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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on August 25, 2009, at 23:09:36
I'm very close to ordering some poppy pods, but I am afraid it will be the start of drug addiction if I do. I am not sure if I would be able to restrain myself and only drink its tea occasionally.
I'm also afraid one day I'll take an overdose of poppy pod tea and accidentally die.
I found a link to an online pharmacy on Babble where no prescriptions are required. Now I feel like ordering benzos, pain pills and sleeping pills. Rationally I think this would be a bad idea because I am prone to overdosing on meds and also there must be a good reason why prescriptions are needed in the first place.
I need a voice of reason in the mist of my insanity.
I do not want to ruin my life more than it already is.
Please help convince myself these are bad ideas. I am so very tempted to order them!
Posted by Dinah on August 26, 2009, at 0:06:51
In reply to I feel like taking drugs, posted by Deneb on August 25, 2009, at 23:09:36
Hmmm....
Deneb, do you need convincing that these are bad ideas?
What are you feeling as you ask these things? What is it that you need from others?
You are posting about taking drugs and wishing you would die suddenly. Are you feeling scared about the upcoming semester? Or worried about the future? Are you feeling hopeless or anxious or depressed? Is your mom or your sister pressuring you? You spent a few days working at a job you didn't like. Are you worried that you might end up doing something like that for life?
Are you feeling lonely and in need of comfort?
I'd like to help you, Deneb. But I can't imagine I could tell you anything about drugs that you don't already know. But maybe there is something bigger going on? And maybe I can help you with that?
Posted by Phil on August 26, 2009, at 7:20:12
In reply to I feel like taking drugs, posted by Deneb on August 25, 2009, at 23:09:36
Bad ideas, don't order them.
When you're dead, you're dead. You don't come back. You are dead.
When I had a noose tightening around my neck, I thought, this really isn't a good idea.
Why? Because I'd be dead and it would kill the spirit of friends and family.
It IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, DENEB.
ASK GOD.
Posted by SLS on August 26, 2009, at 8:48:40
In reply to I feel like taking drugs, posted by Deneb on August 25, 2009, at 23:09:36
> Please help convince myself these are bad ideas. I am so very tempted to order them!
I think it is about time that you start convincing yourself of such things.
Dinah is extraordinarily generous with her time and energy. She is also very patient. Me, not so much. I think you should take advantage of Dinah's offer to help, but in the end, it is you who must help yourself.
- Scott
Posted by Deneb on August 26, 2009, at 9:09:08
In reply to Re: I feel like taking drugs » Deneb, posted by SLS on August 26, 2009, at 8:48:40
I had been taking advantage of Dinah's offer to help, but I got impulsive and posted this. I now know it was a bad idea. I'm sorry I posted this.
I have to go to work now. I will reply more later.
Posted by Deneb on August 26, 2009, at 10:33:54
In reply to Re: I feel like taking drugs » Deneb, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2009, at 0:06:51
I don't need convincing that they are bad ideas. I already know rationally that they are bad ideas. I don't want to ruin my life. It's just that I am seriously thinking of buying them and I'm scared.
I think maybe I am scared about the upcoming semester. I plan on taking 5 classes this school year and if successful I will be getting my degree. I still don't know what I want to do with my life and I don't feel competent in the outside world. I'm scared about the future.
I think thinking about drugs is an escape for me.
The work I'm doing right now isn't all that bad. My feet just get tired and hurt.
I'm sorry I forgot about using a pragmatics buddy. I messed up again. I really regret it now. I think I upset people.
Posted by Phillipa on August 26, 2009, at 12:56:11
In reply to Re: I feel like taking drugs » Dinah, posted by Deneb on August 26, 2009, at 10:33:54
Deneb sounds like fear of upcoming semester and a heavy work load. Hope your day at work goes well. And let us know how it went. No drugs unless prescribed by your doctor. Phillipa
Posted by Sigismund on August 26, 2009, at 14:40:23
In reply to Re: I feel like taking drugs » Dinah, posted by Deneb on August 26, 2009, at 10:33:54
Most people feel like taking drugs. However they do not usually talk about it. Indeed they may feel that while the drug effect would be welcome, the consequences would not.
Posted by SLS on August 26, 2009, at 14:56:11
In reply to Re: I feel like taking drugs, posted by Sigismund on August 26, 2009, at 14:40:23
> Most people feel like taking drugs.
Most?
> However they do not usually talk about it.
Oh, that explains it.
- Scott
Posted by Kath on August 27, 2009, at 12:02:33
In reply to Re: I feel like taking drugs » Deneb, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2009, at 0:06:51
Wow Dinah - what an amazing post!!! You rock.
xo Kath
> Hmmm....
>
> Deneb, do you need convincing that these are bad ideas?
>
> What are you feeling as you ask these things? What is it that you need from others?
>
> You are posting about taking drugs and wishing you would die suddenly. Are you feeling scared about the upcoming semester? Or worried about the future? Are you feeling hopeless or anxious or depressed? Is your mom or your sister pressuring you? You spent a few days working at a job you didn't like. Are you worried that you might end up doing something like that for life?
>
> Are you feeling lonely and in need of comfort?
>
> I'd like to help you, Deneb. But I can't imagine I could tell you anything about drugs that you don't already know. But maybe there is something bigger going on? And maybe I can help you with that?
Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2009, at 17:53:19
In reply to Re: I feel like taking drugs » Dinah, posted by Deneb on August 26, 2009, at 10:33:54
I've always found that it's helpful, not only to reach an understanding but also to get a bit of distance (which helps with distress), to take a stance of interested inquiry with regard to my actions.
You forgot your pragmatics buddy, but not all forgetting is without meaning.
If you take a stance of interested inquiry, what might you notice?
You can take that stance with regard to the urges to order drugs, or the thoughts about death. And you can also take that stance about choosing to post in such a way that you could reasonably guess what some of the response might be.
It is not terribly pragmatic to beat yourself over something that is done. And far more pragmatic to approach every experience as a chance to learn something about yourself.
So....
If you take a stance of interested inquiry, what might you discover about yourself?
(Now, no judgment. Judgment is not allowed in inquiry. It biases the result.)
Posted by Deneb on August 28, 2009, at 17:24:33
In reply to Interested inquiry » Deneb, posted by Dinah on August 27, 2009, at 17:53:19
I think I had a feeling this post wasn't going to go well with people but I posted it anyways because I was scared of myself and didn't trust myself to not order drugs. I thought maybe other people yelling at me would make me not buy the drugs. With no one to talk to the idea just got more and more favourable to me and I got scared.
Posted by Deneb on August 28, 2009, at 19:05:12
In reply to Re: Interested inquiry » Dinah, posted by Deneb on August 28, 2009, at 17:24:33
I'm the kind of person who likes to research the heck out of something before I try it, unless my doctor gives it to me. Anyways, I've researched some more and I've decided they are just too dangerous to take.
Plus they are expensive.
I am not going to take DXM in recreational doses before I asked an expert about it and it could cause a fatal respiratory depression combined with my meds.
Opiates also cause nausea and constipation and are addictive and can cause fatal respiratory depression in overdose. Doses in poppy pod tea are variable and unknown.
The antipsychotic I take also negates any hallucinogentic effects from hallucinogens.
Even alcohol can cause problems with the meds I take.
I want to graduate once and for all and I took to be in tip top mental condition. I can't risk it all for the sake of recreation.
I am strange. I talk the talk and think the thoughts, but in reality I am probably very level headed and responsible.
For all my talk of drugs, I haven't done much at all.
Posted by Dinah on August 29, 2009, at 8:11:28
In reply to Re: Interested inquiry » Dinah, posted by Deneb on August 28, 2009, at 17:24:33
Well, I think I was thinking more about *why* you suddenly were obsessing about ordering drugs with such intensity.
And I found your recent post titles and themes an interesting pattern:
"Wannanorexia"
"I feel like taking drugs"
"I need to drink more alcohol"
"I think I'm going to run" I'm going to run as hard as I can and see if I faint. brb
Taken as a whole, don't they seem to be interesting in terms of spanning a range of issues that have often met with similar responses from others? Eating disorders, substance abuse, health problems, and then the expression of thoughts about wishing you would die.Certainly I believe you when you say that you posted because you wanted help in feeling this way. But isn't it possible that you want help about something more systemic than any one of those posts alone?
To be clear, I'm not being at all judgmental. To me, your posts weren't upsetting and they didn't make me angry. But I perceived an interesting pattern, and wanted to share it with you.
Did you obtain your goal of having people yell at you and talk you out of ordering drugs? I have, on occasion, called my therapist and asked him to tell him it mattered to him if I did something self destructive. Not in the "I'll be angry with you if you do this way" but in the "If you hurt yourself, it hurts me, because I care about you." sort of way. I also on occasion call him to order me to do something like walk away from the computer. Although I suppose that only works because of the power differential between us.
There's nothing wrong with that, although there may be ways to phrase the subject line to achieve that goal along with others you've expressed.
However, if you'd have wanted input from your pragmatics buddy, you'd have likely contacted your pragmatics buddy. :) It is quite unpragmatic of me to press you. I'm sorry if I intruded.
Posted by Fred23 on August 30, 2009, at 16:15:05
In reply to I've decided not to experiment with drugs, posted by Deneb on August 28, 2009, at 19:05:12
> I want to graduate once and for all and I took to be in tip top mental condition. I can't risk it all for the sake of recreation.
If and when you get your meds "just right" you'll find that you won't want to take anything that might upset that balance.
Seeking something for "recreation" means that your brain chemistry likely is not yet where it should be.
Posted by Deneb on August 30, 2009, at 18:27:31
In reply to Re: Interested inquiry » Deneb, posted by Dinah on August 29, 2009, at 8:11:28
Don't be sorry Dinah. I really need your help. I am messing up again. Everyone is leaving because of me. I just can't interact in a normal way that doesn't upset people. I am very very disordered. :( There is probably no hope for me.
I'm sad.
Posted by Dinah on August 30, 2009, at 20:46:32
In reply to Re: Interested inquiry » Dinah, posted by Deneb on August 30, 2009, at 18:27:31
Ah now, no harsh self judgments.
Deep breaths, and step back a pace. Everything seems better with a bit of perspective.
This is the end of the thread.
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