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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AMY II on November 27, 1999, at 22:55:06
I* was outside talking to a friend of mine on Wednesday and for no reason I had this swoosh of panic over my body and I felt like I was going crazy. I ran inside the house and sat down on the toilet seat in the bathroom while on the phone with my friend. I felt really cold but I was sweating so bad. I felt like I couldn't breathe and craziness is the only way I can describe what I was feeling in my head. I went to the mirror and sure enough It looked like I was high on crack or something. My eyes were so black. I have been dealing with this as you know for going on 8 months now or nine months, since April. I have sick I mean sick nightmares. So vivid and weird out of nowhere things I have never seen before. If they could only figure this out. Zoloft has helped the anxiety component I am suffering from. I am obviously suffering from some different things as well I think. My friend just told me to keep remembering that it is just the after effects of taking that large quantity of ecstacy that time in April. She kept saying Amy, the drug is new and the docotrs dont know everything it does to a person in an overdose and that this is just going to take some time to heal. But it has been so long so now I am waiting for things to start to get a little better with the shooting pains in my head the cold ice running through every one of my veins, the horrible nightmares, The dialated eyes and weird feeling in my head, the chest pain, I want to be able to work out without blacking out. What is that anyway? I have gained 30 pounds since this. I was 135 in april and I am now 165. I have never been so heavy in my life. I use to model for christ sake. This is just destroying my life I feel. I need some kind of direction some kind of hope to look forward to. Somewhere to go. Sorry for babbling but this is the only place where I can be my weird ass self. Excuse the french. Anybody ever just wish that they had a velcro suit with a velcro wall and just step back and run as fast as you can and just jump right into the wall and stick there. :) And just keep doing it and just scream like a crazy person. I think that would be theraputic for the frustration we go through. Maybe the Pychiatrists should think about putting some of those in there office. Good Luck to everyone. Hope someobdy is listening.
Posted by Craig on November 28, 1999, at 2:06:27
In reply to AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!, posted by AMY II on November 27, 1999, at 22:55:06
Anybody ever just wish that they had a velcro suit with a velcro wall and just step back and run as fast as you can and just jump right into the wall and stick there. :)
--------------------------------------
I actually saw David Letterman do this stunt on his TV show some years back. He wore a really bulky outfit with velcro, ran toward the velcro wall and jumped as high as he could. And yes, he stuck there till he was pried off!
Posted by jennyann on November 28, 1999, at 10:06:35
In reply to AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!, posted by AMY II on November 27, 1999, at 22:55:06
Im right here behind ya, jumping at the velcro wall and hangin with all ive got....
it will get better..we're all here for you...wierd, wacky and velcro-ed.:)
jennyann
Posted by Racer on November 29, 1999, at 2:07:59
In reply to AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!, posted by AMY II on November 27, 1999, at 22:55:06
I use it to keep my kitten out of trouble...
Seriously, though, I can remember the pain and agony of weight gain from ADs, from 110 to 170 in my case, and since I used to model, too, I can relate to the perceptions that come into play when you suddenly find yourself three times your former size!
The last time I did heroin, I was up for days afterward, with hallucinations of flames shooting out of my roommate's bedroom. I got up three or four times a night to check again that it wasn't really happening. Still, I never did believe that the flames weren't there. Drugs do weird and crazy things to the brain. I know saying that I don't do them anymore is a little like saying I lock that empty barn carefully each night, but at least I no longer increase the damage I've done to myself.
You sound kinda young, Amy. Are you under 25? If so, have a little of this hope from me: it's gotten better in the last few years, overall. I'm 35 now, and other than the depression that comes and goes, feel pretty dang good - even if I am twice the size I think I am! (140# now)
Good luck to you! Rah rah sis boom bah! Amy II can do it! Yeah!
Posted by Dee on November 30, 1999, at 10:18:45
In reply to I've got the velcro wall..., posted by Racer on November 29, 1999, at 2:07:59
Hang in there, Amy II. When I stopped taking drugs, I found that it takes about a year to get rid of the immediate effects.
I never realized while I was using that drugs not only caused the rapidly passing intence high, but they also have these long term effect. If fact, only after getting rid of these effects, I understood that it was the drugs - for years I had been thinking that this is just how living feels.At times I wonder how much of my present depression is caused by drugs. Ironically, I feel that my drug use was caused by my depressin. Nasty cycle!
You have done well so far, and I hope the worst is over by now. It may be that these flashbacks will eventually fade, and also we learn how to cope with them, not letting them touch us.
If you are on a journey of a thousand miles, walking five hundred miles and then turn back doesn't make any sense. Take care of yourself, be patient, and you will get where you deserve to be.
Dee
Posted by AMY II on November 30, 1999, at 14:29:54
In reply to Re: I've got the velcro wall..., posted by Dee on November 30, 1999, at 10:18:45
> Hang in there, Amy II. When I stopped taking drugs, I found that it takes about a year to get rid of the immediate effects.
> I never realized while I was using that drugs not only caused the rapidly passing intence high, but they also have these long term effect. If fact, only after getting rid of these effects, I understood that it was the drugs - for years I had been thinking that this is just how living feels.
>
> At times I wonder how much of my present depression is caused by drugs. Ironically, I feel that my drug use was caused by my depressin. Nasty cycle!
>
> You have done well so far, and I hope the worst is over by now. It may be that these flashbacks will eventually fade, and also we learn how to cope with them, not letting them touch us.
>
> If you are on a journey of a thousand miles, walking five hundred miles and then turn back doesn't make any sense. Take care of yourself, be patient, and you will get where you deserve to be.
>
> DeeAMY II here... Wow Racer! I have never heard anybody talk about there drug use on this site. I feel a little connection now. Yeah. :) Seriously though I have some serious questions for you. I have never been a drug user and experimenting this year was such a horrible mistake. That ecstacy is what did it for me. I was wondering if you have read any of my posts when I went into specific detail on how I feel with these so called side effects. They don't feel like flash backs at all. I have never hallucinated on ecstacy even though aparently that is what it is for. It really does take forever to explain how I have felt over these past 8 months. The weight gain is out of control. If I get one more stretch mark I am going to *&%#$ scream. I want to work out the way I use to but everytime I try my heart feels like it can't take it. I get dizzy, like when I run on the treadmill, when I get off I still feel the vibration of being on it for like 20 minutes after the fact. Did you ever get the weird brain sensation that I have talked about in previous posts. Or what about the ice cold body almost like someone has poured ice down all of your veins. You can feel it on the inside. Your mind racing.. Horrible weird thoughts that come out of nowhere. Out of your control. Horrific nightmares. Weird.. weird chest feeling. Like I am on a roller coaster, and it does it out of the blue. I almost feel like I am stroking or seizuring or something whenthis happens. Whatever is going on I wish it would stop. Ativan helped me so much but because of the dependancy they won't let me stay on it for a long period of time. I am on 100mg of zoloft instead. when I talked to my neurologist he said he wanted me to go on 150mg of it and then see him in three weeks. I am afraid to up the dosage because I feel I have been really lucky that I haven't had any side effects to zoloft and I have been on it for three months now. I think it has taken away some of the anxiety component that was given to me by this drug but there are definately other components going on. Basically the doctors don't say anything to me when I tell them my symptoms because they don't know what the hell it is. Any info on side effects that you had would be helpful. Thanks for posting.
And Thank you Dee for your support I need all I can get. Like I said before I hate to be dependant on this site so much but I have no where else to turn for this crap mess I have gotten myself into. I need to pull all the resources I can to help me maybe find somebody with and ecstacy ovedose so I can speak with them to see if we have any similiar effects after it's use. So I can look int o the future and see if it does get better or worse or I have done this permenant damage that will always be this way. And for Racer I am 24. Thanks everyone for listening.
Posted by Sean on November 30, 1999, at 17:22:19
In reply to AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!, posted by AMY II on November 27, 1999, at 22:55:06
> I* was outside talking to a friend of mine on Wednesday and for no reason I had this swoosh of panic over my body and I felt like I was going crazy. I ran inside the house and sat down on the toilet seat in the bathroom while on the phone with my friend. I felt really cold but I was sweating so bad. I felt like I couldn't breathe and craziness is the only way I can describe what I was feeling in my head. I went to the mirror and sure enough It looked like I was high on crack or something. My eyes were so black. I have been dealing with this as you know for going on 8 months now or nine months, since April. I have sick I mean sick nightmares. So vivid and weird out of nowhere things I have never seen before. If they could only figure this out. Zoloft has helped the anxiety component I am suffering from. I am obviously suffering from some different things as well I think. My friend just told me to keep remembering that it is just the after effects of taking that large quantity of ecstacy that time in April. She kept saying Amy, the drug is new and the docotrs dont know everything it does to a person in an overdose and that this is just going to take some time to heal. But it has been so long so now I am waiting for things to start to get a little better with the shooting pains in my head the cold ice running through every one of my veins, the horrible nightmares, The dialated eyes and weird feeling in my head, the chest pain, I want to be able to work out without blacking out. What is that anyway? I have gained 30 pounds since this. I was 135 in april and I am now 165. I have never been so heavy in my life. I use to model for christ sake. This is just destroying my life I feel. I need some kind of direction some kind of hope to look forward to. Somewhere to go. Sorry for babbling but this is the only place where I can be my weird ass self. Excuse the french. Anybody ever just wish that they had a velcro suit with a velcro wall and just step back and run as fast as you can and just jump right into the wall and stick there. :) And just keep doing it and just scream like a crazy person. I think that would be theraputic for the frustration we go through. Maybe the Pychiatrists should think about putting some of those in there office. Good Luck to everyone. Hope someobdy is listening.
Amy -
Sorry to hear about your panic/anxiety/xtc situtation.
If it is any consolation, I went through a period
where I had many of the same symptoms - without
having an ecstacy OD. I do remember having some
panic reactions to pot, however, and here's my
two cents worth:(1) Ecstacy can cause damage to the fine serotonergic
neurons in the dorsal raphe. This is at fairly
high doses (subcutaneous) in primates. Ecstacy
does not seem to have a major effect on the
thicker short-strand structures and the effects
of the damage it does cause are unkown.(2) Lower serotonin metabolites (about 35%) have
been measured in the CSF of moderate to heavy
ecstacy users. This is very likely due to
nerve damage. These subjects appear to have
a "mellowed" personality and some degree of
memory impairment, but on the whole, they are
in the range of normal individuals.That's what I've read on the net. Now for the
personal stories. I know a girl who took over
20 hits in a 24-hour period. Yes, she had a great
time, but the next day she was a mess. She had
fainting spells and choppy vision which left her
basically blind. She made a full recovery after
a week and is now doing fine.I have another friend who has taken ecstacy over
100 times and is sharp as tack, never gets depressed
afterwords, etc... I have done the drug several
times myself and had a good time the first few
times. Then I noticed depression about three days
later. After reading about the possible damage to
neurons, I said forget this stuff - my brain is
too delicate. All of this was ten years ago when
MDMA was fairly pure, considered safe, and people
like massage therapists were doing it.My hunch is that the ecstacy triggered something
in your brain and although it may have caused some
neurological damage, I would be willing to bet it
is very minor. It is also possible to have the
exact symptoms you are having without ever doing
ecstacy. Finally, there is good evidence that the
brain repairs itself after such damage. It takes
time, but the current state of the art suggests
that the brain is much more dynamic than we have
given it credit.So there is every reason to expect that you will
get 100% better. Are you in counseling? How is
life otherwise? I know you must feel totally
trapped by this condition, but what else is going
on? For me, it took about a year for the panic
to slowly go away. It seems quick in retrospect,
but endless at the time.Question: are you sure that what you took was
MDMA?I send you best wishes and hope for the future,
Sean.
Posted by Racer on November 30, 1999, at 23:55:52
In reply to Re: I've got the velcro wall..., posted by AMY II on November 30, 1999, at 14:29:54
I haven't read your previous posts about the side effects you've had, but I'll make a few comments here now and try to follow up later. Or you can email me if you like. Just click on my name above, and it will link you to my email.
Drugs, yeah, we talk about them here. You'd be surprised how many people try to self medicate with street drugs, without realizing what they're doing. Personally, I've done pot, coke, speed, heroin, ecstasy, LSD, quaaludes, and probably others I can't remember. Now I don't do drugs, but mostly because I've found other ways to medicate my depression.
You're not alone in having a bad reaction to a drug. This can happen a lot, in fact, and largely because when you buy a drug, you don't know what you're getting. Sure, you know you're buying XTC, but who made it? Did he even pass high school chemistry? You may be getting something else all together. That's a big part of the reason I don't do drugs anymore.
It sounds as though the XTC OD triggered something that you're now trying to correct. I can't tell you much about that, because I don't have the information. There is information out there.
Here's what I can tell you: a lot of the symptoms you describe sound similar to things that I've experienced due to low blood sugar and to low blood pressure. Especially the sudden terror and need to get away. That sounds like a classic hypoglycemic response. Before deciding that all this is from your brain, go get some blood tests to rule out early stages of diabetes.
And last, yes, it does get better. Other drugs may be better in terms of the weight issues. For example, Prozac doesn't usually put on weight, nor does Effexor, and there are others, too. Talk to your doctor about it, because it IS a valid concern. Post here, because whatever is happening, someone else on this board is almost certain to have experienced it too, so you will know you're not alone.
And it may take a while, but your brain will be better sooner than you imagine. All the damage I did, well, these days I've got a good brain in my head, even though it does tend to depressions. You'll be Ok in the long run, we just have to help you get through the short sprint to get there.
Posted by Amy II on March 23, 2003, at 15:22:49
In reply to AmyAmyAmy, you're gonna be OK..., posted by Racer on November 30, 1999, at 23:55:52
back again... havent been here since 1999 and I need to talk
This is the end of the thread.
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