some girls are taught to never call a boy for any reason. I was raised like this. My mother told me it would make me look trampy and desperate. When I first met my husband,he gave me his number and I would never call him. I drove him crazy. He thought that I didn't like him. That was so far from the truth. I just didn't want to look like I was chasing after him. Alot of girls run guys off by calling, or calling too much. If you don't know her well she may be afraid of your intentions. Some guys try to act smooth and drop the phone number thing on a girl and then she calls and he acts like he wasn't even serious about talking to her and then she gets hurt. You also might not know her history with guys. She may have gotten hurt before and is afraid to try again. She may not feel ready to try another relationship right now. When you've been hurt, it's not too hard to flirt and talk with guys, but it gets pretty scary when it actually looks like it might go somewhere. Again, speaking from my experience. You might just need to find out more about her. Try not to make it so scary for her. Since you have good female friends, ask this girl if she'd like to go get coffee or a sandwich with you and your female friends. That way ya'll won't be alone together and she'll feel more comfortable with other girls around. You'll be more comfortable with them around too so it should be easier for you to be yourself. Also since your female friends think you're really something since they know you well, the way that they act toward you in front of her will show her how much you are liked by them and that you are "ok." Alot of times a person can't tell much about a person when they're by theirself, but when they're with their friends they're more relaxed and different. It's really hard for both men and women to get to know each other one on one. And remember that looks aren't everything. I've been attracted to guys before that were by no way "good looking" but they were so funny that you couldn't help but feel something for them. I love funny guys. Don't give up on this one if she did seem interested.(she has to be to give you her number. She wouldn't want to hide forever from you especailly when she has you in a class.) It's so tricky with us women. (once again, speaking from my experience with myself and my female friends.) If you just drop it and brush her off, she'll think you weren't serious about getting to know her and that you probably were out for one thing. But if you persue her too hard she'll get run off. It's really hard. Have you watched that movie "Hitch"? That's a good movie. Will Smith said a lot of things in that movie that made since concerning how to get together with women. If you approach it as if you truly would like to get to know her with no pressure attached it will be better. She may have had a lot of experience with guys that had the wrong intention. Don't forget, we're scared too. Just don't let it hurt you. I know it's hard because we're just a like in this sence. The whole getting together thing is more or less a game at first. Good luck!!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.