![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by claudea on February 2, 2000, at 12:41:13
Hi all,
Here is a sensative question, but when, how, or should you tell someone you just started dating that you have a mental illness?
What have ya'll done in the past? What was the reaction? I'm not a kid (37) and he's 38, so hopefully there should be more of a maturity level here, but you never know. Physical differences are easy to spot, such as weight, height, obvious physical disability, but mental aren't. Just curious for some input.
Thanks,
Claudea
Posted by judy on February 2, 2000, at 13:33:52
In reply to When or should you tell someone about this?, posted by claudea on February 2, 2000, at 12:41:13
Dear Claudea,
We're about the same age; I'm assuming this is a serious relationship. If so, I recommend telling him- perhaps if you're comfortable enough (and it's a serious enough relationship), he could accompany you to your therapist. They tend to know exactly what to say and are pretty reassuring to significant others. Take care.
Posted by Noa on February 2, 2000, at 16:30:35
In reply to Re: When or should you tell someone about this?, posted by judy on February 2, 2000, at 13:33:52
Hey, important topic. Check out the thread that began with the following post by Racer:
"Coming out" to a loved one? Racer 11/10/99
Posted by Janice on February 2, 2000, at 21:06:57
In reply to Re: When or should you tell someone about this?, posted by Noa on February 2, 2000, at 16:30:35
claudea.
This has worked well for me. They don't find out anything until they have to. Because if they don't guess it, and you don't tell them - then it's not an issue.
By the time I do bring it up, they've been with me for a while, and honestly believe I am mostly sane (although a little hot tempered, which can make for a good sex life).
Whatever you do, don't make it an issue.
But then, what do I know about love?
Have fun claudeau! Janice
Posted by Adam on February 2, 2000, at 22:58:49
In reply to When or should you tell someone about this?, posted by claudea on February 2, 2000, at 12:41:13
If it's just casual dating, there's probably no good reason to
discuss it.However, if you think you really have feelings for the person
and things could get serious, I think it's in your best interests
to get it out on the table.The reason I feel this way is pretty simple: You don't wind up
with someone who can't deal with it. Who wants to hide something
serious about themselves to make somebody else happy.My experience: I told someone a while ago, and they headed for
hills. I'm glad, because the next person I told is a righteous
babe and seems not only to dig me but to understand me too; she,
it turns out, is also a depression sufferer. Never know what you
might find out.> Hi all,
>
> Here is a sensative question, but when, how, or should you tell someone you just started dating that you have a mental illness?
>
> What have ya'll done in the past? What was the reaction? I'm not a kid (37) and he's 38, so hopefully there should be more of a maturity level here, but you never know. Physical differences are easy to spot, such as weight, height, obvious physical disability, but mental aren't. Just curious for some input.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Claudea
Posted by claudea on February 3, 2000, at 13:46:20
In reply to Re: When or should you tell someone about this?, posted by Adam on February 2, 2000, at 22:58:49
Thanks all for the insight. I've had the acceptance before and I've had the "run for the hills" before (from a person who I had known and was a best friend for about 20 years).
The really hard part is when you have to take your meds in front of them and they ask what they are for. I just told him "nothing communicable". He laughed and said fair enough. So I guess that's good.
Ok, I thought it was funny at the time.
Posted by CarolAnn on February 4, 2000, at 9:09:40
In reply to Re: When or should you tell someone about this?, posted by claudea on February 3, 2000, at 13:46:20
Hey, Claudea! I thought the "nothing communicable" line was pretty funny, it made me chuckle...He sounds like a good egg so far...but you will reach a level in the relationship where you really will need to tell him exactly what is going on. Don't be afraid of doing it, it will be a good test as to whether he is worthy of your love! CarolAnn
Posted by Noa on February 5, 2000, at 15:27:07
In reply to Re: I thought it was funny too...., posted by CarolAnn on February 4, 2000, at 9:09:40
Claudea, I thought it was a very clever response--was it just off the cuff, or did you plan it?
I also think his response was just right.
At some point, if the relationship gets to the next level, you will probably want to begin to disclose more, but for now, the exchange you described sounds totally appropriate.
Have fun.
Posted by claudea on February 6, 2000, at 21:07:17
In reply to Re: I thought it was funny too...., posted by Noa on February 5, 2000, at 15:27:07
The response was completely off the cuff, but it helps to have a few years of improve training under the belt. Feel free to use it.
> Claudea, I thought it was a very clever response--was it just off the cuff, or did you plan it?
>
> I also think his response was just right.
>
> At some point, if the relationship gets to the next level, you will probably want to begin to disclose more, but for now, the exchange you described sounds totally appropriate.
>
> Have fun.
Posted by NikkiT on February 7, 2000, at 9:52:09
In reply to When or should you tell someone about this?, posted by claudea on February 2, 2000, at 12:41:13
My husband and I talked an AWFUL lot before we met, as we met in an internet chat room.. So I was more terrified about physical things.
BUT... that doesn't mean he understands.. unfortunately he is finding my current depressive bout very hard to cope with.
I'd say, talk to this guy, as soon as you feel comfortable enough in his presence to trust him with this information.
Posted by Alice on February 9, 2000, at 3:15:54
In reply to When or should you tell someone about this?, posted by claudea on February 2, 2000, at 12:41:13
> Hi all,
>
> Here is a sensative question, but when, how, or should you tell someone you just started dating that you have a mental illness?
>
> What have ya'll done in the past? What was the reaction? I'm not a kid (37) and he's 38, so hopefully there should be more of a maturity level here, but you never know. Physical differences are easy to spot, such as weight, height, obvious physical disability, but mental aren't. Just curious for some input.
>
> Thanks,
>
> ClaudeaThis wasn't a problem for me. You'll think this is funny, but I met my true love & beloved husband while committed to a state mental hospital for a suicide attempt! He was there for depression as well. My life has never been the same since...we knew right away we were right for each other, and have been at each other's side ever since. I have been diagnosed and suffered from major depression for 10 years. I am 23 now, and finally I have found some true happiness in my life! I believe a great dating option for a mentally ill person is to hook up with another person with a mental illness similar to their own because of the strong emotional connections which can be formed.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.