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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jerrympls on December 18, 2004, at 23:18:02
I tell my therapist - who really is a great therapist - that I'm so apathetic and depressed that I constantly think of suicide - but have no plan. We talk about it but sometimes I think he should take it more seriously. But then again maybe that's me just wanting attention? No - the suicidal thoughts are real. I tell him all the time that I have no reason to live. He asks if I have a plan or if I think I should be in the hospital. I always say that I refuse to go into the hospital and that I have no plan. But lately I've fantasized about just walking in front of a bus. It would be quick I assume. I just really have nothing to live for. I have no friends, my family is distant, I can barely get through a day of work, music doesn't touch my soul any longer....the list goes on.
How can I justify living in chronic unrelenting pain when the "pain meds" don't work? I just keep trying antidepressants over and over and over - I've almost tried every one of them at least twice now. Nothing gets better. It's been 13 years - why should I stick around any longer? There really is no reason. Hope? I've held on to the idea of hope for 13 years and it's led to nothing but hopelessness. I don't want to continue existing just to pay bills - ya know?
I've prayed...I've hoped...I've tried for years and nothing. I'm not making a difference with my life.
You people are the only people who understand. No wonder there are more suicides around the holidays.
I know I keep crying wolf about suicide...I don't do it for sympathy or attention...I do it because I'm in severe pain and have nothing else to cry......
jerry
Posted by jerrympls on December 18, 2004, at 23:31:57
In reply to Shd therapist take thoughts of suicide seriously?, posted by jerrympls on December 18, 2004, at 23:18:02
I think if my doc doesn't put me back on opiate therapy that I really may take the plunge. Guess I'll find out in a couple days.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 19, 2004, at 0:11:31
In reply to Re: Shd therapist take thoughts of suicide seriously?, posted by jerrympls on December 18, 2004, at 23:31:57
Hey there again DO tell your T you have more plans to do than not do he/she will take you more seriously. You must be a danger to yourself or others for a T to DO anything about the thoughts....maybe a call to T before your new session would be of help ..either on meds or to help you feel taken seriously.
Posted by jerrympls on December 19, 2004, at 0:17:14
In reply to Re: Shd therapist take thoughts of suicide seriously? » jerrympls, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 19, 2004, at 0:11:31
but I guess if I really was going to go through with it I wouldn't let my therapist know anyway.....this all just sucks....
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 19, 2004, at 1:29:32
In reply to Re: Shd therapist take thoughts of suicide seriously?, posted by jerrympls on December 19, 2004, at 0:17:14
That is a valid point but not always true many people speak of it before they do it sometimes way ahead PLEASE tell your T about it and your plans and or show him/her your posts like print them
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 19, 2004, at 1:32:19
In reply to Re: Shd therapist take thoughts of suicide seriously?, posted by jerrympls on December 19, 2004, at 0:17:14
That is a valid point but not always true many people speak of it before they do it sometimes way ahead PLEASE tell your T about it and your plans and or show him/her your posts like print them
Posted by EERRIICC on December 19, 2004, at 4:51:48
In reply to Re: Shd therapist take thoughts of suicide seriously? » jerrympls, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 19, 2004, at 1:32:19
Have you tried high dose Parnate? It worked for me for three years when nothing else would.
How about Riluzole? A study was published in January 2004 in which 19 people with treatment refractory depression were all successfully treated with it
What about using an NMDA antagonist such as Memantine, Acamprosate, or Amantadine to keep stimulants or opiates working on a continuous basis?
I hope your pain subsides.
Eric
Posted by ed_uk on December 19, 2004, at 4:56:32
In reply to Some_ideas., posted by EERRIICC on December 19, 2004, at 4:51:48
Hello Jerry,
I think you said that you were briefly treated with a low dose of fentanyl but that your doc got scared and stopped the treatment. Have you ever tried buprenorphine? (another opioid)
It has a slightly lower abuse potential than other potent opioids so your doc may be willing to prescribe it.I wish you all the best,
Ed.
Posted by banga on December 19, 2004, at 15:12:43
In reply to Re: Opioids, posted by ed_uk on December 19, 2004, at 4:56:32
I do understand so well living with suicidal ideation. And people mistaking your mentioning it as a way to manipulate, threaten etc. In fact, I once told a counselor in alcohol treament that suicidal thoughts were returning, she yelled "then go ahead and do it!!!" you can imagine how helpful that was.
In any case, it is a difficult tight rope to walk with dotors. They probably can't imagine what it is like to live with spontaneous, vivid suicidal thoughts--for me diving off the highway, stabbing myself, impaling a screwdriver in my heart. It is so odd if you think about it. But now it is part of everyday life.
My thoughts: maybe think of how to talk honestly about this with your doc. I mean, not that you were being dishonest....but open up a discussion to a new level, confront him about what his reaction (or lack thereof) means to you. My imagination, if I were in your shoes (and PLEASE remember I am totally projecting my thoughts on you , I certainly dont claim to feel exactly as you do), I might say 'look, I feel like you arent really in tune with what I mean when I say I feel suicidal. I am not meaning to threaten or send off alarm bells, but you have to realize that this is a dangerous agony I go through every day, and though I won't act on it today necessarily, the impulsive feel to these thoughts is dangerous and I sense it could suddenly change into an action. And my life is that much more the hell because these thoughts wont leave me. I need you to hear me how unbearable it is, how tortured I feel and I need help here.'
Well something like that. In ay case the point is to take this conversation to a new place. YOu need to have him hear the agony you are going through. And if he can't find someone who can, who will support you and help you monitor yourself regarding these devastating feelings.
In the meantime, hang in there. Are you in some kind of therapy or support? It's not a magic bullet, but feeling alone ---and leaving you alone with your morbid agonizing thoughts--makes things that much worse.
I hope that your med plan will go in a direction that is more helpful. It can be amazing how, once you find the med that helps, this little pill alters your experience so profoundly. I know it is hard, but try and hold on to the thought that things can get better, you will find your way.
But most of all, don't go it alone.
Posted by linkadge on December 19, 2004, at 19:47:17
In reply to Re: Opioids, posted by banga on December 19, 2004, at 15:12:43
"then go ahead and do it!!!"
That is the sickest thing that anyone (especially a counseller) could ever say. They should loose their licence for that.
When I am suicidal, I often want to kill myself to send a message to other people, parents, teachers whatever. A message to stop! Just stop! Nobody in this world stops anymore.
If a therapist dared tell me to kill myself, that would be the finger that pushed me over the edge. That therapist would regret that statement for the rest of their life.
Yes it is threatened often, but it is carried out often too. Every threat must be taken seriously.
Linkadge
Posted by jujube on December 19, 2004, at 23:49:29
In reply to Shd therapist take thoughts of suicide seriously?, posted by jerrympls on December 18, 2004, at 23:18:02
I agree with you that he should take it more seriously. I remember once, many years ago, when I was drinking heavily, I saw a counsellor for work-related stress, and at one appointment (I was probably hung over and feeling like crap), I mentioned that I wished I was dead or that I may as well be dead. She took it very seriously.
I am glad to hear that you are liking your therapist. If you feel comfortable enough with the therapist, you might want to raise how his/her lack of response to your vocalizing to him/her your suicidal thoughts affects you. Get it out in the open.
I am so sorry to hear that the Cymbalta has not been effective for you. Hopefully your new pdoc will work with you to put together a cocktail that will bring you the relief you so deserve. Don't give up yet Jerry. It sounds like you now have a responsive team working with you. Hang in there, and keep the lines of communication open.
Take good care.
Tamara
> I tell my therapist - who really is a great therapist - that I'm so apathetic and depressed that I constantly think of suicide - but have no plan. We talk about it but sometimes I think he should take it more seriously. But then again maybe that's me just wanting attention? No - the suicidal thoughts are real. I tell him all the time that I have no reason to live. He asks if I have a plan or if I think I should be in the hospital. I always say that I refuse to go into the hospital and that I have no plan. But lately I've fantasized about just walking in front of a bus. It would be quick I assume. I just really have nothing to live for. I have no friends, my family is distant, I can barely get through a day of work, music doesn't touch my soul any longer....the list goes on.
>
> How can I justify living in chronic unrelenting pain when the "pain meds" don't work? I just keep trying antidepressants over and over and over - I've almost tried every one of them at least twice now. Nothing gets better. It's been 13 years - why should I stick around any longer? There really is no reason. Hope? I've held on to the idea of hope for 13 years and it's led to nothing but hopelessness. I don't want to continue existing just to pay bills - ya know?
>
> I've prayed...I've hoped...I've tried for years and nothing. I'm not making a difference with my life.
>
> You people are the only people who understand. No wonder there are more suicides around the holidays.
>
> I know I keep crying wolf about suicide...I don't do it for sympathy or attention...I do it because I'm in severe pain and have nothing else to cry......
>
> jerry
Posted by Bill LL on December 20, 2004, at 10:18:45
In reply to Shd therapist take thoughts of suicide seriously?, posted by jerrympls on December 18, 2004, at 23:18:02
Jerry- I felt exactly as you for many years but fortunately I do respond to SSRI's.
I think that a good idea is to talk to a local clergy person.
As for the opiate drug, I hope that your doctor puts you back on it. If not, try a different doctor.
Another thing that helps a lot of people is to add an ADD drug to an AD.
Posted by paulbwell on December 20, 2004, at 19:30:45
In reply to Shd therapist take thoughts of suicide seriously?, posted by jerrympls on December 18, 2004, at 23:18:02
>Hi jerry,
You touched me. I know how opiates can be very effective for psychic pain, and physical pain (which are linked). I self medicate often with Codeine, and the rapid "every things ok now" response can be excellent.
I will include you in my Prayers tonight
YOU WILL HEAL.
Posted by jerrympls on December 20, 2004, at 23:27:11
In reply to Jerry, posted by paulbwell on December 20, 2004, at 19:30:45
> >Hi jerry,
>
> You touched me. I know how opiates can be very effective for psychic pain, and physical pain (which are linked). I self medicate often with Codeine, and the rapid "every things ok now" response can be excellent.
>
> I will include you in my Prayers tonight
>
> YOU WILL HEAL.thanks Paul...I just hope I make it though the holidays...
Posted by ed_uk on December 21, 2004, at 18:38:56
In reply to Re: Opioids, posted by linkadge on December 19, 2004, at 19:47:17
>When I am suicidal, I often want to kill myself to send a message to other people, parents, teachers whatever. A message to stop! Just stop! Nobody in this world stops anymore.
If you were gone I would miss you...... and I don't even know you 'in real life.' You are at the heart of psycho-babble!
Ed.
Posted by jujube on December 21, 2004, at 18:56:32
In reply to Re: To Linkadge, posted by ed_uk on December 21, 2004, at 18:38:56
Posted by linkadge on December 22, 2004, at 10:25:12
In reply to Re: To Linkadge - DITTO (nm) » ed_uk, posted by jujube on December 21, 2004, at 18:56:32
Well, thank-you. I certainly feel wanted here.
Linkadge
This is the end of the thread.
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