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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lonely on September 20, 2003, at 1:16:06
Whew! After going through the registration process I almost forgot why I was here! <grin>
The reason is because my therapist of 3 years died in the spring of this year and I miss her terribly. Thankfully, we had a professional&personal friend in common who let me know of her sudden serious illness and death so I was able to attend the Memorial. I think I was about the only one of the patients who knew in time. That's a terrible way to have a powerful relationship end.
I was able to get a couple photographs of her, one of which sits on my credenza and the other I use for a screen saver. She was really much more than a therapist to me - in fact, sometimes I'm not so sure about the therapy part - but I cared deeply about her and I dearly wish I could have eased her pain and told her how much I cared. I can't help crying as I write this.
It's hard to be a patient; if a relative had died there would be no question as to who I was at the Memorial. But, with a therapist there's no real after-support like there is with family members. Also, I think I understand some issues better now that we had scrapped over and I want to tell her about it. I know she was in pain and putting on a brave face and I wish I had been more compassionate to her. I can't find anyone else who *really* understands or whom I feel cares about me as much.
There is a closing couplet from a Shakespeare sonnet that goes "this thou perceivist which makes thy love more strong; to love that well what thou must leave ere long" that somehow comes to mind when I think of this therapist.
Posted by cubbybear on September 20, 2003, at 5:59:57
In reply to Therapist died , posted by Lonely on September 20, 2003, at 1:16:06
I'm a regular reader/poster on this board and I don't recall reading anything (at least over the last 1-1/2 years) that touched on the subject of the death of a therapist. It was certainly worth your time to register and post; I have a feeling that a number of people will respond to your very touching note. This is a subject that probably gets shoved onto the back burners of our minds, since many of us who have been fortunate enough to get good therapists wouldn't want to think that they are mortals like all the rest of us.
If we become close to a therapist, they become like saviors of our lives, (at least this is the way I've felt) and the more we suffer from our own illnesses, the more we look forward to our sessions. They are much much more than just doctors; they are friends, confidants, mentors, and healers. They help point the way for us. They are to our minds as our mothers (and sometimes fathers) are to our hearts and physical well-being.
I myself had a terrific relationship with a psychiatrist when I lived in New York, up until 1988. After I moved to California that year, we kept in touch, and he was more than willing to mail prescriptions to my home and sometimes chat via phone at no charge, other than the cost of the phone call itself. Then I moved to Thailand in 1999 and we're STILL in touch. I can't obtain MAOI Parnate here, so he writes a prescription and sends it to my forwarding address (Mom's home) in Phoenix. We chat via phone when I return to the states for my annual visit. Our relationship has lasted for more than 20 years. I don't want to *think* of how I'll feel when he dies or even retires. This man has been a saint and savior to me for so long.
I somehow think that it would be a good idea if you could get a support group going of all your former therapists' patients, like yourself, so you could share your grief over the loss. And yet, I think that laws of confidentiality would prevent such a group from forming. Maybe you could post a message somewhere, looking to get in touch with other former patients, if you want to deal with your grief this way. If not, then rest assured that your grief is based on feelings of love and respect, and we're all here to support you at this time.
Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 8:31:45
In reply to Therapist died , posted by Lonely on September 20, 2003, at 1:16:06
Hi Lonely. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I hope you don't mind, but I directed your post to the board dedicated to therapy, because I think your post will mean a lot to the people there.
Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/261897.html
Posted by ridesredhorses on September 20, 2003, at 10:40:18
In reply to Therapist died , posted by Lonely on September 20, 2003, at 1:16:06
I am so sorry for you loss. My own therapist is not a young guy. I have, from time to time, worried about something happening to him that would keep him from his practice. He is the person who helped me confirm my worth. I always thought if I were known well enough, I would be liked and respected. He showed me how to prove that, and nothing can ever take that away...even though I forget it from time to time, I still know. You knew your therapist well. I have no doubt that her kindness and wisdom will continue guiding you. Peace to you and my prayers.
Red
Posted by Lonely on September 20, 2003, at 13:39:54
In reply to Re: A link to Psychological Babble » Lonely, posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 8:31:45
Thank you so much. I got a bit confused as to which board I'm on and definitely want to have the message in the most appropriate places where it will do the most good - for others as well as myself. That you for your assistance.
The many responses have been helpful to me - I guess it helps to validate my loss - and the depth of the relationship.
There was, at the time of her death, a place for written memorials by readers/friends in the local newspaper (online) where her obituary was listed. I entered my memories there and was glad that, gradually, others did so too. But, I only met one of those people so I don't know the others and don't really know how to communicate with them. (i.e., no email addresses)
Thank you all. I'm still reading.
> Hi Lonely. I'm so sorry for your loss.
>
> I hope you don't mind, but I directed your post to the board dedicated to therapy, because I think your post will mean a lot to the people there.
>
> Here's a link:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/261897.html
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 20, 2003, at 19:29:06
In reply to Re: A link to Psychological Babble » Lonely, posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 8:31:45
> I hope you don't mind, but I directed your post to the board dedicated to therapy, because I think your post will mean a lot to the people there.
Thanks, but to minimize duplication I'd like to consolidate these threads at Psycho-Babble Grief. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/261952.html
Bob
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