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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 39. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 19:54:36
I have had enough of living living like this. I cn't do it much longer,yet there is nothing that helps.
Maxi
Posted by iforgotmypassword on September 27, 2005, at 20:32:13
In reply to enough, posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 19:54:36
i'm really, really sorry. :(
Posted by rjlockhart98 on September 27, 2005, at 20:37:01
In reply to enough, posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 19:54:36
maxime,
I somewhat can know what helplesness feels like. I have gone through HELL at home. It seems to a point where medication doesnt help, its the mind set that adapts to the med, then no effect. I have been on many antianxiety meds Ativan Klonopin Restoril (which i still take) I take 6mg of Clonazepam daily. Dexedrine 30mg. Prozac 20mg.
For me meds help, but they dont get you out of hell your going through. I hate my life almost sometimes. I have grown up, got a job, reality check. Before i didnt understand somethings, now i have to deal with all of this choas. Job Collage, my mom with a personality disorder.
Well anyways, its good to hear back from you maxi, all really i can say is have a postive perception. It can turn nuerons back.
Take Care
Matt
Posted by lynn970 on September 27, 2005, at 20:48:25
In reply to enough, posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 19:54:36
Maxime, please hang in there. I have had anxiety so bad that it seemed as if death was the only solution, but it is not the solution.
This will pass!!! it will.
((((Maxime)))
Posted by Racer on September 27, 2005, at 21:07:02
In reply to enough, posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 19:54:36
> I have had enough of living living like this. I cn't do it much longer,yet there is nothing that helps.
>
> MaxiOh, sweetie pateetie, I wish there were something I could offer you to help. The best I have is telling you that I care, and that I've experienced very much the same sort of feeling myself. (Heck, I'm kinda there right now, for that matter.)
Can we hang on together for a while? I'm not ready to go yet, and I don't think you really are, either. There's so much yet to come, including the BabbleFest2006, where I'll buy you a drink and we can compare our fat thighs ;^)
Peace, dear Maxi.
Posted by Declan on September 27, 2005, at 22:05:15
In reply to enough, posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 19:54:36
Hey Maxime, you may not want to talk about this, but how long have you been feeling like this?
If you were sure that nothing could help would that make a difference? I remember you saying once that you felt (something like) relief at the fact that there was no hope, and therefore no chance of disappointment. Something like that.
I used to feel that if I could just give up, hope included, it would be such a relief. Now that I think of it that was 30 years ago. Plus ca change eh?
Just another thing that interests me that you should feel free to ignore. Do you think there are any (conceivable or otherwise) forms of relating with self and others that would make a difference?
I don't know the answers to any of these questions for myself, except the first. The answer to that is that allowing for the health of youth, I've felt more or less the way I do all my life. I think.
I wish we could help each other more (and ourselves).
Declan
Posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 23:31:49
In reply to enough, posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 19:54:36
First of all, thank you for everyone who posted. You are all amazing!
Enough depression. I've suffered since I was a child and I am now 37. This weekend I went home and my mom and fought the whole time and she was crying staying she couldn't stand to see me depressed. That I was hurting her. I'm not trying to. I don't even blame her for anything. If I could snap out of it I would. We all would.
Then being fired from my job was really the straw that broke the camel's back. I've never been fired for performance issues - which weren't really that but that is what they said.
I have no real life friends left although I hope to meet Linkadge soon.
I just feel "ready".
Maxime
Posted by Phillipa on September 28, 2005, at 0:40:09
In reply to Re: enough, posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 23:31:49
Maxie, I sound like a broken record but what about the adderl XL? It was that wasn't it that helped you so. And I'm really glad that you'll be with Link soon. Two brillient minds together will come up with a solution. Hang in there okay? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by denise1966 on September 28, 2005, at 4:41:26
In reply to Re: enough, posted by Maxime on September 27, 2005, at 23:31:49
Maxime,
Just to let you know that your situation sounds very much like mine, I'm 39, I too was made redundant from my job due to performance issues and I rowed with my mum the other night and she was saying how distressing it was for her hearing other people talk about their children and how happy they are and that all she wants is for me to be happy.
I have a boyfriend and another male friend but that's about it and half the time I can't even be bothered to speak to them.
Have you tried taking Zyprexa 10mg every now and again? That seems to help me and keep me motivated for about a week at least.
There are always other things you can try, what about VNS?
Denise
Posted by Maxime on September 28, 2005, at 5:27:48
In reply to Re: enough » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on September 28, 2005, at 0:40:09
> Maxie, I sound like a broken record but what about the adderl XL? It was that wasn't it that helped you so. And I'm really glad that you'll be with Link soon. Two brillient minds together will come up with a solution. Hang in there okay? Fondly, Phillipa
Hi, yes I got a script last week for the Adderall XR when I went home. However, I don't know have the money to pay for it now.
Maxime
Posted by ed_uk on September 28, 2005, at 14:54:18
In reply to Re: enough » Phillipa, posted by Maxime on September 28, 2005, at 5:27:48
Dear M,
I'm really pleased that you're meeting linkadge.
~ed xx
Posted by Phillipa on September 28, 2005, at 17:57:14
In reply to Re: enough » Phillipa, posted by Maxime on September 28, 2005, at 5:27:48
Maxie, well for goodness sakes borrow it then. What about all the volunteer work you've done? Couldn't they help out? Offer to pay them back. And when are you and Link getting together. Can't wait to see what you come up with! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on September 28, 2005, at 19:03:22
In reply to Re: enough » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on September 28, 2005, at 17:57:14
> Maxie, well for goodness sakes borrow it then. What about all the volunteer work you've done? Couldn't they help out? Offer to pay them back. And when are you and Link getting together. Can't wait to see what you come up with! Fondly, Phillipa
Link and I haven't made plans yet. I have to recover from my trip back home.Maybe there is no one I can borrow money from Phillipa. Don't you think that if I could buy the medication I would? I have rent to pay in 2 days and many other bills.
Maxime
Posted by Racer on September 29, 2005, at 1:58:40
In reply to Re: enough » Phillipa, posted by Maxime on September 28, 2005, at 19:03:22
Promise not to snap at me for suggesting this, if it's not possible for you to do anything about, because I'm feeling pretty fragile just now and because I've been where you are too many times -- wondering if one woman and three cats could live in a Toyota...
Have you checked into the pharmaceutical companies' compassion programs? needymeds.com has a list, with instructions on how to go about using the programs. Basically, they would send out three months worth of their drug, free, to those who qualify. They send it to the doctor, who passes it on to the patient, and there's a form that requires both you and the doctor to fill out portions, and they don't do anything at all to make it easy to use -- but if you need the drugs and can't afford them, those programs are life-saving. It's how I got Effexor for most of the time I was on it.
Of course, I know things are different in Canada, and I don't know whether these programs are available there, but I hope it's something that might help you.
Posted by Maxime on September 29, 2005, at 14:08:55
In reply to Re: enough » Maxime, posted by Racer on September 29, 2005, at 1:58:40
Hey Racer.
Sometimes a doctor can get samples. He would have to call the makers of Adderall XR. Of course now I am not in the same province as him anymore. Last time I was the one who had to figure out how to get Strattera.
I don't even think the Adderall will help at this point. I am too far gone. I need a gun or a miracle.
I wish there was some place I could go where I could leave myself behind. I am sick of myself always being there. I wish I would just f*ck off already! I'm depressed and always complaining and constantly crying. I'm keeping Kleenex in business.
Any suggestions?
Maxime the loser.
Posted by Maxime on September 29, 2005, at 14:11:48
In reply to Re: enough » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on September 28, 2005, at 17:57:14
Phillipa, can I borrow $125 to buy my Adderall XR please? :-)
Maxime
> Maxie, well for goodness sakes borrow it then. What about all the volunteer work you've done? Couldn't they help out? Offer to pay them back. And when are you and Link getting together. Can't wait to see what you come up with! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on September 29, 2005, at 17:16:30
In reply to Re: enough » Phillipa, posted by Maxime on September 29, 2005, at 14:11:48
Maxie if it means you will get better I will. I'll scrounge it up somewhere. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Racer on September 29, 2005, at 19:53:42
In reply to Re: enough, posted by Maxime on September 29, 2005, at 14:08:55
> Hey Racer.
>
> Sometimes a doctor can get samples. He would have to call the makers of Adderall XR. Last time I was the one who had to figure out how to get Strattera.But no compassion programs at all up there? Have you checked NeedyMeds.com? I just want to make sure that there's not an easy solution here. If you tell me that you've checked -- and don't listen to the docs, they often don't know about these programs -- I'll leave it alone.
>
> I don't even think the Adderall will help at this point. I am too far gone. I need a gun or a miracle.I've felt that, too, Maxime. And I'm still here. I'll put my great brain on it and see if I can help you on that miracle, 'K? I won't help with the gun, though. I don't like loud noises, and I do like the world better with you in it.
>
> I wish there was some place I could go where I could leave myself behind. I am sick of myself always being there. I wish I would just f*ck off already! I'm depressed and always complaining and constantly crying. I'm keeping Kleenex in business.
>
> Any suggestions?
>
> Maxime the loser.
>I have a bunch of suggestions, Maxie -- I'm not sure you'd like any of them right now. I'll think about what they might look like for you right now and get back to you.
One suggestion, which you might think is too stupid to consider, is to give yourself permission to grieve tomorrow -- for your health, your job, your move, etc -- and maybe watch a tear jerking movie to help you cry out as much of your misery as you can. While it will make you feel sick, and it will seem like a total waste of time, and you'll probably wonder why you're such a "loser" and all the rest of it -- it might be that you need a bit of catharsis. I know that "Anne of a Thousand Days" will often help me feel better simply because I cry so hard -- making myself quite sick in the process -- that a lot of my grief comes out, leaving me free to start over the next day with less emotional tension inside me.
I hope you feel better soon, dear. You are important.
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 29, 2005, at 21:32:48
In reply to Re: enough » Phillipa, posted by Maxime on September 29, 2005, at 14:11:48
> Phillipa, can I borrow $125 to buy my Adderall XR please? :-)
I'm sorry it's rough for you right now, but please don't request money directly from others here.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#illegal
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Sarah T. on September 29, 2005, at 22:24:57
In reply to Re: enough » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on September 29, 2005, at 17:16:30
I must say that I find the above request for money extremely disturbing. Phillipa is one of the nicest people on Psychobabble. She is probably too nice for her own good, and I worry that she might be the kind of person who is easily taken advantage of or used by others. Phillipa, if that is the case, I do hope you will deal with that characteristic with a therapist because, in the long run (and probably the short run), allowing oneself to be used is not in the best interests of either party. If someone is particularly needy and has an excessive need to be liked, they may think others will like them more if they allow themselves to be used. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
If someone is borrowing money for a prescription that lasts a month, then how are they going to pay for it next month, and the month after that? Everyone, or nearly everyone, who posts on Psychobabble is having a very difficult time. What if we all asked Phillipa for money for our prescriptions? And what about food, clothing and rent? Will Phillipa pay for that, too?
Wasn't there a similar incident here recently in which a blocked poster zeroed in on Phillipa and tried to use her to post messages for him although that poster knew the rules better than anyone?
Phillipa, no one can tell you what to do, but I really hope that you work on yourself and your own needs. Dr. Bob says that PB is for education and support, but I highly doubt that financial support is the kind of support he meant when he started this site.
Psychobabble has many boards, including the Psychology and Social boards. We don't just discuss medications here. We try to learn healthier ways of relating to ourselves and to others.
Posted by Phillipa on September 29, 2005, at 23:39:15
In reply to Disturbing turn in this thread » Phillipa, posted by Sarah T. on September 29, 2005, at 22:24:57
Sarah I thought the same thing about next month. I just hoped she could work by then or find another source. And you are Soooooo right I do have a need to be liked by others. Thanks for pointing this out to me. I really appreciate it. Thanks again, Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Craig on September 30, 2005, at 1:31:28
In reply to Re: requesting money » Maxime, posted by Dr. Bob on September 29, 2005, at 21:32:48
I think Maxime’s humor appears to have been misunderstood.
She said she didn’t have the money to pay for a prescription. http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050927/msgs/560536.html
Phillipa told her, “Maxie, well for goodness sakes borrow it then.” http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050927/msgs/560735.html
Maxime replied, “Maybe there is no one I can borrow money from Phillipa. Don't you think that if I could buy the medication I would? I have rent to pay in 2 days and many other bills.” http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050927/msgs/560771.html
Since Phillipa seemed to imply that somebody somewhere ought to be able to lend her money, I believe that Maxime was joking when she replied, “Phillipa, can I borrow $125 to buy my Adderall XR please? :-)” Look, she even added a smiley! http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050927/msgs/561002.html
Maxime, I’m sorry for all the stress in your life. I hope something will happen soon that helps you feel better.
Posted by Racer on September 30, 2005, at 2:04:12
In reply to Disturbing turn in this thread » Phillipa, posted by Sarah T. on September 29, 2005, at 22:24:57
I very much doubt that Maxime was serious about asking Phillipa to lend her that money. I'm pretty sure that she was making a point that she didn't have anyone she could ask, since Phillipa had suggested that she borrow money for her prescriptions.
I agree that Phillipa is a very nice person here, and genuinely cares enough that she would lend money if asked. But I think that Maxime is about the last person here to take advantage of Phillipa especially, or anyone else for that matter.
Maxime has been going through some really rough times, and it's hard for people who haven't experienced that sort of problem to understand fully just how hard it can be. Before finding out about the compassion programs -- and before finding a county doctor willing to sign the dang forms for it -- I went through periods of intensely painful withdrawal from Effexor simply because I couldn't afford the drugs. Imagine living through total hell? Vomitting and crying from the pain? All because I couldn't afford the medications I needed? That's pretty well where Maxime is now, only in Canada where the health system is a little different from here.
You know, I know that you are looking out for Phillipa, which is very sweet -- it's one of the best things about this site, that we do look out for one another. I'm just looking out for Maxime, because I really think she was kidding about it. I hope you can understand, and won't think badly about the people here -- particularly Maxime, who needs all the support we can offer here.
Posted by Maxime on September 30, 2005, at 6:08:14
In reply to Re: requesting money » Maxime, posted by Dr. Bob on September 29, 2005, at 21:32:48
I'm sorry Dr. Bob. It was meant as a joke. Won't happen again.
Maxime
> > Phillipa, can I borrow $125 to buy my Adderall XR please? :-)
>
> I'm sorry it's rough for you right now, but please don't request money directly from others here.
>
> If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, please see the FAQ:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#illegal
>
> Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Bob
Posted by Maxime on September 30, 2005, at 6:14:24
In reply to I don't think Maxime was serious » Sarah T., posted by Racer on September 30, 2005, at 2:04:12
I wasn't serious at all! Although it was sweet and kind of Phillipa to say "yes", I wouldn't accept the money ... ever. I was totally joking which believe me is hard to do considering the state I am in right now.
I'm sorry.
Maxime
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