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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 24 to 48 of 55. Go back in thread:
Posted by twinleaf on December 14, 2010, at 15:35:42
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » twinleaf, posted by 10derheart on December 14, 2010, at 15:24:00
Oh, ok. I had not been following this thread, so I didn't know that Maxime had been encouraged by Bob and Dinah to submit her Babblemail. Perhaps she deleted it beforehand or decided not to submit it. Anyway, help is available, and was offered; maybe this episode will raise awareness of the potential for private Babblemails to cross the line, as well as the availability of administrative help.
Posted by PartlyCloudy on December 14, 2010, at 16:52:08
In reply to Re: a note of concern..., posted by twinleaf on December 14, 2010, at 13:54:24
> Oh, ok. That's good to know. In a case like this one, I notice that Maxime was blocked because her allegations could have made Phillipa feel put down. But what happens to Maxime's allegations about the content of Phillipa's Babblemails to her? Are these investigated privately? Are there penalties of some sort to Phillipa if Maximes allegations are found to be accurate? I believe this situation concerns inappropriate statements which contributed to an episode of self-injury - an extremely serious situation- so much more serious than just delivering a put-down. It doesn't appear that anything is being done, although I could be wrong.
>
> Yes. I think many people would agree with you - that Babble does provide a special sort of understanding and support. I guess that's why we are all here, despite many difficulties.I have also successfully pursued administrative action based on Babblemails I received.
pc
Posted by Maxime on December 14, 2010, at 19:30:45
In reply to a note of concern..., posted by twinleaf on December 14, 2010, at 13:20:43
I did pass on my Babble Mails to Dr. Bob. He found nothing wrong with them. I printed them up for my psychiatrist, and he found a lot of things wrong with them. I have since added a filter on my email account to automatically delete any Babblemail I receive from Phillipa. I have the rule set up so that I will never see them should she send me anything. But I highly doubt that she will.
My psychiatrist wants me to leave PB. I don't know if I will ever "leave" but we made a deal that he would check PB on a regular basis to make sure that I was safe. It will be weird having him read stuff I write here, but at least it will give us something to talk about!
I do get a lot of support here, and it makes me feel good when I can give support. Being able to write Babble Mails is probably a better support system to me than the board itself. I have a lot of friends here and we support one another in times of need and of course often we just share what our day was like.
Posted by twinleaf on December 14, 2010, at 19:50:11
In reply to Re: a note of concern..., posted by Maxime on December 14, 2010, at 19:30:45
I appreciate your telling what happened. It's distressing that Bob and your psychiatrist hold such differing views, but it sounds as though you have taken all the right steps to both protect yourself and go on enjoying the support and friendship which Babble offers.
I don't do Babblemail, so I wasn't aware of how much it can offer.
Posted by Maxime on December 14, 2010, at 20:55:11
In reply to Re: a note of concern..., posted by twinleaf on December 14, 2010, at 19:50:11
What was distressing in the situation was that Bob did not respond to my email in a timely fashion at all. Here is the thread where I am begging him to respond http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101014/msgs/970729.html
So the situation escalated even further whilst waiting for a respose from him.The whole situation was messed up in more ways than one.
Posted by twinleaf on December 16, 2010, at 13:32:49
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » twinleaf, posted by Maxime on December 14, 2010, at 20:55:11
I'm not clear what happened. Did Bob let you know, eventually, that he did not find anything uncivil in Phillipa's Babblemail, or did he not reply at all?
Posted by Phillipa on December 16, 2010, at 21:30:39
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » Maxime, posted by twinleaf on December 16, 2010, at 13:32:49
Yes as I recall he did and he did review them. He also wrote me and said same. Phillipa
Posted by twinleaf on December 16, 2010, at 22:10:43
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » twinleaf, posted by Phillipa on December 16, 2010, at 21:30:39
Thank you, Phillipa. Most of us are not too familiar with how the civility rules apply to Babblemail, so I do appreciate your letting us know what happened for you in this situation..
Posted by Phillipa on December 17, 2010, at 19:03:31
In reply to Re: a note of concern..., posted by twinleaf on December 16, 2010, at 22:10:43
Twinleaf you are most welcome. Phillipa
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 18, 2010, at 18:18:30
In reply to Re: a note of concern..., posted by Maxime on December 14, 2010, at 19:30:45
> I did pass on my Babble Mails to Dr. Bob. He found nothing wrong with them.
That's not what I said on 11/21/10 at 1:26 PM. Maybe you have a different time in mind?
Bob
Posted by Maxime on December 18, 2010, at 18:42:51
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » Maxime, posted by Dr. Bob on December 18, 2010, at 18:18:30
> > I did pass on my Babble Mails to Dr. Bob. He found nothing wrong with them.
>
> That's not what I said on 11/21/10 at 1:26 PM. Maybe you have a different time in mind?
>
> BobI know EXACTLY what you wrote. I still have the email. So no, I do not have a different time in mind.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 18, 2010, at 18:49:52
In reply to Re: a note of concern..., posted by twinleaf on December 16, 2010, at 22:10:43
> Thank you, Phillipa. Most of us are not too familiar with how the civility rules apply to Babblemail, so I do appreciate your letting us know what happened for you in this situation..
Nothing happened to Phillipa! Nothing ever happens to Phillipa no matter what she does on this board. Why? Because her words are always civil even her actions are not. Phillipa has done some very immoral things on this site and she always gets away with it. Always. She has hurt me and others.
But now that understand her disorder more, I understand better why she does these things. Still, I remain angry mainly because she allowed to continue to hurt people.
Posted by Maxime on December 18, 2010, at 18:51:55
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » twinleaf, posted by Phillipa on December 16, 2010, at 21:30:39
> Yes as I recall he did and he did review them. He also wrote me and said same. Phillipa
Really? So he told you he reviewed *THEM*? Do you still have that email from Bob? Are you sure about that? Because I only sent one to Bob. So there are no THEM.
Posted by Phillipa on December 18, 2010, at 21:22:29
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » twinleaf, posted by Maxime on December 18, 2010, at 18:49:52
What's my disorder as diagnosis is Gad? I feel you are accusing me of lying, l do feel putdown, and also hurt. Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on December 19, 2010, at 11:45:29
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on December 18, 2010, at 21:22:29
I can't talk about your disorder here and I won't.
I refuse to *allow* myself to be manipulated by you or threatened by your husband *through* you *ever* again.
Posted by Maxime on December 19, 2010, at 16:54:45
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » Phillipa, posted by Maxime on December 19, 2010, at 11:45:29
I felt threatened, put down, hurt, scared, upset and manipulated .... back in November when you started sending me Babble Mails telling me that I had "tainted" the tribute AMS. You also accused me of things. I never received an apology from you. You just wrote a blanket apology to the board. You never apologised to me and you never acknowledge what you did, and why it was wrong.
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 24, 2010, at 14:34:25
In reply to Re: a note of concern... » twinleaf, posted by Maxime on December 18, 2010, at 18:49:52
> Phillipa has done some very immoral things on this site ... She has hurt me and others.
I'd like Maxime to remain an active member of the Babble community. I'd like to ask those of you who feel the same way to encourage her to avoid another block by rephrasing or apologizing. Perhaps you could also volunteer to help her avoid future blocks by being her civility buddy:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#buddies
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by violette on December 24, 2010, at 14:59:19
In reply to Re: opportunity to support Maxime, posted by Dr. Bob on December 24, 2010, at 14:34:25
I would not encourage Maxime to do anything but i would be interesting in encouraging YOU to give her a break..Her and everyone else here who is also not always perfect...
gosh, just give people around here a break...
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 24, 2010, at 15:20:45
In reply to Re: opportunity to support Maxime, posted by violette on December 24, 2010, at 14:59:19
> I would not encourage Maxime to do anything but i would be interesting in encouraging YOU to give her a break.
Because you think that's more likely to result in her remaining an active member of the Babble community?
Bob
Posted by PartlyCloudy on December 24, 2010, at 15:42:04
In reply to Re: opportunity to support Maxime, posted by Dr. Bob on December 24, 2010, at 15:20:45
> > I would not encourage Maxime to do anything but i would be interesting in encouraging YOU to give her a break.
>
> Because you think that's more likely to result in her remaining an active member of the Babble community?
>
> BobIt's a humane gesture that would go a long way with many of us if you would drop this matter, Bob. Please give Maxime a Christmas gift by rescinding this PBC - it's within your power. She's in a fragile state at a vulnerable time and does not need this added pressure, IMO.
PartlyCloudy
Posted by twinleaf on December 24, 2010, at 18:21:20
In reply to Re: opportunity to support Maxime, posted by Dr. Bob on December 24, 2010, at 15:20:45
This is an unusual situation. Maxime may be blocked for a second time for mentioning an alleged harmful communication from Phillipa via Babblemail. Looking at the whole picture, it is not clear to us whether or not Philippa or her husband misused Babblemail for hurtful purposes. It is clear that no penalty was issued. Maxime has indicated that she is having a very difficult time this Christmas season. She has also told us how much she relies on Babble for support. A block at this point would probably last into February. In addition, her psychiatrist is apparently also reading the boards, looking for evidence of unfair or hurtful treatment of Maxime. If Maxime is given a second block, while none is given to Phillipa, he may feel that this is unfair, and exert strong pressure on her to leave Babble permanently.
While strictly speaking a rephrase is called for, if it doesn't happen, I think it would be far more compassionate and sensible to let the matter drop. Sometimes wisdom lies in not going strictly by the book.
Posted by Willful on December 24, 2010, at 22:45:22
In reply to Re: opportunity to support Maxime, posted by twinleaf on December 24, 2010, at 18:21:20
I'm very unclear after quite a few of these messages what type of reparation is necessary.
In many instances, including several where I've been the recipient of treatment that felt hurtful, a general statement that the person didn't mean to hurt anyone, or myself, is sufficient.
I guess I personally would hope that Maxime, even if she is disturbed, wouldn't want to hurt Phillipa, but rather feels the matter wasn't handled correctly by Bob.
In that case, I would urge Maxime to say focus on not wanting to hurt anyone-- if only because under the circumstances its an act of loving kindness for herself and Phillipa and for us-- and doesn't suggest that Maxime thinks this was handled correctly by Bob-. Yet it would allow her to remain here. I've learned through handling a lot of situations badly, and much thinking and listening to talks on meditation, that acting skillfully under the circumstances, to the best of one's ability, is the wisest and kindest course. I'm not very good at carrying this out, but it benefits ourselves and others. So I hope Maxime can find a way to stay here and not do anything that feels dishonest or false.
And I hope that my suggestion is helpful. I don't feel sure enough of my grasp of the system now to say whether it is would be sufficient, but I do know that in many instances it makes a difference-- And I very much would not want Maxime to be alone or unsupported now.
Willful
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2010, at 1:28:12
In reply to Re: opportunity to support Maxime, posted by Dr. Bob on December 24, 2010, at 14:34:25
> > Phillipa has done some very immoral things on this site ... She has hurt me and others.
>
> I'd like Maxime to remain an active member of the Babble community. I'd like to ask those of you who feel the same way to encourage her to avoid another block by rephrasing or apologizing. Perhaps you could also volunteer to help her avoid future blocks by being her civility buddy:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#buddies
>
> Thanks,
>
> BobI was very angry when I wrote that post. Very very angry. I really can't rephrase it because it is filled with anger. I apologise if I hurt Phillipa's feelings. I guess when I feel that way I should just write it out to myself to get it out of my system and not post it on PB.
I will try to rephrase what I wrote in a more civil manner, but it will take me a while to craft it properly without sounding "uncivil". I think it's something that needs to said, but not in such an angry fashion.
Posted by Solstice on December 25, 2010, at 11:53:10
In reply to Re: opportunity to support Maxime » Dr. Bob, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2010, at 1:28:12
Maxime - your post moved me to tears.
I second Scott's recent comment that you are Amazing.
And I'll add to that by saying that you and your grace are a gift to this community.
Solstice
> > > Phillipa has done some very immoral things on this site ... She has hurt me and others.
> >
> > I'd like Maxime to remain an active member of the Babble community. I'd like to ask those of you who feel the same way to encourage her to avoid another block by rephrasing or apologizing. Perhaps you could also volunteer to help her avoid future blocks by being her civility buddy:
> >
> > http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#buddies
> >
> > Thanks,
> >
> > Bob
>
> I was very angry when I wrote that post. Very very angry. I really can't rephrase it because it is filled with anger. I apologise if I hurt Phillipa's feelings. I guess when I feel that way I should just write it out to myself to get it out of my system and not post it on PB.
>
> I will try to rephrase what I wrote in a more civil manner, but it will take me a while to craft it properly without sounding "uncivil". I think it's something that needs to said, but not in such an angry fashion.
Posted by violette on December 26, 2010, at 7:20:24
In reply to Re: opportunity to support Maxime » Dr. Bob, posted by PartlyCloudy on December 24, 2010, at 15:42:04
It's a humane gesture that would go a long way with many of us if you would drop this matter, Bob." - PC
Partly Cloudy, that's the way I feel about many of the PBCs, if not most of them.
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