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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Sara T on June 3, 2000, at 13:01:06
Cindy,
A while back we had a thread going on about transferance and the differing relationships people have had with their therapists. You mentioned discussing some of you feelings toward your therapist with your therapist to be able to use them in your therapy. Did you ever do so? How did it go?
I hope I'm not asking too personal a question, let me know if I am.
Sara T.
Posted by Alan on June 3, 2000, at 13:28:33
In reply to Therapist Relationship - Cindy W., posted by Sara T on June 3, 2000, at 13:01:06
> Cindy,
>
> A while back we had a thread going on about transferance and the differing relationships people have had with their therapists. You mentioned discussing some of you feelings toward your therapist with your therapist to be able to use them in your therapy. Did you ever do so? How did it go?
>
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Yes Cindy I was thinking the same thing. I recently wrote a note to my former psychoparmacologist/therapist suggesting the same thing you'd do about it - that it would be "theraputic" to understand why this was happening and see if we couldn't understand it together and make some progress.
Wow was I surprised - and hurt quite deeply when she said in an e mail to me to try to work through it with my talk therapist. I was crushed. Do you think I was expecting too much? Did she not want to handle such a situation? Did she feel partially responsible for the situation by her revealing so much to me that I would eventually become attracted to her?
She said that no more communication would be appropriate since she was not my pdoc anymore - even though I simply stated that I wanted to have an appointment to clear the air - that it was troubling me still from about a couple of years ago when we were meeting. I'm really confused.I've had a couple of other female pdocs that this didn't happen with....
Alan
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Posted by Noa on June 3, 2000, at 13:58:27
In reply to Re: Therapist Relationship - Cindy W., posted by Alan on June 3, 2000, at 13:28:33
Alan, I think if you are no longer in her medical care, it does make sense to process it with your current therapist. Remind me, though, why did you stop seeing her as your pdoc?
Posted by Alan on June 3, 2000, at 16:01:33
In reply to Re: Therapist Relationship - » Alan, posted by Noa on June 3, 2000, at 13:58:27
> Alan, I think if you are no longer in her medical care, it does make sense to process it with your current therapist. Remind me, though, why did you stop seeing her as your pdoc?
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Because she was also treating my wife at the time and wasn't comfortable with treating us both (not together), even though I had seen her a couple of years earlier than my wife. Since that time (2 -3 years ago), my wife has started seeing another pdoc too.
This is why I don't think that the original problem that she had with it applies anymore.
I would think that it would be healthier and more productive to work through what the problem is with her, not my present therapist - as Cindy W. was stating originally.Alan
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Posted by paul on June 4, 2000, at 1:50:44
In reply to Re: Therapist Relationship - Noa, posted by Alan on June 3, 2000, at 16:01:33
al-
is there possibly a blurring of responsibility between your pdoc's responsibilities and your view of them and what she saw/sees them as being? if she's no longer your doc, i'd move on and work it out with your psychotherapist as that is thier essential function. maybe some barriers were crossed-still i think the best thing is to move on using the avenues that are still open to you. any of this ring true?
pcl
Posted by Alan on June 4, 2000, at 8:00:21
In reply to Re: Therapist Relationship - Noa, posted by paul on June 4, 2000, at 1:50:44
> al-
> is there possibly a blurring of responsibility between your pdoc's responsibilities and your view of them and what she saw/sees them as being? if she's no longer your doc, i'd move on and work it out with your psychotherapist as that is thier essential function. maybe some barriers were crossed-still i think the best thing is to move on using the avenues that are still open to you. any of this ring true?
***************************************
Well yes. This is the essential question. Would these matters best or most effectively be resolved by the therapist with whom I experience transference? Seems to me it would be much more effective to work through this with the person that I have this experience with than just speaking in theory with another pdoc. It just seems like common sense.
My problem with her response is that she seems bothered by the whole thing. Too much trouble for her. I feel left dangling in the wind.
Does she feel this way because she truly doesn't have the time of day for me or is there something else going on in counter transference that makes her uncomfortable? Isn't it my business to at least know that much? It remains too unresolved and is creating a conflict for me that won't go away - even after discussing it with 2 different talk therapists.
I feel after 3 years of treatment that she needs to be a little more forthcoming as to why she is so hesitant - even at this point.
Alan******************
Posted by Noa on June 4, 2000, at 14:17:59
In reply to Re: Therapist Relationship - Paul, posted by Alan on June 4, 2000, at 8:00:21
I really don't know what you should do. What an awful feeling, though, it must be to be left with this unfinished business dangling.
Posted by Cindy W on June 4, 2000, at 18:51:52
In reply to Re: Therapist Relationship » Alan, posted by Noa on June 4, 2000, at 14:17:59
> I really don't know what you should do. What an awful feeling, though, it must be to be left with this unfinished business dangling.
Hi, Guys! I apologize for not responding for a while (was out of town all weekend). Sara, I haven't had the nerve to discuss the transference yet with my therapist (but have another appointment tomorrow; only see him once a month). Alan, I understand your wanting to work it out with the therapist with whom you had an attraction, but sometimes, I think therapists may not be comfortable in working with such things (some people are afraid they cannot maintain proper boundaries and your issue may be a little too "close to home"). But with your original therapist or with your current talk therapist, I hope you are able to resolve this. (I hope I can resolve it too!).--Cindy W
Posted by Sara T on June 4, 2000, at 22:21:57
In reply to Re: Therapist Relationship , posted by Cindy W on June 4, 2000, at 18:51:52
> > I really don't know what you should do. What an awful feeling, though, it must be to be left with this unfinished business dangling.
>
> Hi, Guys! I apologize for not responding for a while (was out of town all weekend). Sara, I haven't had the nerve to discuss the transference yet with my therapist (but have another appointment tomorrow; only see him once a month). Alan, I understand your wanting to work it out with the therapist with whom you had an attraction, but sometimes, I think therapists may not be comfortable in working with such things (some people are afraid they cannot maintain proper boundaries and your issue may be a little too "close to home"). But with your original therapist or with your current talk therapist, I hope you are able to resolve this. (I hope I can resolve it too!).--Cindy WGood to hear from you, Cindy. This thread was of great interest to me also. I guess I'm in a quandry as to how to proceed with my son's psychologist. I would like it if we could continue with him because of his specialties and because he's in the same hospital as my son's neurologist who follows his meds. So they are a kind of one stop shopping package. But I need him to get onto my insurance again and I don't know if I should ask him to do that.
I've never brought up anything with him, but I did get the feeling he was putting distance between him and me the last time we saw him and I'm not sure if it had anything to do with the undercurrent of attraction I felt (or imagined he had toward me) or if he felt uncomfortable about something else. It's all conjecture I suppose.
I just hate the thought of losing a good psychologist who has really supported me and my stupid questions and phone calls about my son's behaviors. It takes so long to build up rapport with professionals.
I guess I've also got some unfinished business too. But the crush part I think I can handle.
Sara T.
Posted by paul on June 4, 2000, at 22:28:00
In reply to Re: Therapist Relationship , posted by Cindy W on June 4, 2000, at 18:51:52
al-
i think going otherwheres is the only solution to the problem. the person clearly doesnt want to deal with the issue directly, and i think her boundaries might be seriously threatened by having to face you because i doubt she has two shits worth of an idea on what to do about it. remember my thread "unexplained doctor flake-out" abpout my for,er assWHOLE pdoc who VERY left me high and dry? i had NO desire to ever see the ferrety runt again and simply reported him to the proper authorities. i know the situation isnt parallel to yours, but it shows that i moved on and that might be the best thing for you to do. distance and time can work wonders-though you'll never notice it while it's happenning. you might get further by letting it drop.
pcl
This is the end of the thread.
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