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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by catmint on October 26, 2005, at 19:03:04
I am bipolar and have been posting here for 3 or 4 years.
I am no better off now than when I was on every friggin' med out there for bipolar disorder.
All I can do is pray. Sometimes I think it's just complete utter unhappiness about my life that plagues me.
I stopped Lamictal 3 days ago for the first time in 2 years.
Is there anyone out there who feels like they have no purpose in life?
Posted by phil on October 26, 2005, at 19:55:35
In reply to going off all meds-again, posted by catmint on October 26, 2005, at 19:03:04
Yes. I'm also on Lamictal. : (
I know you've heard the warnings about stopping meds so do be careful. Frankly, I wonder if my meds are worth it, too.
Keep us updated.Phil
Posted by 4wd on October 26, 2005, at 22:16:05
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again » catmint, posted by phil on October 26, 2005, at 19:55:35
Sorry you are feeling so badly. I get spells like that where I think I want to ditch all meds and let happen what happens since it's all jsut a crapshoot anyway.
That said, I don't know that I would just stop the Lamictal abruptly. Would you consider tapering it a bit? I remember having some pretty bad days when I quit Lamictal and I'd only been on it three weeks.
Take it slow nad be easy on yourself.
Good luck.
marsha
Posted by med_empowered on October 27, 2005, at 7:33:06
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again, posted by 4wd on October 26, 2005, at 22:16:05
yeah, i've been there with the "no purpose in life" feeling. The worst part was I remember telling my therapist (and psychiatrist) flat out "I feel like I have no meaning in life. I feel like I'm living in an existential void." What'd they say? "Oh..well..that's interesting. How are your symptoms?" I respect your decision to go off your meds, although I would advise you to do it reasonably slowly--withdrawal from medication can sometimes be worse than the problem you were taking them for, so please taper instead of cold-turkey quitting, if you can. As for the meaning in life...I don't know what to tell you, really. Its such a personal thing. I'm going back to school, moving, and I've started writing again (I also stopped taking all my meds, and I stopped seeing my therapist and psychiatrist). I **can** recommend that you read "Man's Search For Meaning" by Vikter Frankel. He was a psychiatrist, but that was back in the day before psychiatrists became glorified drug pushers...the whole book is about how finding meaning in one's life is the primary thing, and how human suffering is universal but can prove to be helpful and give meaning to your existence...good book. It really changed my perscpective on things, so now I look at what I used to think of as my "symptoms" as either being my own personal style or signs of distress. Great book. Also, if you're going to give up medications and what not, it kind of helps to have a way to re-conceptualize your problems..I'd recommend Thomas Szasz, "The Myth Of Mental Illness" and Foucault, "Madness and Civilization" Please keep us all posted..I wish you well.
Posted by catmint on October 27, 2005, at 13:09:14
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again, posted by med_empowered on October 27, 2005, at 7:33:06
Thanks to you all.
I have not tapered off the Lamictal. I feel as though it was doing nothing but causing me this feeling of impending doom.
I have been fairly depressed and am also trying to quit smoking and cut back on drinking.
I am so fed up with life. I won't end it though. I have a son.
I will start walking more and continue to pray, because it is really all I can do.
Thanks for the book recommendations!
Posted by theo on October 30, 2005, at 11:15:17
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again, posted by catmint on October 27, 2005, at 13:09:14
Good luck in your quest. I must say, I never felt better than when I first became sober and stopped everything. I was very involved in my recover and speaking about AA, bipolar, depression, etc.
I lost interest because thought I was "cured" and stopped my active life talking about the illness and witdrew to where I'm back in the trap of negative "why me" self pity.
My whole point is that when I was active in my recovery, medication was totally secondary. Now that I have been less involved I back in the mission of trying meds, and that as you know can be one let down after another. You know that feeling of high hopes with a new med thinking, this is the one, knowing realistically it probably won't be.
I do believe after being off meds for long periods that I can survive, but there are those tuff times where I can't get the motivation to be around people and comunicate about my problems and this is where I've had some success with meds "bridging" that gap.
Posted by Simcha on October 31, 2005, at 0:44:46
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again » catmint, posted by theo on October 30, 2005, at 11:15:17
I found that after over 6 years of good recovery in 12 step groups that I had to get onto medication for Major Depressive Disorder with Recurrant Features. Going to three meetings a day did not help. Doing 3 sessions of therapy per week did not help. What helped, at that time, was 150mg of Effexor XR per day. For the first time in my life after being on it for six weeks I felt like I wanted to be awake and alive.
I've been on medication now for four years and from what my psychiatrist says, I won't be getting off of medication anytime soon. The fact that 12 step and therapy did not really "do it" and the fact that both sides of the family suffer from extreme mental illness leads this psychiatrist and others I've seen to believe that I'll need medication, until there is a cure, for the rest of my life to be "mood stable."
As a budding therapist I can tell you that with Bipolar that this is also true. If you feel a medication is not working, your best bet is to run, not walk, to your psychiatrist and get re-evaluated. Don't take yourself off of any medication without medical consultation. In my experience, I've seen too many Bipolars commit suicide shortly after taking themselves off of medications without consulting their psychiatrists.
So, unless you are being carefully monitored by a psychiatrist, and hopefully a therapist, and being told to stop all meds then I would suggest you reconsider your decision until you have consulted a medical mental health professional.
That's my two cents of experience. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Simcha
> Good luck in your quest. I must say, I never felt better than when I first became sober and stopped everything. I was very involved in my recover and speaking about AA, bipolar, depression, etc.
>
> I lost interest because thought I was "cured" and stopped my active life talking about the illness and witdrew to where I'm back in the trap of negative "why me" self pity.
>
> My whole point is that when I was active in my recovery, medication was totally secondary. Now that I have been less involved I back in the mission of trying meds, and that as you know can be one let down after another. You know that feeling of high hopes with a new med thinking, this is the one, knowing realistically it probably won't be.
>
> I do believe after being off meds for long periods that I can survive, but there are those tuff times where I can't get the motivation to be around people and comunicate about my problems and this is where I've had some success with meds "bridging" that gap.
>
>
Posted by SLS on October 31, 2005, at 2:39:13
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again » theo, posted by Simcha on October 31, 2005, at 0:44:46
> In my experience, I've seen too many Bipolars commit suicide shortly after taking themselves off of medications without consulting their psychiatrists.
This is my fear also.
Almost anyone can suffer a temporary rebound depression when coming off Lamictal. The rebound depression is sometimes worse than the original.
- Scott
Posted by theo on October 31, 2005, at 8:01:40
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again » theo, posted by Simcha on October 31, 2005, at 0:44:46
> I've been on medication now for four years and from what my psychiatrist says, I won't be getting off of medication anytime soon.
What med or meds are you currently taking?
Posted by Simcha on October 31, 2005, at 11:14:13
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again » Simcha, posted by theo on October 31, 2005, at 8:01:40
I'm on 40mg Celexa, 300mg Wellbutrin XL daily
And at night I take 600mg of Neurontin.
It works and I'm not messing with it. I have had to go in for tweaks and changes before due to coming out of remission. So, it's not pleasant.
I HATE med changes. They really mess me up. But hey, it's better than the depression for me. If I'm suffering I'll go to ANY lengths to feel better. So I'll even suffer med changes.
That's my decision backed up by personal experience and research.
Simcha
Posted by catmint on October 31, 2005, at 14:19:30
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again, posted by SLS on October 31, 2005, at 2:39:13
>Almost anyone can suffer a temporary rebound depression when coming off Lamictal. The rebound depression is sometimes worse than the original.
Scott,
It is true that I have been suffering a temporary rebound depression since coming off Lamictal.
My fear is not suicide, because that is something I would never do, as bad as it gets. And I have had it bad, believe you me.Suicide will not end the suffering, it only will make it worse. Self-pity is complete self-absorption. It's all just an illusion.
Life is so hard, no one holds it together all the time. Every person on this planet has wanted to die, everyone has cried till they cough and choke.
Psychiatry is making money off depressed people don't forget.
I will not be dependent on any chemicals soon. First the meds, then pot, then alcohol, then cigarretes.
I do not believe that Bipolar gets worse with age,
as my pdoc says.I will exersize and eat right and have faith.
Thanks for letting me rant.
Amy
Posted by ed_uk on October 31, 2005, at 14:28:19
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again » theo, posted by Simcha on October 31, 2005, at 11:14:13
Hi Simcha,
Welcome back to babble!
Ed
Posted by Simcha on October 31, 2005, at 19:37:13
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again » Simcha, posted by ed_uk on October 31, 2005, at 14:28:19
> Hi Simcha,
>
> Welcome back to babble!
>
> EdThanks Ed. Something just keeps me coming back at odd intervals... Something about being done with Grad School and having some down time while starting a private practice as a therapist might have something to do with it. (In short, I have breathing room and time.)
But alas, this is off subject and I don't want to get booted to the nether-regions for socializing on the med board, but thanks for the welcome back!
Simcha
Posted by Simcha on October 31, 2005, at 19:47:30
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again » Simcha, posted by ed_uk on October 31, 2005, at 14:28:19
> Hi Simcha,
>
> Welcome back to babble!
>
> EdAnd I started a post on the Social board for anyone who wants to drop by and say, "Hello."
Simcha
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 1, 2005, at 23:43:22
In reply to Re: going off all meds-again » ed_uk, posted by Simcha on October 31, 2005, at 19:47:30
> I started a post on the Social board for anyone who wants to drop by and say, "Hello."
Thanks! :-) Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051029/msgs/573918.html
Bob
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